


He Can't Talk And I Can't Walk

by DeliciousDanish



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bum Leg Ryuji, But no fluffy pancakes for Goro Akechi, But this world is a little less shitty, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Literal Mute Protagonist, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Phantom Thieves, Riding, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-07-04 19:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 140,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15848256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeliciousDanish/pseuds/DeliciousDanish
Summary: ~Literal mute protagonist AU~Even with his bad knee, Ryuji can't stop chasing after Akira. Even without a voice, there's so much Akira wishes he could to tell Ryuji.





	1. The Bathhouse Incident

**Author's Note:**

> I went with Akira because I've always liked it a bit more than Ren. Though both Kurusu and Amamiya get my stamp of approval for being fun to say! 
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) My fiance and I named the protagonist Kaname Sanchez as a joke on our first playthrough, so if any 'Kaname' or 'Sanchez's remain, I apologize. He will always be Kaname Sanchez-Kun in my heart. 
> 
> It's been a really long time since I've felt like posting anything that I've written. I don't know how long of a story this will be but I hope you enjoy it and stick with me until the end! I absolutely love these two dumb boys with all me heart and I hope that I do them justice!
> 
> As a side note, Akira does use some sign language and the translation for that is done in italics, so he's not really talking so much as signing. I hope that is easy for everyone to understand. (;///3///;)
> 
> Update 10/29/18: Please feel free to follow me on [Tumblr](https://ravenchaitea.tumblr.com/) for lots of pegoryu/P5 goodies and earlier fic updates!

"How's he doin'?" Ryuji asked, poking his head into the examination room. The doctor, Takemi Tae, fixed him with a sharp glare. She was a sharp woman, Ryuji had decided upon meeting her, and though he'd never admit it aloud, she definitely scared him. Something about her was an unspoken threat, something you didn't provoke unless you were ready for the consequences.

"He's fine, why don't you go wait in the waiting room like I asked?" Takemi's voice was a warning, and Ryuji decided it was best to heed the pang of nervousness in his stomach. Without another word, he ducked back into the waiting room. Left to focus on her patient, Takemi turned back to the boy in front of her. Gray eyes watched her work from behind thick-rimmed glasses. 

Akira was, to say the least, her favorite patient. It was partly because they had a history together and partly because his condition was a challenge. Coming up with new ideas for treatments and medicines to try was always exhilarating and he was always willing to trust her judgment. The perfect little guinea pig.   

"Open your mouth for me." She asked, smoothing her fingers under his chin to tilt his head back. He obeyed, his soft black curls of hair falling away from his face. His lips tilted up into a slight smirk as he opened his mouth. "What kind of perverted thoughts are you thinking about?" 

His eyebrows rose slightly, feigning innocence. 

"You're a first-year college student you know. You don't have time to be flirting with older women." Flicking him gently on the forehead, she pulled a flashlight from her coat pocket and began to shine it down his throat. In the other room, she could hear Ryuji rustling around, then a soft thud followed by a mashup of various explicit words. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

"Excuse me one moment, my little guinea pig." Smoothing some stray bangs away from Akira's face, Takemi switched her light off and dipped out into the waiting room. Akira listened closely, only able to make out a small jumble of words, followed by a sharp squeal of horror from Ryuji. The doctor lets herself back into the room, looking far too satisfied with herself. Smoothing her jacket, she returned to the stool in front of him and sat down on it. "You may put your clothes back on." 

Akira nodded, standing up to retrieve his shirt and jacket from where he had laid them out on Takemi's desk. He slipped his arms back into the sleeves of his shirt, pulling it down over his head as he watched Takemi leaf through his chart. Her expression was impossible to read. He knew it was likely bad news, but he was accustomed to the frequent letdowns. 

"I'm not seeing any improvement. Even with the speech therapy and the new drugs we've been trying." Takemi said at last when he was redressed and seated before her again. "Your vocal cords are still damaged, and while there's been some healing, I don't see the progress that should be seen at this stage in your treatment. You need to consider surgery again." 

Akira clasped his hands together in his lap, his head moving up and down in a nod. His eyes trailed towards the door, beyond which Ryuji was waiting for him. The short walk from Le Blanc to the clinic, all the blond had been able to talk about was how eager he was to hear about Akira's progress with the new medications. Ryuji was going to be disappointed and Akira hated it. 

"You're worried about him more than your own condition, hmm?" Takemi asked, following Akira's gaze towards the door. Turning back to face him, the doctor ran her fingers gently through his hair. He leaned into her touch, her soft fingers, bringing back memories. "If things get any worse than they are, you need to consider the surgery. I know after the failure of the last one you might be hesitant, but medicine has improved since then. More than that though, you have to promise to make the decision for yourself about what you want to do." 

"I understand what Ryuji is to you... But you need to decide what it is that you want and how you want to handle your condition. Can you do that for me?" Takemi leaned forward, gently resting her forehead against Akira's. He knew she was right, this was his decision to make, but there would be a fallout and he wasn't sure if he was ready to face that just yet. 

So instead he pressed back against Takemi's head and closed his eyes. So close to her, he could smell the distant tang of incense, all spices and smoke, clinging to her skin. Her apartment had permeated with that smell and he almost felt like he was there with her now, the way he had been two summers ago. 

"I want to hear you call me by my name again." She whispered, pulling away from him. He looked her in the eyes, opening his mouth, moving his lips and tongue, struggling for a moment to form the shape of her name. He took hold of her hands and tried his hardest. 

In the end, he could only nod his head and sigh, writing the words 'I promise' out over her palms with his fingers. 

* * * 

"How come he gets to sit in the room while ya look at me, but I have to stay outside?" Ryuji complained, kicking out of his uniform pants. The office was cold, making the hair on his arms and legs stand up. 

"It's because he doesn't talk as much as you do," Takemi said cooly causing Ryuji to startle. The joke made him feel nervous, not for himself, but for Akira. 

"That aint funny." He murmured, feeling annoyed as he slid himself up to sit on the examination table, his arms crossed over his chest, legs swinging freely. He tilted his head to the side to look at Akira, who with a smug expression began to do the hand signs for laughter. "Oiiiii. Not you too!"

_"I'm fine with it,"_ Akira signed as an afterthought, probably calming Ryuji's nerves. He didn't like doctors, and he especially didn't like Takemi, but Akira's presence in the room helped. _"Sit still and let her work."_

"I know. I know." Ryuji waved Akira off and began to focus on his examination. 

The two of them had met in their second year of high school. Akira had been sent to stay with Sojiro Sakura, a friend of his parents, in preparation for a new experimental surgery. Ryuji had ended up in the same physical therapy office as Akira, recovering from the leg injury that had ended his track career. The two of them had become fast friends, and with some convincing, had gotten Akira's parents to agree to allow him to finish school in Tokyo. 

That summer, Akira had gone in for the experimental surgery. Everything had gone well, and on the surface the surgery had been successful, but when Akira woke up, he couldn't use his voice anymore. The doctors tried to figure out what had gone wrong, with no success. Left without a way to talk anymore, Akira spent most of the summer holed up in his room.

Ryuji had been his almost constant companion. They poured over medical journals and studied up on sign language. When things were really bad he forced Akira to go out and spend time with their other friends, to try and keep things normal. By the time they returned to school, Akira had felt like he could at least communicate again, either by sign or his phone, and occasionally pen and paper. 

If it hadn't of been for Ryuji, Akira might not have made it.

_It's been more than two years since then..._ Akira thought, watching as Takemi did various exercises with Ryuji's injured leg, bending it this way and that. He grew bored and began looking idly over the medical posters hung up in Takemi's office, lost in a daze. A sharp yelp from Ryuji got his attention and he turned his eyes back on the blond. 

"S'fine," Ryuji grumbled, casting a wary glance over at him. Ryuji liked to act and talk tough, especially when it came to his knee injury. Akira imagined that it bothered him more than he let on, but out of kindness for his friend, he never pressed the issue unless he absolutely had to.  

"Have you been doing the physical therapy exercises?" Takemi asked, her voice full of disapproval. 

"Don't worry about it." 

"As my patient, you don't get to say that." 

"The hell I don't-... HEY!" Ryuji flailed his arms out to catch himself, knocked off balance by Takemi pushing him onto his back. She loomed over him, like a cat standing over it's cornered prey, her lips pulling back into a deadly smile. 

"What was that? I didn't quite catch it." Takemi's voice was dangerously low. Akira stood up to excuse himself. 

"H-Hey! Don't leave me here, man!" Ryuji hooked an arm out, trying to catch hold of Akira's jacket. The fabric slipped through his fingers as the dark haired boy stepped out into the waiting room. 

* * * 

"I can't believe you just ditched me like that." Ryuji threw open the cafe door and hobbled inside, still sore from his session with Takemi. Akira was seated at the bar, working on homework and drinking coffee, casual as ever. "I mean, for real?!" 

_"For real."_ Akira signed, glancing up from his textbook with an amused expression. He pulled out his phone so that they could talk more openly.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: How did things go with Tae?**

"It was like a nightmare after you left. She can be so scary." Ryuji shook off a shiver, glancing over their chat, scowling at the laughing emoji that Akira had sent. "You think your real funny. Huh?"

Akira smiled in reply, smug as a cat.

"Man... I don't know what I'm gonna to do about her."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You could go to physical therapy like she tells you to.**

"What for? My leg aint gonna get any better than it already is." Ryuji shook his head, a dull buzz of frustration building up inside his chest. He hated talking about it, even with Akira. "Ain't no way I'm gonna get to run track again. I can walk just fine. No reason t'keep beatin' a dead horse."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji, it might be feeling better right now, but that doesn't mean you should blow off your PT.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You had to pretty much start all over again when you pushed yourself six months ago.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't want to see you go through that again. It was a huge set back and you**

"Stop." Ryuji plucked Akira's phone out of his hands, giving his friend a stern look. "I got it. Okay? I ain't gonna sit through another lecture."

"I'm sorry." Akira signed, taking his phone back from the blond, who nodded in stiff acknowledgment. Ryuji turned away to hide the way he was grinding his teeth together. He didn't want to argue with Akira, especially when he knew that the other boy was right, but the subject was a sore one. 

He had mostly made peace with it. The teacher who had broken his knee was gone and he was out of high school, but the sting of having never been able to get his track scholarship still haunted him. His mother was happy to allow him to stay with her while he worked with Akira on finding an apartment to share, but living at home wasn't how he pictured his new college life.

"Don't worry about it, man! Let's get the studying over with." Ryuji turned up the cheer as he pulled his books from his bag, settling them next to Akira's.

* * *

When the two boys had finished studying they retreated to Akira's room to play video games. Ryuji had brought his Playstation over and the two of them were working their way through an RPG game. The plot was about a group of teenagers who could enter a magical world through their tv during a certain time of night. There they wielded magical manifestations of themselves to fight monsters and catch a serial murderer in the real world. The whole thing was a bit advanced for Ryuji, who mostly watched Akira play.

He could never explain why, but the story and characters gave him a strong feeling of nostalgia.

"Man... Every time we play this you get so serious." Ryuji slouched in his chair, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. Akira turned to look at him, the lenses of his glasses catching the light.

_"I like it."_ Akira signed, turning his attention back to his game and the boss battle he had started. Ryuji snorted in amusement, knowing that Akira would be preoccupied for a while. Moving to Akira's bed, he settled himself on top of the sheets. He had planned to read the new volume of the manga he had bought, but the book lay unopened on his chest.

There was something warm and comfortable about spending time with Akira. The two of them didn't have to be doing anything in particular, the close proximity was more than enough to make Ryuji feel calm. He had never felt that way with anyone else and sometimes it almost alarmed him. Rolling onto his stomach, he buried his face in Akira's pillow, inhaling the other man's scent. 

"Ain't it kind of sad that even though we're in college now, we do the same damn stuff we did when we were in high school?" Ryuji sighed, rolling back over to sprawl out over the sheets. "We should talk Mishima into getting us some fake IDs so we can get into the bars. I think he knows a guy." 

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sojiro gave me some sake after graduation. We could drink that.**

"What the hell, man?! You been holdin' out on me?" Ryuji sat up excitedly, earning a sour look from Akira's cat Morgana, who had attempted to perch himself on the foot of the bed. "Why didn't you say so sooner?" 

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]:** **I guess I didn't think you were that interested.**

"I'm definitely interested. We should invite some people over. I bet Ann can bring some wine. She gets it from those fancy parties she goes to for her modeling gigs."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]:** **It'll have to wait until after the cafe is closed.**

"Obviously! Don't want Boss pokin' his nose into our business. I'm gonna go see who's free to hang out. This is gonna be awesome!" 

* * * 

"How is it that I plan a party and we get stuck hangin' out at the bathhouse with you two?" Ryuji could not scowl any harder if he tried. His plans had fallen through from the beginning, with only Yusuke and Mishima available to show up. After a very long boring talk about digital art vs traditional, spearheaded by Mishima and Yusuke, the four boys decided to go to the bathhouse to soak. "I'm gonna need a hell of a lot more sake to deal with this." 

"Don't be so sour." Mishima insisted, elbowing Ryuji playfully. The blond sidestepped to get away from him. "You don't have to come with us, Sakamoto. I think we can handle this without you."

"No way. I ain't gonna sit in Akira's room by myself." 

_"It will be fun."_ Akira insisted, setting a gentle hand on Ryuji's back. It did nothing to reassure him of the bathhouse being 'fun', but if Akira was there it would at least be tolerable. 

The four of them stepped into the locker room, politely spacing themselves out so that no one had to look at anyone else while undressing. It was only after Ryuji had skimmed down to his boxers, that he felt a chill of discomfort run up his back. He glanced nervously over his shoulder to see that the other three had already stripped down completely, and were donning towels. 

He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much, he had gone to the bathhouse with them before and there were tons of times when he changed in front of other guys during his track days. Maybe it was the alcohol, what little he had consumed, that was making him feel weird. That had to be it. Problem solved. 

"Everything okay?" Yusuke stepped up behind him, causing Ryuji to jump, his thumbs hooked in the elastic of his boxers. He shot a sharp look over his shoulder at the artist. 

"Everythin's fine. Go away." Ryuji slowly slid his thumbs out, bringing his arms up to cross over his chest. "Why? You got a problem?" 

"You just seem... Irritable. I had wondered if there was something on your mind." 

"I'm just dandy."

"Dandy?"

"Dandy." Snatching his towel out of his locker, he swung it around his waist to secure it then shimmied out of his boxers from underneath it, earning an eyebrow raise from Yusuke. "What? Maybe I don't wanna get naked with a guy all up behind me." 

"Are you uncomfortable because Akira is here?" Yusuke asked, a glint of some unknown emotion shining in his eyes. "Or maybe because of Mishima and myself?"

"I'm uncomfortable because you're askin' me all this stuff!" 

Tossing his clothes into the locker, Ryuji gathered his things and pushed past Yusuke to enter the bathing area. With a deep breath, he entered the steam-filled room and took up the spot next to Akira, determined to prove Yusuke wrong. Shedding his towel he plopped himself down on the stool in-between Akira and Mishima and turned on the faucet, gathering water up in his hands to wet his hair with. He scrubbed and lathered, scrubbing his nails over his skin roughly, his eyes locked onto the tile floor in front of him. 

His head was spinning, but that had to be from the sake. Right? 

A gentle hand on his shoulder caught his attention and he whipped his head around to see Akira gazing at him, his eyes full of concern. His hair was slicked back away from his face, rivulets of water ran lazily down his jaw, dripping down his neck and the sharp points of his collarbones. 

_Fuck._ Ryuji thought, swallowing the lump that was forming inside his throat. He averted his eyes and shrugged Akira's hand off his shoulder, pretending he didn't feel the contact burn it had left behind. Maybe Yusuke had been right and maybe that was sweat and not water running down the back of his neck.  

* * * 

Akira could sense something was bothering Ryuji. The blond was seated next to him in the bath, back tense, shoulders drawn, scowling at the wall. He was tracing his fingers back and forth over the surface of the water, maybe writing something, maybe doodling, Akira couldn't really tell. He leaned down, waving a hand in front of Ryuji's face to catch his attention. 

_"You good?"_ Akira signed, tilting his head to make it a question. _"You seem quiet."_

"M'fine. Just tired." Ryuji replied, turning his lips up into a weak smile. He made a vague gesture towards his knee. "The water helps." 

Akira nodded, though he was not at all convinced that Ryuji was being honest. Their longtime friendship had left little room for the development of convincing lies, especially on Ryuji's end, but Akira wasn't going to press the issue in front of the others. And speaking of, he turned his attention towards them, catching the tail-end of their conversation. 

"Isn't that like, a porn site?" Mishima was asking, his voice wrought with curiosity. Yusuke's face had gone bright red and when he caught Akira and Ryuji looking at him, it caused the blush to spread down his neck and back over the tops of his ears. 

"Is it? I merely thought it was a collection of nude models for drawing." Yusuke stammered the words, shifting with discomfort. "I admit, I thought some of the poses were a bit risque, but I had no idea it was considered to be a pornographic website." 

"Well, yeah. You can't just type in, like, 'nude women' or 'naked men' and expect to find anything but porn." 

"Wait, wait, wait," Ryuji lifted his head up, tuning into the conversation for the first time. He shifted closer to Akira, practically draping himself over the other man's legs, to join in the conversation. Akira resisted the temptation to run his hand down the back of Ryuji's head, petting him like he would Morgana. "What's this about porn?" 

"Yusuke was asking me if there was any way to filter out search results," Mishima explained, his expression mirthful. "Turns out he got some kind of virus on his laptop by clicking on a spammy porn site." 

"If I had known what it was, I would never have gone there!" Yusuke shouted, earning a sharp look from the older men seated on the other side of the bath. He lowered his voice, adding, "You must understand, it was merely an academic search." 

"Dude. Porn sites are so obvious!" Ryuji cackled, climbing clear over Akira to seat himself by Yusuke and Mishima. It was a relief to see that he had cheered up, though Akira felt bad that it had come at the expense of Yusuke. "What was it called?" 

"I-I do not wish to repeat it." 

"C'mon. You can tell us. We're all friends here." 

"It isn't something to say in good company." Yusuke insisted, but Akira could tell it wasn't going to do anything to ward Ryuji off. When he wanted to know something, he could be relentless. 

"Just tell us already!" Ryuji groaned, jabbing Yusuke in the chest. The artist narrowed his eyes, looking anything but amused. 

"If I tell you, will you stop assaulting me?" 

"Mmmhmm. I swear!" 

"Fine." Yusuke sat up taller, smoothing a hand back through his hair to compose himself. "N-Nuttin-..." 

"Huh? I can't hear you." Ryuji leaned in closer, his smile bordering on malicious. 

"Nuttinbuttballs.com."

"WHAT?!" 

"Isn't that kinda... Obvious?" Mishima asked, looking somewhere between surprised and amused. 

"I did not take into account the implications made by the web address." Yusuke insisted, turning his head around to glare at Ryuji. Instead of being amused, the blond looked thoughtful, and if Akira was reading him right, nervous. "Go ahead and laugh." 

"Isn't that... A gay porn site?" Ryuji asked the question slowly, his face averted downwards towards the water, his face nearly as red as Yusuke's had been. "N-Not that I would know or anythin'. It jus' kind of sounds like one. Not that I would know what one sounds like-...

"I was looking to draw the male figure, yes. What of it?"

"Kind of a weird place to go looking," Mishima added thoughtfully, looking at Ryuji and Yusuke with a hard stare. "Is there something you want to tell Akira and me?" 

"Absolutely not!"

"No way, man!" 

Mishima's question, which Akira could see had mostly been meant as a joke, sent the other two into a flurry. They looked at him and then back at Mishima, and then at each other, exchanging nervous and embarrassed glances. It was clear they couldn't figure out who exactly the question had been directed towards. 

"He was talkin' to you, Yusuke." Ryuji insisted, gesturing towards the artist with his hands. "I mean, you're the one who went to a gay porn site to look for naked dudes." 

"I did no such thing!" The artist countered, sitting up a bit straighter so that he could tower over the blond. "It was merely academic-..."

"Yeah, yeah, you keep sayin' that, but I don't get that vibe." 

"A simple-minded person like you could never understand the arts!" 

"What'd you say?!" Ryuji straightened up himself, his eyes narrowing in anger. 

"Shhh, you guys are being too loud!" Mishima hissed the words, casting a wary glance over at the other men in the bath. Akira followed his gaze to see a trio of older men looking at them with irritated expressions. This seemed to be enough to put out the flames of the fight, at least for the time being.

"Well, I found what I needed, so I do not see the problem,"  Yusuke said this in a low tone, beginning to look uncomfortable trapped between Mishima and Ryuji. Akira knew he had to step in, to save his poor friend from further embarrassment. 

_"I'll help you."_ Akira offered, gesturing to himself. The three turned to look at him. _"I can be naked for your art."_

His signs weren't the most eloquent, sometimes, but Yusuke had thankfully understood. 

"What'd he say?" Mishima asked, still pretty useless when it came to understanding Akira sans cellphone. 

"He offered to allow me to use him as my nude model," Yusuke explained, looking relieved. "I never thought to ask you. I should have. It'll be much easier to draw the male figure if it's not-... In the throes of passion. It's hard to pause a video and get the timing right." 

"What the hell?! You watched the videos?!" Ryuji's voice shot up again.

"It was academic!" Yusuke asserted, his voice trilling up in exasperation. Akira took hold of Ryuji's shoulders, maneuvering them so that he could sit between the two to referee their bickering. The blond flinched away when Akira touched him, squirming out of his hold so that he could settle back into the hot water, sinking himself up to his chin. From this lower position, he shot a dirty look up Akira's direction. 

"And you! No way! You can't go over and pose naked for him. That's just weird!" Ryuji huffed, lifting his arm above the water to gesture angrily. 

_"It does not bother me,"_ Akira explained, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Well, it bothers me!" 

"It doesn't involve you." Yusuke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "Perhaps we should change the subject?" 

"Definitely," Mishima agreed, more than happy to begin a conversation with Yusuke about an upcoming gallery even that his blog was going to cover. 

Akira turned his attention back to the sulking blond beside him, wondering if it was his imagination or if Ryuji was even more short-tempered than usual. His mind fell back on the small amount of sake they had shared before the bath, wondering if maybe the alcohol had affected the blond more than Akira had realized. He wanted to ask Ryuji about it, but angry alcoholics was not exactly a good subject to bring up to him, considering his past history with his father being one. 

_"Is your head spinning?"_ Akira inquired, running a pointed finger around his own head to help clarify his meaning. 

"Huh? Ohhh... Dizzy? Nah, s'fine." Ryuji grumbled, sitting up straight so that he could rest his back against the edge of the tub. "I know my dad was a drunk, but I think I can a'least know better than to drink myself stupid." 

Ah, there it was. Akira had hit that subject without meaning to. 

Akira leaned over closer to the blond, bumping their arms together jovially, ignoring the way it made Ryuji's shoulders jump. His face was red with anger, likely over the subject of his father, but curiously it didn't reach his eyes. Akira leaned his head down a bit more, trying to get a better look at Ryuji's face. 

Upon closer inspection, it looked a bit more like-... Arousal? Without thinking about it, Akira's eyes dropped down towards the surface of the water, noticing that Ryuji had his hands placed very strategically in his lap. 

He tried to jerk his head back up and move away before the other two noticed, but the sudden movement caught their attention. They had followed Akira's gaze down into the water and he could tell by their faces they had seen exactly what he had. Ryuji caught them looking, his eyebrows shooting up in panic, eyes darting towards the door, probably wondering if he could escape. 

"You know. I should really get going. I've got a lot of programming to do for the website I'm working on." Mishima spoke quickly, politely excusing himself so that he could step free of the bath.

"I, too, have some artistic theories I need to go over. I will text you later about having you over to model for me." Yusuke edged away from Ryuji and Akira, shooting them an apologetic glance. "See you later, Ryuji, Akira." 

Their feet made wet slapping noises against the tile as they hurried off into the locker room, heads bent together, whispering frantically. When the two were gone, Akira turned to look at Ryuji. The blond was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest, biting his bottom lip, face turned off to the side. After a few awkward moments, Ryuji's eyes slid over towards him, two dark brown pools of shame and despair.  

"What?" Ryuji demanded, his eyes narrowing defensively. 

_"You okay?"_ Akira asked, reaching a hand towards his friend's shoulder, intending to comfort him. Ryuji slapped his hand away, snarling out a protest that Akira didn't quite catch. Startled, Akira drew his hand back and the two of them sat in silence, facing away from one another. 

Akira could understand the embarrassment, but not the aggression. He knew the blond had a short temper and could be prickly sometimes, but it had been a long time since Ryuji had lashed out at him like that. Concern bubbled up in the back of his mind over his friend's odd behavior all evening. 

_I'm sorry._ Akira thought, wishing that he had the ability to offer the words to Ryuji instead of just think them. The blond was still facing the other way and that made signing pointless and physical contact was clearly out of the question. With no other options for communication, Akira settled in to wait. Eventually, it had gotten so late that even the other patrons had begun to leave. 

As the door between the bath and the locker room closed behind the last of the older men, Ryuji let out a long sigh. His shoulders dropped and his body slowly came unwound. Trailing his fingers over the surface of the water, he lifted his head up to look at Akira, his expression a bit lost. 

"I'm going home." He announced, standing up and immediately turning his back, cutting off communication once again. He stepped free of the water, wrapping his towel around himself so that he could and hightail it towards the locker room. 

Akira watched him go, and out of respect chose not to follow. 


	2. Physical Therapy for Dummies

Ryuji was halfway to the train station when he realized he had left his jacket in Akira's room. His hair was still wet from the bath and the cool winter air chilled him almost immediately. The cold would have been a great help earlier before he publicly shamed himself in front of his friends.

"This is bullshit." Ryuji sighed, hugging his arms around himself to keep in some warmth. He felt pathetic for the way he had acted, especially towards Akira, who had just been trying to help him.

He knew that it wasn't the topic of conversation or the website and its content that had caused his reaction. In fact, Ryuji had stumbled upon the site once before. The add was a common enough pop-up, but he had never been so bold as to click on it. Still, the imagery in the ad had caught his attention, and Yusuke's too from the sound of it. The raunchy poses, combined with Akira's offer to model and Ryuji had imagined his best friend posing for the ad.

And then he broke the golden rule of manly friendship and let his eyes wander, down below the surface of the water, to look at Akira's dick.

It definitely wasn't the first time Akira had somehow managed to excite him in that way. He couldn't count the number of times he had woken up suddenly from an alarmingly sexual dream involving himself and his best friend. There had been other times too, though nothing nearly as mortifying as what had happened in the bathhouse.

When Ryuji had been in high school, he determined it was a side effect of being a teenager and having so much pent-up energy. Now that he was well into his first year at college, the excuse didn't seem to be holding up as well. He had always tried to shrug it off, because if you couldn't have an awkward boner around your best bro, then what was the point of being friends? Right? Right...?

Ryuji wished he had an explanation, a reason why his head was constantly filled with thoughts about Akira. None of his past friendships had ever been like that, not with his track teammates or even with any of the girls he and Akira hung out with. Not even with Ann, the girl he had been crushing on all through middle and high school.

Many of the things Ryuji found himself thinking about were everyday small things. Akira's broad shoulders, his gentle hands, his soft smiles, how he smelled like coffee all the time. He had a running list in his head of his favorite things. Although there was always a small voice at the back of his mind reminding him that it wasn't normal to keep track of those things, not about another guy and especially not when that guy is your best friend.

"Eff this," Ryuji growled, stepping up into a jog as he continued towards the train station. His muscles had been warmed up by the bath, but he still felt the strain on his knee, running in the cold definitely wasn't good for it. He just needed a distraction, anything to stop him from obsessing over how badly he had embarrassed himself and obsessing over... Everything else.

He needed movement and rhythm, a pattern he could follow with both his mind and body. The soft pounding of his shoes over the pavement was cathartic and counting his steps kept his mind occupied until he reached the station.

He slowed to a stop so that he could check the time on his phone, noticing a message had come in from Akira. He didn't want to open it, worried that his slip at the bathhouse might be the topic of conversation. The other man had a tendency to fuss over him, and although sometimes it was a good thing, it also sometimes made bad situations so much worse. He would deal with it later.

After tucking his phone away in his pocket, he lifted his hands to his face to blow over his fingers, working warmth back into them. When he entered the station, he was relieved to see that the next train would be there in only a few minutes. He bought his ticket and slipped through the turnstile, milling around the loading area to pass time.

"Fancy meeting you here."

Ryuji resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Akechi." He greeted coolly, glancing sideways at the other man. Goro Akechi, a fellow student at their college and all around pain in Ryuji's ass.

"Sakamoto," Akechi replied with an airy smile. "I didn't see you or Akira in class today."

"We got shit going on outside of school. Couldn't make it today."

"What could have been so important that it kept you away from your education?"

"Now ain't really a good time." Ryuji quipped, tapping his foot in nervous anticipation of the train.

" _Isn't_  it?" Akechi mused, stepping closer towards the blond and leaning in to whisper in Ryuji's ear. A nervous shiver shot up Ryuji's back and it was all he could do to hold his ground with the other man's hot breath ghosting down his neck. "Tell Akira that I was sorry to miss him today."

"Sure thing," Ryuji growled, his back rigid with tension. Something about Akechi had never sat right with him and the less time he had to spend with the guy the better. He took a few steps back to put space between them, nearly tripping over his own shoes in his haste. He sat down on a nearby bench, rubbing the ache out of his leg, praying the train would come soon. He didn't want to be grammar sassed again.

By the time the train arrived Akechi had disappeared. Relieved, Ryuji found a quiet place in the back corner to settle himself. The warm air inside the car nearly lulled him to sleep, and it was on the edge of dozing off that he remembered Akira's text.

He decided to take a chance and open it up.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Are we still going apartment hunting tomorrow?**

Ryuji groaned inwardly, having forgotten the plans they had made earlier in the week. He didn't particularly want to go anymore, but the viewing appointments had already been made and he wasn't going to make Akira go by himself, especially for something so important.

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: sure thing. C u in the AM.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: After that we should go to physical therapy together. I'll buy lunch afterward.**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: do we have to?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We can't keep skipping out on it.**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: guess not  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i'll c u then**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: See you in the morning.**

Ryuji's knee was shot by the time he arrived back on his side of town, forcing him to limp the rest of the way home, cursing himself over and over again. By the time he got to the apartment he shared with his mother, it was all he could do just to make it to his room. He shut the bedroom door behind himself and shed his clothes, listening to the soft flap of fabric hitting the floor.

He tore back the covers on his bed and sank down into the mattress face first. He laid there for a while, breathing in the hot air that was building up between his face and his pillow until he couldn't stand it anymore. He spent some time tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position that didn't put stress on his knee.

He thought about getting up to grab an ice-pack for it, but eventually decided he was too tired and lazy to make the trek to the kitchen. Instead, he opted for dry swallowing the pills Takemi had prescribed him, feeling a bit proud and manly when they didn't catch in his throat.

He ran his hand over the top of his nightstand until he caught hold of his earphones. He plugged them into his phone and settled deeper into the sheets, allowing the heavy bass to lull him to sleep.

* * *

"Ryuji, Akira's here." From the doorway of his room, Ryuji's mother stood staring down at her son in mild disapproval. His room was a mess, clothes and comic books strewn about the floor, the sheets in a pile and falling off the bed.

"A'ight. I'll be right there." Ryuji mumbled from where he was seated on the floor, tugging a knee brace on over his leg.

“Don't keep him waiting long, okay?”

“I won't.” He sighed softly, letting his head fall forward, eyes drooping with exhaustion. Was it her imagination or did he look a bit pale? Concern tied itself up like a knot in her stomach and she couldn't resist the urge to step over behind him and place her hands gingerly on his shoulders. He rolled his head back to look up at her.

"Don't push yourself too hard today, okay?"

"I'll be okay," Ryuji replied soberly, reaching a hand up to cover one of hers. He squeezed lightly for a moment before dropping his head back down, adjusting his leg brace. She released him and returned to the living room, and to the man who waited there.

"He'll be right out." Mrs. Sakamoto said brightly, earning a soft smile from Akira, who had settled himself on the couch. She watched him from the kitchen, admiring how mature he looked, though she could still remember him how he was when she had first met him.

It was during Ryuji's second year of high school. He had promised her a new start, after his issues with the track team and ex-coach, only to come home covered in dust and bruises. Akira was with him, much in the same state, holding a little scrap of fur that turned out to be a kitten. According to a very excited Ryuji, the two of them had fought off a group of adults to rescue it, the blond recounting a very exciting tale of Akira's bravery.

Although she had been leery of their new friendship, in the beginning, her approval was quickly won over by Akira's charm and the good influence he turned out to be. She saw Ryuji's whole personality start to change, he was happier, his grades were better, and the dark cloud that had come over him after his injury slowly melted away.

"Akira, can I get you anything?" She asked, lifting her head up from the dishes so she could see his hand signs.

 _"Water, please."_ He replied, likely just trying to be polite, but she was more than happy to oblige him. Her son was taking a particularly long time to come out of his room, she noted as she pulled the water bottle from the fridge. She walked it over to Akira, settling herself down in her armchair. Akira signed 'Thank you' and she replied in kind.

She couldn't say she was by any means fluent in sign language, but Ryuji had taught her the basics. She still had the beginner's book that he had bought right after Akira's failed surgery. Taking it back and forth to the hospital had worn it down, but she had insisted on keeping it, even when the cover and the first few pages had fallen out. Someday he would thank her.

"Sorry." Ryuji appeared before them both, looking anything but comfortable. His hair was combed neatly back away from his face, the spikes gelled to keep them in place. He was wearing his one good pair of dress clothes. It was a simple set made up of black slacks and a maroon colored button-up shirt. The last time she had seen them had been six months earlier, just after her purchase when Ryuji had unceremoniously slid them to the back of his closet with his foot.

"Why on earth are you wearing that?!" She wondered, standing up so that she could get a closer look. Ryuji shied away from her, looking embarrassed.

"We're going apartment hunting. They ain't gonna rent to someone who looks like... Well... Me."

"Ryuji..." She frowned, feeling her heart sink at her son's words. She went over to him, grasping him by the shoulders to pull him into a hug. "That isn't true..."

"I don't really wanna take a chance on it. Ya know?" He said this with a shrug, curling his arms around her neck to return the hug. He felt like he had gotten taller again, stronger, definitely standing at the threshold of becoming a man. The thought made her want to hold him tighter, worried that if she let go, he might slip away from her. "Be back later, okay?"

"Be careful and try to have fun! Don't rush to make a decision until you're sure." She released him with a sigh, smoothing her hands down the front of his shirt to make sure she hadn't wrinkled it.

"Thanks," Ryuji said earnestly, stepping away from her to turn his attention on Akira.

She watched them fall into step as the two of them moved towards the door. Akira signed something that made Ryuji laugh, his voice carrying back through the house. Smiling privately, she couldn't help but think to herself that she couldn't imagine them any other way. That they looked perfect together, walking side by side.

* * *

"Jeeze... Is that really what rent is gonna run us?" Ryuji sighed around a mouthful of food. They had been to five apartments already, ranging in size from studio to two bedrooms. Both of them could agree that the size of the apartments hadn't really justified the cost of rent in most cases. "The studio is real nice, all modern and shit, but it's sooooo much smaller than the one bedroom."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's a new apartment. The appliances are new too. But it's like you said, the one bedroom is more spacious. I think it's just in an older building.**

"Plus, you gotta think about the commute. The studio is within walking distance of the school, but the one bedroom is kind of far." Ryuji leaned over to see the pages of floor plans that they had spread across the table between them. He pulled out the two bedroom floor plans, shaking his head. "No way we can afford this unless one of us wants to work two jobs."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Wouldn't be worth it. Juggling the workload of school is hard enough with one job.**

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ryuji couldn't hide his disappointment. It certainly wasn't how he imagined their apartment hunting to play out. "I had no idea that the rent was going to be so high."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Keep in mind that it has a lot to do with location as well. Paying more rent to stay near the school might be worth it if we save on the cost of train travel.**

"I ain't good at math, but... That makes sense."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Don't give up yet. We have a couple of other places to go see after lunch.**

"I hope we find somethin'. I mean, I know it ain't a problem with my mom that I'm still stayin' with her, but I still feel kinda guilty about it, y'know?” Ryuji reached a hand up to scratch at the back of his head, scowling when he felt the crispy feeling of the hair gel he had used to style his hair back with. “I feel so damn stupid in these clothes.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: They don't look bad on you or anything, but they're definitely not your style.**

"They kinda remind me of bein' in school and havin' t'wear a uniform all the time.”

[ **♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Your hair looks pretty cool like that though. It's gotten kind of long, so it looks very mature.**

“What? No way, man!” Ryuji couldn't stop his snort of laughter or the pleased smile that spread over his face. His heart felt lighter than it had the night before, especially when they had gone the whole day with no mention of what had happened at the bathhouse. Akira was good like that. “Oh yeah, forgot t'mention. Akechi was sniffing around lookin' for ya last night at the train station. I mean, what is up with that guy?”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He and I have started playing weekly matches of shogi and chess. I forgot to tell him that we weren't going to be in class because of our appointments with Tae.**

“Hold up! You've been doin' what now?!”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's not an official thing we do. He stops by LeBlanc every once in a while though.**

“How come ya never mentioned it before now?” Ryuji asked, slurping the last of his soda noisily through the straw. He couldn't really explain it, but the thought of Akechi and Akira paling around together bothered him.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Are you jealous?**

From across the table, Akira was smirking. He reached a hand up to adjust his glasses, leaning forward to pull a couple fries off of the side of Ryuji's plate. His eyes glinted with mischief as he leaned back against his seat, leaving the blond feeling violated somehow.

“N-No. Why should I be?” Ryuji moved his plate closer to himself, hoping to protect his food. 'This' version of Akira came out every so often, almost like a dual personality. Confident, cool, snarky, this other Akira made Ryuji's skin feel hot and his stomach fluttery. The blond had spent the last few years trying to figure out what triggered the change, but he could never establish an exact pattern.

Reaching a hand under the table, Ryuji carefully adjusted his annoyingly tight slacks, just in case.

“C'mon. Be serious.” He implored, moving his plate again when Akira reached a hand back over the table to take more of his fries. He wished the ice in his glass would melt faster so that he had something to wet his suddenly dry throat down with. “You really like hangin' out with that weird guy?”

“ _I'll get this.”_  Akira signed, picking the bill up off the side of the table where their waitress had left it. He shrugged in reply to Ryuji's question, his expression as vague as ever.

* * *

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Ryuji glanced up from his phone at the sound of Ann's voice, surprised to see her standing in front of the rec center Takemi had chosen for their physical therapy session.

“We're here for our PT session,” Ryuji explained, nodding towards Takemi who greeted Ann and the woman beside her with a simple nod.

“Don't take too long,” Takemi warned, stepping around the small group to go inside.

“Whatchu here for?”

“Shiho comes here for her physical therapy too. She does water aerobics.” Ann chirped brightly, her eyes sweeping up and down Ryuji's body, taking in his clothes and his hair.

“It's been a long time, Sakamoto.” Shiho dipped her head in greeting, a shy smile spreading over her lips. “Christmas, right?”

“Yeah, that party that we threw.” Ryuji grinned at the memory, recalling how their small group of friends had packed into LeBlanc for a somewhat wild time exchanging gifts. “Heh, it was a pretty great party.”

“It was definitely... Eye-opening.”

"Speaking of eye-opening..." Ann began, reaching a hand out to straighten the left side of Ryuji's collar. "What are you wearing?"

"Ain't nothin'." Ryuji insisted bashfully, ducking away from her touch. "Akira 'n me are lookin' for an apartment. Thought they might be more willin' t'rent to us if I didn't look so... Y'know."

"An apartment, huh? Together? You two?"

“I'm headed down to the pool,” Ryuji interjected, leading the group into the gym, keen on changing the topic. He turned to walk backwards so that he could address Ann and Shiho. “Wanna hang out a bit?”

“ _Not here to hang out.”_  Akira reminded him, giving Ryuji a stern look of disapproval. He had been quiet all during the walk from the train station. Well, quiet for Akira anyways, he had only sent a few messages to Ryuji to talk about the last few apartments they had gone to see.

“I know, I know.” Ryuji waved his friend off, falling in beside the girls. “So how 'bout it?”

“It'll be more enjoyable if we can chat while we work out.” Shiho agreed, hooking her arm through one of Ann's. “We'll meet you down there, okay?”

“Sure thing.”

Ryuji watched the girls go, feeling a swell of excitement in his chest. He hadn't wanted to do his physical therapy session, but with the chance to hang out with Shiho and Ann, he found he was now looking forward to it. He walked with Akira over to the registration desk where Takemi was waiting for them.

“I'm going with Akira to speech therapy for the first little bit.” Takemi announced, fixing her dark red eyes on Ryuji. He nearly shrank back from the harshness of her gaze. “Don't let your friends become a distraction. You need to take this seriously.”

“I am! I am!” Ryuji insisted, holding his hands up in a sign of surrender. “They're here for the same thing! So I'll jus' join in. Okay?”

“Mmhmm. I'll be down to check on you later. Come on Akira.” Takemi turned on her heels, her bleach-white coat trailing behind her as she started off down a side hallway. Akira turned to look at Ryuji, his expression grim.

 _Somebody's in a mood._  Ryuji thought in annoyance. He waved his hands in the direction that Takemi had gone, shooing Akira after her.

“Hey man, don't worry. I'm takin' this serious. For real, I am!” Ryuji reached a hand up to clasp hold of one of his friend's shoulders, shaking him lightly until his expression softened up. “You go work on your voice stuff. I'll see you in a lil while. 'Kay?”

Akira signed what could have been 'see you' or 'take care', but Ryuji wasn't totally sure which one. He watched the dark haired man as he walked off, noticing for the first time how tense he seemed. His shoulders were drawn back, his back held up straight, neck rigid. Ryuji wondered if Akira was still irritated with him or if something else was on his mind.

 _Maybe he's nervous about his voice stuff._ Ryuji thought, feeling bad for brushing his friend off. Turning to make his way towards the locker room to change, he pulled out his phone shooting a few texts Akira's way.

 **☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man good luck in there!**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: come down the pool when u finish.**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣:** i **think Ann and Shiho might b wearin bikinis!!!!!!!**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: See you soon.**

Satisfied with this, Ryuji stored his phone in his locker and undressed so that he could shower off before the pool. While the lukewarm water splashed down over his body, he thought about Akira again, feeling bad that his friend was up having to do speech therapy while he was down at the pool with the girls. He promised himself he would make it up to him later somehow.

Rinsed and changed into his swim trunks, Ryuji locked the rest of his things up in his locker and headed out to the pool deck.

* * * 

“Are you in pain?” Takemi asked, setting a light hand against Akira's forehead. He was laying down on the floor, his eyes shut tight behind his glasses, sweat beading at the top of his forehead. The speech therapy was not going well. The warm-up stretches had been easy, but when it came to the actual vocalizing-... “It's likely your vocal cords tensing up. I know it's a bit hard to breathe, but try to take some deep breaths.”   
  
Akira nodded his head, expression starting to relax as he sucked in a few tense breaths of air. Takemi was relieved to see the color returning to his face again, his eyes fluttering open so that they could look up at her. He nudged his head against her hand and she indulged him, moving her palm down to cup the side of his face. Had it been anyone else she wouldn't have bothered.   
  
But this was Akira...   
  
“Have you thought any more about what I said? The surgery.”   
  
He nodded his head, feeling around in his pocket until he found his phone. He pulled it out and quickly typed over the screen, turning it around so that she could read the text.   
  
_I want to do it, it's just I need some time to get things settled with Ryuji. He and I have been looking at apartments and as soon as we get into one, I can move forward._  
  
“Just don't take too long.” Tae sighed, sliding a hand around Akira's back to help him sit up. “I'm holding a spot for you so that you can be part of the study, but it won't last forever. The longer you wait for the less likely they'll accept you as a candidate.”   
  
_I understand._  
  
“Good.” Takemi stood up, smoothing her skirt down over her legs before offering Akira her arm, pulling him back up onto his feet. “That's enough for today. Let's go see what Ryuji has accomplished.”   
  
* * *   
  
“Ryuji,” Ann was standing next to him in the water, leaning her back against the side of the pool. The two of them watched Shiho a few pool lanes over, following her instructor around. He turned his head down to look at her, frowning when he saw the serious look on her face.   
  
“Wass up?” He prompted, setting a hand against her back. She shot him a sharp look, but her eyes softened when he didn't make any further moves. Leaning against his side, she allowed him to wrap his arm fully around her shoulders and hold her close. “Somethin' on your mind?”   
  
“Kind of.”   
  
“You gonna tell me?”   
  
“Yes! I was just getting to that.” Ruffled, Ann gave Ryuji's side a push, freeing herself from under his arm. “Do you ever think about Kamoshida...? I know he was arrested and all, but I mean, about him getting out someday.”   
  
“... Yeah. Sometimes.” Ryuji sighed deeply, glancing down into the water at his leg. He could see the long scar running along it, a leftover reminder of the surgeries he had had on it to repair it. “I try real hard not to think about him though. I don't want to give him the time of day. He don't deserve to be in anyone's thoughts.”   
  
“Do you think our lives would be really different if he hadn't been in them? I mean, look at Shiho, her whole life got turned upside down. Your life too...”   
  
“And you.”   
  
“What he did to me feels like so much less than what he did to you guys. Sometimes I think I should consider myself lucky.”

“Hey, don't say that.” Ryuji turned towards her, grasping her gently by the shoulders. “He terrorized you and almost took Shiho away from you. It doesn't matter that it wasn't physical, it was still bullshit that you didn't deserve to go through. I shoulda-... Been there for you.”   
  
“Don't worry about it, Ryuji. We weren't as close then as we are now...” Ann shook her head, offering him a warm smile. “You're here now, okay? Now is what matters.”   
  
“Yeah... You're right.” Returning the smile, Ryuji reached a hand up to tug on Ann's hair, mussing up the high ponytail she had pulled it back into. “So what's next for Ann Takemaki?”  
  
“Paris.”   
  
“Paris... … PARIS?!”   
  
“Yeah, I got invited to go do a shoot over there.” Ann pulled her hair free of Ryuji's hands, stepping away to grab the ankle weights that he had abandoned on the side of the pool. She offered them back to him. “It's just for a couple months. Shiho is going to come with me.”   
  
“Yeah? The two of you? Tearing it up in France?” Ryuji took the weights and reluctantly returned them to his legs. Wading out into waist-high water, the two of them began to walk up and down Ryuji's lane. “Just think, this could be your big shot!”   
  
“I know! I'm so excited!”   
  
“So when d'you leave?”   
  
“In a few weeks, towards the end of this month.” Ann took hold of one of Ryuji's hands, lacing her fingers with his. A slight blush spread its way over his cheeks, thinking about his old crush on her. Nothing had ever come from it, but he still couldn't deny there was a flame somewhere inside of him still burning for her. “What's with that goofy look on your face?”   
  
“I don't have a goofy look on my face!” Ryuji retorted, turning his face away in the hopes that she couldn't see how red his face had gotten. “I guess... I'm just real happy for you.”   
  
“Thank you, Ryuji...”   
  
“Makes me feel better to know that Shiho'll be going with you.”

“Me too,” Ann admitted, giving Ryuji's hand a gentle squeeze. “What about you and Akira?”

“What about us?” Ryuji turned his head around to look at Ann, scowling when she waggled her eyebrows at him. “It ain't like that! We're just friends.”   
  
“Okay, fine,” She conceded, moving around in front of Ryuji to press on his chest as he walked, creating resistance for him to move against. “Then what do you have planned in the future with your best friend?”   
  
“We're lookin' for apartments. Shit's not cheap though. I have no idea how we're gonna afford it.”   
  
“I'm sure you'll think of something.”   
  
“Yeah, I hope so. I'm tired of freeloadin' off my mom.”   
  
“Ryuji, I don't think she feels that way at all.” Ann turned her pale eyes upon him, a scowl turning her lips down. He knew she was right, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling like a burden.   
  
“She's not the only one I feel like I'm relyin' too much on.”

“Akira?”   
  
“Yeah.” Ryuji sighed, rolling his head back to look up at the ceiling while he continued his water walking. “He's gonna be payin' most of the rent for a while and he's the one puttin' down the deposit. He acts like he don't mind doin' things like that for me, but sometimes I worry that he's just being nice. Cuz we've been friends for so long.”   
  
“Don't be stupid Ryuji.” Ann scoffed the words, stopping suddenly, nearly causing Ryuji to collide with her. “He'd probably do anything for you.”   
  
“I know that! I jus' wish... I jus' wish sometimes I could do everythin' for him instead.”   
  
“You do a lot for him. Without you, he'd probably still be up in that attic. Remember how bad of a shut-in Futaba was? Akira probably would have been like that if you hadn't of pushed him to go out all the time.”   
  
Ryuji considered this for a while, the two of them resuming their earlier pace. He knew that everything Ann had said was probably true, especially the part about Akira becoming like Futaba. The blond could recall how bad off Akira had been at that time and Ryuji had sworn to himself he would never allow his friend to sink that low again. He knew all too well what isolation felt like, he had been alone after losing his ability to run track. Meeting Akira had been what pulled him out of it.   
  
“I can't imagine my life without him,” Ryuji said, at last, running a hand back through his hair. He could see Ann gazing up at him, her expression serious. “I-I mean it. He's the dude I go to for everything!”   
  
“He probably feels the same way about you.” Ann murmured, her voice a gentle exhale of words. “Whatever you two become in the future, that friendship is always going to be there. You know that, right?”   
  
“I know...”   
  
“So don't overthink it!” Ann swept away from him, waving her arm at Shiho as she waded off through the water towards the other woman. Ryuji watched her go, wondering if Ann and Shiho might be anything like him and Akira. Ann certainly seemed to have a lot of knowledge on the subject. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he crossed the pool towards the girls.   
  
"How was your PT?" Ryuji asked Shiho, coming up to stand in front of her and Ann.   
  
"It went really well. The strength is almost normal in my back again," Shiho replied, grabbing a long brightly colored resistance band off the side of the pool. She offered it to the blond, who stared back at her with a mystified expression. “Here Ryuji, let me show you something. Take this.”   
  
“Okay.” Ryuji took hold of the band hesitantly, admiring its fluorescent colors. “Now what?”   
  
“Bring your knee up towards your waist, kind of like a flamingo stance.”   
  
“Okay, then what?”   
  
“Hold the handles on either side of your hips.” Shiho took a gentle hold of his hands, moving them to his sides the way she had instructed. She moved the loose length of the band up under the arch of his foot.   
  
“I feel like I'm gonna fall over or somethin'.” Ryuji murmured, his body swaying slightly.   
  
“Tighten your stomach muscles and concentrate your eyes on something. It'll help with your balance.” Ann added, pressing her palm against his stomach. “Suck in some air, Ryuji! Concentrate!”

“I'm tryin'!” He countered, straightening his back. He pulled in a deep breath and focused his eyes on the depth marker on the wall of the pool. 

“Straighten your shoulders too.”  
  
“Yeah. Got it.”   
  
“Now drop your foot down into the water,” Shiho instructed, stepping back to stand next to Ann so that she could observe. Ryuji hesitated a moment, feeling their eyes on him was making his skin crawl a bit. With another deep breath, he pressed his foot down against the tension band, nearly losing his balance in the process. “Keep your stomach muscles tight. Your body floats in the water and that buoyancy can make it harder to keep balance.”  
  
“You're tellin' me!” Ryuji stood up a bit straighter, keeping his eyes locked onto the depth marker. His injured leg shook from the tension, but he was surprised not to feel any pain. “This ain't bad.”   
  
“People with knee injuries can sometimes suffer from back pain.”   
  
“And Ryuji's posture sucks to begin with!” Ann injected, earning a sharp look from the Ryuji.   
  
“So it's a good idea to strengthen your back and hips.” Shiho continued, unabashed by Ann's comment. “Hips are especially important for knee injuries. They affect the position of your thighs and knees when you walk.”   
  
“Damn. I didn't know any of that.” Ryuji murmured thoughtfully.   
  
“Doing the leg lifts underwater takes a lot of the stress off your body until you build up better muscle tone. That's why water exercises are good for a lot of sports injuries.”   
  
“Ohhhhh. So that's why Takemi wanted me to come here. Makes sense.”   
  
“Takemi was the woman you were with before, right?” Ann asked, her expression thoughtful. “Wait a second! Takemi?! Isn't that the name of that girl Akira used to date?!”   
  
“Errr... Why do you remember that?” Ryuji pulled his foot free of the band, turning his back to the girls to try and hide the tense expression on his face. “Yeah. That's her.”   
  
“But she's-... Older.”   
  
“She ain't  _that_  much older than us.”   
  
“She's still older!” Ann insisted, looking awestruck. Ryuji couldn't help the feeling of irritation that bubbled up inside of him.   
  
“Yeah, well maybe you should take that up with Akira!” Ryuji growled, stretching his arms up over his shoulders to test the tension of the band still in his hands. He pulled it out until his arms began to shake from the strain. “He's the one runnin' around with older women!”   
  
The sharp snap of the tension band and the yelps of alarm from Ann and Shiho were the last things Ryuji could process before pain shot up the side of his head. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut in the next chapter! Stay tuned!


	3. My Childhood Hero: Captain Kidd

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my personal headcanon that Ryuji's mother was a lot like him in the days before everything that happened with Ryuji's father. She's got his temper and used to have his flair for colorful language, though she learned to tone it down over the years. Since they're so similar, she understands him better than anyone and can often relate to his ways of dealing with things. (Even if sometimes she's got to play the bad guy and choose to be a mom over being an understanding friend.) 
> 
> When she was younger and before he joined up with the Yakuza, she was good friends with Iwai. They lost touch for a while but reconnected over their shared bond of being single parents. The relationship is still strong, though to save their sons from embarrassment, they choose to keep things on the down-low. It's a strictly platonic friendship. 
> 
> We get a little more Akira POV in this chapter. It's fun to write from his more serious POV and a challenge because he can't speak, so I have to figure out how he responds to those around him. Actions quite literally have to speak louder than words for this poor man. 
> 
> Also, as a sidenote, as we head into smut territory, I thought I should mention that although they're both still living at home (Akira above LeBlanc and Ryuji with his mother) they are both adult men, 19-20ish. I don't know if that matters to anyone, but there it is.

“He's got a pretty thick skull, I wouldn't worry too much,” Ann explained to Shiho, rubbing light circles against the other woman's back to comfort her. The two of them had caught hold of Ryuji before he went under the water. Grabbing onto either side of him, they helped him out of the pool and over to the lifeguard station, a small room just off the pool deck. It was poorly supplied and manned by a girl a bit younger than them. The most she could offer was an ice pack and a towel to press over Ryuji's bleeding temple.  
  
“Fuck.” He grumbled, trying to take deep breaths to ward off the nauseous feeling tearing through him. The cold compress against his face was a small relief, already half thawed and dripping condensation down the side of his neck. “That thing packs a punch.”  
  
“What happened?” Takemi entered the room and Ryuji felt his body tense with nerves. He hoped Akira and the doctor hadn't been witnesses to his tension band failure. Her fingers curled around the ice pack on his face to remove it. The fluorescent lights overhead hit the back of his eyes, stabbing like hot knives. “Well, that's a lot of blood.”  
  
“Put it back. Please.” Ryuji implored her in a soft voice, reaching for the compress.  
  
“Just hold still.” Takemi scathed, turning to look over her shoulder and motion Akira over from the door. The dark haired man looked startled, his gray eyes wide behind the thick lenses of his glasses. He hurried to the blond's side and placed a gentle hand over his eyes to protect them from the light. “Are you dizzy?”  
  
“Yeah, real dizzy.”  
  
“He stretched this too far and it snapped.” Ann offered Takemi the tension band. The doctor took hold of it to examine it briefly before setting it aside. “I think the metal on the handles probably cut his head.”  
  
“Looks like it.” Takemi agreed, sliding her hand over the bloody cloth at his temple, moving it out of the way to get a better look. “Looks a lot worse than it is. There isn't a lot of tissue around the head, so sometimes the bleeding can be alarming. I'll put some stitches in and he'll be fine.”  
  
Above him, Ryuji could hear a soft sigh, which he recognized right away as Akira's. It was an unexplainable thing, to know the sound of his friend's breathing. He wasn't sure if it had a certain tone or quality to it, because of Akira's damaged vocal cords, but it was as unique as the man himself.  
  
“I know, man.” Ryuji murmured, placing a hand atop the one spread over his eyes. “I don't ask for shit like this to happen y'know.”  
  
“Hold still.” Takemi interrupted. She spread something wet and cool over the sharp cut on the side of his head and the sharp smell of it had Ryuji's lips curling back in distaste. There was a small pinch and then the pain around the cut gradually began to ebb away. He could feel pressure and the tug of the needle and thread as Takemi sewed the stitches in.  
  
“Do you think he's got a concussion?” Shiho asked, her voice low with worry.  
  
“I highly doubt that. I'll probably take him by my clinic on the way home to be sure, but it's pretty unlikely.”  
  
“I'm okay,” Ryuji reassured her. His head had stopped spinning finally and all that remained was the dull throb of a headache.  
  
“You want to try sitting up?” Takemi asked, tying off the stitches before cutting the length of the thread.  
  
“Yeah, I want to.” Ryuji moved Akira's hand off of his face, blinking a few times until his eyes adjusted to the light. Hooking his elbows under himself, he slowly moved up into a sitting position.  
  
“Are you still dizzy?”  
  
“Nah. I'm much better now.”  
  
“That's a good sign.” Takemi murmured, packing her medical supplies away in her bag. “I saw you earlier before you made a fool of yourself. I'm impressed that you took your session seriously.”  
  
“I said I was gonna!” Ryuji crossed his arms over his chest, scowling. If Takemi had seen, then that meant Akira had seen too, and that was way too embarrassing to think about. He turned his head up to look at his friend, but Akira was looking elsewhere, his expression perfectly blank. “Shiho was teaching me stuff. Might be somethin' I'm interested in tryin' again.”  
  
“We come here a few times a week. If you want to join us.” Shiho offered, leaning forward to inspect Ryuji's stitches. “Just don't overstretch the cable again.”  
  
“I think it would be beneficial for you to come back,” Takemi added, looking at Shiho and Ann with a sly smile. “Seems like you two can keep him in line better than I can.”  
  
“It's just an illusion. No one can keep him in line.” Ann said this with a grin, gently bumping her fist against one of Ryuji's shoulders. “Will you be okay?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Gonna go home and go to bed.” Ryuji kicked his legs over the side of the cot, standing up carefully. “See? Good as new.”  
  
“While we're still in town, text me about meeting up here. Shiho and I enjoyed the company.”  
  
“Yeah, I will.”  
  
The girls left and Ryuji took some extra time to rest and compose himself. He watched Takemi typing rapidly on her phone, patient charts, she explained when he asked. Akira stood off to the side, staring out across the pool deck at the shimmering water. The blond walked over to stand by his side, stealing glances every chance he could get. He wasn't going to admit it, but Akira's behavior was making him worry.  
  
“Hey. You cool?” Ryuji elbowed his arm gently against Akira's side. “You're quiet.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm always quiet. Can't talk. Remember?**  
  
Fuck. He had walked into that one.  
  
“Hey man, you know what I mean.” Ryuji scolded, trying his best not to feel put off by Akira's retort.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm just thinking about the future.**  
  
“Oh... Pretty heavy stuff. I get it.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: How's your head?**  
  
“Still hurts, but I think I'm gonna live.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You looked like you were having fun with Ann and Shiho.**  
  
“Shiho knows a lot. I guess she's probably been through more PT than I have. She was so effed up after-... Well, after she-...” Ryuji found he couldn't finish, not that he would have needed to. The whole school had been there the day she had jumped. “She wasn't s'posed to live and look at her now.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Really makes you think.**  
  
“It kinda makes me feel bad... I shouldn't'a been blowin' you and Takemi off all the time. Sure, I'm never gonna run track again, but I shouldn't give up on myself.” Ryuji turned to look at Akira, his lips turning up into a smile when he saw the awe on the other man's face. “What's that look for?”  
  
Instead of answering, Akira turned his eyes back to look out over the pool. He bumped the back of his wrist gently against Ryuji's, sending a flurry of sparks up the blond's arm. Ryuji returned the gesture, feeling his chest swell with a feeling of happiness.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji's mom stood in the doorway of their apartment, staring out at him with a look of amusement on her face. She was assessing his forehead injury, likely trying to come up with a scenario for how it had happened. Ryuji could only grin, shrugging his shoulders. She took hold of his face, turning it to the side to allow her to better see the stitches.  
  
“What the hel-...lo Akira.” She cut herself off short, seeing Akira come up the stairs. Ryuji gave her a knowing look at her attempt to censor herself. She did a good job of playing the polite doting mother, but for all her gentle tendencies, she was more like her son than she let on.  
  
Ryuji had heard stories of the wild life she had lived before he was born. Like him, she had been a delinquent student, always getting into fights and causing trouble. He could remember bits and pieces of that side of her from when he was younger. She had had a tendency to get easily riled up in front of him, which always ended in her begging him not to repeat her 'bad words'. At least he had an excuse for where he had gotten his bad mouth.  
  
When things started to go seriously wrong with Ryuji's father, that part of her had seemed to slip away, leaving a much more meek and quiet woman behind. Every once in a while, Ryuji could see the fire creeping back into her, a sly smile or a glimmer of mischief in her eyes, always sleeping just below the surface. He hoped that someday she might once again find that confidence again.  
  
“Akira's gonna stay the night. If that's cool.” Ryuji explained, slipping out of his shoes as he entered the apartment.  
  
“I don't mind. It's been a while,” His mother mused, taking their coats from them as they moved inward towards Ryuji's bedroom. “I'll let you know when dinner is ready.”  
  
“You really don't have to do this. I don't need anyone to watch me sleep, despite what the doc thinks.” Ryuji was moving frantically about his room, trying to clean up the mess he had left there. Akira watched him flit about the room, seated in Ryuji's desk chair. Ryuji ran through a list in his head, put the books on the shelf, packages in the trash, sheets back up on the bed-... Something fell from the linens and bounced lightly over the floor. Before Ryuji had a chance to grab at it, Akira had it in his hands.  
  
_“It is cute.”_ Akira signed, setting the worn stuffed pirate doll in his lap so that he could examine it. Ryuji would have snatched it away to hide it quicker, but the poor thing was so old he was afraid it might tear in half.  
  
“Dammit! That's just a-... Fuck-... See, the thing is-...” Ryuji struggled over his words for a minute, desperate for an explanation that didn't sound juvenile. “S'a stupid thing I've had since I was a kid.”  
  
_“What is it?”_  
  
“You seriously don't know?! It's a Captain Kidd doll! That was the absolute shit when I was in middle school.” Ryuji's hands hovered around it, silently pleading with Akira to surrender it to him. “Mom and I were going through all these boxes the other day and we found that. I don't like... Sleep with it... Or anythin' weird like that... I swear.”  
  
Okay, so it was one time, but Akira didn't need to know that.  
  
“It was kind of a cool show, actually,” Ryuji admitted, when Akira, at last, handed the doll to him. He sat down on his bed, examining the worn fabric. “It was about these heroes, yeah? Typical sort of superhero team, but they didn't fight normal bad guys. The enemies were always regular people.”  
  
“The leader, this badass named Arsene, he was so effin' cool, would lead them into these... Palaces. These big places that were s'posed to be like, someone's heart, all their desires and dreams and how they saw the world around them. They were always kind of wacky, not really what you would expect the inside of someone's heart to look like.”  
  
“They'd steal treasure from inside the palaces, usually some item that represented something important to the bad guy. Something to explain what happened to make them evil." Ryuji glanced up at Akira, feeling a bit embarrassed to see his friend staring at him with such rapt attention. Akira nodded and pointed to the doll, encouraging the blond to continue. "Oh, uh... After that, the people would have this... Change of heart. Like their whole personalities would change, and they would just confess to the cops everything' they had done! I mean, how cool is that?! That's real justice!”  
  
“Captain Kidd was my favorite. He was like, this real goofy character. Sort of an outcast and not really respected by the people around him, until he hooked up with Arsene's gang. He made a lot of mistakes and wasn't the smartest dude in the group, but Arsene always talked about how valuable he was. How valuable they all were. They all sort of had a place to belong and a reason to be there."  
  
“Kind of intense for a kid's show.” Ryuji finished, setting the worn out pirate on the bookshelf at the end of his bed. “I used to stay up real late to watch it and it always pissed my dad off. Didn't matter how bad he would chew me out over it, it was totally worth it.”  
  
Akira moved from his place on the floor, walking lightly across the room to stand next to the blond. It always made Ryuji feel small and vulnerable when he would talk about his dad, even with Akira, who he trusted more than anyone. He looked at Akira's face, expecting to see pity or sadness, but instead, he only saw gentle admiration.  
  
_“You are strong.”_ Akira signed, staring at Ryuji with such intensity that the blond had to avert his gaze elsewhere. He certainly didn't feel strong, not when he was always relying on the people around him, with no real accomplishments of his own. Still, he knew Akira wasn't the type to pass out meaningless compliments. Maybe he saw something in Ryuji that Ryuji was unable to see inside himself.  
  
_“You make me stronger.”_ Akira tacked on, looking so sincere that it made Ryuji's chest ache.  
  
“H-Hey... I might have some old DVDs of that show... If you ever wanna watch it with me.” Ryuji mumbled the words, unsure of how to respond to the other man's declaration, even though it had meant the world to him for Akira to tell him those things. “You're a lot like the leader, Arsene. All calm and cool, kinda mysterious, snarky as hell-...”  
  
Akira elbowed him gently in the side.  
  
“Well, you are! You're so damn smug it's irritatin' sometimes.”  
  
Smirking at Ryuji, Akira made the hand signs for laughter.  
  
* * *  
  
Akira stepped out of Ryuji's bathroom, his clothes balled up in his hands, toothbrush and other toiletries halfheartedly stacked on top. Ryuji watched him cross the room and pack everything away in his bag, all of it shoved together in a jumbled mess. It wasn't like Akira to be so untidy. Ryuji wanted to ask him about it, but couldn't find a good reason to bring it up.   
  
“ _I am done.”_ Akira signed, moving over to sit next to Ryuji on his bed. His face was downcast, eyelids a bit darkened like he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep recently. Worry blossomed inside Ryuji like a stubborn weed, coupled with frustration. Akira was hard to read on a good day, but when he hit one of his lows it was nearly impossible. _  
  
“_ Hey, man,” Ryuji began uncertainly, reaching out to set his hand against Akira's shoulder. “Is everythin' okay? You really haven't seemed like yourself today.”   
  
“ _I am well.”  
  
_ “Are you? You ain't acting like it.”   
  
“ _I'm fine.”  
  
_ “Akira...” Ryuji let his hand slide off, thumping against the bed uselessly. He wanted to press the issue and get some answers but could tell that the other man wasn't feeling very forthcoming. It would likely just cause an argument. Ryuji got up from the bed and headed off toward the bathroom. “I guess... I'll go get ready for bed.”   
  
Standing in front of the mirror, Ryuji watched his own eyes as he brushed his teeth. The cut on the side of his forehead looked awful. The skin was swollen around the stitches, a macabre mix of yellow, purple, and red hues. He hoped that it wouldn't scar. He didn't want to have to explain to any future partners that the story behind it was, admittedly, pretty lame. 

Partners. The world caught him off guard. Before it had always been 'girls', 'girlfriend', 'ladies'. Now, none of those felt right, too exclusive. He mulled over that, casting a glance over his shoulder towards his bed. Akira was stretched out over the sheets mindlessly scrolling through pages on his phone, his glasses reflecting the light of the screen.  
  
Ryuji thought back, to the awkward incident at the bathhouse and to Ann's implications at the gym. He tried to figure out what parts of those things he felt ashamed about and what parts had been a normal human reaction to feeling embarrassed.    
  
Had Akira been a woman, Ryuji suspected he would have reacted in all the same ways. He was more upset that he had lashed out at Akira. The accidental boner wasn't the problem, even if it had been really, really mortifying, more so because Yusuke and Mishima had been there. Ann's teasing about them being more than friends wasn't shameful exactly, more like the feeling of having all your goofy hobbies exposed.  
  
The more he thought about it, the less the whole 'we're both guys' thing seemed to matter. It wasn't the heart of the issue, Ryuji realized with relief. What was bothering him was the friendship itself and the risk of doing something that might ruin it. The thought of losing Akira made Ryuji's chest feel tight with anxiety.   
  
Ann had told him not to overthink, but he had to. He had to stay a step ahead of his noisy brain to make sure he didn't screw everything up. Outside of his mother, Akira was the single most important relationship in his life. He couldn't sabotage that. He wouldn't. Whatever feelings he might have that went beyond friendship would stay locked up inside of him. 

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You're thinking hard about something.  
  
** Ryuji glanced at his phone, reading over the message as he continued the work his toothbrush back and forth over his teeth. He turned around to reply verbally, nearly jumping out of his skin to find Akira standing right beside him. The dark haired man had a bad habit of sneaking up on him, able to move silently like a cat, and Ryuji was often the unfortunate victim of fright because of it. Face burning, he turned back towards the sink to spit out the toothpaste. 

“Speak for yourself. You've been in a shitty mood.” Ryuji hadn't meant for it to come out sounding so aggressive but it had anyways. He tugged his towel off the rack and used it to dab away the toothpaste foam at the corners of his mouth, eyebrows furrowing. “Dammit, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to start somethin'. I guess I'm kinda confused. Normally you talk to me about stuff, but lately, you've been keeping things to yourself.” 

“Ain't tryin'ta complain or nothin', but you gotta talk to me.” Ryuji dropped his eyes down towards the floor, tracing a toe over the broken tiles under his feet. His father had dropped something, or maybe thrown something against them, but it was so long ago he couldn't really remember.   
  
“...ji...” A soft sound, more like an exhale of air, caught the blond man's attention. He jerked his head up, causing a jab of pain to shoot through it from the sudden motion, but he didn't care. His eyes were locked onto Akira. He had his head tilted back while his lips moved slowly, mouthing out the shape of words. He swallowed, winced, mouthed some more. Ryuji held his breath, heart racing excitedly inside his chest. Akira looked at him and tried again. “Ry... u... jjji...”   
  
Ryuji's name, though butchered and spoken through a cracked and hoarse voice. Just that small utterance had Akira clutching at his throat, coughing feebly. Ryuji spun towards the sink and grabbed at the little stack of paper cups his mother had put there. He filled one with water and offered it to Akira.   
  
“Don't push it,” Ryuji said the words with a grin on his face. It had been months since he had heard Akira attempt to talk, at least outside of voice therapy, which the blond didn't often attend with him. He felt a giddy jolt of happiness, that out of all the things Akira could have chosen to say, he had picked his name. “Holy hell man. It was rough, but I definitely heard it. Took what I said about talkin' to me literally, eh?”

Akira didn't seem to share his enthusiasm. His eyebrows were knit together in the middle of his forehead and frustration burned like silver flames in his eyes. It startled Ryuji to see him so angry, it wasn't a common emotion for Akira to show.   
  
“Hey. Don't be down on yourself.” Ryuji soothed, plucking the empty paper cup out of the other man's hands. He turned to toss it into the trash, missing the can completely, as a pair of strong hands came down over his shoulders. Turning back, he opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by the sudden press of Akira's mouth against his.   
  
_Oh shit._  
  
* * *  
  
Akira knew he had just done something crazy. Something reckless. Something so unlike himself.   
  
He certainly had never been the impulsive type, everything in his brain was organized like a list, options that he could analyze and choose from. When you couldn't speak, you had a lot of time to decide what you wanted to say. Nothing was ever rushed when you had to think of how to write it out, how to type it up, what hand signs were correct.   
  
Ryuji, on the other hand, was chaos, an endless stream of words with no filter. The blond didn't think before opening his mouth, just plainly said what was on his mind as it suited his mood. He could be shocking and vulgar one moment only to turn around and say something heartwarming and kind.   
  
Despite these things, they both had been holding back recently, and Akira couldn't stand the tension anymore.   
  
Akira's own reasons were so clear to him. He was concerned about finding and getting them both into an apartment. He had already resolved himself to taking extra shifts at work to make more money. Ryuji couldn't be left to pay the bills alone while he was off having surgery.   
  
Which brought him to his next concern, telling Ryuji. The blond had never been keen on the idea of Akira going in for another 'experimental surgery' and had not hesitated in making his disdain known. It was partly Akira's fault, for the way he had acted after his original surgery had failed. It had taken Ryuji a lot to pull him out of that phase and it had stretched their friendship almost to the breaking point.   
  
Ryuji was no doubt going to be angry, that was his typical way of reacting to most things that upset him, but it wasn't the anger that worried Akira. For all his loudmouthed behavior, all his aggression, Ryuji was easily hurt. There was no conceivable way to avoid that, not if he was determined to see his plans through, and he was. 

Then there was fear, fear that the surgery would fail again or would end up making his condition worse. He had read plenty of articles talking about permanent vocal paralysis. As it was, he could at least occasionally get a word or two out, even if it was painful. A few words always seemed better than none on the days Akira doubted himself.   
  
Ryuji's reasons? Akira couldn't figure them out.   
  
Ryuji seemed to be going through something, a change of some kind. It wasn't completely uncommon for him to go through periods of erratic behavior, only to come out on the other side more mature and well rounded. His current state shared those hallmark signs, but there was something undeniably different, something Akira couldn't put his finger on. 

It was the build up of all those things, all the static inside his head, that had caused Akira to impulsively to cross the line. 

Ryuji gripped at the front of his shirt, pulling him closer, making a soft noise of approval. Akira ran his tongue over his bottom lip, then his teeth, until Ryuji opened his mouth to let him in. He sealed their mouths together, snaking his tongue forward to tangle it up with the blond's. He tasted cold and minty, an after effect of his toothpaste.

Ryuji made another soft noise, as Akira's hands came up to grab at his waist. The sweatpants Ryuji had been wearing were already slung low on his hips, so it wasn't hard for Akira to inch them down a bit more. Ryuji started to pull away, making a noise that sounded a lot like a muffled question. Akira freed a hand to catch him by the back of the head and hold him, deepening the kiss until he relaxed into it again. 

Using the hand that was still on the Ryuji's waist, he pushed at the elastic of his sweats again until they finally fell off and out of the way. Moving closer, he pressed one of his legs forward, only mildly surprised to feel that Ryuji was hard already. Ryuji moaned at the contact, a muffled sound that buzzed against Akira's mouth. 

“You okay?” Ryuji asked suddenly, breaking their kiss. His expression was etched with concern, catching Akira off guard. He quirked his eyebrows in a question until Ryuji explained. 

“You aren't breathin' so well. Haven't been since we left the gym. I been readin' online and I know if you use your voice a lot, that things get all...” Ryuji swallowed hard, his cheeks lighting up with color. “Sw-Swollen.”   
  
Akira couldn't help his snort of laughter. It was  _so_ like Ryuji to get all flustered over suggestive terminology. Especially if it could be taken out of context and turned into an innuendo.   
  
“I only mean that you did your voice therapy thingy today. Seems like it hurts sometimes.” Ryuji spoke quickly, frantic to explain his meaning. His concern was endearing and it only made Akira want him that much more. He needed to soak up as much of Ryuji's kindness as he could, hoping it might be able to remedy some of the tension building inside his own heart. “I'm jus' lookin' out for you! Don't laugh about that! If you pass out while we're doin' this, I'm gonna get real pissed.”

“ _So, it is okay?”_  He asked, referring to their current activities. Ryuji nodded, moving his body closer.

“I'm gonna level with you here.” Ryuji began, lowering his voice. “I ain't never done anythin' like this. Gonna assume that you have, so you gotta teach me. That and you gotta swear you'll never tell anyone I told you that.”   
  
“ _I won't tell”_ Akira promised, earnestly meaning it. Pressing his leg forward again, he smirked when it caught Ryuji off guard. Jolting forward, Ryuji's hands shot up to grab at Akira's upper arms, squeezing tightly.   
  
“Warn a guy before you do that!”   
  
“ _Bed.”  
  
_ “Huh? Oh. Yeah. We should move to the bed.” Ryuji took a few awkward steps back so that they could untangle themselves from each other. He kicked his sweats off into the corner of the bathroom. On his way to the bed, he caught the switch for the overhead lights, bathing the room in darkness as he settled himself down on the mattress. “You don't mind, right?” 

The bed frame creaked softly as Akira climbed into it, nearly bumping into Ryuji as he felt his way through the darkness. Perhaps from nerves or amusement, the blond began to laugh. It took some fumbling and a few explicit words from Ryuji, but they finally settled into a comfortable position. 

The mattress was narrow, so they were forced to lay on their sides, facing each other so that they could both fit. Now that his eyes had had a chance to adjust to the darkness, he could more easily make out Ryuji's face. The blond was biting his lip, looking terribly nervous. Remembering his phone in the pocket of his pants, Akira pulled it out, dimming the screen so that it would be less blinding. He typed out a quick message and turned it around for Ryuji to see. 

 _It's okay if you don't want to do this. Just tell me and we can stop._    
  
“No,” Ryuji replied, moving Akira's phone out of his face. “I... I want to do this. With you.”   
  
Akira felt immensely relieved. He had known about his own feelings for Ryuji for a long time, and in the beginning, he had struggled with them. He couldn't have imagined someone like Ryuji feeling the same way he did, but somehow along the way, things between them started to morph. Akira woke up one day to see his own hopes and desires reflected back at him through Ryuji's eyes.

It seemed like at long last Ryuji was starting to catch up, though Akira could tell that the acceptance of it was going to take a bit longer. He was fighting with it, that much was obvious, but Akira was patient. He would wait as long as it took for Ryuji to decide, even if that meant, in the end, they remained only friends.   
  
At least, that had been the plan before he had kissed Ryuji in the bathroom.  
  
“Hey. Don't just sit there.” Ryuji's voice pulled Akira from his pondering and back to the task at hand. He inched a bit closer until their bodies were just on the edge of touching. He leaned in, pressing their lips together again and Ryuji responded all too eagerly.   
  
They kissed for a while, Ryuji's technique somewhat sloppy, forcing Akira to take the lead. He guided him, showing him the right way to move his lips, or the correct way to tilt his head, how to avoid knocking their teeth together, which the blond had already done several times. Occasionally they would stop, mostly after some prompting from Ryuji, so that they could catch their breath.   
  
“Just makin' sure you're okay.” Ryuji insisted, his voice soft with shyness. Akira appreciated it, even if he couldn't say so. “What do we do now?”   
  
Akira took the lead for the next act as well. Leaning close, he began to move his mouth along Ryuji's neck, very lightly sucking and biting, nothing that might leave a mark. They needed to be able to face Mrs. Sakamoto at breakfast in the morning. Akira moved down, spending extra time at Ryuji's collarbones. When he grazed his teeth over them, the blond's whole body jerked and he moaned, maybe a bit louder than he meant to. 

Amused, Akira did it one more time, just to enjoy Ryuji's reaction. 

“Will you stop that?!” Ryuji exclaimed in exasperation, pulling away from him. Even in the darkness, Akira could see that he was blushing furiously. “I don't want to wake my mom!” 

If he had been able to, he would have enjoyed telling Ryuji that it had less to do with the biting and more to do with his volume control.   
  
“You don't gotta stop, jus' lay off some.” Softening his voice, Ryuji moved to drape an arm over Akira's waist. Taking this as a cue, Akira pushed his leg between Ryuji's, mindful of his injured knee, and pressed his thigh up against the front of his boxers. Ryuji made a soft sound, a vulnerable sound, and began grinding himself against Akira's thigh with a slight movement.  
  
Akira leaned his head in, tucking it up under Ryuji's chin, listening closely to all the small noises the other man was making. Without much thought to the action, he lifted his hand up to place it against the side of Ryuji's face, the tips of his fingers nearly brushing over the stitches at the side of his head.   
  
He had been able to forget about his botched voice therapy session, about his conversation with Tae and the surgery itself, but the feeling of the stitches brought it back again. He didn't want to think about it, not then, not when he and Ryuji were finally making a connection, but it was already there. 

Their actions suddenly seemed less like crossing a barrier together and more like an excuse for Akira to selfishly use Ryuji to blow off steam. Disturbed by that thought, he changed his resolve. He would ignore his own needs, making sure to devote his mind and concentration on Ryuji instead, so as not to sully things. 

He pulled his leg free, ignoring the angry protest from Ryuji, and replaced it with his hand.   
  
“Oh, fuck,” Ryuji mumbled, sounding surprised. When Akira ground his hand against him, he jerked his hips sharply and his cock twitched. “I didn't think we were gonna-... I mean you were gonna-... Should I?”

Akira shook his head, no. This wasn't about him, and he was determined to keep it that way. If the blond's actions were anything to go off of, he had very little experience with much of anything. Akira wasn't even sure if Ryuji had ever kissed anyone. He wasn't going to let him have a terrible first experience and he didn't want Ryuji to worry about trying to please him. 

“You've got this weird look in your eyes,” Ryuji whispered, tracing small shapes against Akira's back with his fingertips. “It's kind of intense, but I like it.”  
  
Akira smiled, pressing his lips to Ryuji's neck again, earning a soft noise of approval. He skirted his fingers along the waistband of Ryuji's boxers, occasionally slipping under the elastic, just small teasing touches. He could feel Ryuji's body tense and relax, and he was sure that the blond was struggling to figure out what to do and how to act.   
  
_Don't think so hard._  Akira thought, trying to telepathically communicate it. He slipped his fingers down into Ryuji's boxers, curling them around his cock, surprised by the feel of it. It was definitely bigger than he had anticipated, not that he minded.  
  
“Jesus, your hands are cold,” Ryuji complained from above him, though he didn't sound very mad. He moved his hands up to tangle in Akira's thick curls of hair, gripping to try and calm his nerves.

Akira gave him a few moments of composure before he began to move his hand up and down the length, focusing on building a rhythm. Ryuji's body had gone slack, though his hips still gave the occasional sharp jerk, unable to fully control himself. His breathing started to grow heavy and Akira listened closely to it, using it as a guide to figure out what Ryuji liked. 

Ryuji curled in on himself, his face buried against the top of Akira's head, turning it into a way to muffle himself. When Akira swept his thumb through the precum forming at the tip, the blond's legs started to shake from the tension of trying to hold back. Ryuji freed one of his hands, snaking it down to take hold of the one stroking his cock. 

For a second, Akira thought maybe he was asking to stop. Carefully, he released him and turned his hand over so that their palms were touching. He gently stroked his fingertips over Ryuji's wrist, feeling his frantic pulse jumping around. Ryuji's breathing was just on the edge of frantic. He sputtered a bit and had to clear his throat twice before he could speak.

"Don't stop." He grit out, curling his fingers around Akira's hand to flip it back over. “I just wanna show you... What feels good.”   
  
Akira's heart gave a jolt, and despite his earlier promise to make things about Ryuji, he couldn't stop the sudden excitement he felt. He was glad that his face was hidden in Ryuji's neck so that the blond couldn't see his composure cracking. He nodded in reply to Ryuji's request, taking hold of him again.

He allowed Ryuji's hand to guide him, firm but slow strokes that started at the base and ended in an arch over the top, twisting around the head on the way back down. It took Akira a few minutes of practice, but eventually, he got it. Ryuji withdrew his own hand away, moving it down between them to grasp at the sheets. 

“S'good.” Ryuji moaned breathlessly, his voice rough with exhaustion. He was close, Akira could tell in the loose way he held himself, like he wasn't even trying to control it anymore, anticipating release. Akira moved his head back so that he could kiss him again, though Ryuji was less enthusiastic about participating, content to let Akira do whatever he wanted.  
  
There was a moment where Ryuji stopped breathing altogether, then a sharp gasp of air. His hips jerked and body sank against Akira's. He didn't outright moan, probably still somewhat mindful of his mother in the next room, but he made small desperate noises. His hands came up to grip at Akira's shoulders, clinging to him as he rode out his climax. Akira watched his face, mesmerized.    
  
“Damn.” Was all Ryuji could muster when it was over, giddy and boneless. He smiled at Akira, his dark brown eyes glimmering, basking in the afterglow.   
  
Akira politely removed his hands from the mess that was Ryuji's boxers and excused himself to the bathroom to clean his hand and arm off. Ryuji made some unintelligent noises from behind him, before realizing, his voice bubbling up into soft laughter. 

Akira had the presence of mind to bring a hand towel with him on his way back to the bed. The fact that Ryuji's boxers were now halfway across the room on the floor didn't escape his notice. The blond sheepishly accepted the towel, snaking it under the sheets. While Ryuji cleaned up, Akira knelt down to sit on the futon that they had set up for him on the floor.   
  
“You can sleep up here with me, you know,” Ryuji said the words softly, his voice tinged with uncertainty. “If you want...”  
  
Akira nodded and gave Ryuji a chance to make room on the bed. He moved back up onto the mattress, scowling at the lack of space. It wasn't ideal, but Akira wanted to indulge Ryuji, knowing that as soon as the blond was asleep, he could move back to the futon. 

Ryuji stared at him for a while, his expression remarkably open and vulnerable. Watching his eyes, Akira could see thoughts spring up inside his head, only to flutter away when his eyelids tried to close. He fought sleep for a while, and Akira could imagine there was an uncomfortable level of uncertainty keeping him awake. He wanted to reassure him, so he leaned in to kiss Ryuji's neck again, making a slow trail up the underside of his jaw, stopping to kiss his lips and then up to his forehead.   
  
“If you do that stuff, m'gonna get excited again,” Ryuji mumbled his voice heavy with sleep.   
  
_No, you won't._ Akira thought in amusement. Ryuji's breathing started to deepen and within minutes after that, he was out. Akira stayed with him for a while, occasionally reaching his hand out to touch the side of his face or comb his fingers through his short spikes of bleach blond hair. He wondered if Ryuji would someday let his hair grow back out to its original color, finding it hard to imagine his friend with dark hair. 

Eventually, Akira needed to move, his legs were stiff and there was a kink forming in his back. He extracted himself from the blond's bed, careful not to bump into Ryuji as he rolled free of the mattress. Ryuji was typically a light sleeper, but if the dark circles under his eyes were anything to go by, Akira expected him to sleep through the night. 

He crept out of the room and headed for the kitchen, on the prowl for a glass of water. He stopped at the end of the hallway, realizing that the living room lights were on and that Ryuji's mother was milling around. He smoothed his hair and double checked to make sure his clothes weren't too mussed up, before stepping out towards the kitchen.   
  
Mrs. Sakamoto was sitting on the couch, leaning forward over small stacks of papers lined up on the coffee table in front of her. A pen hung from her mouth, bobbing a bit as she chewed on the tip of it. She glanced up as Akira bypassed the living room.   
  
“Did you two have a nice time?” She asked around the pen in her mouth, her smile sly and knowing. Akira felt heat rush up into his face and he wished he had his glasses to hide his eyes behind.   
  
“ _I'm sorry.”_ He signed, his hands a frantic motion.   
  
“Don't apologize. It isn't as if you two aren't adults now.” She waved her hand dismissively, pulling the pen from her mouth, her smile widening. Akira could see so much Ryuji in her face, from the shape of her eyes and nose to the curve of her mouth, even her smirk was the same. “He was kind of loud and the walls aren't very thick.”   
  
She stood up, passing Akira so that she could enter the kitchen before him. She filled two glasses up with water, passing one off to him. She motioned for him to join her back in the living room, and without a way to make an excuse or protest, he obeyed. She took to her lounge chair and he settled himself on the far end of the couch. In front of him, he caught sight of a great number of bills for things like electricity, rent, utilities.   
  
“Don't worry about those.” She insisted, waving her hand over them as if it was going to make them disappear. “I know it might look alarming from where you're sitting, but I'm just filing them away for my records. Ryuji's father left behind a lot of debt when he ran out on us, so I learned how to manage my money. Almost feels like I owe him a thank you.”   
  
Akira looked at her in surprise, she didn't often talk about Ryuji's father, especially not in such an open fashion. She took a drink from her glass and set it on the table off to her side, leaning leisurely back in her chair.   
  
“I try to make sure to do all the bills after Ryuji's gone to bed. I know he worries about money, we didn't have a lot of it when he was growing up...” She sighed, shaking her head. “He was a good kid, still is I guess, sans the kid part. He went without a lot of things, not just material things either.”   
  
“When he moves in with you, go easy on him with financial decisions. Can you do that for me?” Mrs. Sakamoto turned to look at Akira again, and he nodded in reply to her request. Though it was a bit awkward to be stuck in a one-sided conversation with her, he was curious to see what she would say next, wanting to learn more about Ryuji. His mother probably knew him just as well, if not better, than Akira did. “Here, let me show you something.”   
  
Rising from her chair, she disappeared down the hallway for a few minutes, coming back with a black and white shoe box. She set it down on the table, looking very proud of herself, nudging it with the back of her hand in his direction to encourage him to look inside. Tentatively, he opened the lid of the box.   
  
“Aren't they perfect?” She gasped, leaning over so that her face was next to his, looking down into the box. Inside, neatly wrapped up in tissue paper, were a brand new pair of running shoes. Akira picked one up, admiring it. He had seen Ryuji stare into the window of the shoe store many times, often looking at similar pairs made by the same company. “I know what you're thinking, expensive, right? Well, to be honest... They are sort of second hand.” 

“A friend and I went shopping together and found them at a discount shop, you know the ones. They sell new but returned or defective merchandise. Anyways, he knows a lot about buying and selling things, so he said they were authentic, probably that there was some kind of aesthetic defect. I had to get them, they're Ryuji's size and I'm pretty sure he'll be fine with the colors...” 

“...Do you think... He'll be sad?” Mrs. Sakamoto's whole expression sank, along with her body, which dropped back into the lounge chair. “I know that he'll never run the way he used to, but he still wakes up to go jogging most days. He needs a good pair of shoes for that, at the very least. I just don't want him to look at them and constantly be reminded of what happened with that teacher...”   
  
“He's only had a pair like that one other time. He'd been on the track team for a while and I decided to get him a pair to use during practice. He didn't have them very long, just a couple days before...” She cut herself off, balling her fists up in her lap. “He told me to take them back, that he didn't need something he couldn't use anymore. That he wanted us to have that money for other things.”   
  
Akira's heart sank, able to easily imagine Ryuji's desire to help his mother out financially, using his injury to give him an excuse to return the shoes.   
  
Akira hadn't known him back then, arriving in town at the tail end of all the drama that had occurred at Shujin with Kamoshida. He could, however, remember the rumors floating around the school at that time, that Ryuji had attacked Kamoshida over a comment regarding his mother and that his leg had been injured by Kamoshida in self-defense.   
  
Of course, now that Akira had known Ryuji a while, he had learned that the rumors were a lie. Even though eventually Kamoshida had been arrested, the damage had already been done. Ryuji's reputation, his leg, his spot on the track team, all of it had been unfairly taken away from him. Thinking about it made Akira feel angry. He returned the running shoe to its box, and glanced up at Mrs. Sakamoto, moving his right hand in a writing motion. 

“Oh! I'm sorry, here.” Quickly she unearthed her pen and piece of scrap paper, passing both to him. He leaned over the table and began to write quickly.   
  
_They're perfect. He's going to love them.  
_  
He passed the note to her, patiently allowing her a few moments to read it. Relief flooded her face and she reached across the distance between them, giving one of his hands a gentle squeeze. 

“Thank you. I think I just needed that extra push.” She smiled at him and it was Ryuji's smile, the same curve of lips, the same crinkles around the eyes. Standing up from the couch, she waved the scrap paper. “Better watch it, I might decide to hang this up on the fridge. You're kind of like my honorary second son.”  
  
The thought of her displaying his note was horrifying. He certainly didn't want Ryuji to ask about it, it would be too awkward to explain that he had been up late talking to his friend's mother. He held his hands out in front of them, sweeping them back and forth in a 'slow down and stop' motion.   
  
“Sorry to trap you out here like that. It must have been awkward for you.” If anything, she was smiling wider, able to clearly see his discomfort at her earlier suggestion. Waving the note one more time, she began gathering up the shoebox and the bills. “I don't know what you two did in there, but I hope you remember to clean everything up in the morning."  
  
With those words hanging in the air, she disappeared into her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira is left sitting there like: ˙ ͜ʟ˙''


	4. Goemon The Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit of a filler and fluff! The description of Yusuke's apartment might have been overboard, but since it's a fictional location vs one seen in the game, I wanted to give a good idea of what it looks like. Those windows will definitely be important later on in the plot. ;D For all the right reasons.

Ryuji woke the next morning feeling that the whole world had somehow changed overnight. He remained in bed for a while, thinking about the night before, trying to put a name to the feeling rising up inside his chest. Excitement, anticipation, hope, desire, nothing quite seemed to fit, so he thought it must be a combination of many different things.   
  
He was disappointed to see that Akira had ditched him midway through the night for the futon on the floor, but couldn't totally blame him. He's wasn't really sure where they were at anymore in terms of their relationship and if sharing a bed might have been too much. Ryuji watched him sleep for a while, unused to being the first to wake up.   
  
When he heard his mom get up for the day, he forced himself out of bed. He had never been comfortable sleeping in the buff, especially with his mom's track record of forgetting to knock. Moving to the bathroom, he rushed his way through a hot shower and changed into fresh clothes. Standing in front of the counter, he thought about how it felt when Akira had kissed him there.  
  
“Holy shit,” He whispered, still unable to shake the feeling that it might have all been a dream. Leaning over the sink, he examined himself closely in the mirror. His face looked the same and Akira didn't leave any marks on his neck, no telltale signs that they had done anything more than sleep. Still, Ryuji knows something's different about him, even if he can't identify what it is.  
  
The swelling around his stitches was all but gone, still a ghastly mix of colors. Running a hand through his hair, he noticed that the roots were starting to show, small traces of dark brown hair pushing up into the blond length. He maked a mental note to have Ann bleach it again before she left for Paris. As an afterthought, he decided it might be time for a shave.  
  
By the time he stepped out of the bathroom, the sun outside his window was blaring in full force, trying to shine against the cold winter air. He could hear his mother in the kitchen cooking breakfast, probably going overboard because of Akira. He walked over to the futon, kneeling down next to the dark haired man.   
  
“Yo... Akira...” Ryuji reached to grab hold of his shoulder, giving him a light shake. Akira's long eyelashes fluttered for a second, opening like curtains over bleary gray eyes. They drifted lazily in the blond's direction, blinking in the harsh light. Ryuji frowned, brushing back dark curls of hair. He rested the back of his hand against Akira's forehead. “You feel kinda warm.”   
  
“ _I'm okay.”_ Akira signed, his eyes were already starting to close.   
  
“You ain't.” Ryuji replied sternly, standing up to return to the bathroom. He found some aspirin in the medicine cabinet and took it back to his room. He was forced to wake Akira again to help him sit up, offering the pills to him. “Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know you weren't feelin' good. I should'a made you go home.”  
  
Akira shook his head in protest, dutifully taking the medicine while Ryuji hovered over him. He moved his position around on the futon, pressing his back against the side of Ryuji's bed. Ryuji sat down beside him, glancing at him every so often, worried and unsure of what to do.   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji, I'm okay. I'm just kind of tired. I get fevers like this now and again, remember?  
  
** “I know,” Ryuji replied sullenly, pulling his knees up toward his chest. Akira slipped his glasses on over his face and turned to look at him. “So uh... I ain't good at this kinda stuff, but should we maybe... Talk? About what happened, I mean.”  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Only if you are comfortable with it.  
  
** “Well, I'm not 'comfortable' with it, but I know it's somethin' we gotta do.”   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I meant that we don't have to talk about it if you aren't ready or if you still feel unsure about things.  
  
** Ryuji falls quiet as he thinks about that. He's surer of his own feelings, but his uncertainty has shifted. His current concern is that Akira doesn't feel the same way about him, that he had simply been doing a favor or going along with it because he felt he had to.  
  
“I should'a asked you last night if it was okay. You asked me. Feel kinda bad about that.”  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I was fine with it.  
  
** “That don't mean it was somethin' you asked for or wanted.”   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I did want it, Ryuji.  
  
** Ryuji opened his mouth to say more, but the words died in his throat when Akira's head came over to rest against his shoulder. He glanced down, trying to figure out if the red in Akira's cheeks was from his fever or because of their conversation.   
  
“I don't know what I'm doin',” Ryuji confessed, balling his hands up around his phone as a wave of fear washed over him. Hadn't he just told himself last night he was going to keep his feelings quiet? Was their friendship really worth the risk? “I just don't wanna wreck what we have.” 

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't either, which is why I never brought it up before now, but I do feel something for you.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Something more than friendship.   
  
** “How... Long have you felt that way?”  **  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Since our last year of high school started.  
  
** “That long, huh?” Ryuji felt a stab of guilt, wondering if there had been signs he had missed. He realized that Akira had felt the same way he had, worried that if he tried to push their relationship beyond what it was, that it might shatter and fall apart. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like to hold back that long, His own feelings had torn him up and he had only been fully aware of them for a few days. “I feel kinda stupid.”

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You couldn't have known.  
  
** “Maybe, but maybe not. Maybe I should'a realized it! I know I can be a little short on the drawn sometimes, but come on! Ann's been buggin' me about it for months! An' I know Sojiro gets this look on his face whenever we go up to your room like he's thinkin' we're goin' to get up to trouble.” Ryuji had started to ramble, a nervous tic that he could never fully get rid of. “Ohhhh mannnn. I can never go over there again. Not after we-... I mean me-...”   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji it's okay.  
  
** “Shit! Do you think Yusuke and Mishima know about it too?! Like I want those weirdos talkin' about us behind our backs. Or Futaba?! I know she put that weird spy camera thing on your phone that one time.” 

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Stop  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Look at me for a second  
  
** Ryuji glanced down at his phone screen and then to Akira on his right. The dark haired man was smiling, looking at him with an expression of adoration. He reached between them and took hold of one of Ryuji's hands, squeezing it gently. Flustered, Ryuji had to look away, feeling his face starting to flush.  
  
They sat like that for a while, until Ryuji had started to relax. Akira had moved the blond's entire arm over into his lap and was tracing meaningless shapes along the underside of it. Twice he checked Ryuji's pulse, snickering in amusement at the feeling of the blond's frantic heartbeat. Exasperated, Ryuji turned to face him, scowling.   
  
“Sometimes you really piss me off,” Ryuji told him, though he wasn't truly angry. He leaned his head to the side to rest it against the edge of the mattress, watching Akira's fingers skate over his skin.   
  
He had so many questions, so many things that his restless brain needed to understand and process. He still hadn't fully replied to Akira's confession, unsure if that's even what it had been. He didn't know what the future would be like, if they would continue to stay friends the way they had been before, or if a change was on the horizon. The uncertainty scared him, but for the moment, he was trying to focus on enjoying things as they were. Even if it was just for the day.   
  
The world had changed overnight and Ryuji was running desperately to catch up. 

* * * 

“You must be really desperate if you have chosen me to spend the day with.” Yusuke stood in front of the train station where he and Ryuji had agreed to meet up.   
  
“It's not  _only_  you. Ann and Makoto, remember?” Ryuji said gruffly, crossing his arms over his chest. The day was going to be cold, despite the bright shining sun overhead. Soft flakes of snow swirled gently through the air all around them, sparkling as they caught the light. Ryuji pulled his jacket tighter around himself. “I've been so bored.”  
  
“Ah yes, Ann is preparing to leave for Paris and Akira is busy with work. You mentioned it.”   
  
“'least Ann could make some time to hang out with us. I don't get why Akira has all these shifts he's gotta work suddenly.” Ryuji was griping, knowing it to be a sign of his immaturity. It had been a week and a half since Akira had spent the night. Outside of classes and a co-visit to Takemi to get his stitches looked at, they hadn't seen much of each other.   
  
Even when the two of them had classes together, Akira would excuse himself immediately after, explaining that he had to work at the flower shop, the model gun shop, Sojiro's cafe. This was to say nothing of his studies. It didn't make sense to Ryuji for him to be pushing himself so hard all the sudden. It had been Akira who had insisted they pick an apartment with less rent so that they didn't need second jobs. Now he was working three?!   
  
“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Yusuke asked him gently, making Ryuji feel even more childish. He didn't want the artist of all people trying to coddle his bad mood.  
  
“I want to, but he's not giving me the time of day.”   
  
“Did you two have an argument?”   
  
“No,” Ryuji murmured, feeling suddenly on guard. He wasn't about to let the details of his night with Akira slip, especially not to Yusuke. He was recovering from the bathhouse thing, he didn't need to add anything more onto that. “So what are we doin' then?”   
  
“I thought we could try painting,” Yusuke replied thoughtfully. Trying his best not to be rude Ryuji resisted rolling his eyes. He really was getting desperate if he was willing to hang out with Yusuke.   
  
“Which means I'm pretty much gonna be sittin' there doin' nothing.” Ryuji shoved his hands into his pockets, scuffing one of his shoes lightly against the snow-covered pavement.   
  
“I know it's not in your nature to be trusting of me, but I assure you, this will be entertaining for all of us.”   
  
“I ain't holdin' my breath.”   
  
“I told Ann and Makoto to meet up with us at my apartment,” Yusuke explained, leading the two of them over Shibuya's scramble crossing.   
  
“You've never invited any of us over before,” Ryuji said slowly, feeling a bit suspicious. “Why the sudden change?”   
  
“Once you've had a look at the place, I can explain myself.”   
  
“Well, that doesn't sound creepy at all.”   
  
Since graduating high school, Yusuke had joined up with a fine art society that took care of most of his monetary needs. He had a large two bedroom apartment near the shopping district, up on the seventeenth floor of a big ritzy looking building. Ryuji had asked him one time what the rent on his apartment cost and the artist declined to tell him. He claimed that it had too many zeros, more than Ryuji could fathom.  
  
Back before, when Yusuke had been a literal starving artist, Ryuji could remember taking food to him. His mother had somehow found out about Yusuke's tendencies to skip meals and had immediately put a stop to it. She'd cook everything in advance, freeze it, and send Ryuji off to deliver it once a week. The two of them had never really talked about it, but Yusuke would often send small gifts back with him to give to his mother. To Ryuji he always expressed gratitude and a little bit of shame.   
  
_Just wish he wasn't so weird._ Ryuji thought, shaking his head.  
  
The two of them stepped out of the cold and into the lobby of the apartment building. It looked more like a hotel than an apartment. They got into the elevator and Ryuji gawked at the vast number of buttons to choose from, twenty-five total. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Yusuke, who had his face glued to the sketchbook in his hands.   
  
“What are you drawin'?” He asked, leaning to try and peek over Yusuke's shoulder. He was both stunned and embarrassed to see his own face looking back up at him from the page. “The hell-...?! You're drawin' ME?!”  
  
“Your face is quite expressive,” Yusuke explained, his pencil still moving over the paper, shading in details. “I apologize. I should have asked first.”   
  
“I-... Well... Nah, it ain't really a problem, it's just strange.”   
  
“It is merely a sketch. I used to send these to your mother.”   
  
“Drawings of me?!”   
  
“Yes, who else?” Yusuke turned to look at Ryuji, his expression cold. “You are lucky to have a mother who loves you so much. I did not know my own mother, but I imagine that she would have gotten along with yours.”   
  
“Shit... I'm sorry.” Ryuji apologized. He sometimes forgot that Yusuke had grown up without parents. The closest thing had been his mentor, Madarame, who had exploited Yusuke's talents, as well as the talents of other artists, to increase his own fame. The man who had raised Yusuke had turned out to be a monster, and this Ryuji could understand, but his mother had survived it, Yusuke's had not. “I don't mind if you give 'em to her. I'm sure she really likes them.”   
  
“If it truly bothers you-...”   
  
“It don't. As long as she's the only one who gets them. Okay?”   
  
“You have my word,” Yusuke promised. They stepped out of the elevator when the doors opened up and walked down to the very end of the hallway. The entire time Ryuji's skin crawled with discomfort. Everything, from the paint on the walls to the shiny marble tile beneath their feet felt expensive, and he was sure that just by touching it, he was somehow ruining the value.   
  
The feeling only grew worse once they entered Yusuke's apartment. He lived modestly, none of his possessions boasting of wealth, no excess of items, but still the apartment felt regal. It was a newer apartment, with modern stainless steel appliances, shined so brightly that they looked almost like mirrors. The granite counter-tops reflected the bright white lighting overhead, looking like an art piece.   
  
Large paintings decorated the walls, some of them Ryuji recognized as those Yusuke's. Some had won him competitions or gained him notoriety in small art publications. Other smaller pieces of art were placed here or there, making the main areas of the apartment feel more like a gallery than a place one would live. It definitely suited Yusuke.  
  
“Holy shit, Dude.” Was all Ryuji could say as he stood in the doorway, basking in the glow of it all. Even the better apartments he and Akira had seen during the viewing couldn't hold a candle to Yusuke's place. He slipped out of his shoes and crossed from the small entryway into the living room. The far wall was purely windows, crystal panes of glass that ran floor to ceiling. Ryuji went to stand in front of them, looking out over the city, feeling a slight tinge of vertigo. “This is awesome!”   
  
“It is convenient.” Yusuke agreed, coming to stand beside him. “During the day, I have plenty of natural light to paint by. In the evenings the city lights are especially inspiring.”   
  
“You're so effin' lucky to have a place like this.”   
  
“I certainly won't argue...” Yusuke murmured, sounding almost wistful. Ryuji turned to look at him and was struck by the intense look of loneliness on his face. It was like they had tumbled back in time and he was staring at Yusuke when they had first met him, lost and terribly out of place among other people. It was a feeling Ryuji could relate to.   
  
Back then it had been only Ryuji, Akira, and Ann, the troublemakers of Shujin. Yusuke had followed them from the station one day, insistent on using Ann as a model for a painting. She had refused his first request for a nude painting. Yusuke had been relentless and eventually, she agreed to model, on the condition that Akira and Ryuji could come chaperon. Ryuji could still remember the long afternoons spent in the artist's studio, playing games with Akira while Ann posed.

Yusuke had been an odd person, even back then, but they had also been able to see that the artist was alone. He was without any friends and trapped under a mentor that took advantage of his loyalty. Somehow three became four and they all started to spend time together as friends. When the truth about Madarame came out, they all supported Yusuke, unintentionally getting mixed up in the drama of it all.  
  
An art fraud case turned into murder, as Madarame confessed to killing Yusuke's mother, and when it was all said and done, he was left with nowhere to go. He moved into school housing out of desperation and for a while seemed broken and unreachable. In time he came around and warmed back up to them, and although Ryuji still thought he was weird, he couldn't imagine not having him among his friends.  
  
“You okay?” Ryuji asked, reaching his hand out to set it against Yusuke's shoulder. The other man turned to look at him, his blue eyes wide with surprise. “I'm not an asshole all the time you know.”   
  
“I was not implying that... I was merely under the impression that you aren't very fond of me.” Yusuke turned his gaze away. Ryuji tightened his hold on the man's slender shoulder, shaking him gently.   
  
“I think you're strange, but I don't hate you. Why would you think that?”   
  
“It was just the feeling I got from you.”   
  
“Well, it ain't like that.” Ryuji dropped his hand away from Yusuke's shoulder, turning to look back out the windows. Everything down below looked miniature, tiny little cars and people, scurrying about. “Your apartment is really cool. I still can't believe you get to live here rent free.”   
  
“Come on. You have yet to see all of it,” Yusuke motioned for the blond to follow and lead the way into the master bedroom. He opened the door and stepped inside, but Ryuji stopped in the doorway, awestruck.  
  
This room was even grander than the living room, it too had floor to ceiling windows, but they covered two of the four walls. The ceilings were vaulted and they made the already massive room seem even bigger. The solid wall to the left lead off into a bathroom, and beyond that a large walk-in closet, both of which combined were as large as Ryuji's bedroom back at home.  
  
“Daaaayuuuum, man. I should have tried to get into art, not track.” Ryuji crossed the room and stood in the middle, turning in a full circle so that he could see everything. The right-hand corner, where windows met wall, was home to a door leading out onto a small patio. Next to that was a small sitting area, consisting of two love-seats on either side of a long coffee table and a reclining chair. They were positioned to look out over the city.  
  
The bed took up most of the other solid wall. It was higher up on a small stage-like platform, with a set of small stairs leading up. Most of the platform was the bed, but a small landing on one side housed a bookcase and a chaise lounge chair. Ryuji immediately ran up the tiny flight of stairs, using this new vantage point to see out the massive length of windows. He had never in his life seen anything so fantastic.   
  
“Why the hell did you never invite us over?!” Ryuji demanded, leaning out over the railing that surrounded the bed platform. “You moved in here six months ago and you never once invited us over to see it!”   
  
“I was... Concerned it might change everyone's opinion of me.” Yusuke began, his voice tight with anxiety. Ryuji stared down at him, feeling surprised by this answer. “This apartment was a gift given to me by the art society. I didn't, by any means, earn through my own merits the right to live in such a lavish apartment.”   
  
“I did not wish for you all to see this place and assume that I was like... Madarame... That I had allowed my success to go to my head and that I now viewed myself to be better than all of you. It is simply an untruth. This home is not a reflection of myself, outside of perhaps the emptiness I feel when I am here alone.”   
  
“Yeah... I can definitely see how it would be lonely livin' here.” Ryuji looked around the large room and even he could agree it felt stark. “But really man, none of us would have thought any of that. I think if anythin', it'd be fun to hang out here altogether. Then you wouldn't feel like this place is so empty.”   
  
“That is partially why I invited you over today.”   
  
“Yeah? Well, I don't mind comin' over to hang out now and again, I guess...”   
  
“No,” Yusuke interrupted, holding up his hand to silence Ryuji. “I spend most of my time painting and sleeping in the guest room, as this room is-... Large. When I go away for art shows and conferences, I often have to hire someone to house sit for me. I thought it might be easier if I had a roommate or roommates. I know you and Akira are looking for a place.”   
  
“Hold up!” Ryuji launched himself over the platform railing, careful to land on his good leg to spare his knee any pain. “You want Akira and me to move in here with you?!”   
  
“The master bedroom is large enough to split between two people, I should think. It is also within walking distance of your university.”  
  
“You mean it?! You aren't shittin' me?!”   
  
“Using your own vulgar expression, no, I am not 'shitting you'.” Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest, eyebrows raised, looking so pompous that Ryuji wanted to smack him. “I understand if you need time to think it over-...”   
  
“What's there to think about?!” Ryuji exclaimed, his body buzzing with excitement. “I'm sayin' HELL YEAH! 'N there's no way Akira's gonna turn it down.”   
  
“There is a stipulation, outside of keeping house while I am away on occasion for work.”   
  
“Oh... What's that?”   
  
“Goemon.”   
  
“G-Goemon? Whass'a Goemon?” Ryuji stared at the artist in confusion, unable to imagine what that word could mean. Yusuke motioned for Ryuji to follow him, leading them out of the master bedroom and into the guest room. Though smaller, this room still boasted all the luxury of the master, with a small sun-room patio instead of the panoramic windows. Inside, Ryuji could see a variety of plants on shelves. Could one of those be 'Goemon'?  
  
Yusuke slid the sliding glass door open and stepped out, walking to the far end of the sun-room. He knelt down next to a brown boulder, it was dome-like and flattened on the bottom, with small markings carved into it. Ryuji's mouth nearly dropped open when Yusuke reached out to pat the boulder affectionately, speaking to it in a gentle tone of voice.   
  
Yusuke really had lost his mind after all.   
  
“This is Goemon.” Yusuke explained, glancing over his shoulder, looking exceptionally proud.   
  
“Yusuke...” Ryuji began, swallowing hard. He had seen movies about crazy artists that eventually go mad and end up killing people. That wasn't how he wanted to die. “That's a rock.”   
  
“It's a tortoise.”   
  
“A what?”   
  
“A tortoise,” Yusuke repeated, slower, like he was talking to a child. He stood up and when he moved the rock began to move with him. Massive scaled legs folded out from the side and a wrinkled face emerged from the front end. Slowly the two of them approached Ryuji.   
  
“You've got a pet turtle?!” Ryuji gasped, unable to believe his eyes. The thing was massive, nearly the size of a medium-sized dog now that it was up and moving about.   
  
“She's a tortoise, and yes.”   
  
“She? You named your girl turtle 'Goemon'?”   
  
“Tortoise.” Yusuke insisted again, though it was clear that it was pointless to argue. “I named her not knowing whether she was male or female. By the time I found out, it was too late and she had already learned the name.”   
  
“The turtle knows it's own name?!” Ryuji shook his head, unable to fathom such a thing being possible. He knelt down, staring at it's wrinkled face in fascination. Goemon paid him no mind, opting instead to begin eating some leaves off a nearby plant. “So is this the stipulation? We gotta turtle-sit for you?”   
  
“Yes. She's self-sufficient for the most part, most of the plants out there are edible for her, but she still needs a salad prepared every morning. She sleeps inside, but she's got to be let out onto the patio during the daytime so she can get her sun. She's got a bathroom area and a pond out there that need cleaning.”  
  
“So if we agree to take care of her, we can stay here? What about rent?”   
  
“I don't pay anything outside of utilities... So we could just split the cost of those.” Yusuke smiled, almost sheepishly. “I'm quite pleased to see you so excited about this arrangement.”   
  
“This is seriously the coolest thing you could do for us! ...I mean... Akira. And me. We. Both of us. But not like, together or anything.” Ryuji could have slapped himself for babbling so bad, but it seemed that Yusuke hadn't noticed. The doorbell rang, saving Ryuji from himself.   
  
The two of them went back into the living room, Goemon faithfully following after them. She moved faster than Ryuji had anticipated, halfway through the living room by the time they reached the door. Yusuke answered it, letting Makoto and Ann in from the hallway. Ryuji could see the same shock and surprise on their face that had been on his.   
  
“Your apartment is stunning.” Makoto breathed, hanging her coat and slipping off her shoes so that she could enter. “Hello, Ryuji.”   
  
“Sup.” Ryuji greeted, raising his hand in a wave. He liked Makoto a lot, both in physique and personality. She had become friends with them all after her elder sister had gotten onto them for getting involved with the Madarame case. She had also been their student council president and she had spent a lot of time chasing them around, trying to keep an eye on the 'troublemakers'.   
  
It had taken some time, but she had gotten to know them and they had accepted her into their group. Even after she had started her first year of university, she still made time for them, often coming to LeBlanc to help them study for exams. Ryuji was especially grateful for her help in getting him into the same university as Akira. It had been a near impossible task.    
  
“Hey Ryuji.” Ann descended on him, hooking her arms around his waist to hug him from behind. She leaned her face over his shoulder to whisper in his ear. “So tell me all about what happened with you and Akira.”   
  
“Wh-What the hell?” Ryuji's back had gone rigid and he pressed at Ann's arms to try and pry them off. The more he fought her, the tighter her grip became, and it was beginning to catch the attention of the other two.   
  
“Okay, okay. I'll tell you just not right now.”   
  
“Promise?”   
  
“I promise! Now get off'a me.” Ryuji finally freed himself from her. The struggle had earned a suspicious look from Makoto.   
  
“Tell her what?” Makoto asked, her voice suddenly serious. Ryuji felt like if he wasn't careful she might corner him somewhere and start an interrogation. She had already started picking up skills from her older sister and it was terrifying.  
  
“It's nothin'!”  
  
“My interest has been piqued as well.” Yusuke chimed in, busy in the kitchen preparing a tray of snacks for everyone.   
  
“Have you guys met Goemon yet?” Ryuji hastily gestured to the tortoise, hoping it might be his salvation.   
  
He spent the next half hour dodging questions and ignoring knowing looks from Ann, trying to keep out of the group conversation as much as he could. He finally gave up and pulled out his phone, knowing that she wasn't going to back down until he told her. He opened their private chat and sent her a message. While he waited for her reply, he checked his chat with Akira, disappointed to see that his messages had been marked 'read' but had not been replied to. 

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: okay fine what do u want  
****  
*•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: What happened with you 2?  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wat do u mean?!  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: You know what I mean, Ryuji. Don't play dumb.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: cant a guy have some privacy???**

 ***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: No.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wat do u think happened?  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: I wouldn't be asking if I knew.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: fine but if I tell you it cant get back to any1. GOT IT?  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: I won't tell.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: he came over to my house and spent the ngiht.  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: **night And?  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Whatever it was it can't be that embarrassing.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: u have a very different meanin for embarrassing  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Are you ashamed?  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: well no  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: I won't force you, but it keep in mind that it was >you< who brought it up three days ago. Saying you had to tell someone or you were going to lose it.  
  
**The two of them met eyes across the table, Ann quirking her eyebrows in a challenge. Ryuji had started bouncing his leg up and down, feeling a nervous flutter building up inside his stomach. She was right, he had almost told her days earlier. He wanted her guidance or advice, something to ease the worry that maybe Akira was avoiding him instead of just busy.  **  
**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: okay fine, dont think it meant anything but he uhhh touched my dick with his hand and stuff  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Like a handjob?**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ann plz /////  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Okay. Okay. What are you so worried about?  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hes been relly busy lately.  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: **really  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Isn't that because he's working a lot?**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: well yeah thats what he said but I think he might be avoiding me**

***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: You trust him, right?**

☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Then trust him not to lie to you.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: is it really that simple?  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: It is! I promise! Akira isn't the type to lie to anyone, especially not you. I'm sure he'll talk to you about it when he's got a bit more time.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ok thanx. I really mean it, I feel better.**

Ann stood up and came around to sit next to Ryuji on the couch. She leaned her head against his shoulder, hand curling around one of his. He pressed back against her warmth, allowing it to sap away some of his worries and concerns. He pulled his phone out with his free hand and opened his chat with Akira, shooting him a quick message.   
  
☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: when u aren't busy, lets hang out. ;)  
  
** * * *  
  
“Explain this to me one more time.” Ryuji had been lined up in front of a large canvas, with an arsenal of paints off to his right side on a small table.   
  
“We are going to try finger painting,” Yusuke repeated, offering Ryuji a paint-stained apron to put on over his clothes. Ryuji took it reluctantly, watching Ann and Makoto put theirs on, doing his best to copy them.   
  
“Innit finger painting for little kids and stuff?”   
  
“Not at all. Many artists choose to use their hands as tools to paint with.”   
  
“This is going to be ugly.” Ryuji murmured, looking at the paints with a nervous glance. They were back in the master bedroom. Yusuke had put down drop cloths to protect the floor, but despite this, Ryuji could see himself turning over the table and spilling everything. “I don't know what to paint.”   
  
“It can literally be anything,” Yusuke advised, moving his arm in a wide arch in front of his body. “The world is your model.”   
  
“Errr... Okay. Thanks?”   
  
“Even colors smeared upon a canvas can be art, Ryuji, but they have to have a feeling behind them.”  
  
“What kind of feeling?” Ryuji asked, glancing past Yusuke to see that Ann and Makoto had already started. Makoto had turned her canvas on its side, choosing to use it lengthwise. She was sketching with a pencil, creating a general shape of something. Ann, on the other hand, had already started to cover her canvas with paint, bright swatches of pastel colors.   
  
“It can be an a feeling, or emotion, or just the idea of them. Paint with colors that make you feel strongly about something.” Yusuke continued. He had already settled himself in front of his own canvas, arm moving back and forth, sketching the outline the way Makoto had. Ryuji debated on sketching too but decided to go with Ann's method of winging it.   
  
Ryuji dipped his fingers into one of the jars of paint, it felt smooth and cold against his skin, running freely down his wrist as he lifted his hand up. Smearing the paint was oddly satisfying, his fingers working the pigment into the woven texture of the canvas. Part of him could understand now why Yusuke enjoyed painting so much.   
  
“This is kinda... Nice.” Ryuji told Yusuke, who stopped with his hand midway to the canvas. Their eyes met and in a typical show of embarrassment, Ryuji moved his hand to scratch at the back of his neck. He felt the paint on his hands smear over his skin and up into his hair. “Aww mannn... Is this stuff gonna come out?!”  
  
“Yes, it'll wash out.” Yusuke snorted softly in laughter, a serene smile coming over his face. He set back to work, but added in reply to Ryuji's earlier comment, “I agree... Painting in good company can open the mind up to all kinds of artistic possibilities.”  
  
“Hey man...” Ryuji spoke slowly, catching Yusuke's eyes again. He offered the artist a smile and a paint smeared thumbs-up. “Next time you get lonely, just tell us. I know I ain't the best at givin' advice, but it doesn't help anythin' to lock yourself away from the people you care about.”   
  
“I will. You have my word.”   
  
* * *   
  
It was late afternoon when they finished and the sun had set, casting the room in a warm orange glow. Yusuke moved from painting to painting, spraying a clear coat of lacquer over them to seal them. Ryuji and the girls had settled themselves near the windows, watching as lights came on all over the city.   


“We should have a party at LeBlanc.” Ryuji suggested, turning his head to look at Ann. “I mean for you and Shiho, so we can all get together before you guys leave for Paris.”   
  
“I'm sure we can put something together.” Ann agreed, grinning back at him. She was sprawled out across the opposite couch, her head in Makoto's lap, legs tossed up over the armrest. “It's so cool that Yusuke is going to let you live here.”   
  
“It doesn't feel real.”   
  
“You should definitely feel lucky,” Makoto added, scrolling through her phone. “I looked it up and the apartments in this building rent for, at the cheapest, 600,000 yen a month.”   
  
“WHAT?!” Ryuji shot up in his seat, looking at Yusuke in alarm. “The art thingy you're part of pays that much for you to live here?!”   
  
“Ah, well, I pay for my own food and utilities,” Yusuke said, speaking loudly to be heard of over the hissing of the spray-can in his hand.   
  
“Still! That's a lot of money!”  
  
“It isn't when you consider the location and market value.” Makoto reasoned, holding up her phone so that Ryuji could see similar listings in and around Shibuya. “The rent for many other apartments in this area are about the same or higher. This apartment is actually moderately priced.”  
  
“Moderately for who? Exactly?”  
  
“Well, not for the average person.”    
  
“What if we have the party here instead?” Ann suggested changing the subject, sitting up out of Makoto's lap to look around the room. “I mean, this place is huge. We could invite a few more people that way.”   
  
“What is a few more people?” Makoto asked, looking skeptical.   
  
“I'm not talking about a huge event or anything, just two or three more people.”   
  
“As long as it doesn't get out of hand, I don't mind.” Yusuke had finally finished applying the sealer and had come over towards the rest of the group. Much to Ryuji's embarrassment, he was holding up the painting he had done.  
  
“Put that back!” Ryuji demanded, pointing back at his now empty easel.    
  
“I wanted Ann and Makoto to see it.”   
  
“WHY?!”   
  
“Why? Try because it's amazing!” Ann turned her body so that she could lean forward off the front of the couch to get a better look. The canvas was mostly covered in black, spattered over top with flecks of metallic gold paint. In the center of the canvas, Ryuji had painted a skull with the same gold paint, allowing it to drip down as if the bones themselves were melting. The jaw of the skull was wide open and it had red paint dripping down from its teeth.   
  
“Well... I mean... I had to look up a photo online for the skull.” Ryuji stammered, feeling flustered by the looks the other three were giving his painting. “It looks kinda cartoony, doesn't it?”   
  
“I think it looks fine,” Yusuke commented, holding it up towards the light. “The shape of the skull and jaw perhaps, but regardless, it's amazing. It evokes a very strong emotion of... Pain?”   
  
“I mean if that's what you want to think. I just thought it would look badass.” Ryuji wasn't going to tell Yusuke that he had been right. No way. “Isn't art kinda 'sposed to be open for interpretation?”   
  
“Most definitely.”   
  
“I think Makoto's motorcycle is way cooler.”   
  
“Oh no. Not really.” Makoto's face flushed a bit as she protested. “I'm sure there's no motorcycle in the world that actually looks like that.”   
  
“Looks like something a superhero would have,” Ann said. “Mine is just flowers, so you guys definitely had cooler ideas.”   
  
“Miss Ann, I think your flowers have exceptional detail,” Yusuke enthused, replacing Ryuji's canvas to pick up Ann and Makoto's, turning them towards the group. Sure enough, Ann's flowers looked lush and colorful, while Makoto's motorcycle had cool streamline colors that gave it a distinctly comic-book hero kind of feel. Ryuji was impressed with both of them.   
  
“The hell? Those are way better than mine.” Ryuji exclaimed, meaning it wholeheartedly, though he couldn't help but be a little proud of the work he had done.  
  
“Wait, what did you paint Yusuke?” Makoto asked, pulling Ryuji's mind back to the conversation.  
  
“Well, if you must know...” Yusuke set the girls' paintings to the side and grabbed hold of his own. He brought it over to the group, making a show of turning it in a big reveal.   
  
“No effin' way.” Ryuji exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief. Painted in startling detail was Goemon the tortoise, happily munching on strawberry tops. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji won't admit it, but he loves Goemon the tortoise with all his heart and he just met her.
> 
> There's some drama with Akechi in the next chapter as well as a cameo by Gun Daddy himself, Iwai~


	5. There's A Storm Brewin', Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akechi appears to shake things up. Ryuji begins to doubt himself. Akira shows his broody dark side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit of a doozy. I think I rewrote it like three or four times. It was actually really really dramatic but I wanted to kind of tone it down and save that for later chapters. So I hope you look forward to future twists and turns! This whole fic was only supposed to be a few short chapters and here we are. I am a failure at quitting while I'm ahead. :I

Today Akira was working at Untouchable, a model gun shop in Shibuya that he and Ryuji used to frequent in high school. The shop catered to those in a niche market and because of this the traffic in and out of the store was minimal. On a good day, they might get a small group of customers who were passionate about the models, eager to buy the higher priced merchandise kept in the back. On a bad one, a few people might drift into the store, usually, teenagers who didn't have enough money or interest to buy anything.   
  
Despite this, Akira enjoyed his work at the gun shop and the company of its gruff owner, Munehisa Iwai. At times the man would stoically sit behind the counter, reading magazines or comic books to pass the time, as quiet and content as a cat. Other times he would mill about the store grumbling about irritating customers or the teenagers he caught stealing the week before. Then there was the softer Iwai, who talked to Akira about his adopted son Kaoru and hinted at a much less honest life before becoming a father.   
  
When Akira had first started working for Iwai back in high school, it quickly became apparent that the man didn't know that Akira was unable to talk. For reasons that he didn't understand, Iwai seemed to think of him as 'an incredibly shy kid' who simply chose not to speak. It didn't bother him and was sometimes a point of amusement. Iwai often reminded him of Ryuji in that way.  
  
“Kid, can you believe this shit?” Iwai had leaned back in his chair, feet propped up on a stack of boxes behind the counter. He slapped his palm against the magazine in his hands indicating something on the page. Akira moved from the storage area in the back to stand behind him, looking over his shoulder at the article.   
  
He resisted the urge to laugh, or sign laugh, realizing that Iwai was looking through some kind of Entrepreneur magazine. The story was about small business owners opening up online branches of their stores to increase profits. It seemed reasonable enough to Akira, but Iwai was fired up about it.   
  
“A few stray idiots are dumb enough to buy online and you know what they get? Crap ass products, that's what. I get my goods direct from the manufacturers. I know where it's coming from, what it's made of, every last detail of what it is.” Iwai shook his head, clearly scandalized. “I don't know shit about running a business online. I gotta be able to look the customer in the eye, y'know?”   
  
“There's something to be said about being able to go into a store and get what y'need. Better yet, to place a special order, knowing you're gonna get exactly what you paid for. All these new age enthusiasts are all hyped up over buying cheap knockoffs. It's cheap for a reason, dumbass.” Iwai sighed, a long drawn out sound of disbelief. Akira knew he was going to go on for a while so he politely excused himself to the back room. If Iwai noticed his sudden absence, he didn't stop to say anything about it.   
  
“I promise you that the people buying online aren't buying from Mom and Pop's new shiny website. They're on those discount buy and sell websites being scalped by people. You ever been to one of them before, Kid?” Iwai didn't wait for an answer, probably knowing that he wasn't going to get one. “Sure, shit looks nice when it's been photoshopped to hell and back.”  
  
“Guess it makes sense for folks who wanna run shady businesses. Or thieves, coming in to steal and then make bank on the resell, talk about high risk, high reward. The other day, this group of punks came in here-” Iwai was so into his tangent, he hadn't heard the door open and a customer enter. Akira peered out from the back, startled to see Ryuji's mother standing in the doorway. “-and I threw their asses out. I better not see them here again.”   
  
“Still as charming as ever.” Mrs. Sakamoto laughed, approaching the counter. Iwai caught sight of her and nearly flipped backward in his chair. He shot his hand out to grab hold of the glass display and righted himself. “It's been a while since I've been in here.”   
  
“Kotoko!” Iwai exclaimed standing up from his chair. He grinned and reached out to hug her over the counter. Akira had never seen him smile so openly before and was taken by how it changed his whole face, making him seem like a completely different man. He was also surprised by Iwai's use of Mrs. Sakamoto's first name, he had never heard anyone call her by it before. “Damn, what are you doing here?”  
  
“I was shopping nearby and thought I would stop in. I haven't worn out my welcome, have I?”  
  
“You're always welcome to come in here. You know that.” 

Akira watched from behind a shelf full of merchandise, unable to control his curiosity. He felt like he was witnessing something he wasn't supposed to see, the feeling amplified when Mrs. Sakamoto hopped up onto the glass display case, swiveling herself around so that she was facing toward Iwai. She leaned in close to him and spoke softly into the older man's ear. Had Akira not been close by he probably wouldn't have heard her.   
  
“So... Is everything in here really 'untouchable'?” She asked, her voice low and sensual.   
  
“Just one thing.” Iwai returned Mrs. Sakamoto's suggestion, sliding one of his hands up her arm, running his fingers up the entire length of it. He continued until his hand had come to rest on the side of her face. He was smirking devilishly, and it was a look Akira shamefully knew too well.   
  
Towards the end of Akira's last year of high school, he and Iwai had started casually fooling around. As far as coping methods went, it wasn't the healthiest way of dealing with his feelings, but it had been a good time. The night things had gotten especially kinky in the back room of the gun shop was something he would take to his grave.   
  
It had ended much the way it had begun, without either one of them really acknowledging anything was there at all. Seeing Iwai flirting with Ryuji's mother added a whole new layer of scandal. He didn't want to think of the possibility that he might have been sleeping with Mrs. Sakamoto's boyfriend, it was just too weird.   
  
“Better not go any further than this. We're scaring my poor part-timer.” Iwai cast a knowing look over his shoulder towards the back. “Hey, Kid, get out here.”   
  
Akira hesitated in a vain attempt to appear like he had been working, instead of eavesdropping. He grabbed hold of a feather duster and walked from the back to the area behind the counter. Amusement lit up Mrs. Sakamoto's face the moment she saw and recognized him.   
  
“Innit he friends with your kid, Ryuji?”   
  
“He is.” Mrs. Sakamoto slid down off of the counter and came to stand in front of him, leaning close to get a better look at his face. Her expression softened when she saw how flustered he was. “Sorry about that, Akira. Munehisa and I were just joking around. We're old friends. We like to joke about things like that, but I'd never get mixed up with someone like him.”  
  
Iwai snorted indignantly and Akira tried to keep the relief from showing on his face.   
  
“You're freaking him out. Now he's really not gonna wanna talk.” Iwai shook his head, sliding his cap off his head to run his hand back through his hair.   
  
“Huh? What do you mean he's not going to want to talk?”   
  
“Well, he's real shy. At least around me. I've never heard him say anything.”   
  
“That's probably because he can't speak.” Mrs. Sakamoto turned towards Iwai, placing her hands on her hips. It was a stance Akira recognized as the one she used when she was chiding Ryuji. It was usually when he said something vulgar, or more often when he said something stupid. “You didn't know? Munehisa, honestly...”  
  
“Ah... That's it then.” Iwai's eyes were wide with surprise, his body perched at the edge of his seat. He folded his hands together, looking at Akira with an awed expression. His eyes narrowed and Akira wondered if he too was thinking about their past history. Iwai always seemed amused, or at least intrigued, by how quiet Akira had been back when they would fool around. It was clear that he was finally beginning to understand why. “Shit. I'm sorry. I had no idea about that.”   
  
Akira waved a hand in front of himself and shook his head, hoping to get across the point that it hadn't bothered him. He was only slightly disappointed that Mrs. Sakamoto had outed him. It had been fun while it lasted.   
  
“Gonna have to get you one of them speak and spells.”  
  
“Munehisa... He's probably too young to even know what that is!” Mrs. Sakamoto hissed, looking exasperated. “You've known him for years now and you really had no idea? I must have mentioned it a dozen times.”   
  
“I don't make it my point to know everything about everyone.” The older man shrugged and tilted his chair back again, close to tipping it. He caught Akira's eyes and smirked. “Akira and I don't really need words. We understand each other. Right, Kid?”   
  
That time Akira knew for sure he was referring to their fling. Ignoring Mrs. Sakamoto's mystified expression, he held his hand up in a thumbs up, grinning back at the man. Somehow he felt like they had come to some kind of silent agreement, the past was the past.   
  
“You give your boy his shoes yet?” Iwai asked, changing the subject. Akira couldn't have been more grateful to have the attention drawn away from him.   
  
“No...” Mrs. Sakamoto began, her voice nonchalant. She gave a vague gesture in Akira's direction as she continued. “I'm going to give them to him when he moves into his new place with this guy.”   
  
“Wait. That guy?” Iwai's voice had taken on a suspicious sounding edge to it. He put his cap back on and rocked his chair, looking thoughtful. “So he's  _that_ guy.”  
  
“Yes.”   
  
“Okay, Kid.” Iwai stood up suddenly, popping the drawer of the register open. He began to count out Akira's pay, offering it to him. Akira looked at the time on the clock, he still had a half hour left. Gesturing to his arm, as if he was wearing a watch, he looked at Iwai questioningly. “It's fine. You can cut out early.”   
  
“Here.” Mrs. Sakamoto took the money and pushed it into his hands, smiling at him gently. “You look exhausted. Are you working at the coffee shop tonight?”   
  
“ _Yes. Later.”_ Akira signed around slipping the money into his wallet.   
  
“Well try to get some rest before then. Ryuji said you were working more than usual and he seems worried about it. So be sure you're taking care of yourself.”   
  
“ _I will. Thank you.”  
  
_ “See you later.” Iwai made a shooing motion towards the door. He didn't have to ask twice, Akira gathered his bag from the back and let himself out. It was snowing lightly, the sun just beginning to set into the late afternoon. He pulled out his phone, noticing a message from Ryuji.   
  
☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: when u aren't busy, lets hang out. ;)  
  
** He felt a warm feeling inside his chest seeing the message. Ryuji could likely meet up with him after he was done helping Sojiro at the coffee shop. Earlier if he was willing to come to sit in a booth while Akira worked, which was usually their typical modus operandi. He opened the chat client to reply, stopping when he heard a familiar voice calling his name.   
  
“Kurusu, fancy meeting you here.” The man approached him, smiling warmly as he got closer. “Do you have some time today?”   
  
* * *   
  
“Have a good evening.” Yusuke was standing in the doorway of his apartment, watching Ryuji and the girls bundle themselves up. He had carefully covered their paintings with brown paper and plastic wrap to keep out the snow and moisture. Ann and Makoto gathered their paintings and went to stand outside the door, while Ryuji fussed with his shoes, giving him an excuse to hang back and talk to Yusuke.   
  
“Hey man, uh... Today was actually a lot of fun.” Ryuji stood up and turned to address the artist, smiling unabashedly at him and earning a small smile in return. “I seriously had no idea art could be fun like that.”   
  
“I am pleased that you enjoyed it.”  
  
“I'm gonna go see Akira before I head home, so I'll tell him about the apartment thing.”   
  
“There is no rush to decide and no pressure to agree. I merely had space and thought I would offer.”   
  
“No, I appreciate it. Really.” Ryuji grabbed his painting and stepped out into the hallway where Ann and Makoto waited. “See ya~”   
  
“Goodnight.”   
  
The three of them turned to go down the hallway to the elevator, waiting patiently while it made the long ascent up to them. Ryuji looked around, wondering if he could really live in such a grand and modern apartment building. More than that, he wondered if he could live there and share a room with Akira.   
  
They had, of course, looked into some studio and one-bedroom apartments, cohabiting hadn't really been an issue, but that was before. When they were simply friends, it made sense to look for a smaller space to share to save on money, now with things so up in the air, Ryuji worried that Akira might not be so willing.   
  
On the other hand, if things went well the thought of living so closely with the person he liked was beyond appealing. He didn't even mind that he would have to hang around Yusuke and his pet turtle all the time. Ryuji pictured the bed in the apartment's master bedroom, it was definitely big enough for two people, big enough to share-...  
  
“Ryuji, are you alright?” Makoto had reached out a hand to wave in front of his face, her expression concerned, eyebrows drawn together.   
  
“Oh, uh, yeah! Yeah, I'm fine.” Ryuji took a step back away from her, feeling warmth forming on the backs of his ears. “I'm real good.”   
  
“Are you sure? You seem to be distracted.”   
  
“Nah, it's nothin'.”   
  
“Well, okay.” Makoto didn't look convinced and she spent the entire ride down to the first floor staring at him. He tried desperately to ignore her, mindlessly opening and closing various apps on his phone to keep busy.   
  
“Might take the stairs if I start living there,” Ryuji complained when at last the doors opened up to let them out. They all filed into the lobby and towards the exit. “That took too damn long.”   
  
“Really? I didn't think it was that bad.” Ann had a knowing smile on her face and her eyes caught Ryuji's as she said this. She had obviously noticed that he had been avoiding Makoto's staring. He glared back at her and that only seemed to make her smile grow all the more. “Anyway, Ryuji and I should get going. The train for Yongen arrives soon.”   
  
“Oh? Are you going to see Akira?” Makoto asked, buttoning the front of her coat. Ryuji balked at this, turning to look at Ann. He certainly hadn't invited her along and wondered if she had overheard him telling Yusuke about going to visit Akira.   
  
“Yeah. He's been so busy recently, we're kind of worried.”   
  
“I agree, he has seemed a bit withdrawn the past week or so.” Makoto raised her hand in farewell. “I should get going. We'll get together again soon, okay?”   
  
“Sure! See you!” Ann returned the wave as she zipped the front of her jacket and pulled on a pair of gloves. All bundled up, she started in the direction of the station, glancing over her shoulder at Ryuji, her eyes expectant. “Are you coming or not?”  
  
“I didn't invite you,” Ryuji grumbled, falling into step next to her. He knew it was pointless to argue and he didn't see any way he could keep her off of public transportation. “Why do you gotta come along all the sudden?”  
  
“Oh come on, Ryuji. You're nervous, I can tell.”   
  
“So what if I am?”   
  
“So let me come with you. I can act as a mediator.”   
  
“A what?”   
  
“Oh jeeze, Ryuji.” Ann shook her head in disbelief, hurrying him towards the ticket stand. “You know, like a conversational referee. I'll be there to make sure you don't say anything stupid.”   
  
“I really don't think I need you there.” Ryuji insisted as he pulled out the money for his fair, aggressively pushing it into the machine. He felt both comforted and annoyed at Ann's presence, knowing that it would drastically change what sorts of topics he could broach with Akira. On the other hand, it kept him from having to talk about anything serious right off the bat.   
  
“Too late~ Already bought my ticket.” Ann hooked her arm through his and pulled him over to the turnstiles. The two of them made their way to the loading area. Ryuji nervously checked his phone, frustrated that Akira still hadn't replied. “Maybe he's just going through something right now.”   
  
“I'm sure he is,” Ryuji replied tersely, shoving his phone into the pocket of his sweatshirt. “Ain't like him to just ignore me like this though. Usually, he at least replies.”  
  
“Yeah, he's been ignoring me too.”   
  
“He has?”   
  
“I'm not sure why,” Ann spoke softly, coming to stand next to Ryuji. Like in the apartment, he leaned against her, soothed by her touch and warmth. Outside of Akira, she was easily his closest friend and definitely the person he went to with most of his problems. Akira was a good listener, and often had wise advice to give him, but Ann was infinitely more worldly. It seemed to Ryuji that she knew everything about everything. “I'm worried too, you know?"  
  
“I know.” Ryuji sighed, his breath visible in the air. “Normally we talk all the time, so days of silence from him is kinda weird.”  
  
“I think everyone else kind of notices it too. Makoto asked me about it when we were at Yusuke's place.”   
  
“Man, I just don't get what he's thinkin' sometimes.”   
  
“Well, whatever it is, I'm sure you can fix it.” Ann lifted her head up to smile at Ryuji and her positivity made him feel hopeful. She was right, whatever Akira was going through, he would fix it.   
  
* * * **  
  
** It was past dinnertime when Ann and Ryuji climbed off the train in Yongen. The two of them laughed and joked on the way to LeBlanc, their voices carrying softly through the narrow streets. A light snow was falling, covering their hair and clothes in slowly melting flakes. Ryuji was glad for the plastic wrapping around their paintings.   
  
“Mannn, I'm huuuungry.” Ryuji drew the words out, kicking at a soft mound of snow, spraying ice crystals up into the air. “First thing we gotta do is eat some curry.”   
  
“I'm hungry too.” Ann agreed, wrapping an arm over her stomach. “I feel like it's been hours since we ate.”   
  
“It  _has_ been hours. It was lunchtime when we were at Yusuke's.”   
  
“Well, no wonder I'm so hungry.”   
  
Ryuji laughed, shaking his head at her. He no longer regretted the fact that she had come along with him, happy for her company. His heart was feeling lighter as they approached the cafe. They would all hang out for a while and when Ann left, he could finally have a long talk with Akira. Everything would be okay.   
  
“Don't forget to close up.” Boss's voice echoed down towards them. They turned the corner and met him halfway down the alley. The look on Sojiro's face was skeptical. “You two? Didn't know he was inviting a bunch of people over.”   
  
“Huh? What do you mean?” Ann asked, glancing at Ryuji, who shrugged. He had no idea what Boss was talking about either.   
  
“He's in there with that Akechi.”   
  
“What?” Ryuji felt his face start to burn, anger flickering to life inside of him. Why couldn't that creep just leave them alone? “Did he show up before closin' to bother him?” **  
  
** “Well,” Sojiro began, glancing over his shoulder. “Akira was gonna work with me for a while tonight and when he got back from his other job, that kid was with him. We weren't busy and he seemed tired so I sent them off to his room. They're up there playing chess, I think.”  **  
  
** “Wait. What?”   
  
“No 'what'. I already told you. I'm going home. It's damn cold out here.” Sojiro looked at Ryuji crossly and it only made the blond angrier.   
  
“The hell?! I asked a question-...” Ryuji stopped, feeling one of Ann's hands come to rest against his shoulder. He glanced at her, seeing a subtle shake of her head. “Shit... Sorry. Have a good night, Boss.”   
  
“Mmmhmm.”   
  
Sojiro excused himself, turning off down the street towards his house. Ryuji glanced at Ann, unsure of what to do or say next. They had already ridden the train there and were almost at the cafe. There was no reason he could think of not to go in, except for Akechi. That and his annoyance with Akira. He didn't have time to hang out with him, but he had time for Akechi? That was unacceptable.   
  
“Hold on,” Ryuji said, pulling out his phone. He shot Akira a message and waited for a reply.   
**  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man, what u up to?  
  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Nothing. How are you?  
  
****☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: thought i might stop by.  
  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm pretty tired, but I'm free tomorrow. How about then?  
  
****☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah? what are you doing tonight tho?  
  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Probably going to bed early.  
  
** “Well, he's not outright lying.” Ann murmured, looking over Ryuji's arm at his cellphone screen.   
  
“What do you mean?! He ain't said a word about Akechi!” Ryuji grit his teeth, eyes moving up to look at the light coming from Akira's bedroom window. The orange glow was irritatingly warm. “Leavin' details out IS lying.” **  
  
** “I guess so.” Ann seemed to be at a loss of what to say, and that suited Ryuji fine. He didn't want to turn his anger on her without meaning to. Taking a few deep breaths, he turned around and started for the train station. “Ryuji! Wait! Where are you going?”   
  
“Home!”   
  
“Just because Akechi is there doesn't mean we can't visit with Akira.”   
  
“Don't want to. Are you comin' or not?” Ryuji turned to look at her, frowning when he saw the distress on her face. She glanced between him and LeBlanc, biting her lip. Feeling guilty he walked back over to stand next to her. “C'mon. He said he's free tomorrow, I can see him then.”   
  
“You're just going to pick a fight if you wait that long.” Ann looked up at him, her expression serious. “And you know it, Ryuji.”   
  
“I'm not gonna pick a fight.”   
  
“Ryuji.”   
  
“Okay, fine, I'll  _try_  not to pick a fight.”   
  
“Go in there and talk to him.” Ann gave him a light shove towards the cafe. He knew she was right, but it was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. He didn't want to lose his cool in front of Akechi and he didn't want to start an argument with Akira. Worried he would do both, he took a few minutes to try and calm down. “I'll go with you. Okay?”   
  
“Fine.” Ryuji tightened his left hand into a fist, his right still holding onto the painting he had brought from Yusuke's apartment. The two of them walked the rest of the way to the cafe. When Ryuji made to go inside, the bell above it rang and the door swung open.   
  
“Oh, hello.” Akechi came out, pulling his coat on. “Cold night tonight.”   
  
“Yeah,” Ryuji replied, his eyes narrowing. Akechi was annoying for a lot of reasons and unlikable for a dozen more, but his false politeness bothered Ryuji the most. “What're you here for?”   
  
“I met up with Akira in Shibuya and he accepted my request to spend some time with me. I needed someone to talk to and he's an exceptional listener. Though he doesn't say much in reply.”   
  
“The hell?! Don't talk about him like that.”   
  
“I didn't mean anything impolite by it.” Akechi frowned, looking taken aback. “Maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions. Just some food for thought. I doubt very seriously he enjoys having you come to his aid all the time, especially when it's unwarranted.”   
  
“That was definitely warranted!” Ryuji growled back, feeling his body growing hot with anger. He dug his nails into his palm, trying to calm himself. If he lost his cool it wouldn't end well.  
  
“Most people with a disability are too kind to tell their friends when they're being suffocated. You seem to ignore his boundaries more often than not.”   
  
“W-What'd'ya mean?”   
  
“You speak for him. Make decisions for him. Physically move him about in whatever way you seem fit.”   
  
“I'm just helpin' him!”   
  
“No, you're controlling him because you can't accept the way things are.”   
  
“I am not!” Ryuji resisted the urge to deck Akechi in the mouth. Despite his anger, there was something uncomfortable about the other man's words. A weight had started to form inside Ryuji's chest.  
  
“Think of it this way: If he began to walk slowly around you, insist on holding the door for you, or carry things for you, wouldn't that become irritating?” When Ryuji didn't reply, Akechi continued unprompted. “Your leg injury, while annoying and inconvenient, isn't something that is going to drastically change your life. His inability to speak effects anything and everything he does on a daily basis. Can you imagine what that feels like? He'll never live a normal life.”  
  
“H-He's doin' just fine. I know he can't be like a normal person, but he does okay!”  
  
“That's your perception. It's likely you don't see him struggling with it, he hides his frustration well. If I were in that position, I would quickly tire of being treated like an invalid.” Akechi's voice was calm as he spoke, still carrying the cadence of false politeness. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes locked onto Ryuji's face, scrutinizing him. “Wouldn't you?”   
  
“Kinda. Yeah.” Ryuji could feel the fires inside him slowly dimming, as Akechi's words made more and more sense. He shifted nervously from side to side, feeling a small tinge of pain forming inside his knee.  
  
“You think you're being kind by doing everything for him, but you're only holding him back.”   
  
“Now hold on a minute!” Ann interjected, stepping in front of Ryuji, making him feel even lower. “Akira doesn't feel that way at all!”   
  
“Ann, don't.” Ryuji murmured as he hooked his hand into the hood of her jacket, pulling her back to stand next to him. She turned to look at him but he found he couldn't meet her eyes.   
  
“It's not something he and I outright discuss, but I've seen it on his face.” Akechi frowned and leaned over against the side of LeBlanc, his arms crossed over his chest. “He's a good friend of mine and I hate to see him get taken advantage of. Especially by someone he cares about. It's hard, sometimes impossible, to tell the people you're closest to that they're hurting you.”   
  
“That's... True.” Ryuji winced at the words, trying to sort through all that Akechi had said. The more the thought about it, the more it seemed possible. He had always insisted on doing things for Akira and in the past, it had been the subject of a few arguments, none of which had ever truly been resolved. Ryuji had assumed that since it had never come up again, it wasn't an issue anymore.   
  
Clearly, he had been wrong.   
  
“Anyway, it's late. I should get going.” Akechi stood up, brushing a few stray snowflakes off the front of his coat. “He fell asleep before I left, but when he wakes up, you might think about talking to him about what I've said. Have a pleasant evening.”   
  
Turning away from them, Akechi started off towards the train station.  
  
Ryuji's shoulders sank, dragging him down into a crouch. Ann knelt beside him, rubbing her hand over his back, making him feel pathetic and childish. Akechi's words had shocked him, but the truth of them shocked him even more. His skin was crawling with shame, heart racing to get away from the feeling. He wanted to go home.   
  
“It's cold. Let's go.” Ryuji stood up, shivering against an unexpected burst of wind. He glanced up and saw that Akira's bedroom light had been turned off, probably by Akechi. The warm glow that had frustrated Ryuji before was now a sought-after comfort. Putting one foot in front of the other he started for the train station.   
  
This time, Ann didn't try to stop him. The two of them pressed together for warmth and began to walk, following the path Akechi had carved out in the snow.   
  
* * *   
  
“You didn't have to walk me all the way home, y'know.” Ann was in her kitchen, moving from counter to counter as she prepared two cups of tea. Ryuji was seated on her sofa, his back against one of the armrests, staring out the window at the falling snow. She brought their cups out and handed one to him.   
  
“I ain't gonna let you walk home in the dark,” Ryuji replied, curling his fingers tightly around his mug, sapping heat from it. He sat quietly for a while, sipping at the tea, allowing it to warm him from the inside. He felt Ann staring and turned to look at her, noticing her bright blue eyes were locked onto his. “What?”   
  
“Do you think what Akechi said is true?”  
  
“Yeah. I do.”   
  
“In that case, we're all guilty of it,” Ann continued, settling herself on the other side of the couch to face him. “He's a kind person and communication is definitely a challenge for him. More often than not it seems that he just sort of lets all of us make the decisions and then he goes along with them.”   
  
“Yeah, but there's a huge effin' difference when we decide things as a group. I think Akechi mostly meant that I'm the one who's the problem.”  
  
“But Ryuji-”   
  
“Nah, listen. It pisses me off to even say this, but he's right. I'm a problem.” Ryuji set his empty mug to the side and nestled himself deeper into the cushions of the couch. “He used to be able to talk, remember? Back before that shitty surgery he had.”   
  
“Of course I remember.”   
  
“After that surgery, he changed.”   
  
“I remember that too,” Ann said in a low voice. “He was sorta like Futaba. He wouldn't come out unless you made him do it.”   
  
“Exactly.” Ryuji sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. He turned to look out the window again and noticed that the snow had stopped. “I couldn't stand to see him like that. I had to push him cuz he wouldn't push himself.”   
  
“And Akira got better because of you.”   
  
“Yeah, maybe, but then he ran off with Takemi for the rest of the summer and didn't need me anymore.”   
  
“You felt like he had replaced you,” Ann's voice was tinged with surprise, though she spoke softly. She reached out a hand to place it over one of Ryuji's arms. “I had no idea you had felt that way.”   
  
“After Shiho woke up, didn't you feel like you wanted t'protect her?” Ryuji turned to look at Ann, his eyebrows drawing together, chest aching from his own words. “I was the one who helped him after his surgery, taught him sign language, got him to come out and hang with everyone. It felt like one of the few things in my life I did right.”   
  
“I don't care that he went off and dated someone, even if it was that evil witch doctor. I was pissed off because I felt like he tossed me aside. When he broke things off with her and started hangin' out with me again, guess I just went overboard. I thought maybe if I did a better job the second time around he might not end up leavin'.”   
  
“So what Akechi said, it's true. I am pushy with him, I speak for him, I fight his battles even when he doesn't want me to.” Ryuji set a hand over his face, sighing against his palm. “All this time I've been tryin' to keep him from leavin' me, but ain't this just gonna push him away more?”   
  
“I think you need to talk to him about it.” Ann gently took hold of both of his hands, pulling them over into her lap. “Tell him how you feel, that you're scared of losing him. He's not an unreasonable person.”   
  
“I know that... I just-...”   
  
“And Ryuji, when I say tell him how you feel, I mean how you  _really_  feel.”   
  
“He told me he likes me.” Ryuji curled his hands back around Ann's, able to feel how soft and small hers were compared to his. “That he liked me since third year.”   
  
“If he likes you back, then why are you hesitating?”   
  
“I've been chasin' him so long, guess I don't know when to stop. How do you find the finish line for somethin' like that? I just don't want to fuck it up.”   
  
“Ryuji,” Ann spoke firmly, giving his hands a squeeze. “You have to stop worrying about all the bad stuff that might happen. Even if it doesn't work out, I don't think he'd ever stop being your friend.”   
  
“Yeah, but I don't know if I could ever go back.” Ryuji murmured, feeling a wave of fear rise up at the thought. “I'm one'a them guys that gets a taste of somethin' good and then can't stop wantin' more. That's what got me in this mess in the first place, wantin' to be able to stay with him and take care of him.”   
  
“So change yourself. Become the person you think he deserves.”   
  
“Is that what you did? For Shiho, I mean.”   
  
“Yes, in a way.” Ann sighed, pausing to gather her thoughts. “I wanted to become stronger for myself too though. Personal change is always a good first step.”   
  
“I just don't know where to start.”   
  
“Start by talking to him tomorrow. Tell him how you feel and give him time to think things over. He'll come to you with the answers you need.” Ann stood up from the couch, pulling Ryuji with her. She walked him to the entryway and held his coat while he slipped his shoes on. “Hey, tomorrow Shiho and I are going to PT. You want to come with us?”   
  
“I'll go with you guys. I can probably just talk to Akira in the mornin' before school and clear things up.”   
  
“Things will be fine, okay?”  
  
“Yeah, okay.” Ryuji opened the front door and stepped out. “See you tomorrow.”   
  
On the way home, walking through the peaceful snow-covered streets, Ryuji found his resolve. He sent a message to Akira, asking to meet him before school. He wasn't sure what he was going to say, or what subjects he wanted to touch on, but he knew that he missed Akira and at the very least wanted to see him.   
  
He had to see him.   
  
* * *   
  
Akira woke with a start, flailing slightly as his body switched from sleeping to awake. He could vaguely remember dozing off during his chess game with Akechi, but everything after that was a blur or a gap. He wasn't sure how he had ended up in bed. He felt around in the sheets for his cellphone, he needed to check the time. How long had he been asleep?  
  
“You okay?” Sojiro was standing at the top of the stairs, Morgana circling his legs, begging for his breakfast. The older man set a small dish of cat food down on the floor and came over to stand by the bed, looking concerned. “You're gonna be late. I got worried when you didn't come down for breakfast.”   
  
_“_ _Sorry.”_ Akira apologized.   
  
“Maybe you should take a day off.”   
  
_“_ _I'm okay.”_  
  
He spotted his phone on the table that he and Akechi had set up for their game and seized it to check the time. He was definitely going to miss the train if he didn't hurry. He grabbed his clothes and toiletries and hurried down to the coffee shop's inefficient bathroom, rushing through his morning routine.   
  
The only time he paused was when his eyes fell on his prescription bottle. It was the medication Takemi had prescribed him, the one that was supposed to be his miracle drug. He was tempted to skip it since he wasn't getting any results anyways, but he couldn't bring himself to follow through. He tossed the pills back with some water from the sink and ran back upstairs to grab his bag.   
  
“If you leave now, you should be able to make it.” Sojiro was standing by the door, waiting to hand Akira his jacket and scarf. While the younger man bundled up, he went to retrieve a to-go cup of coffee from behind the bar. He pressed the warm cup into Akira's hands and shooed him towards the door. “Have a good day.”   
  
Akira slipped out of the cafe, adjusting his bag on his shoulder so that he could wrap both hands around his coffee. The warmth seeped into his fingers as he walked towards the station. He made it there with just enough time to catch his train, he even managed to score a seat by the window.   
  
Once he was settled in for the ride, he pulled out his phone and opened up his chat client. He could blearily remember texting Ryuji before falling asleep, so he opened up their chat to see what they had talked about. He stopped to read the newer message at the bottom. **  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wait for me outside of school in the am.   
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: we gotta talk  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: it's real important  
  
** Akira stared at the messages, curious about Ryuji needing to talk to him. The blond's definition of 'real important' could range anywhere from news about an upcoming video game release to his mom being sick and in the hospital or something in between. Figuring out the intended mood of a text was next to impossible, so Akira decided to believe in the old adage of no news is good news. If Ryuji didn't give extra details, it definitely couldn't be anything  _that_ serious.   
  
Even still, he was having a hard time pushing away the feeling of dread forming in the pit of his stomach. By the time he arrived at Shibuya Station he felt like his shoulders were weighed down by stress and exhaustion. He had gotten plenty of sleep the night before but it felt like it hadn't touched him at all. Skipping breakfast definitely hadn't helped things and coffee was no substitute.   
_  
_ He stopped briefly to rest and check the time on his phone. He was just about to start walking again when he heard his name being called. He swiveled his head back and forth, tracing the sound, until he finally spotted Makoto, waving at him from the rolled down the window of her sister's car.   
  
“You want a ride?” She asked when he had gotten close enough to hear. “My sister and I saw you walking and she offered. She's inside mailing some paperwork, but when she comes out, we'd be happy to take you. I'm going in for some classes today myself.”   
  
_“_ _Thank you!”_ Akira signed, feeling like his luck had improved. He slipped into the back of the car and settled into the leather seat, grateful that Makoto had spotted him.   
  
“Are you okay? You look a bit pale.” Makoto twisted around in her seat to look at him, her gaze intense with concern.   
  
_“_ _I am fine. Thank you. Tired.”_ _  
  
_ “Did Ann and Ryuji keep you up late? They said they were going to go by your place after we all left Yusuke's apartment yesterday.”   
_  
__“I never saw them._ _”_ Akira signed, his lips turning down into a scowl. If Ann and Ryuji had stopped by while he was asleep, there was a high chance that they had run into Akechi. The aspiring detective had an annoying fondness for getting Ryuji riled up, either angry or flustered, depending on his mood. Akira normally played referee during their interactions. Without him there the two of them might have had gotten into an ugly argument, or worse, an actual physical fight.   
  
Was this what Ryuji wanted to discuss?  
  
Akira could feel himself switching from worried to irritated. He didn't have time, or currently the patience, to deal with a petty Ryuji. Makoto's sister had returned to drive them and the closer they got to the school, the more on guard he could feel himself becoming. He even considered going straight to class, pretending he hadn't seen the messages, but it would be hard to avoid Ryuji if he was standing at the entrance. Both of them had classes in the main building.   
  
By the time he arrived at school, he had decided he would try to give Ryuji a chance. Akira hadn't made much of an effort to spend time with him, too focused on other things, namely the surgery he still hadn't told Ryuji about. He still wasn't sure how to broach the subject, so it had been sitting firmly on the back-burner.   
  
He was reminded again of how tired he was beginning to feel.   
  
All of his time and energy had been spent on researching the surgery with Takemi, or splitting himself between three part-time jobs. He was still desperately trying to save up money for the deposit and rent that would need to be paid while he was away for the surgery. He couldn't get an apartment with Ryuji and expect the blond to foot all the bills, nor could he expect Ryuji to sit around and wait for him to come back before they found a place.   
  
Everything was beginning to feel overwhelming. Akira only had until the end of the month and that time seemed to be creeping closer and closer at an alarming rate. As he approached the front of the school, he had to pause for a moment, to breathe deeply and slow the rapid heartbeat inside his chest.   
  
He could see Ryuji waiting for him, but the blond hadn't noticed him yet, busy looking at his phone. Akira didn't have time to listen to another Akechi rant, or whatever else Ryuji was planning on complaining to him about. Checking his phone, he realized that he could make it to the other entrance without being late for class if he left right away. He shot another nervous glance in Ryuji's direction, he still hadn't been spotted.   
  
Akira turned around and made the decision to avoid Ryuji, he would deal with the fallout later. It something he hadn't done since high school, third year when they had had the fight all their friends had labeled 'the big one'. The one they didn't talk about, because it had ended in black eyes and bloody noses and three weeks of trying to stay away from each other.   
  
Akira dipped around the corner of the building, hand over his chest, his heartbeat still frantic. He took as many back hallways as he could, ensuring the two of them wouldn't cross paths. It wasn't until he was seated in his classroom that he found a chance to relax. He expected to feel guilty about it, but all he could feel was relieved. He pulled out his phone and sent off a message.   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sorry. I was running late this morning and didn't see your texts until just now. If it's not an emergency, can we talk later?**  
  
* * * 

Ryuji had been up all night, tossing and turning, getting up out of bed, getting back into bed, getting out of bed to stress eat, back in bed when his stomach started hurting. Close to three in the morning he had given up entirely, accepting that sleep wasn't going to happen. He forced himself out of bed to go out for an early morning jog, despite the stiffness that had formed inside his leg from all the walking around he had done the day before.   
  
The entire trek he argued with himself about what he was going to say to Akira. If he was going to confess the way Ann had suggested, or if he was going to leave things open-ended. By the time he had gotten back to his apartment, he still hadn't come to a decision.   
  
“Were you out all night?” Ryuji's mom was standing in the doorway, watching him as he slipped off his sneakers and out of his sweatshirt. She was dressed for work, a plate of breakfast in her hands, due to leave soon to catch her train.   
  
“Nah, I just went for a jog. I couldn't sleep.” Ryuji explained, brushing past her so he could head to his bedroom. He stopped short, a thought occurring to him. If he confessed to Akira and everything went well, wouldn't he eventually have to tell his mother about them? A chill of horror ran up his spine, trying to imagine how he would even bring it up with her, never mind the actual telling part.   
  
“Well, it ain't like we're getting married.” He mused aloud, unaware that his mother had crept up behind him. Her hands slipped under his arms,thumbs jabbing sharply into his ribs, causing him to leap away in shock and fright.   
  
“Marry who?” She demanded, looking at him with a smug smile on her face.   
  
“No one! Shouldn't you be at work?!”   
  
“Shouldn't you be getting ready for school?”   
  
“Class isn't for another three hours. I got time!” Ryuji shimmied past her, making a break for his bedroom, but she was hot on his heels.   
  
“This doesn't have anything to do with what you and Akira were up to the other night, does it?” She asked, and her words caused him to halt and for her to walk into his back. The two of them caught themselves against the walls in the hallway and Ryuji turned around to face her, completely flabbergasted. “Well?”   
  
“Wh-What d'you mean?”   
  
“Ryuji, the walls in this apartment are thin. I wasn't exactly trying to listen in, but... You aren't exactly quiet. Not even when you're holed up in there alone-...”   
  
“I have to get ready for school!” Ryuji ducked into his bedroom and shut the door behind himself, locking it for good measure. He could hear his mother cackling out in the hallway, her voice gradually fading as she moved back towards the front of the house.  
  
“We'll talk later!” She called over her shoulder. As soon as he heard the front door shut behind her, he slid down the door, melting into a heap.  
  
“Oh mannnn...”   
  
* * *   
  
Showered and changed into fresh clothes, Ryuji struck out for school. He had enough time to stop at a nearby convenience store before he caught an early train to school. He didn't want to risk missing his chance to talk to Akira before they both went off to their classes. He greeted the shopkeeper on his way inside and began walking up and down the aisles, waiting for something to catch his eye. His stomach felt uneasy and he pondered whether or not eating would make it better or worse.   
  
He decided to skip the food and just get a bottle of water instead. As he waited in line, his eyes caught sight of a keychain display next to the counter. There were dozens of different brightly colored characters from various cartoons and video games. He only recognized a few of them before his eyes caught sight of one in particular, one he recognized. With no hesitation, he snatched it off the display and placed it on the counter.   
  
“That's one of our rare ones.” The shopkeeper commented, giving Ryuji an amused smile. “Phantom Thieves, right? My daughter used to be a big fan of that show.”   
  
“Y-Yeah. It was my favorite when I was a kid.” Ryuji returned the smile, but his eagerness over buying the keychain had nothing to do with nostalgia. He paid and left the store, pulling the keychain out of his pocket so that he could look at it. It wasn't Captain Kidd this time, but Arsene, the leader that Ryuji had told Akira about.   
  
Ryuji had a Captain Kidd he had bought months earlier from the same shop, planning to use it for the key to he and Akira's future apartment. It was hokey and definitely lame, but Ryuji had purchased the Arsene one to give to Akira for the same purpose, enjoying the thought of having matching themed key chains. At the very least he thought it might make a good peace offering, if he ended up saying the wrong thing.   
  
Maybe it was his lack of sleep, or maybe he was feeling unusually lucky, but he was eager to get to school, eager to see Akira. He took the train to Shibuya and walked to school with a spring in his step, as much as his bad leg would allow anyway. Even when he arrived at the school he was feeling optimistic. He posted himself at the front entrance, sure that Akira wouldn't be able to miss him there, and then he waited.   
  
Half an hour passed, then another, putting a damper on the blond's good mood. He was finally beginning to feel nervous, worried that he wouldn't have enough time to talk to Akira. He pulled out his phone to text Ann, hoping she could ease some of his worries.  
  
☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: Ann, help. i'm nervous af.  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: What do you mean???  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i'm waiting outside school to talk to Akira.  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Don't overthink it Ryuji. You'll be fine. :)  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i'm gonna fuk it up  
  
*****•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: No you won't. I promise.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: okay. i'll c u l8r. at pt. tell you what happens then.**  
  
Ryuji checked his phone again, Akira hadn't texted back. There was still time though, so Ryuji decided to keep trying to be patient. He started up a game app to help him pass time but it was hard to concentrate. His character died over and over again until, out of frustration, he angrily closed out of the app.   
  
He glanced at the clock again, biting his lip, wondering if maybe Akira had caught a late train, or worse, missed it altogether. They wouldn't have a lot of time to talk, but Ryuji had given up on that idea already, hoping he could at least see him for a few minutes. He could find time for them to meet up later. Glancing up over the expanse of the campus, he tried to see if he could spot Akira walking up towards the school.   
  
His phone buzzed and he nearly dropped it. Unlocking the screen, he opened up the message Akira had sent him, his heart sinking.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sorry. I was running late this morning and didn't see your texts until just now. If it's not an emergency, can we talk later?**  
  
Ryuji tried his best not to be bitterly disappointed, but he was. He pulled the keychain out of his pocket, running his thumb over the metal ring, round and round in small circles.   
  
☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: course man. When?**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Kinda busy today. I'll let you know. Maybe tomorrow if I can find some time.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: oh. I thought you were free today?  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yeah, something came up.  
  
** ☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: cool. no problem.  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Could be a while. I don't want you to get your hopes up for nothing.**  
  
_Too late._ Ryuji thought, sighing sadly as he tucked the tiny Arsene back into his pocket. He just needed to be patient, he reminded himself, but the words didn't do anything to ease the aching inside his chest.   
  
☣ **ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i miss u, man.  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Okay, thanks.   
  
** Oh.   
  
_That's it?_ Ryuji thought in frustration. He couldn't wrap his head around such a cold reply. His concerns about being avoided seemed to be becoming more and more likely. Having to work a lot was something Ryuji could understand, running into Akechi might have been coincidence, but Akira's sudden attitude was deliberate.   
  
Ryuji began to run through every possibility he could think of. Had he done something to piss Akira off? They hadn't really been talking so he was certain that he hadn't said anything offensive. Was it the night Akira had stayed over? It had seemed like everything had been resolved over the handjob incident. Had Ryuji done something that night that Akira was angry at him for? Something he hadn't mentioned?  
  
The blond's head was spinning with questions and the only person who could answer them didn't have time to talk, or didn't want to, Ryuji couldn't really decide which. There was a small part of him that dared to hope, believing that Akira was sincerely just busy, but the other, bigger part of him was convinced otherwise.  
  
Something between them had shifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark times lay ahead for these dumb boys.


	6. The Confession Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was meant to be one chapter, but it got out of hand and got long, so I'm posting it in two parts. 
> 
> Part 1 alone is almost 10K words. That's almost 1/3rd of the whole fic. Part 2 brings that number up to over 14k! Holy smokes! This fic was supposed to be a couple chapters leading up to smut when I started it. What happened? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who's commented, kudo-ed, or just poked your head in the door. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic! It's the first major thing I've written in a long long time. So I'm happy that people are enjoying it!

"Akira, are you listening?" Takemi was seated at her desk with Akira beside her. The two of them had been going over the final details of the surgery, but he was having a hard time focusing on any of it.  
  
After school, he had gone out apartment hunting but didn't have any luck. Most of the apartments he found were out of his budget. The ones he could afford were not going to be move-in ready until after he had already left for his surgery. Time and luck were not on his side and he was tired of it.  
  
"Akira." Takemi tried again.  
  
_"I'm listening."_ He signed, turning to look at the doctor. She was staring at him with narrowed eyes.  
  
"You're unusually quiet."  
  
_"I don't talk."_   
  
"You might not be aware of this, but your body speaks for you." Takemi swiveled her chair around to face him. She reached out to brush a thumb over the dark circles that had formed under his eyes. "They're not going to let you into this surgery trial unless you're healthy."  
  
_"I know."_   
  
"You're being pretty bratty today." She scolded, sliding her hand up to brush his bangs back and away from his face. Akira scowled at her and shook his head, sending the curls back down over his eyes. "I might have found you an apartment, but since you're being so pouty, I guess that means you're not interested..."  
  
Akira's mouth dropped open, eyebrows rising in surprise. He adjusted his glasses and leaned forward, trying to appear imploring, definitely interested and longing for more details. For good measure, he blinked his eyes rapidly at her, trying to put his long eyelashes to use. Takemi moved her palm up over his face to block his attempts, clearing her throat to keep from laughing.  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you about it. A patient of mine is a landlady at a small complex. She's getting married and she's looking to rent out the unit she was living in." She paused, giving him a chance to absorb her words. He slipped his phone from his pocket and began to type over the screen, fingers moving with rapid excitement while Takemi continued, "I pulled some strings and she's willing to rent it to you below market value. She just wants someone who will take care of the place."  
  
_I should have enough for the deposit and first month's rent, but I need more time to get together the rent for the months after that. How soon does she need_   
  
"Slow down, little guinea pig," Takemi set her hands over his, stopping them in their tracks. "Hypothetical question. If you didn't have to pay a deposit, would you have enough to pay two or three months worth of rent?"  
  
Akira nodded, his eyes flickering from her hands to her eyes and back again.  
  
"Then I'll handle the deposit." Takemi closed her hands tighter around his to keep him from using his phone to argue with her. "Don't argue with me about it, okay? As your doctor, I can't stand by and watch your health deteriorate."  
  
Takemi's face became serious and then slid into a melancholy smile. One of her hands came up to slide up through the hair at the back of his neck, sending flashes of memories through his head, leaving him feeling dazed. She leaned forward to place a gentle kiss next to the side of his mouth before moving her lips up next to his ear to whisper, "As a friend I want to see you find happiness."  
  
She pulled away and moved back so that she could stand up, motioning for him to follow. He rose and the two of them faced one another, eyes meeting somewhere in the middle. Akira reached his hands out, grasping hold of her small shoulders to draw her into a hug. There would always be something between them, a little spark waiting to be ignited, a relationship that would never come to be. As if Takemi was thinking this herself, she let out a soft snort of laughter and drew away.  
  
"You've gotten taller. It's sort of irritating." She shrugged out of her lab coat and made a motion toward the door. "She lent me a key so we can go together to see the apartment."  
  
* * *  
  
Takemi took Akira to a small two-story brick apartment building just outside of Shibuya. The building was modest, with only six units total, three downstairs and three on the upper floor. Despite this, the building was well kept and the landscaping outside made the small complex look more upscale than it actually was. Small garden beds and large trees dotted the pathway leading up to the main entry.  
  
Akira paused to examine the flower beds. They were currently covered in snow, but he could easily imagine them in the spring when all the plants would be blooming again. Something about that reminded him, for the first time in two weeks, how long he was actually going to be gone for the surgery trial.  
  
If things went really well, at the minimum it would be two months. If things went bad? He wasn't sure how long he would be gone, but he knew it would be longer than he wanted it to be. There was no way to avoid the fact that he was going to miss Christmas with his friends, as well as New Years. This was all to say nothing about the situation with Ryuji. Akira was finally beginning to feel guilty for avoiding him, knowing how important it was that they find time to talk.  
  
"Ryuji stopped by a couple days ago to get his stitches checked." Takemi came to stand next to Akira, and as always, she knew just what was on his mind. "I know you're worried about how to tell him, how he'll react, how he'll cope when you're gone, things like that. I wish I had some wise advice for you, but I don't, not really anyways."  
  
"I've met my share of idiots and he's definitely near the top of that list. Still, that being said, even idiots can make the best out of a bad situation. He's stubborn and sometimes that isn't just a personality flaw, he'll be just fine while you're away, and when you come back you'll pick up where you left off."  
  
Akira turned to look at her, but she had already started walking towards the apartment building again. For the second time in one day, he was reminded of how important she was to him. His fears and worries were nowhere near a resolution, but for the time being, he could put them on the back burner.  
  
Inside, the entryway of the building was simple, a small space that split off into two hallways. To the left were two studio apartments and to the right was a single one-bedroom, the place that Akira and Ryuji would share. The doctor opened the door and stepped back to let him in.  
  
Akira slipped out of his shoes and entered, turning his head back and forth to get a good look at everything. The living room was a few feet larger than his attic room above LeBlanc, plenty of space to set up a couch and TV. Beyond that, at the back of the apartment was the dining area, sizable enough to fit his table and some chairs. The kitchen had room enough for two people to move through without colliding.  
  
"What's with that face?" Takemi was leaning over, craning her neck to see under the dark curls of hair obscuring his face. "You've got this weird smile..."  
  
_"Nothing."_ Akira signed, moving into the kitchen to avoid her sharp-eyed looks. He spent a few minutes in there, checking everything out. The appliances, while not completely new, looked to be modern and well taken care of. Cabinet space was lacking, but Akira couldn't imagine he and Ryuji would need a lot of dishes.  
  
He already had embarrassing visions inside his head of him and Ryuji in front of the sink, knocking elbows as one washed and the other dried.  
  
"You've got that look again." Takemi was smirking at him and he was doing his best to ignore her.  
  
The two of them ventured into the bedroom, it was simple like the rest of the apartment, with enough space for a double bed and maybe a desk and bookshelf. On the opposite side of the room was a large sliding glass door, leading out onto a patio. It was shaded by a large tree, the long branches keeping most of the snow out. Once the weather heated up in the summer, it's shade would likely be even more appreciated.  
  
Beside the patio was the bathroom and Akira peered inside, excited by the prospect of having a fully functional bathroom instead of the coffee house's public one. The sink was seated in the middle of a long countertop, with ample storage in the cabinets underneath. On the far side of the room was a closet, that also housed a small washer and dryer. Akira's eyes, however, were drawn to the large bathtub taking up the left half of the room.  
  
"Ohhh, I'm kind of jealous. The tub's got room for two." Takemi tucked herself in the doorway beside him and smiled wickedly as Akira's face became exasperated. He moved past her to see the tub for himself, sure enough, two people could probably fit, but he couldn't imagine him and Ryuji having an easy time of it. "I never said it would be comfortable."  
  
The two of them spent a bit more time exploring, looking at the finer details that had been missed during the first half of the walkthrough. They checked out the washer and dryer, stepped out onto the patio, admired the big window in the living room. The place seemed like everything that he and Ryuji had been looking for.  
  
"I think you'll both be happy here." Takemi sounded sure, and Akira could admit, he was starting to see it more himself. The dread and worry, he had felt in the morning were beginning to melt away.  
  
"Here." Takemi bumped her arm against his shoulder and when he turned, she was holding a pair of keys in front of his face. "There's a key for both of you on there. Don't lose them."  
  
Stunned, Akira took the keys and held them gingerly in his hand, tilting his head in a question.  
  
"This isn't my first time here. She offered to show me the apartment a few days ago. I knew that once you saw the place you'd want it. The deposit is paid, just be sure to pay her rent at the end of the month before you leave."  
  
Akira longed to be able to thank her, to verbally express how much her help meant to him, although even if he had been able to speak he wasn't sure he would have found the right words. He set a hand on Takemi's face, smiling in amusement when her cheeks colored under his palm.  
  
"Don't get all emotional. It's just an apartment." If the warm look in her eyes was anything to go off of, she understood that it more than that, it was a home, a new beginning, and a step toward the future. The only thing left to do was tell Ryuji.  
  
* * *  
  
"How's it feeling?" Ann was sitting next to Ryuji as he stretched his legs out, warming the muscles up for his physical therapy session with Shiho. "You seem kind of stiff."  
  
"S'okay." He replied dryly, trying to avoid her eyes, which had locked onto him like a tracking device. "The weather bothers me sometimes, but I'm used to it."  
  
"You sure it's okay to push yourself?"  
  
"I'm sure. I was a lot more active when I used to run track, so I've just got to build my stamina back up. No big deal."  
  
"Well, okay." Ann didn't sound like she believed him, but to his relief she let the subject drop. Shiho stepped out of the women's locker room and walked towards them.  
  
"Sorry it took so long." She apologized, kneeling down next to Ann. "The Realtor called and said that he's found us a place to rent."  
  
"What?! Really?!" Ann's face broke out into a huge smile and Ryuji couldn't help the stab of jealousy he felt. He and Akira hadn't talked about apartment hunting since the day they had gone together to the viewings. With everything that had been going on, he had forgotten once again to tell Akira about Yusuke's offer. He wasn't even sure that Akira wanted to move in with him anymore. "Ryuji, are you listening?"  
  
"Huh? Yeah. Sorry, I've just got a lot of stuff goin' on right now."  
  
"Obviously."  
  
"Ann was just talking about our apartment in Paris. We can all chat about it later." Shiho must have noticed Ryuji's discomfort, so she quickly changed the subject for him. "Why don't we get started?"  
  
The three of them moved into the pool, and under Shiho's guiding, began the session. Early on, Ryuji was finding it hard to concentrate, his mind still running itself in circles over Akira. As they continued to try various exercises, the exertion took hold of him and he found himself concentrating less and less on everything else and more on trying to keep pace with Shiho and Ann.  
  
"You should seriously consider making a career out of this." Ryuji was walking in a deeper lane behind Shiho, pushing through the water, trying to keep his back straight. He wasn't a big fan of water walking, but Shiho had insisted on using it as a cool down activity. She glanced over her shoulder at him, her cheeks flushing.  
  
"I wouldn't be any good at it." She protested, but he held up his hand to stop her.  
  
"You are good at it. Takemi tried to get me to go to tons of professional physical therapists and trainers and sports doctors. None of them made any sense the way you do."  
  
"I'm just glad I could be of help to you. You've got a lot of stamina and strength in that leg, you just need to learn how to properly build on it."  
  
"It's gonna suck when you guys go off to Paris." Ryuji sighed, glancing across the pool at Ann, who had broken away to do laps in another part of the pool. "Can I uh, ask you somethin'?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"Are you and Ann-..." Ryuji trailed off, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. He could see Shiho looking at him from the corner of his eye, but he couldn't determine her expression.  
  
"Dating?" Shiho's voice softened and she too turned her head to glance at Ann. "I'm surprised you didn't know already."  
  
"I-I kinda did! I jus' didn't wanna assume or nothing'."  
  
"It's kind of weird, I guess. She and I had been friends for so long before all this. It just kind of transitioned somewhere along the way and neither one of us questioned it."  
  
"Really?" This answer surprised Ryuji and he found it hard to imagine that working for him and Akira. There were too many things that he was still unsure of to just allow his friendship to morph into something new and unpredictable. "You didn't have doubts or fears?"  
  
"Maybe at first, but they didn't hold me back." Shiho shrugged her shoulders and turned to face him. "Ann and I have always loved each other. It was just a different kind of love in the beginning. Even if things hadn't of worked out, we wouldn't have stopped caring about each other. I know Ann better than anyone and I trust her with my heart."  
  
"What about now? Now that you've been datin' her? What if she didn't want to go out anymore?"  
  
"Obviously it would be very painful, but pain is a natural part of healing. You and I know that firsthand. It's just like a physical injury in some ways."  
  
"I get it." Ryuji spoke slowly, "You give it time to heal, work on getting the strength back, and then adapt."  
  
"Exactly. It's hard to move on from something that you felt so deeply, but it's not impossible." Shiho paused for a moment, her eyes dropping down towards the surface of the water. "Ryuji, life really is too short. You can't hold back, you have to tell people how you feel."  
  
"I know." Ryuji softened his voice, knowing right away that she was talking about her suicide attempt. "I'm working on it."  
  
"No matter what happens, things between you and him will be okay."  
  
"Th-Thanks, Shiho. I'll remember that."  
  
"Shiho gives the best advice." Ryuji nearly jumped out of his skin, hearing Ann's voice right behind him, her breath hot against the back of his neck.  
  
"What the hell?!" He spun around to face her, scowling at the cheeky grin on her face. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"  
  
"I didn't sneak up on you! You weren't paying attention."  
  
"You were halfway across the pool! How did you even get here so fast?"  
  
"Ann's an excellent swimmer." Shiho chimed in, looking at Ann with a smug expression. It was clear to Ryuji then that the two of them were teaming up against him.  
  
It was going to be a long afternoon.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji had arrived home from the gym and was on his way up the stairs to his apartment when he spotted a familiar face. Yusuke was sitting in front of his doorway, sketchbook open in his lap, pencil moving over the paper. When he saw Ryuji, he quickly packed his things up and rose to his feet, looking relieved.  
  
"I was beginning to think I had the wrong address," Yusuke said, stepping out of the way so that Ryuji could unlock the door and let them both in.  
  
"Nah, it was my bad. I did some physical therapy stuff with Ann and Shiho today and now m'leg's all stiff again. Took me a while to walk here." Ryuji slipped off his coat and slipped out of his shoes, leading the way into the warm living room. "So you said you've got papers for me to sign before Akira and I can move in?"  
  
"Yes, I've got them with me."  
  
"If they're uh, what did Akira call them? Lease papers? Shouldn't he sign too?"  
  
"He can sign later." Yusuke pulled a brown Manila envelope out of the back of his sketchbook and sat down on the couch. Ryuji sat in his mother's chair across from him, pen at the ready. "You said you wanted it to be a surprise, right?"  
  
"Yeah." Ryuji took the envelope from Yusuke and opened it up, turning to the first page. "He and I never found an apartment and I have this feelin' like he's real stressed out about it. So when we have that party for Ann this weekend, I'm gonna tell him. I think it'll cheer him up, y'know?"  
  
"I believe that might be why he's been working so much."  
  
"I thought so too. I feel bad about not pickin' up the slack. If I do this, it's kind of like... Maybe I'm contributing somethin'."  
  
"I also hope that you won't mind my not being around for the first month. I know we spoke about it on the phone earlier, but I still feel a bit guilty." Yusuke sighed, turning his head to look out the nearby window. "It was a last minute art tour and I didn't feel like I could refuse."  
  
"Don't worry about it. Akira 'n me can get our stuff moved in. Just sucks that everyone's leavin' all the sudden." Ryuji tapped his pen against his chin, reading and rereading the page in his hands. He was seeing a lot of things about 'Goemon' and almost nothing about the apartment. "Uhhh... Not that I'm not gonna sign, but what exactly is all this?"  
  
"That? While I'm away I want to make you Goemon's legal guardian."  
  
"Legal guardian? Of the turtle?"  
  
"She is a tortoise and yes." Yusuke narrowed his eyes, looking at Ryuji with a fierce scowl. "That page is non-negotiable."  
  
"What is it even for?!" Ryuji exclaimed, reluctantly signing his name at the bottom of the page.  
  
"Should you need to make medical decisions for her on my behalf or should anything happen to me, you'll be responsible for taking care of her. Should I die unexpectedly, I'll need you to agree to take care of her for the remainder of her life."  
  
"What?! Her whole life?! No way! Those things live to be like a thousand years old! I'll be dead by then!"  
  
"It's non-negotiable." Yusuke leaned in towards Ryuji, his eyes blazing. "Or I can always find someone else."  
  
"No! No. That's fine, I guess. What's this next one?"  
  
"Terms and conditions for Goemon's public image and trademarks. There are important things in there about how photographs and videos of her can be used without written consent from myself, or you, her legal guardian."  
  
"Innit this a little-..." Ryuji wanted to say stupid, but he held himself back, swallowing the words. "What is she? A celebrity?"  
  
"Of sorts." Was all Yusuke would say on the matter. He flipped hastily to the next document for Ryuji to sign.  
  
By the time they finished, Ryuji felt like he had somehow signed his life away. Most of the documents had very little to do with the apartment and a lot to do with Goemon. The legal jargon had made Ryuji feel helplessly lost and confused, even when Yusuke had stepped in to explain things to him. Part of him was glad that he had chosen to sign the documents without Akira around, it had saved him a lot of embarrassment.  
  
"There. I think that's everything." Ryuji straightened the papers and tucked them back into their envelope, passing the entire bundle over to Yusuke. "Hey man, thanks again."  
  
"It was my pleasure." Yusuke took the envelope and stowed it away in the back of his sketchbook. The two of them rose and moved towards the door. "If you have some time Saturday morning, I could use some help setting up for the party."  
  
"Sure, I can do that. I'll be there."  
  
* * *  
  
"Thanks for bringing me along." Futaba stepped off the train as she and Akira reached Shibuya station. "I was just kinda... Nervous? I guess. I wanted to get out of the house so I didn't sit around in my room all day."  
  
_"I understand."_ And truthfully he did. He could remember when he had first met Futaba, back when he had first arrived in Tokyo. The two of them had been introduced through a doorway. Sojiro later explained about her mother passing away and the severe guilt and anxiety it had caused, causing Futaba becoming a shut-in. He had never pressured them to become friends, but Akira had taken an interest in the girl behind the door.  
  
He'd often go and sit outside her room while she talked about her interests or what new things she had programmed her computer to do. In time she allowed Ryuji to join in, then Ann, and eventually they coaxed her out to meet the rest of Akira's friends. It took months, but eventually, she grew comfortable with all of them. Sometime after that, she returned to school for herself.  
  
Even with all her progress, however, there were times when she had to force herself to go out and Akira was always willing to help her. On this particular day, she had asked him to join her on a small shopping trip to the underground mall in Shibuya. The two of them had just finished up at the music store and were browsing windows when Akira caught sight of the gift shop.  
  
_"Do you mind?"_ He asked Futaba, pointing at the store.  
  
"You wanna go in there? Sure, looks cool." Futaba grabbed hold of his hand and lead the way inside. The keychains on display in the window had reminded him of his apartment keys, still in his pocket from the day before. Sometime between his viewing of the apartment and Futaba's invite to go shopping, he had gotten an idea in his mind of getting a small gift box for Ryuji's key. It was cheesy and perhaps a bit overzealous, but if Akira was going to surprise Ryuji, he wanted to pull out all the stops.  
  
"Oh ho ho!" Futaba turned towards Akira, holding up a small keychain shaped like a spaceship. "This one is cool."  
  
_"You want that one?"_ Akira smiled knowingly, watching the redhead's face begin to flush. She turned it between her fingers and nodded. _"I will get it for you."_   
  
"Really?!"  
  
Akira nodded, gently setting one of his hands on top of Futaba's head, startled when he realized how tall she was getting. As if reading his mind, she stood up on her toes, pushing his hand up higher, grinning. He ruffled her hair, pushing her back down, freeing his hand to do the signs for laughter. She elbowed him jovially and pushed against his back to send him deeper into the store.  
  
At the back, they found the wrapping supplies, boxes, bags, bows and ribbons, dozens of wrapping papers. The whole wall was intimidating and he had no idea where to start. The smallest sized boxes ranged from velvet covered ring boxes to simple paper candy boxes. Akira curiously picked up one of the ring boxes to examine it. It certainly was the right size for a key, but the implications of that kind of box-...  
  
"You don't want him to think you're askin' to get married, do you?" Futaba leered, shaking her head in disapproval. He hastily returned it to the shelf and moved on to the paper boxes instead.  
  
"Hey! Akira!" A familiar voice caught the man's attention and he turned around to see Ann coming towards him, Haru and Makoto behind her. "We saw Futaba at the entrance and thought you might be in here with her."  
  
_"Yes. Shopping."_ He explained, holding up one of the small boxes to illustrate his meaning.  
  
"What are you buying a gift box for?" Haru asked, her eyes lighting up with curious excitement.  
  
"He wants to give an apartment key to Ryuji as a gift," Futaba explained for him. "Dr. Takemi helped him to find an apartment so it's a big surprise and all. I don't really get the whole gift box thing, but what do I know?"  
  
"Wait, I thought that you two were going to move in with Yusuke." Makoto glanced from Akira to Ann and back again. "Ryuji didn't talk to you about that?"  
  
_"No."_ Akira signed, feeling uneasy. He reached a hand down into his pocket and curled his fingers around the pair of apartment keys, thinking about Ryuji's text the day before, asking him to talk before school about 'something important'. Had that been the subject of that talk? His guilt was steadily coming back, bleeding out like a wound reopened.  
  
"Hey, why don't we all go eat at the diner?" Ann set a light hand against his shoulder. "We can talk about it there. I'll text Yusuke and see if he can meet up with us."  
  
Akira nodded, still feeling uneasy.  
  
Maybe sensing his discomfort, the girls milled around the stationary section with him, offering advice on colors, box shape, bow selections. Within just a few minutes he was coaxed back into a more companionable mood.  
  
He modeled sashes with various names written across them in glittered letters, 'Maid of Honor', 'Birthday Girl', leaving the girls and himself in near tears of laughter. Futaba grabbed hold of two large spirals of ribbon and held them up to either side of his head, a bad rainbow colored impression of Ann's pigtails. By the time they had left the store, Ryuji's 'simple gift box' had turned into anything but.  
  
The box was octagon in shape, small enough to fit inside Akira's pocket, or it would have been had Ann and Haru not stuck a tiny golden bow to the top of it. The bow's tiny folds dared him to accidentally crush it somehow. The key had been sealed into the box by skeleton stickers, found by Makoto and Futaba. The only saving grace was that Akira had been able to talk Futaba out of filling it with glitter. She had only relented when he explained that he wanted to give it to Ryuji at Ann's party and that they couldn't get glitter all over the floor of Yusuke's living room.  
  
Even with all it's over the top frills, Akira felt like it was perfect for Ryuji.  
  
"So what's this about Yusuke's apartment?" Futaba was sitting inside the booth next to Akira, flipping idly through a menu, even though it was a sure bet that she would order her usual.  
  
"Speaking of Yusuke, did you hear back from him yet?" Haru asked, she was seated next to Ann, with Makoto at the head of the table in a chair. The blond pulled out her phone to check her messages.  
  
"He says he can't make it. He's hanging out with Ryuji." Ann's eyebrows rose in surprise, her eyes coming up to address everyone seated around her. "With Ryuji. If you can believe that."  
  
"I can't," Futaba said dryly, tucking her face back into her menu.  
  
"He has been getting along better with Yusuke since that day we went there to paint." Makoto offered, earning a look of surprise from Akira. "That's what I was talking about yesterday on the way to school when I said Ryuji and Ann stopped by your place."  
  
"We were coming by to see you after leaving Yusuke's, but we ran into Akechi." Ann frowned, her eyes dropping down to stare at the table, hands fussing with the ends of one of her pigtails. "Akechi said a lot of harsh things about you to Ryuji. They didn't get into a huge fight or anything, but I think what Akechi said really upset him. Well, it kinda upset me too."  
  
"What'd he say?" Futaba asked, knowing that Akira wanted to ask.  
  
"He was talking about how you've mentioned, or maybe sorta implied, that Ryuji is a burden to you as a friend. That you feel like he makes decisions for you or fights your battles for you and that you feel suffocated by it."  
  
_"Oh. That."_ Akira signed, catching the attention of all the girls at the table. Before he could explain in detail, they were briefly interrupted by the waitress. While she went around taking the girl's orders, he pulled out his phone and quickly made them a group chat so that he could explain himself with better ease. Futaba went last, ordering both for herself and him.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: A while back, Ryuji and I got into an argument after one of my appointments with Takemi. He overheard her saying she wanted to sign me up for a clinical trial to test out a new drug that might help with my condition. He's not overly fond of me participating in anything 'experimental' and he tried to talk me out of it.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: When I didn't bend with my decision, he and I ended up arguing about it. I met up with Akechi later for a chess session and asked him for advice. Akechi is very objective so a the time it seemed like a good idea. I should have known that he's the kind of person to use the information to his benefit. That was my mistake.**   
  
"Akechi's definitely the sort to do what he wants to get what he wants." Makoto looked across the table at Akira, her expression empathetic. "He does that with my sister all the time and it frustrates her to no end. He takes his goal of becoming a detective very seriously."  
  
"Pah! He should be a sleazy journalist instead." Futaba hissed the words.  
  
"He would likely be well suited to that career path as well."  
  
"You have to explain all that to Ryuji. Okay?" Ann looked up from her phone, her expression tense with nerves.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I plan to, don't worry. I do feel like Ryuji is a big part of why I haven't been moving forward with the things I want, but that's less to do with him and more to do with me. I've allowed him to take the lead because, at the time, it was easier. There are times he does things that are clingy or out of bounds, but I know at the heart of the issue that I'm the problem and not him.**   
  
"I didn't mean for you to go that far and beat yourself down. I'm just worried about the two of you."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know what you meant, don't worry. :)**   
  
"What about the thing with Yusuke?" Futaba asked, shifting the conversation back to its original subject.  
  
"Oh! Right! Sorry!" Ann smiled sheepishly, continuing her explanation. "Yusuke had invited Makoto and me over to hang out with him and Ryuji. I thought it was kinda weird that they were hanging out in the first place, but we decided to go and see for ourselves. Yusuke's got this huge apartment in this really tall building, one of those really fancy modern kinds. It looked like a hotel up there!"  
  
"Those apartments are pretty upscale," Haru added, looking thoughtful. "My father has some business associates that live there."  
  
"Yusuke's apartment felt stark to me." Makoto hugged her arms around herself, her lips turned down. "I think he's been feeling kind of lonely since he moved in there. Ryuji told Ann and I that Yusuke had heard you two were looking for a place to move into and that you were having trouble finding something in your price range. He was offering to let you and Ryuji move into his master bedroom."  
  
"Ryuji was supposed to talk to you about it." Ann's voice was exasperated. "Since you found a place, I guess you won't need to stay with Yusuke, huh? I hope he's not too disappointed. I feel sort of bad for him."  
  
"Me too. As I said, that apartment is sort of lonely. When my sister works a lot, our place can feel like that too and it's not nearly as large."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'll have to thank Yusuke for his offer tomorrow at the party.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Speaking of the party, there's something I wanted to talk to you all about before then. Something I need you all to promise to keep to yourselves.**   
  
"You can trust us," Makoto assured him, and he knew she was telling the truth. He took a deep breath as if he was preparing to say the words aloud.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The apartment is not the only thing I need to talk to Ryuji about tomorrow. The entire reason I've been working so much lately is that I needed to save the first couple month's rent for our new place because I won't be here. Takemi and I found out about a surgery trial, for people with my kind of condition.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The trial begins at the end of the month and I've already been accepted into it as a participant. I'll be going in for experimental surgery and after that therapy to see if they can get my voice back. It could be a two-month thing or it could be longer, depending on how things turn out after the surgery.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's an extreme long shot, but I want to give it a try.  
**   
The table fell silent, as one by one the girls began to look up from their phones at him.  
  
"This is an amazing chance for you," Makoto spoke first, breaking everyone out of their shock. "I've been doing some research on things like clinical trials and surgery trials in my classes at school. Medical technology is usually far more advanced in the trials that in the hospital since there are so many issues with malpractice and liability."  
  
"Makoto's right. No matter what happens tomorrow, you have to go through with this." Ann said, her expression gentle as she looked across the table at him. "Now I see why you've been distant with us all recently, not just with Ryuji."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm worried about how Ryuji's going to react.  
**   
"Do you think he'll be angry?" Haru asked, eyebrows knitting together in concern.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know he's going to be, but I'll handle all that. I just wanted to explain this all to you guys first so it would be less of a shock tomorrow. I plan to tell him towards the end of the party, when things have settled down and there's fewer people.  
  
** “He's going to feel boxed in no matter how you do it.” Ann was looking across the table at him, her expression serious. “Have you really thought this through? Maybe the party isn't the best time.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I have. Ryuji is less likely to lash out if he's surrounded by other people. It will also give him time to stew and calm down. He thinks more clearly after he's had time to work things out on his own.  
  
** “That's true. I never thought of it that way.”  
  
“Now that that's out of the way, let's eat!” Futaba pointed across the table at the waitress emerging from the kitchen, bringing a tray of food over to them, distracting the group off into other conversations. **  
**   
Akira felt relieved by their encouragement, relieved that he was no longer the sole keeper of such a large secret, but in the same breath he could feel the nervous anticipation building up within him. Telling his friends was one thing, telling Ryuji was something else completely.  
  
He hoped and prayed that Ryuji would find a way to see his side.  
  
* * *  
  
It was the day of the party and Ryuji had gone to Yusuke's apartment to help with the setup. The two of them were hanging up a set of white and silver streamers when the doorbell rang. Ryuji set down his end of the streamers and went to open the door, heart jolting when he saw who was on the other side.  
  
"Akira." Ryuji breathed, the words a soft exhale of surprise.  
  
"And Futaba." Futaba stepped out from behind Akira and pushed into the apartment, a box of Eiffel Tower-themed decorations in her hands. "Inari! Where do you want these decorations?"  
  
"Put them on the couch for now." Yusuke made a vague motion with the hand that wasn't holding up his end of the paper streamers. He glanced over his shoulder at Akira. "Thank you for coming to help."  
  
Akira waved his hands in protest in front of himself, insisting that he didn't mind. Ryuji stepped back to give him more room to enter the apartment. Once inside, the two of them turned to face one another and their eyes met and held. Ryuji sucked in a deep breath of air, willing himself to make a move, to say something to make the atmosphere less awkward.  
  
"Hey." Was all Ryuji could come up with, along with a stiff wave of his right hand. It was a weak effort, but it had worked. Akira's face broke out into a smile and he reached out his hand to catch hold of Ryuji's. The blond could feel heat rushing to his face, burning it up, as Akira's fingers twined through his.  
  
In the side of Ryuji's vision, he could see that Yusuke had turned away from the two of them, desperately trying to pretend that he hadn't seen anything. Futaba gawked for a moment, and then noticed Yusuke's reaction and rushed to fix her mistake. She started fussing with the box of decorations. Ryuji was explicitly grateful for their understanding of his embarrassment, more so when Akira stepped closer, their faces only inches apart.  
  
Their eyes locked again and Ryuji held his breath, heart drumming against his chest, waiting to see what would happen next. Instead of making the a move, Akira's smile faded and his gaze slipped off to the side. His hand dropped away from Ryuji's and he took a full step back and away.  
  
"H-Hey..." Ryuji protested, grabbing for Akira's arm, fingers curling around his wrist. Anxiety replaced his nervous delight and he began to worry that he had done something to upset the Akira, or if he had unknowingly reacted badly to the advance. "The hell, man? What was that? Are you okay?"  
  
Ryuji gave Akira's arm a shake, trying to pull him out of the daze he was in. He glanced at Yusuke and Futaba, but the two of them were still trying to keep busy, concentrating on the decorations. Tightening his grip around Akira's wrist, he pulled him into the master bedroom and shut the door lightly behind them.  
  
_"I'm sorry."_ Akira pulled his arm free of Ryuji's grip to sign the words.  
  
"No need to 'pologize, man. I just wanna know what's goin' on."  
  
_"We should talk."_   
  
The seriousness of that suggestion hung in the air, heavy and thick like fog, and twice as suffocating. The room they were in, with all its windows and vaulted ceilings, felt claustrophobic. Akira glanced away, turning his attention to the view of the city, eyes widening in surprise.  
  
"S'cool, right?" Ryuji stepped towards the windows and Akira moved to follow him. They walked to the far side of the room where the view was the best, an open area of shorter buildings that could easily be looked out over. It made all of Tokyo look vast and endless, stretching further than Ryuji's eyes could clearly see.  
  
Akira continued to stare out over the city, but Ryuji's eyes were drawn away from the view to the other's face. His gray eyes were wide, childlike in their wonder as they took in the sights, his mouth slightly agape. It would have been funny, had things between them not been so strained. Even with all of Tokyo to distract them, Ryuji felt uncomfortable and restless, something he never expected to feel in the presence of the person he was closest to. He had to do something, he had to fix things.  
  
"Jeeze... Fuck this." Ryuji growled the words, breaking Akira out of his trance. He turned to look at the blond, his head slightly tilted to the side in a silent question of 'What?'. Ryuji shoved a hand into his pocket, pulling out the Arsene keychain, complete with Akira's copy of the key to Yusuke's apartment. He dangled it in front of Akira's face, watching his eyes tracking it's swaying movements. "Yusuke needs roommates to take care of this place while he goes off to do painting tours and stuff. And he's got a pet turtle."  
  
"You've been workin' all those shitty hours, bustin' your ass to save up money for us to move out... Yusuke will more or less let us live here rent free. You don't gotta push yourself so hard. We can move in here for a while till we find somethin' else." Ryuji's eyebrows knitted together and he felt his composure slipping away. "I never meant for you to have to go and do all that. I would'a worked harder too if I had known you were gonna try to do it all yourself."  
  
"Not that you're not capable or nothin'. You can definitely do what you want, but... Shit, is any of this makin' sense?" Ryuji stopped himself completely, his heart sinking when he noticed that Akira's had turned away slightly, hand over his face, shoulders shaking. "Damn! Are you cryin'?! I didn't mean t'make you cry!"  
  
Ryuji moved closer so that he could set a comforting hand on Akira's back, feeling awkward and embarrassed. He hadn't intended to upset the other man, especially not to the point of tears. He was about to open his mouth to apologize again when his ears caught the sounds coming from Akira, soft little wheezes and gasps that sounded less like crying and more like laughing. Scandalized, Ryuji grabbed hold of Akira's head and tilted it up.  
  
There were tears in Akira's eyes alright, but they weren't at all from sadness.  
  
"The hell you laughin' at me for?!" Ryuji demanded. Akira made no move to explain his reaction, still trying to recover from his laughing fit. Ryuji was about to get truly angry when Akira pulled a small paper gift box out of his pocket.  
  
Ryuji eyed it warily before taking it, lifting off the lid to look inside. Tucked under a small amount of folded gift tissue was a key, similar to the one Ryuji had offered, but definitely not belonging to the same lock. Baffled, the blond picked it up to examine it, wondering where it came from and what it might open.  
  
"You're gonna have to work with me here some." Ryuji insisted. "The hell is this for?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I didn't mean to laugh at you. The situation was just ironic.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: That is a key to the apartment I found for us.  
**   
"Oh," Ryuji mumbled, feeling his heart start to sink. "But I already got the lease signed and told Yusuke we'd move in with him. How're we gonna do that if we've got an apartment."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm sure we can work something out with him. The apartment is only a short walk from here.**   
  
"Holy shit. Are you for real? You found us a place?" Ryuji looked down at the box in his hands, watching the light bounce off the silver metal of the key inside. "Wait a second. What about the money stuff? I've got some savings, but..."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's kind of a long story, but we don't have to worry about that for right now. The deposit is paid and I've got enough to cover us both for rent for a month or two.  
**   
"Well yeah, but I don't want it to seem like I'm lettin' you do everythin'."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm not worried about it. I know you're working as many hours as you're able to with school.**   
  
"It ain't gonna be worth it if you're working like six jobs to pay the bills or whatever!"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I promise you, that we'll sit down and have a talk about it later and I can explain everything then. Can you trust me?**   
  
"I do, it's just... I do trust you." Ryuji frowned, placing the lid gently back atop the box, running his thumb over the gaudy decorations on the outside. "The hell did you find this box? What's with the stickers and the bow?"  
  
"Obviously he wasn't the one who decorated it!" Futaba exclaimed the words, voice muffled slightly by the door she was hiding behind. Ryuji turned his head over his shoulder to see Futaba and Yusuke peering in through a crack in the door.  
  
"I didn't know eavesdroppin' was part of decoratin' for a party!" Ryuji called back, stomping his way towards them. The two voyeurs dashed away as he shut the door again, remembering to lock it.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What about helping set up for the party?**   
  
"We'll get to that later, man. I got somethin' to say." Ryuji gestured towards the room's small sitting area, where he had been hanging out with Makoto and Ann just a few nights earlier. It felt more like weeks, or maybe even months, he could hardly believe how fast everything was moving. They each took to one of the small couches, the coffee table between them acting as a mediator.  
  
Ryuji settled himself into the soft cushions of the couch, crossing his legs, ankle thrown up to rest over the top of his bad leg. He shifted around, trying to look casual, trying to stall and allow his nerves time to settle. If Akira noticed all this, he didn't say anything, too distracted by the view outside the windows again. Ryuji ran his hands down the front of his pants, trying to keep them from becoming sweaty.  
  
"So, uh-" Ryuji began, heart jumping when Akira's head snapped over to look at him. He tried to think back on all the advice Ann and Shiho had given him, but his head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, and he couldn't remember a single word they had said. Like most things in his life, he was going to have to bullshit his way through. "You're my best friend. Obviously. I mean, we've been bros this whole time of knowin' each other."  
  
"So you're real important to me. I'd never want to do nothin' to hurt you or to hurt our friendship, but I've been thinkin' for a while now that things aren't how they used to be. Somethin' changed and for a real long time, I didn't know what the hell it was. Then I found out and I thought, 'there's no effin way'!"  
  
"Shit, sorry. Let me start over." Ryuji folded his hands, lacing his fingers so that he could squeeze his palms together to ground his thoughts. "I found out that sometimes, you like your best friend as more than a friend. Like more than a best friend. The next step up from that. Like a crush, maybe? But more than that. Like whatever you call someone who's more than a friend and more than a crush."  
  
"I-I didn't know what to do about it though, because I don't think I'm, you know, that way. Like, the kind of guy who is into other guys. I'm still definitely into girls, but I like you the way I imagine I'd like a girl if I really really liked her." Ryuji took a deep breath, realizing that he was beginning to speak too quickly, his words all tumbling out in a rush. "I think there's a word for people who are like that, but I don't know what it is. I think I'm okay with us both bein' guys because it's less about that an' more about you."  
  
"That's not important though, I can figure that shit out later," He continued, his pulse rushing through his ears like static noise. He tried to meet Akira's eyes, but could only manage a quick glance. "After the uh, night you stayed over, I've been thinkin' a lot about what happened. I've been thinkin' a lot about you. A lot about what I want and about what I hope you want..."  
  
"Is this even makin' sense?" Ryuji hissed the words, leaning his head over so that he could bury his face in his hands. He noticed for the first time that he was shaking, nerves wound so tight that his body was vibrating with energy. He knew that he was messing up, that he wasn't getting his thoughts across clearly. He cleared his throat and tried again.  
  
"I don't know what to do, man. I can't stop thinkin' about you, seriously it's all the time. We haven't been hangin' out or even talking, and it's like I'm going crazy from it or somethin'. There's no effin' way that that's a normal reaction to have. Akechi was goin' off on me the other day about how I'm like, clingy and controlling. I don't mean to be that way, I just can't help it when it comes to you."  
  
"...ji." Akira's soft voice snapped Ryuji out of his nervous rambling. He lifted his head out of his hands, meeting a pair of soft gray eyes. Akira stood up and came around to sit next to him, sitting so close that their arms and legs pressed together. "Ry...ji."  
  
"Fuck. I'm real sorry. I'm just kinda dumpin' all this stuff on you."  
  
"S'kay." Akira rasped the word, his eyes closing together in a wince. He turned his head away to cough a couple times, his face flushing from the lack of air. Ryuji dropped his leg back down to the floor and shifted closer, concern fluttering inside his stomach as he watched Akira try to compose himself.  
  
"Should I get Takemi?" Ryuji asked, leaning closer so that he could listen to Akira's breathing. Although it was still wheezy and strained, it was beginning to clear up again, as the other man's vocal cords relaxed and allowed him to breathe more openly. "You okay now?"  
  
Akira nodded his head in reply, moving his hands up to sign an apology. Ryuji ignored it, reaching out with his own hands to capture the ones moving through the air between them. Akira looked at him, his face bouncing between surprised and curious, waiting to see what the blond would do next.  
  
"I-uh... Well, I," Ryuji swallowed hard, willing himself to open his mouth and speak. The words lingered at the back of his throat, trying to come out, stopped only by the mental blocks forming inside the blond's head. "The timin' is bad after you had your breathing attack thingy just now-"  
  
Akira sighed in exasperation, opening his mouth to speak again, only stopped by Ryuji's hand flying up to cover his lips. The blond was about to scold him when he felt a hot wet tongue slid out over his palm. He ripped his hand away and nearly fell over the armrest of the couch, making inarticulate noises of shock.  
  
"What the hell?" He hissed, wiping his hand off on his jeans. He glared at Akira, who still had his tongue out, waggling it back and two as he smirked. It was enough to break the tension and Ryuji couldn't help his sudden and hysterical fit of laughter. When he went to punch Akira in the arm, his wrist was seized and the dark haired man yanked him forward, nearly over into his lap. "Wh-Whoa. What are you d-"  
  
Akira pressed his lips against Ryuji's, still wet from his tongue, stealing the breath straight from the his lungs. Like flipping a light switch, something lit up inside the blond's chest. He reached a hand up to grip a fistful of dark curls, pulling the other man closer, mouth falling open to invite Akira's tongue inside.  
  
Keeping hold on Akira's, Ryuji leaned himself back to lay against the couch. Akira moved with him, placing his hands on either side of the blond's head, bracing himself as he moved himself fully up onto the cushions. Still kissing, tongues sliding together, they fumbled around to get comfortable. Ryuji was forced to spread his legs apart to make room for Akira to be in between them. It was embarrassing and it sent a rush of heat up the back of his neck, flushing the tips of his ears.   
  
"Y'got so much damn hair," Ryuji mumbled between kisses, reaching his free hand up to grab at Akira's bangs, trying to force them back and away from their faces. Akira just snorted in amusement, continuing to move his lips against Ryuji's, undeterred.  
  
Ryuji struggled to keep up with Akira's kissing expertise, overwhelmed by the intensity. He tried his best to keep his head in the right position or find the right time to breathe. There was an anxious voice in the back of his mind, continuously reminding him that he didn't have much experience, that he was probably doing everything wrong. He could feel his shoulders and back starting to tense up, the hand on the back of Akira's head locked into a tight fist.  
  
Noticing Ryuji's nerves, Akira cupped the side of his face to help guide him, but even that small touch was overwhelming for the blond. Ryuji's heart sped into tailspin of excitement and once again he forgot that he was supposed to be breathing. Oxygen didn't seem as important when he had Akira on top of him, kissing him, touching his face.  
  
_"Breathe, Ryuji."_ Akira pulled back to sign and Ryuji realized for the first time that he was feeling dizzy. His vision swam for a second, the room shifting and spinning. He sucked in a deep breath and shut his eyes, waiting for the vertigo to pass, counting his heartbeats for a distraction.  
  
"Sorry." Ryuji apologized, gritting his teeth together in frustration. Akira's lips came back over his and he tried to jolt back into kissing again, but Akira quickly moved away, laughing softly at Ryuji's knee-jerk reaction. He began to kiss next to the blond's mouth instead, then down towards his jaw, moving slowly back towards the underside of one of his ears.  
  
Ryuji's hand, still clutching tightly at Akira's hair, began to loosen and then go slack. He slid his fingers down some to play with the baby-soft hairs at the nape of the other man's neck. Eyes still closed, he felt like he was floating. Akira was still kissing him, now working down his neck, towards his collarbones, biting down into the skin there.  
  
"Fuck-...!" Ryuji hissed the word as his body jolted and his eyes snapped open, sending a shot of heat and pleasure down between his legs. He was already half hard and knew that if things continued he wasn't going to be able to stop. Reluctantly he placed a hand against Akira's chest and pushed, forcing the other man to sit up and off of him. "We gotta stop now, 'kay? I can't control myself when you do things like that."  
  
Akira leaned forward again to kiss Ryuji's forehead, nodding in reply to the blond's request. He took hold of Ryuji's shoulders and helped him sit back up. The two of them moved to opposite sides of the couch, facing each other, but with a clear boundary between them to make sure they didn't get frisky again.  
  
"I like you," Ryuji said after a few minutes of silence, doing his best to look Akira in the face when he said it. Once it was finally out, it didn't feel like such a burden anymore. Shiho had been right, all he had needed to do was take a chance.  
  
_"I like you too."_ Akira signed, smiling warmly at him. Ryuji set a hand over his own chest, trying to will his heart to calm down.  
  
"So what do we do? I mean, what's next?"  
  
_"We date."_   
  
It was such a simple answer and Ryuji tried to believe that it was a simple solution as well. He thought back to what Shiho had told him, about taking chances and allowing things to happen, even if they ended in pain later on down the road. He looked at Akira, his best friend, the person he cared about more than anyone, the person he would do anything for. How could he not allow himself to be with someone that meant that much to him?  
  
"You sure you wanna date someone like me?" Ryuji asked, halfway joking. Akira's face grew serious and he nodded, eyes blazing with determination. He moved over across the couch, back into Ryuji's space, taking hold of one of the blond's hands.  
  
"R'ji." Akira rasped, bringing Ryuji's hand up to his chest so that the blond could feel how hard his heart was beating. He sandwiched his own palm down on top of it, pressing harder, making sure that the blond understood.  
  
For the first time, it dawned on Ryuji that Akira had been scared too, worried about ruining all that they had built together. It made him feel guilty for not noticing it before, too drawn in by Akira's mask of unbreakable confidence. They had been wasting time pining over something they thought they couldn't have, even though it had been in reach the entire time.  
  
"Man, we're kinda stupid, huh?"  
  
_"A little. Yes."_   
  
"Hey, uh, if you aren't busy tomorrow..." Ryuji began, nodding his head towards the gift box he had placed down on the coffee table. "Can we go see that apartment?"  
  
Akira nodded his head, smiling radiantly, his whole face lit up with delight.  
  
Ryuji forgot how to breathe again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things might seem like they're finally going to get better, do not trust in that small glimmer of hope. Things are going to get bad. Very very bad.


	7. The Confession Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out and Ryuji does parkour with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I triiiiiiiiiied to hold back and not post this, to make everyone have to wait and wonder what's going to happen next, but that resulted in me adding an entire smut scene that was not there originally. At least it's out of my system!

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. It had been embarrassing at first when he and Akira emerged from the master bedroom. Futaba stared at them, nearly shaking from curiosity, obviously wanting to ask for details. Yusuke had clearly warned her against it if the sharp-eyed looks he was giving her meant anything.  
  
The two of them argued about everything, where decorations would go, what streamers looked better where, insults about snack choices. Meanwhile, Akira and Ryuji worked in the kitchen, making up snack plates and dessert trays, Ryuji occasionally talking, but mostly happy to work alongside Akira in silence.  
  
Ryuji Sakamoto was not a silent man. The feeling of contentment, of not having to fill the air with frantic chatter, was foreign and strange. Silence for him normally meant discomfort or anger, but he felt neither of those things. He didn't even feel like commenting on how unusual it was.  
  
When the apartment was decorated and the snack trays prepared and stored away in the fridge, the group broke away to get ready for the party. Akira and Futaba left first, needing to get to the station in time for their train. Ryuji hovered out in the hallway, watching them leave until the elevator doors closed, Akira's confident smile burned into his memory.  
  
Yusuke pounced.  
  
“What happened?” The artist demanded, practically herding Ryuji back into the apartment. Entering through the threshold reminded the blond of the keys he and Akira had exchanged earlier. “Did he accept the invitation to live here with you? I mean, us.”  
  
“Er, about that-...”  
  
* * *  
  
“Did you run the whole way here?!” Ryuji's mother came out of the kitchen, looking startled by his sudden and unexpected rush into the apartment. Flurries of snow trailed in behind him, the wind whipping at his back.  
  
“Kinda.” He panted, kicking his shoes off his feet, dropping his jacket off his shoulders, everything in a heap by the door. “Er-... I'll clean that up in just a minute. Gotta warm up first.”  
  
“That's fine. Do you want me to make you some tea?”  
  
“Yeah, that'd be nice. Gonna grab a quick shower.”  
  
Ryuji waited for her to return to the kitchen so he could hobble past her into his bedroom. The light snowfall that had started up in Shibuya had picked up some wind, turning into a brisk storm midway through his walk home. The whole trek had taken him longer than he had planned for it too, his leg not agreeing with the sudden cold weather. He hurried into the shower, hoping some hot water might loosen his muscles up.  
  
He spent some time in the bathroom, carefully drying and styling his hair, every spike combed into the perfect position. He still hadn't had a chance to have Ann bleach his hair, the roots were really beginning to show, but he didn't have time to do anything about it before the party. He wrapped his towel around his waist and went out into his bedroom, a cloud of steam billowing out behind him.  
  
“I've got your tea~” Ryuji's mother opened his door and strode inside, earning a yelp of protest from Ryuji.  
  
“HEY! I'm not dressed!”  
  
“It's nothing I haven't seen before~ Besides, you've got a towel on, don't you?”  
  
“That's not the point!” He protested, taking the hot mug from her hands, making shooing motions towards the door.  
  
“What are you going to wear?” She asked, undeterred by his attempts to get her to leave. She walked over to his closet and opened it up, sifting through the clothes. While she was distracted, Ryuji grabbed a pair of boxers and jeans from his dresser and went back into the bathroom to put them on, grumbling the entire time about his mother's lack of boundaries.  
  
“How about this?” She held up a familiar bright red t-shirt with the words 'No mo' rules' written out over the chest. Ryuji's face flushed in embarrassment and he pulled it free of her hands.  
  
“Hell no! I haven't worn this since high school!”  
  
“I'm sure it'll still fit.”  
  
“It won't! I've grown a lot since then!”  
  
“Well if that's the case, let's donate it-...” She reached towards the bright red fabric and Ryuji's stomach clenched nervously. He lifted the shirt high up over his head, out of her reach.  
  
“I'll deal with it later.” He insisted, trying to ignore the smug look on her face. She was as bad as Akira, sometimes worse. “Ma, please...”  
  
“Okay, okay.” She dropped her hand away and turned back towards his closet. “Don't you think those jeans you have on are going to be too informal?”  
  
“It's just a going away party for Ann and Shiho. It's not some... Fancy dinner party.”  
  
“What if everyone is dressed up except you? That'd be sooooo embarrassing.”  
  
“Y-You don't think that's gonna happen, right?” Ryuji had to admit, he hadn't even stopped to consider it. He and his friends had had parties before, but nothing as big and fancy as the party at Yusuke's apartment. His mother turned to look at him, her expression unsure, mirroring his own.  
  
“I only ask because I ran into Ann and Shiho earlier today. Both of them had been shopping for new dresses for the party.” His mother pulled her phone out of her pocket, opening her gallery to find photos she had taken of the two women. Both Ann and Shiho were holding up very elegant looking dresses. Ryuji wasn't an expert or anything but he had seen Ann wear similar things to the formal parties she went to for her modeling agency.  
  
“Shit. I don't got anythin' nice like that!”  
  
“Okay, okay. Let me make some calls. I've got a friend with a son about your age, I'm sure they've got something you can borrow.” Ryuji's mother dipped out of the room and the moment she was gone, Ryuji sent a frantic text to Akira, asking him what he planned to wear.  
  
He wasn't expecting to get a very risque photo of his friend-no-boyfriend in a suit jacket, only a suit jacket. The photo was cropped just above the dark-haired man's waist, but it still gave the blond a very clear look at Akira's toned stomach and sharp hipbones. Ryuji sputtered in disbelief, earning an eyebrow raise from his mother, who passed by his open bedroom door, her cell phone pressed to her ear.  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ///// The hell?  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'll give you the full photo later. ;)  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: OHMYGOD  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol Too much?  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: no  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: its the right amount  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Speaking of, do you need help finding something to wear?  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: nah my moms helping me  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: which sounds stpid but i promise shes good at this stuff  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't doubt that! I'm sure you'll look nice.  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: thanx man. youll probly look better tho.  
  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Not after you show up. (◕‿◕✿)  
  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ///// shut up**  
  
"What's your face all red for?" Ryuji jumped, noticing for the first time that his mother was standing in the doorway staring at him.  
  
"It ain't! It's just hot in the apartment."  
  
"Hot. Right. In the middle of winter." Ryuji's mom rolled her eyes and stepped further into the room, placing her hands lightly on her son's shoulders. "Now Ryuji, this is very important. You know my friend? Munehisa-San?"  
  
"Yeah, I remember you mentionin' her off and on." Ryuji stared at her, baffled by her sudden odd behavior. "What about her?"  
  
"Munehisa is a man."  
  
"What...? I always thought-..."  
  
"I know what you thought and that I never corrected you, but he's an important friend to me." Her grip on his shoulders tightened. "You're going to be shocked when you meet him, but I don't want you to make a big deal out of it, okay? There's a reason why I never introduced him before now. Do you understand?"  
  
"Uhhh, sure?" He followed her out into the living room and sat on the couch, watching with curiosity as his mother fluttered about nervously. Outside, Ryuji could hear the loud grumbling noises of a motorcycle, then silence when the motor cut off. His mother seemed to become more frantic, rushing to the door, then thinking better of it, back to stand beside him. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine." She insisted, even though she jumped when there was a knock at the door. She smoothed her shirt and went to answer it. "Munehisa, thank you for doing this."  
  
"Sure, ain't a big deal."  
  
Ryuji stood up out of his seat and whipped his head around, hearing an oddly familiar voice. There, coming in through the doorway, was the owner of the model gun shop.  
  
* * *  
  
"You seem sort of distracted," Ann sat down next to Akira, on the couch in Yusuke's living room. The party was in full swing, most of the guests milling about in small groups, chatting and grazing on snacks. "How did things go with Ryuji today?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: So far so good. We talked and I think we're dating now.  
**  
"What?! Really?! That's amazing!"  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: There's a catch. I still haven't told him about the surgery trial.  
**  
"Maybe now that your personal feelings have been sorted through, he'll be more receptive."  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I really hope so.  
**  
"If he tries to pull anything, Shiho and I'll corner him and make him straighten up!" Ann slammed her fist against her opposite palm, earning a soft snort of laughter from Akira. "Are you nervous about the surgery?"  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Kind of. I haven't had a lot of time to really sit down and think about it.  
**  
"Is it... Risky?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yes and no. All surgeries have the same basic risks, but experimental ones have some extra hurdles. I'm part of a trial, meaning that these techniques haven't been done a lot. I'll be part of a small group of people that will make up a control group. We're basically all experiments.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The first surgery I had when I came to Tokyo was also experimental, but it was close to being approved by the surgical board. I wasn't part of any kind of testing back then, just a patient who might have benefited from the new technique. Although it ended up failing.**  
  
"What will happen if this surgery fails?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'll likely never speak again. It would probably cause permanent vocal paralysis.  
As it is now, I can speak, but I just don't have any strength there. My vocal cords tend to freeze up and block off my breathing. Takemi hoped that medication and therapy would repair that issue, but it hasn't worked so far.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: If I were to skip the surgery trial, there's a chance something else would eventually come along that would be a cure for me. But... That could take years of waiting and the risk that my voice would eventually degrade to nothing. So really, it's the same no matter what I decide to do.  
**  
"I think if I were in your position, I'd go for the surgery too. Better to risk it all than to wait around and hope for nothing, right?"  
  
Akira smiled at Ann, moving a hand over to curl around one of hers, squeezing gently.  
  
"I better get back to Shiho. Ryuji should be here soon- Speaking of."  
  
The two of them stood up, glancing at each other and then at the door as the blond man entered. Ann gave Akira a light shove against his back, catching his eye for a moment before going off to see Shiho. Akira smoothed the front of his suit jacket, taken aback by the flutter of nerves inside his chest. He moved over towards the door to greet Ryuji.  
  
"H-Hey, man!" Ryuji lifted a hand up in greeting, kicking his shoes off next to the door. He stood up straight and stepped into the apartment. Akira's eyes moved up and down, taking in Ryuji's appearance, more than a little impressed. He was wearing the same maroon button-up shirt he had when they had gone to the apartment viewings, the dark color brought out the red and gold highlights inside Ryuji's normally near-black eyes.  
  
Over top, he wore a dark gray suit jacket with a sharp and slender fit and a matching gray tie, which he had already begun to fuss with and loosen. The outfit was thrown off in formality by the tight fitting black jeans that Ryuji was wearing underneath, but somehow it suited the blond, mixing in a bit of his usual style.  
  
"I know. I look like some second-rate Yakuza or somethin'."  
  
_"No. You look great."_ Akira smoothed his hands down the lapels of Ryuji's jacket, admiring the way the outfit clung to the blond. _"Let's take it off."_  
  
"Heh, no way! Ann and Yusuke would kill us." Ryuji laughed softly around a shy smile. "Maybe after, y'know, if you want."  
  
_"After is good."_ Akira signed, though he wasn't actually sure there would be an 'after'. He slipped his hand into one of Ryuji's and pulled the blond further into the apartment.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji took a deep breath, twining his fingers with Akira's. There was definitely no going back, everyone at the party would see them together and the hand holding would give everything away. With a slight sideways glance at Akira, Ryuji felt his confidence overtake any uncertainty. He was proud of the man beside him, proud that they had finally figured things out, and proud that they could finally be open about it with their friends.  
  
"Wooo! Ryuji, look at you!" Ann was the first to approach, admiring Ryuji's outfit the same way Akira had. "You clean up nicely."  
  
"You'll never believe who I got this jacket from," Ryuji replied, shaking his head in disbelief himself. "Y'know that model gun shop Akira works at? I guess the scary dude who owns it is like, longtime friends with my mom. It's effin' crazy!"  
  
"What?! How can someone as sweet as your mom be friends with that guy?"  
  
"Beats me."  
  
"I guess that's what they'll be saying about you and me someday." Ann joked, poking Ryuji gently in the shoulder, obnoxious as ever. "They'll say 'Ohhh Ann~ Why are you friends with that scary looking delinquent~?'"  
  
"Yeah, 'n what're you gonna tell them to explain?"  
  
"I'm gonna tell them that I'm actually just friends with his cute boyfriend instead."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"So you two are finally a thing then?" Makoto came up to stand next to Ann, looking at Ryuji and Akira with an amused expression. "It took you a long time to get there, huh?"  
  
"It was most painful to watch." Yusuke chimed in, piling his plate high with the snacks that had been prepared before the party. As he loaded a new item onto the plate, Futaba would reach over and slip it off and onto her plate, the artist oblivious to her thieving.  
  
"Wait a second. You guys knew 'bout this?!" Ryuji looked from his friends to Akira and back again, his eyebrows raised. "For how long?!"  
  
"It has been obvious since high school."  
  
"THAT LONG?!"  
  
"Even I knew." Mishima waved from his spot over next to Shiho and Haru on the couch. "There was actually a poll about it on the school website. I guess you probably never went on there though."  
  
"The school website?! ...Wait... Shujin had a website?"  
  
"Oh jeeze." Ann rolled her eyes. "Come on. Now that we aren't all waiting for you, we can officially start the party."  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji had never been much for mingling, he couldn't make small talk to save his life and finding interesting topics for conversation was a challenge. So while everyone in the room chattered together, he sat idly at Yusuke's dining table, sipping on a glass of the wine Ann and Shiho had brought.  
  
It was boring, but it gave him a good vantage point to watch Akira. The man crisscrossed all over the room, a social butterfly despite his inability to talk. He was charming, he was confident, he was everything that the blond wasn't, and it still amazed him that the two of them had ended up together. His hands moved rapidly in signs, sometimes translated to Shiho and Mishima by Ann or Yusuke. Other times he simply typed on his phone to make it easier, lightning fast, able to keep up with conversations without slowing them down.  
  
Ryuji had never sat down to watch, to see, to realize, that Akira was more capable than he thought. It made him think back on what Akechi had said to him and it was beginning to make more sense. He poured another glass of wine, using it to wash away the feelings of guilt that were rising up inside of him. He would do better, he vowed to himself.  
  
Distracted, he hadn't noticed that he was being approached until he felt cold fingers curling around his face from behind. Akira's fingers, he realized right away, as the other man's hands always seemed to be cold. He allowed his head to be rolled back, eyes swirling, the alcohol making him loopy.  
  
“Hey.” He greeted with a smile. Akira stared back, smirking and clearly amused by Ryuji's alcohol buzz. He took hold of one of Ryuji's hands and pulled the blond to his feet, nodding towards the empty master bedroom. Ryuji's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he wasn't going to protest to whatever Akira had planned for them in there.  
  
Slipping unnoticed past the other guests, the two of them made their way into the bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind them. Ryuji reached to turn on the light, but Akira's hand stopped him, leading him deeper into the room. As they got closer to the windows, the city lights outside illuminated Akira's face. His smile was almost devilish, a flash of teeth and glinted eyes, otherworldly and dangerous.  
  
“Fuck.” Ryuji murmured, feeling his heart stir and his breathing grow heavier. Akira let his back hit the glass, his silhouette framed by the city outside. He dropped his hold on Ryuji's arms, leaning fully back against the windows, his eyes beckoning for the blond to take the lead. “You don't think the windows will break, right?”  
  
Akira shrugged, giving no real answer. Ryuji normally would have hesitated, falling through the windows to their death would be a lame way to go, but the alcohol was making him bold. He pressed himself against Akira, setting his hands against the cool panes of glass, surprised to see that the other man was already hard.  
  
“Holy shit. Dude.” Ryuji grumbled, tucking his head down next to Akira's neck, breath fogging up the glass. “You sure this is cool?”  
  
Akira nodded his head, pushing against Ryuji's chest to move him back slightly so that they could look at one another.  
  
_“I want this. I want you.”_ Akira signed, before snaking his hands up under Ryuji's jacket, coaxing the blond's arms back, working the fabric off his toned arms. He let the jacket fall to the floor, turning his attention instead to the tie around Ryuji's neck, pulling it loose so that he could remove it. He held it in his hands for a moment, fingers trailing over the fabric, looking thoughtful.  
  
“H-Hey. I don't think I'm ready to go that far. Bondage is a little-” Ryuji slid the tie free of Akira's grasp, earning a smirk in reply. “Maybe eventually. For now, I wanted to try something specific.”  
  
Akira's face became curious, but Ryuji ignored it. He was always better at showing people things instead of telling them. He pressed himself back against Akira, leaning down to kiss over his neck, working his way down to his collarbones, trying to mimic the things that had previously been done to him.  
  
He began to unbutton Akira's shirt, revealing the skin underneath, following it down with his lips, until he was kneeling. Once the last button had been undone, he glanced up, meeting Akira's eyes. To encourage the blond to continue, Akira skinned out of his jacket and shirt, tossing them to the floor next to Ryuji's. He leaned back against the window, shivering when the cold glass brushed against his shoulders.  
  
“Kinda cold, eh?” Ryuji asked, laughing softly at the scowl on Akira's face. “S'cool man. I gotcha. I'll warm you up.”  
  
Ryuji unbuttoned and unzipped Akira's pants, sliding them down off his hips. He moved back some so that he could step out of them. Ryuji was beginning to wonder just how many layers they were going to take off, how far they both intended to go. The others would have noticed them absent by now, and a dark room behind a locked door had obvious implications.  
  
But did Ryuji really care? His wine drunk mind convinced him that it wasn't a big deal, so he moved on.  
  
Akira had a way of looking good in anything and Ryuji had seen it all, bundled up for the cold winters and completely naked in the bathhouse. He had seen him in expensive designer suits, all gifts from Ann's modeling agency, and he had seen him in old t-shirts and sweatpants. By far, his favorite version of Akira, dressed or otherwise, was the one currently in front of him.  
  
Akira was still standing with his back against the glass, the lights from outside created suggestive shadows that stretched out over his body, black shapes that defined muscle. His boxers were low on his hips, the fabric stretched out and tented, a righteous abuse of cotton and spandex. Ryuji had to cover his eyes and breathe deep for a moment.  
  
Had their positions been reversed, the blond was sure that he would have been embarrassed, that he would probably have asked to move away from the windows. Akira, on the other hand, looked completely casual, like he was posing for an ad in a magazine instead of waiting to be sucked off by his overwhelmed companion.  
  
“I really hate you sometimes,” Ryuji whispered, hearing a soft breath of laughter come from above his head. The sound was so pleasant that he couldn't even be mad about it.  
  
Turning his attention to the task at hand, he found himself feeling a bit hesitant. He had vague ideas of what to do, had watched plenty of porn to know the basics, but he had always expected to be on the receiving end. He licked his lips nervously, wondering how to begin, worrying about doing something weird or wrong.  
  
To hell with that.  
  
If wine was good for anything, it was good for nervous first-time blow jobs. Ryuji cleared his throat and got his resolved back in order. He slid one hand behind Akira to rest over on the small of his back, while the other pulled down on the elastic of his boxers, removing them. Akira's cock sprang free, curving towards his stomach slightly, larger than Ryuji had expected.  
  
“I like it,” Ryuji stated, after a moment or two of shameless staring. Akira set a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing, his free hand signing it instead, likely to avoid a coughing fit. Ryuji grinned up at him, pleased with his amused reaction, happy that the two of them could laugh about it. “Dicks were never really somethin' I thought about before, y'know? I think yours is pretty great though.”  
  
_“I like yours too.”_ Akira signed, still looking like he might be on the verge of laughing.  
  
“Yeah? What do you like about it?”  
  
_“It felt big, thick.”_  
  
“Y-Yeah?” Ryuji asked, his face hot, his heartbeat more apparent. He gripped Akira's back tighter, mostly to ground himself, and used his free hand to run a finger up the underside. Akira groaned, a soft and breathless sound, as his hands balled up into fists against the glass. Seeing such a positive reaction encouraged Ryuji to continue. He curled his fingers around it, stroking a few times, watching pre-cum begin to form at the head.  
  
Ryuji ran his tongue over his lips to wet them and leaned forward, trying to be mindful of his teeth as he sealed his mouth around the head. The taste was unusual, but not off-putting, on the borderline between salty and sweet. Akira's hips jerked again, pushing him deeper into Ryuji's mouth, pulling an eager moan from the blond.  
  
Now that he had gotten over the initial concerns about it, Ryuji could tell that he was going to want to do it all the time. He was already addicted to the feeling of it, the weight on his tongue, the stretch of his jaw, and most importantly, the soft desperate noises that Akira had started to make. A hand came down to rest against the back of Ryuji's head, pushing him down further, nearly choking him.  
  
He took short breaths through his nose and fought the temptation to swallow, knowing that if he tried, he really would choke. The fingers in his hair tightened, pulling his head back some so that he could look up, to see the intense stare of the gray eyes that were watching him. They looked at each other for a moment and then Akira released his head, allowing him to take control of things again.  
  
Ryuji pulled off so that he could swallow and catch his breath. His pants were beginning to feel uncomfortably tight against the hard-on he was sporting inside of them. He decided to undo the front of them and to remove his shirt so that it didn't get messed up. Akira watched him the entire time, waiting patiently while Ryuji composed himself.  
  
“Sorry about that.” Ryuji apologized, glancing up when Akira brushed his fingers gently over the side of his face.  
  
_“It's okay. Take your time.”_  
  
Ryuji leaned forward to take the tip into his mouth again, snorting when he heard Akira's head thunk back against the glass. As if he was unsure of what to do with his hands, Akira set one on top of Ryuji's head again and curled the other around the arm still holding his back. As the blond took him deeper into his mouth, his hands tightened, and his breath hitched.  
  
Ryuji shut his eyes, trying to focus all his attention on what his mouth was doing, keeping his ears trained for the small noises that Akira made, using them as a guide to figure out what he liked. He took him deep into his mouth, moaning in his own excitement at the feeling, moaning again when Akira's cock twitched and his fingers tightened in his hair. He pulled back and looked up at the other man's face, surprised to see Akira looking disheveled.  
  
Ryuji didn't feel like he had done much, but still, his best friend looked compromised and that was definitely an ego boost. His eyes were half-lidded, looking down with something close to confusion on his face, face flushed, though it was hard to see it in the dark room. He freed a hand to slip his glasses off his face, tossing them into the pile of clothes on the floor.  
  
_“Close.”_ He signed, and Ryuji could feel his own cheeks starting to heat up.  
  
Determined to see things through to the end, Ryuji picked up where he had left off. He got the strongest reactions when he pulled almost all the way off or ran his tongue over the slit and around the head. The hand on his head would push him back down or grip tighter to keep him in place, like Akira was afraid he was going to pull away and stop.  
  
On the other hand, going too deep with his mouth seemed to be overwhelming for Akira, so the blond tried to hold off on doing it. Instead, he'd go halfway and what he didn't have in his mouth eventually got the attention of one of his hands. He'd curl his fingers around the base to stroke lower than his mouth could reach.  
  
Akira's legs had started to shake with the effort of holding back. His grip in Ryuji's hair was nearly painful, but the blond didn't complain. Akira's back had started to arch, and he likely would have come inside Ryuji's mouth, had he not had the sense to pull the blond off. Ryuji was about to protest when Akira's raspy insistent voice stopped him.  
  
“No. Ple-s...” He grabbed hold of one of Ryuji's upper arms, hauling the blond to his feet. He kissed him gently, his breath trembling against the blond's lips, right at the edge, but still holding back.  
  
“It's okay,” Ryuji whispered back, pressing their foreheads together. He dropped a hand down to grip Akira's cock again, moving his hand loosely over him. When he finally came, Ryuji was glad that their faces were pressed so close together, had they not been, he wouldn't have been able to hear Akira rasp out his name.  
  
Akira sagged against him, panting softly, held up by Ryuji's other arm wrapped tightly around his waist. It only occurred to the blond then that the other man was completely without clothes, pressed against a window overlooking the city. Though they were high up, he still wondered if anyone had been able to see Akira's backside. He snorted, thinking about what an amazing sight that must have been.  
  
“You okay now?” He asked when Akira finally seemed to have regained his strength. He leaned back against the window, head rolled to the side, looking up at Ryuji through his bangs with a crooked smile on his face. “Holy shit. What's that look for? I barely did anything.”  
  
_“My turn.”_ Akira signed, moving towards Ryuji in a flash, pushing his jeans and boxers down off of his hips.  
  
“W-What?! No way! The party! The party, remember?! Everyone is definitely gonna think it's weird that we've gone off alone-...” Ryuji's voice died in his throat, as Akira's cold fingers wrapped around his still hard cock, pulling it free. “Y'don't gotta-...”  
  
Akira dropped to his knees in front of Ryuji and with no hesitation, took the head into his mouth. Ryuji wished he had a window to lean back against, as the shock of it almost caused him to take a wrong step backward and fall. He placed a hand on the back of a nearby couch instead and used it to help him balance.  
  
“Fuck-...” He hissed, as Akira took him deeper, overwhelmed by the feeling of the other man's hot wet mouth. It was yet another thing Akira seemed to have experience with, the right way to angle his mouth, when and how to drag his teeth. Ryuji knew he wasn't going to last long, he could already feel the pressure building.  
  
Akira took him all the way to the base and the shock from it pushed Ryuji over the edge, unable to voice any kind of warning. The dark-haired man pulled back just enough to keep from getting choked, aware of the fact that Ryuji was going to have a short fuse. He swallowed and grimaced slightly, pulling off of the blond without so much as a spit string.  
  
“What the hell? Who taught you to do that?” Ryuji groaned, sinking to the floor next to Akira, completely scandalized, legs still shaking. “I wanna ask, but I kinda don't wanna know either.”  
  
_“It's not important,”_ Akira assured him, kissing his forehead softly. _“We should go back.”_  
  
“Yeah. Definitely.”  
  
The two of them broke apart to get dressed, though Ryuji refused to put the tie back on, storing it away in his jacket pocket instead. Before they went back into the living room, Akira turned on the light in the room to give their eyes a chance to adjust. He ran his hand down Ryuji's suit, smoothing out any wrinkles caused by the floor. Something about the action felt intimate.  
  
“This is going to be embarrassin',” Ryuji sighed, opening the door to walk back out into the living room. Eyes turned to look at them and Ryuji could already feel the heat burning in the back of his ears. Akira adjusted his glasses and took the lead.  
  
“What were you guys doing in there~?” Futaba goaded, loud enough for the whole room to hear.  
  
“Talking,” Ryuji said simply, though it was clear that his lie wasn't believed. They sat down on one of the couches and Akira lifted his arm to wrap it around Ryuji's shoulders. Once it was clear that there wouldn't be any details given, the others turned back to their conversations.  
  
* * *  
  
"You look so nice," Ryuji mumbled the words through an alcohol-induced daze. After Futaba had been sent home, the group had played through a few different drinking games, all of which Ryuji had been horrible at. He was now laying on the floor, his head in Akira's lap, while the others talked around him. He wasn't drunk, at least he didn't think he was, tipsy maybe, but not drunk.  
  
"Here, drink some water." Shiho came to sit down next to them, handing off a glass of water to Akira, before settling back to lean against Ann's shoulder. Ryuji sat himself up, miscalculating the effort, almost rolling forward to land on his face. Akira's hands caught his shoulders, helping to right him. "Probably best if you try to drink the whole thing. Just don't go too fast."  
  
"Who knew Ryuji was such a lightweight?" Ann teased, earning a sharp look from the blond. He took the glass of water from Akira and began to slowly nurse it.  
  
"I jus' don't drink very often is all." He argued back, trying to mimic Shiho by leaning his head against Akira's shoulder. His aim was off and he ended up against the man's chest instead, but he wasn't going to complain. Akira's arm came up to wrap around his shoulders, fingers sliding up through his hair, messaging his head.  
  
Ryuji glanced up at Akira's face, noticing for the first time in the past hour that he seemed oddly quiet, even for someone who couldn't speak. He didn't look to be upset about anything, his face relaxed and his eyes calm. He even smiled when he glanced down to see Ryuji looking up at him, but it didn't quite reach his eyes and something about that worried the blond.   
  
"You okay?" He asked, sitting up to lean close to Akira's ear so that his question wouldn't be overheard. Akira shrugged his shoulders in a vague answer, sending a pulse of worry through Ryuji. "You feelin' sick from the booze? Have some water, man. I can get more for m'self."  
  
_"I'm okay."_ Akira insisted, reaching out to steady Ryuji. He stood and the blond looked up at him, noticing for the first time the tension around his gray eyes. He looked at Ann and something passed between them. She whispered to Shiho before coming over to collect Akira, pulling him off to stand at the head of the group.  
  
"Akira has something he would like to tell everyone. I'm going to talk for him to make things a little bit easier." Ann took Akira's phone from him, holding it out in front of herself like announcement papers. "'Thank you all for being here, for Ann and for Shiho. This evening is exclusively about them, but in an act of selfishness, I ask to have your attention,'"  
  
"'All of you are aware of my health condition and the difficulties it has caused for me. Recently, an opportunity has come up that could change my life for the better. There is going to be an experimental surgery trial at the beginning of next month that I have been accepted into. This is something that I have chosen for myself and I hope that you'll continue to support me as I take this next step.'"  
  
The room grew silent, so much so that Ryuji could hear the nervous shallow breaths he was taking, hear the sound of his pulse rushing through his ears. He could feel the color beginning to drain from his face, as his eyes scanned the room, seeing that most of those in attendance, didn't appear surprised by the announcement. In addition, most of the girls seemed to be actively avoiding the temptation to look at him, Ann most of all.  
  
"What?" He croaked, glancing up at Akira. Their eyes met and the dark haired man dropped his gaze away to the floor. "Wait a second, how many of you knew about this?"  
  
"I only found out this morning." Yusuke confessed, "Futaba accidentally let it slip."  
  
"Akira told us at dinner yesterday," Haru spoke up next, still avoiding Ryuji's eyes. An incredulous laugh built up in his throat, the sound bitter and painful to his own ears.  
  
"Is there anyone here who didn't know? How 'bout you, Mishima?" Ryuji turned to look at the slender man.  
  
"Shiho told me," Mishima said softly, avoiding Ryuji's glaring eyes.  
  
"So I'm literally the only one who didn't know."  
  
"Does it matter?" Ann asked, stepping away from Akira so that she could come and kneel down next to Ryuji. "You know now, right?"  
  
"God. This is so stupid." Ryuji stood and set his glass down on the table. "It's been real fun guys, but I gotta go."  
  
"Ryuji, think logically about this. Yusuke stood up, reaching over to grab the blond by the shoulders. "The important thing is that you know now. So you have to deal with it-..."  
  
"Shut the hell up, okay?" Ryuji pulled free of Yusuke's grasp and moved unsteadily towards the door, stopping beside Akira. The two of them looked at one another and Ryuji felt his blood boiling with anger. He grit his teeth together, speaking between them, "Out in the hall. Now."  
  
The two of them excused themselves from the group to move out into the hallway, Ryuji stopping to pull his shoes and jacket on, intending to leave the moment he was done saying what he planned to say. The moment the doorknob clicked shut, Ryuji caught hold of the front of Akira's shirt and used it to shove him back against the door.  
  
"What the fuck are you tryin' to pull here?!" He growled the words. The hand fisted in the fabric of Akira's shirt began to shake with the effort of trying to hold back his anger. "You think this is a goddamn joke or something?! Is this funny to you?!"  
  
_"No."_ Akira signed, his expression irritatingly calm. He had been expecting Ryuji's anger, which only made the blond feel it that much more.  
  
"I'm your best friend! I should'a been the first person you told! How long have you known about all this?!"  
  
_"About a month."_  
  
"A month. Un-fuckin'-believable.” Ryuji released Akira and stepped away, pacing down the hallway a short way. A separate part of his brain recognized his overreaction as a side effect of his drinking, willing him to calm down, to discuss things when he was sober. The other part of him was too angry to care, even when it brought his father to mind. Had this been what he felt when he got drunk? Ryuji laughed in spite of himself, like father like son, he thought.  
  
“This is so sad man. Our relationship lasted less than a day.” Ryuji turned to look at Akira, seeing the startled look in his gray eyes. “What? You thought I was gonna wanna keep datin' and stuff after you lied to me? That you can just suck my dick and everythin's fine after that? Not a chance, man. Eff that! You know how I feel about liars.”  
  
_“Go home. Get sober. We will talk then.”_  
  
“No, we won't. I'm done, man. I've spent all week wonderin' what I did wrong, what I did to make you ignore me and blow me off. Then, we finally talk, get it all out there, and you pull this on me. I'm not going to keep someone in my life who plays with me like that.”  
  
_“Sober up.”_  
  
“My mind's never been clearer.”  
  
_“You're drunk.”_ Akira moved towards Ryuji, catching hold of his face, forcing the blond to look at him. Ryuji wanted to lean into the other man's touch, to ignore his anger and submit. When Akira's lips brushed against his, his chest ached, begging him to give Akira another chance.  
  
_I can't._ Ryuji thought, knowing that he was right to be angry, to feel betrayed. The one person he loved more than anyone else had lied to him. He broke away from the kiss, looking into a pair of frantic gray eyes. His fist rose up without much thought to the action, colliding with Akira's jaw, the force of it sent the dark haired man staggering backward.  
  
The commotion caused Ann to come out of Yusuke's apartment to check on them. She glanced between them, her eyes wide with shock and confusion. She knelt down next to Akira, helping the dazed man sit up.  
  
“Ryuji! What the hell?!” She demanded, glancing over her shoulder into the apartment. “Shiho! Grab a bag of ice.”  
  
“Fuck all of you. I'm leaving.” Ryuji turned away, his heart racing, mind spinning with regret. He had sworn to himself he would never hit someone again, not after that fight with Akira in third year, when the two of them had almost stopped being friends. Yet there he stood, having done it once again. Disgusted with himself, he started to walk down towards the elevator, desperate to get away.  
  
“Ryuji get back here!”  
  
He glanced over his shoulder to see Ann coming down the hallway after him. He abandoned the elevator for the stairs, taking them two at a time, determined to put his track training to good use and outrun her. His lungs were burning and his knee on fire by the time he reached the first floor. He paused to look up, seeing that Ann was still a few floors behind him. He took off through the door and out onto the sidewalk.  
  
Ann came out behind him, having caught some speed on her way through the apartment's lobby. Seeing her catching up, he spared only a quick glance before rushing out across the street. A truck turned the corner, it's lights catching him off guard, breaks squealing in an attempt to stop. A gust of cold air and snow blinded him and he staggered, his legs shooting out from under him as he hit a patch of ice.  
  
“Ryuji!” Ann's screaming voice filled his ears as his vision blurred. He struggled for a moment, trying to suck in air, the breath knocked out of him. Hands grabbed hold of his shoulders, strangers hauling him out from under the front bumper of the truck. He had barely escaped being hit by the grace of the ice that had downed him, spinning his body so that it slid between the front tires. “What the hell do you think you're doing?!”  
  
“I don't know.” He replied in a daze. Noises and movements swirled around him, his brain struggling to understand.  
  
“I think he's okay. Yes, yes, thank you. I'll take it from here.” Ann had stood up to address the people who were gathering around them, while Ryuji tried his best to process everything that had just happened. Ann knelt down next to him, grabbing hold of one of his arms, hauling him to his feet. “Can you walk?”  
  
“I think so.”  
  
“We need to leave. I think they called the cops.”  
  
“Okay.” Ryuji held onto Ann as she began hauling him down the street and away from the onlookers.  
  
“I gotcha.” A familiar voice came up from behind them and Ryuji turned his head around to see Iwai standing beside him. The older man hooked an arm around his waist, taking most of his weight off of Ann. Moving faster this way, the three of them moved down Central Street towards the model gun shop. Once inside the shop, Iwai sat Ryuji down behind the counter and wordlessly disappeared into the back, returning with a large medical kit.  
  
“You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen.” Iwai scolded, helping Ann remove Ryuji's coat, the suit jacket, and the shirt underneath. He began to feel along the blond's sides, checking for broken bones and unseen injuries. “You reek of alcohol. Guess that kind of explains it.”  
  
“Is he okay?” Ann asked anxiously, hovering around the two men while Iwai worked.  
  
“I think so. He's probably in shock. He jus' needs time to calm down.”  
  
“He's got a bad leg. His right one.”  
  
“I'll check it. Get him to lay down.”  
  
“Ryuji.” Ann's hands gripped his face, guiding him onto his back to rest his head in her lap. He turned his eyes to look at her, surprised to see her face was red, evident that she had been crying. This pulled him out of his daze, a rush of lost emotions and physical sensations hit him. He became aware of everything all at once, gasping, his body jerking, trying to process the huge overload of information.  
  
“There he is.” Iwai murmured, grabbing hold of Ryuji's shoulders to hold him down. “I've called Takemi. Just lay still.”  
  
“You know her too?”  
  
“Er... Kinda. I live in that area with my boy.”  
  
“Let me up!” Ryuji exclaimed, feeling a jolt of pain rush up his right leg.  
  
“You gotta lay still. You could have injuries we don't know about.” Iwai's voice was irritatingly calm, his hands strong on the blond's shoulders, keeping him pinned. Ryuji struggled for a while longer and then gave up, his body going slack, too exhausted to try anymore. “I'll go into the back. See if I've got something you can take for the pain.”  
  
Once Iwai had disappeared, Ann turned on Ryuji, her eyes blazing with fury. She scooted out from under his head, letting it drop to the floor and crawled on top of him, straddling his body. She grabbed the front of his shirt, hauling him off the ground, her other hand swinging out to backhand his face, making him see stars.  
  
“Don't you _ever_ do anything like that again! What the hell were you thinking?!” Ann's voice wavered, cracking as she broke down. She leaned forward to press her head against his, her tears hot on his cheeks. “You could have died! You stupid idiot.”  
  
“I'm sorry,” Ryuji whispered, hooking his arms up to wrap around her neck. A lump formed inside his throat, as his eyesight began to blur with his own tears. He bit his lip, trying to hold them back, failing. “I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry, Ann. I'm so sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always look both ways before crossing the street, kids!
> 
> Also, fun fact: I didn't realize when writing this fic that Tokyo actually doesn't get very much snow in the wintertime. For the sake of my plot, I'm not going to sweat the details.


	8. You're Everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commented and kudoed the last chapter. I really appreciate it! This chapter is a little bittersweet, but I promise that it won't be nearly as sad as the last one was! (At least I don't think it is!)
> 
> Also, as a side note, this chapter does contain a couple of scenes implying vomiting. (WHAT? WHY IS THAT A SIDE NOTE?!) The main reason I warn about this is that my fiance happens to have emetophobia! So I thought I might make mention of it for other people who have this phobia. The scenes are not detailed, but definitely heavily implied.

While waiting for Takemi to arrive, Ryuji had fallen asleep. He wasn't sure how long he'd been out when he woke to voices speaking nearby in hushed tones. He was in the back of the model gun shop on a cot, though he hadn't remembered moving there. Ann was seated next to him, her head resting against a nearby shelf, on the verge of sleep herself.  
  
“Ah, so you're awake.” Takemi stepped into view, Iwai at her back. Ann jolted a bit, sitting up to rub at her eyes and yawn. “You're lucky you didn't die.”  
  
“I... I don't really remember what happened.” Ryuji admitted, averting his eyes away. He knew what happened just based on what he had been told, but the moment itself had left a huge gap in his memory. He tried to recall slipping on the ice or sliding up under the car but the events were a big blur up until the arrival at the model gun shop.  
  
“You ran out into the street and almost bit the big one.” Iwai came to stand next to Ryuji, kneeling down to get a look at his face. “I was there watchin' when it happened. You ran out and hit the ice just right to spin yourself otherwise that truck would have crushed you. I've never seen anyone with that kind of dumb luck.”  
  
“I didn't see any cars.”  
  
“To be fair, that truck turned when it shouldn't've, but you should'a known better.”  
  
“I know. I wasn't thinkin'.”  
  
“Damn right you weren't.” Iwai sighed in exasperation. “I ain't gonna tell your mom about this. She's got enough shit goin' on without havin' to worry about her grown ass son crossin' the street without lookin'.”  
  
“Sorry to cause you all this trouble.”  
  
“Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Ann and the good doctor here.”  
  
“You're lucky I didn't decide to amputate your leg out of sheer spite.” Takemi came to sit next down on the end of the cot by his legs, trailing her hands over them suggestively. “I'm sure Iwai's got a hacksaw we could use.”  
  
“That ain't funny,” Ryuji grumbled back, glaring at her. “Is... It all messed up again? My leg?”  
  
“Not completely. It didn't break, but it's not going to feel good in the morning. I had to give you a very low dose of pain medication because of all the alcohol in your system. I expect it to wear off shortly.”  
  
“You can stay with me and Shiho for tonight.” Ann reached out to brush his hair back from his face. He glanced at her, surprised to see her looking at him with a gentle expression.  
  
“I'll give you both a ride.” Takemi stood up and moved towards the front of the shop, Iwai close behind her.  
  
“I'm sorry.” Ryuji turned to look at Ann, reaching out to take hold of one of her hands. “I'm sorry that I scared you.”  
  
“It's okay. I mean, it's not, but I know you didn't mean to do it.” Ann gave his hand a soft squeeze and rose to her feet. Still holding his hand, she helped him sit up and maneuver around on the cot so he could stand. She hooked an arm around his waist and helped him hobble his way through the shop and out to Takemi's car.  
  
Both Takemi and Ann had to help him up the stairs and into Ann's apartment. He was startled by the number of boxes stacked in the living room when just two days earlier it had been clear. Ann rushed forward to move them out of the way, making a path for them so that they could get Ryuji to the couch.  
  
“I'll be back in the morning to check on you,” Takemi announced, pulling a prescription bottle out of her jacket pocket, waving it in front of his face. “These are for tomorrow when you've sobered up. Got that?”  
  
“I got it.” He took the bottle and laid himself back on the couch, feeling exhausted in all the worst ways.  
  
“You're probably going to be hung over. Don't take those unless you think you can keep them down. Regular aspirin is a lot milder on the stomach.”  
  
“Thank you. I mean it... Sorry, you had to come out in the middle of the night to take care of me.”  
  
“Thank me when I send you the bill for the house call.” Takemi turned on her toes and moved towards the door with Ann. The two of them spoke softly for a few minutes, their words too muffled for Ryuji to make out and then Takemi left.  
  
“I'm going to get you some water,” Ann said, ducking around boxes to get to her kitchen. While she fussed with a stack of plastic cups, Ryuji looked around the room at all the things she had packed. His stomach clenched nervously, realizing that Ann would be leaving soon, along with Yusuke and... Akira.  
  
“I'm going to be all alone,” Ryuji mumbled, shutting his eyes tightly, his head aching.  
  
“What was that?” Ann asked as she sat down on top of the coffee table in front of the couch. She reached out to card her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face. He opened his eyes to look at her, wondering how he was going to get by without her help. “Ryuji...”  
  
“I'm going to be all alone. You 'n Shiho are moving to Paris. Yusuke is going on some art tour. Akira is-Well he's going for that surgery. I guess I can hang out with Makoto, or Haru, or Futaba, but-”  
  
“Yusuke will be back in about a month. Shiho and I are coming back for the holidays. I don't know how things will pan out with Akira, but I'm sure he'll be back as soon as he can be.”  
  
“Well yeah, but that's still weeks and months.” Ryuji's voice rose in despair. “I'm not like you guys! I don't have goals or dreams or anything I want to be. The only reason I got into college was to hang out with Akira and to make my mom happy. Once I get my general studies, then what? I'm flippin' patties at Big Bang Burger or working nights at the convenience store.”  
  
“Ryuji... We're all still young. There's still time.” Ann set her hands against his shoulders, leaning in to press her forehead against his. “You'll figure it out, I promise.”  
  
He tried to believe her, but everything felt hopeless. The world was falling apart around him and he couldn't find a way to stop it.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji had been just on the edge of sleep when a subtle change of position had misaligned his bad leg, waking him back up. He clenched his teeth in anticipation, able to feel his muscles start to bunch together, sending a fire hot jolt of pain through the limb. He clawed his pillow out from under his head and pressed it over his face, hoping to muffle his noises of distress.  
  
_It'll pass. It'll pass. It'll pass._ He thought frantically, trying to keep still against his body's inclination to writhe. Minutes passed, stretching on endlessly until Ryuji was certain he would go crazy. He moved his hand blindly over the coffee table until he found the prescription Takemi had given him. He threw back one of the pills and willed himself to relax. He could hear Ann and Shiho milling around in their bedroom, getting ready for the day. He prayed they would think he was asleep and leave him alone.  
  
“Ryuji...? Are you okay?” He could hear Ann's hurried footfalls against the floor as she came out of her bedroom. She grasped the pillow and pulled it away from him, despite the soft incoherent protest that fell from his mouth. One of her hands came down to rest against the side of his face, thumb coming up to brush away the moisture blurring his vision. “Shiho! Call Takemi! Just hold on, Ryuji.”  
  
Ryuji shut his eyes and tried to focus on anything that would distract his mind away from the pain. He could hear Shiho rushing about the house, her voice rising and falling in volume as she passed from room to room. Ann left his side for a moment and when she returned she had a cold wet washcloth with her. She pressed it against his forehead and he leaned into the feeling of it.  
  
“Sorry.” He rasped, feeling frustrated with himself, knowing that he was upsetting her.  
  
“Don't apologize.” She replied firmly, moving the cloth down to clean his face up and wipe the sweat from his brow. “You have nothing to apologize for.”  
  
Time continued to pass slowly and the pain didn't seem to be ebbing away, even after taking the pain medication. He clenched his teeth tighter, even when his jaw began to hurt, trying to keep himself as quiet as possible. Every small sound seemed to catch Ann and Shiho's attention and he was trying his best not to worry them any more than he already was. He willed Takemi to hurry up, sure that at any moment he would probably crack and start screaming. His vision blurred again and he shut his eyes against it.  
  
When he opened them again, Ann was gone and Takemi was in her place. The pain in his leg, though still present, had eased off to a more manageable level. He was relaxed enough to be embarrassed by the realization that the doctor had removed his pants. The feeling increased two-fold when she squeezed something out of a tube onto her hands and began to massage his knee and thigh, her soft hands skating uncomfortably close to his crotch.  
  
“You passed out.” She stated blandly, though a smile spread over her face when she saw how flustered her leg message was making him. “Don't get all excited, it's just something to help the muscles relax.”  
  
“I know that! I wasn't thinkin' about anything weird or nothin'!” Ryuji's voice betrayed him, cracking midway through his protest. Something about it was comical to the doctor and she began to laugh. “Hey! Is that how you treat a patient?!”  
  
“I couldn't help it. Sorry.”  
  
Ryuji wasn't convinced that her apology was sincere, but he wasn't going to argue with her, not when her hands were within striking range of his junk. He laid his head back and tried to rest. His body had started to feel shaky from all the adrenaline. He swallowed against the feeling building up inside his stomach.  
  
“Yo. I need you to help me. Like, right now. I feel sick.” Ryuji could feel the blood draining from his face and his stomach trying to clench up. Takemi seized hold of his upper arms and pulled, helping to haul him to his feet.  
  
“Don't put weight on your leg.” She warned, ducking under his arm to half drag half carry him into the bathroom. She deposited him gracelessly onto the floor and knelt down next to him. Ryuji didn't want her there, but he definitely couldn't protest.  
  
“Sorry,” He apologized when he could speak again, taking the cloth she offered him to wipe his mouth off with.  
  
“It happens, probably more often than you would imagine. Perk of being a doctor, I guess. You really should take your pills with food next time.” Takemi spoke softly and Ryuji was slightly taken aback by it. He had never heard her talk like that to anyone except Akira. “I sent Ann and Shiho to the store to get supplies for you. They wanted to stay, but knew I needed room to work and that you would be more comfortable without them hanging around.”  
  
“Thank you... Sorry, you had to come do all this shit.”  
  
“You're my patient. It's my job to come to help you when you need it. There's no need to apologize for that.”  
  
“I know, but...” Ryuji couldn't think of how to finish and Takemi didn't press him to. She helped him to his feet and allowed him a moment at the sink to tidy up before helping him back to the couch.  
  
“You need to rest for the next couple of days and stay off your leg as much as possible,” Takemi explained, rifling through her medical bag. “You're hungover and probably dehydrated. Dehydration can cause your muscles to tighten up like that, as I'm sure you know. I normally don't do this kind of stuff outside the office, but I'm going to set you up with an IV drip.”  
  
“I drank a bunch of water last night. It didn't help?”  
  
“I'm sure it did, but water alone isn't enough. Think sports drinks. You need vitamins and electrolytes to help you recover. I would have thought an ex-athelete would know that.”  
  
“Ann offered to get some last night, but I told her not to.” Ryuji sighed, cursing his own stupidity. “I guess I didn't think being hungover was like that.”  
  
“Don't beat yourself up over it.” Takemi chided, taking hold of Ryuji's arm to insert the IV needle. “Patient recovery is partially influenced by mood, so don't spend all day sulking.”  
  
“I'll try not to.”  
  
“Good.” Takemi stood up, uncurling the tubing for the IV, connecting one end to the bag and the other to the needle in his arm. She lifted the bag up and hung it from one of the thumbtacks Ann had hung a poster on her wall with. “A little unconventional, but it works. I'll be back later today to collect all of this and check on you. Any questions?”  
  
“Actually...” Ryuji averted his eyes, feeling his heart thrumming inside his chest, picking up speed. He knew if he was going to get a straight answer about Akira, Takemi was the person to ask. “Why didn't Akira tell me about the surgery?”  
  
“Why do you ask?” Typical Takemi, answering a question with a question. Ryuji swallowed down his feeling of annoyance.  
  
“Obviously I want to know. Is there any other reason?”  
  
“I suppose not,” Takemi began, her expression perfectly blank. “It isn't hard to figure out, you always argued with him whenever he would bring up a new medication to try or the possibility of needing surgery again. I know you thought you were protecting him from pain and disappointment, but you were also standing in his way.”  
  
“I just didn't want him to end up depressed like he was before.”  
  
“...Are you sure that's the reason?”  
  
“Well, that's mostly the reason.”  
  
“If he recovers and is able to speak again, you won't be needed anymore. Right?” Takemi's eyes met his, but he was only able to hold her gaze for a moment or so. He looked away and nodded his head. “He's not that kind of person and I think you know that. You know him better than anyone, even better than me.”  
  
“But you guys dated and stuff,” Ryuji mumbled, feeling his heart begin to sink at her words. “When he was datin' you he didn't have time for me and it didn't ever seem to bother him.”  
  
“It did bother him, he was going through a lot of personal struggles. We dated, sure, but a lot of that time was spent on going to medical seminars, late night researching, talking to medical specialists. It was fun in the beginning the way most relationships are but it became less about being together the more time went on.”  
  
“He's special to me,” Takemi continued, eyes softening as she turned to look at Ryuji. “So of course I want the best for him. It's cliché, but sometimes when you let go of someone, you become that much closer to them. You're able to step back from the situation and see things you didn't see before. It makes you appreciate someone so much more.”  
  
Ryuji thought back to the day before and all the things he had felt. The content quiet as they worked in the kitchen together, the nervous anticipation and pride when everyone saw them as a couple for the first time, watching Akira strike out on his own at the party, and... The bedroom stuff. He didn't want to miss out on more moments like those.  
  
“So... I have to support his decision to go in for the surgery, even if I don't agree with it,” Ryuji spoke the words quietly as if volume would give them too much life and power and make them true. He wasn't ready for them to be true just yet.  
  
“Yes. If you care about him, if you want a future with him, then you need to let him go. Allow him to do something for himself, even if it fails. You can always pick someone back up and dust them off, but you can't give them back a missed opportunity.”  
  
“Oh.” It certainly wasn't the answer Ryuji wanted, but something inside him had expected it.  
  
“Talk to him before you decide anything,” Takemi said, waving her hand in front of his face to catch his attention again. “I'll be back to check on you later. The pain medication you took will make you tired. Don't fight it, go ahead and get some sleep.”  
  
Ryuji's eyes were already growing heavy.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji woke up to the feeling of a soft hand combing through his hair. He struggled to free himself fully from his drug-induced sleep, bogged down by the pain medication. He floated for a while, enjoying the feeling of soft fingers running through his hair, occasionally coming down to trace lightly over his eyebrows or along his jaw. The touch was familiar, but his mind was too weak to comprehend anything more than that. He let himself fall back to sleep and when he woke up again, it was dark outside.  
  
“Welcome back.” Takemi was by his side removing the IV from his arm. Something warm and heavy rested against Ryuji's chest and when he glanced down all he could see was a familiar head of black hair. Akira was sitting on the floor next to the couch, halfway draped over him. He was asleep, his long eyelashes fanned out over his cheeks.  
  
“He came by earlier and we didn't have the heart to send him away,” Ann explained, approaching from the kitchen with a glass in her hands.  
  
“Is he okay?” Ryuji asked, his voice hoarse from sleep.  
  
“He's fine. I think he's just tired.”  
  
“Here, drink this.” Takemi lifted Ryuji's head up to help him drink from the glass Ann handed her. The liquid inside had a horrible artificially sweet flavor, but his mouth was so dry, he didn't protest. “Don't make that face.”  
  
“I'm not making a face.” Ryuji retorted, earning an eyebrow raise from the doctor. She patted her medical bag suggestively and he backpedaled, not wanting to see what else she had brought with her. “Er-... Thank you for helpin' earlier.”  
  
“Don't mention it.”  
  
“For real though... Thank you.”  
  
“Thank me by taking better care of yourself.” Takemi gathered her bag up and rose to her feet, seeing herself out for the second time in one day. Once he was sure she was gone, Ryuji shifted closer to Akira and lifted a hand up to rest against his back.  
  
“He's been here all day, watching you sleep,” Ann explained. “He had just fallen asleep himself when Takemi came in. He must have been up all night last night. He totally crashed.”  
  
“Okay, okay. Don't make me feel like more of a dick than I already do.” Ryuji sighed, mindlessly running his hand over the other man's shoulders. “I'm still so pissed at him, I can't think straight. If he wasn't sleepin', I'd tell him to leave.”  
  
“You're still that mad?”  
  
“Kinda.”  
  
“Ryuji, come on.”  
  
“No.” He turned his head around to glare at Ann, feeling frustrated. “Everyone is acting like I was wrong to be mad. Worryin' about how someone's gonna react isn't a good enough reason not to tell them shit. I was worried about ruinin' our friendship by tellin' him how I felt about him, but I did it anyways. He could'a at least trusted me back.”  
  
“He does trust you. He was just trying to find the right time.” Ann crossed her arms over her chest, a clear sign that she wasn't going to see his side of things.  
  
“Obviously, he doesn't. What's the point of tellin' a room full of people somethin' they already know? Unless there's someone in the room who doesn't know. He used you guys as buffers.”  
  
“W-Well... Maybe...”  
  
“I'm not stupid,” Ryuji added, trying to keep his voice low and even, so he didn't wake Akira. “That's exactly the kind of stuff he does. He uses other people as a buffer to avoid major fallout. He's been doing it since we met.”  
  
“So if you knew that's what he was doing, why did you get so upset?”  
  
“Because I thought he and I were beyond that. I thought things were finally going to be cool between us for a while. I probably overreacted a bit though.”  
  
“A biiiiit?”  
  
“Okay, okay. I overreacted a lot. Happy?” Ryuji reached a hand out to brush away Akira's hair, checking for any marks left behind on his face from their fight. His heart sank when he saw the purpling bruises. “Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?”  
  
“You were drunk, so you weren't exactly yourself,” Ann replied in a soft voice, avoiding Ryuji's eyes.  
  
“Yeah, that's what my mom used to say to my dad.”  
  
“Don't compare yourself to that guy. You're nothing like that, I promise.”  
  
“I still shouldn't'a done it.”  
  
“It's okay.”  
  
“I shouldn't'a hit him, but... What he did, fuck, that hurt. Y'know?” Ryuji mumbled, settling back against the couch again, feeling tired.  
  
“I know.” Ann gathered up the blanket Ryuji had been using and draped it over the two men, leaving Akira's head uncovered. “Go back to sleep for a while. When you wake up, Shiho and I can drive you home.”  
  
* * *  
  
“You don't gotta do this.” Ryuji insisted as Akira helped him down the flight of stairs leading from Ann's apartment. The dark-haired man was supporting Ryuji's weight to keep it off of his bad leg, practically carrying him down instead of just helping. When they reached the bottom, he held onto Ryuji's arms so the blond could wiggle and twist his way into the passenger side seat of Shiho's car.  
  
_“I don't mind,”_ Akira replied when his hands were free, reaching across Ryuji to buckle him in.  
  
“You're going to need someone to stay with you tonight anyway,” Ann came down the stairs towards them, Shiho right behind her, danging the car keys from her pointer finger. “Your mom works an overnight, right?”  
  
“Yeah. She won't be back tonight.” Ryuji sank down in his seat, his heart fluttering nervously inside his chest. He was still angry and he wasn't convinced that being alone with Akira would do anything to help that. He shivered against a sudden gust of wind. “Shit, it's so c-cold.”  
  
“You may have a slight fever.” Shiho climbed into the driver's side and reached over to place the back of her hand against his forehead, frowning. “We should hurry and get him home. It's not doing him any good to be out in the wind like this.”  
  
Akira shut Ryuji's car door and climbed into the seat behind him. He slipped out of his jacket so that he could drape it over the blond. Ryuji turned around to look at him, catching his eye for just a moment before he turned away to fuss with his seat belt.  
  
“Thank you,” Ryuji said softly, pulling the jacket tighter around himself. It was warm and it smelled like coffee, like Akira. Had he not been in the company of other people, he likely would have buried his face in the fabric.  
  
* * *  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You need to eat.  
**  
Akira was sitting at the end of Ryuji's bed, flipping through one of the blond's comic books. Ryuji glanced at his phone and scowled. He lifted his eyes up to glare at Akira, acting as if the idea was vile.  
  
“Sorry. Pass.” Ryuji hunkered down inside his blankets, shivering from the chills his fever had brought on. “I almost threw up in Shiho's car, remember? I'd rather not repeat that performance.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The medication wouldn't make you so sick if you would stop taking it on an empty stomach.  
**  
“I drank that nasty juice stuff that Ann and Shiho got. Sports drink. Whatever it was.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: That isn't the same thing as food.**  
  
“Look man, I know you're trying to help, but I can't.” Ryuji sighed, averting his eyes away, his fists balling up in the sheets. “Sorry...”  
  
_“It is okay.”_ Akira signed. _“Maybe later.”_  
  
“S'kinda nice though, having you taking care of me.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Oh? Do you like that sort of thing?  
  
** “Kinda,” Ryuji admitted, glancing over the top of his phone to smile sheepishly at Akira. “I thought it'd be awkward havin' you here since we haven't really worked anythin' out.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Would you like to talk about it?**  
  
“Not yet. I have some things I need to figure out inside my head first.”  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I understand.**  
  
“I do uh, want to apologize though, for hittin' ya.” Ryuji's smile faded, his expression becoming tense. “I kinda wonder if I'm more like my dad than I want to admit, sometimes.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't think you are. There is a huge difference between what you did and what he did.  
  
** “Not really though. I got drunk, I got angry, I hit you.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I hurt you just as much. If not more so.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You were right. You're my best friend and you should be the first person to know when I'm planning a big decision like this.  
  
** “Being friends doesn't give me privilege over other people. Ann, Yusuke, all of them, they're your friends too.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But you're more than that to me.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: A lot more.**  
  
Akira moved across the bed and began to climb over on top of the blond, straddling his body. Ryuji's expression switched from surprise to embarrassment and back again as Akira took hold of one of his hands. He brought it up to his chest and flattened it out, covering it with his own hand.  
  
_“You are everything.”_  
  
“W-What? C'mon man.” Ryuji turned his face away and had it not already been flushed from his fever, Akira was sure that he would have been blushing. The words seemed to have affected the blond, he pressed his hand harder against Akira's chest, feeling his nervous heartbeat. “Everything is a lot of things for one dude to be. I don't know if I can meet your expectations.”  
  
Akira curled his hand tighter around Ryuji's, willing him to accept his confession.  
  
“Y-You too though. I mean, to me. You're everythin' to me too.” Ryuji's voice was soft, vulnerable. The words gave Akira pause, spreading through his body, shock, delight, relief, joy. He leaned in closer, feigning that he hadn't heard, tilting his head slightly to encourage Ryuji to say it one more time. A soft laugh bubbled up from within the blond's chest and he used his free hand to push Akira back. “No way. You heard me. I'm not gonna say it again.”  
  
_“Please? Once more?”_ Akira begged, moving the hand that was on his chest to his lips, trailing soft kisses over Ryuji's palm and down his wrist.  
  
“H-Hey. I already said no.”  
  
_“Please?”_ This time Akira used his eyes, slowly blinking his long eyelashes, sure that they would break Ryuji.  
  
“Jeeze... What a weird thing to want to hear me say.” Ryuji sighed, but the slight upturn of his lips gave away that he didn't actually mind. He took back his hands and placed them either side of Akira's face, mindful of the bruises. “You're everythin' to me.”  
  
* * *  
  
Shortly after their exchange, Ryuji fell asleep. Akira was tucked into bed next to him, cradling Ryuji's head against his chest, fingers combing mindlessly through the blond's hair. Though he was exhausted beyond words, Akira's mind was too busy to allow him to sleep. He scrolled through his phone, doing more research on the upcoming surgery trial. Since things were becoming more settled between him and Ryuji, it opened his mind up to a whole new set of worries about the trial.  
  
He was worried about leaving Tokyo, wondering how Sojiro, Futaba, and Morgana would be without him around. Sojiro wasn't getting any younger, and despite all her strides, Futaba still had a long way to go with her anxiety. Morgana-... Morgana would probably be fine. The cat had a way of swindling people into giving him whatever he wanted, food, treats, unconventional napping spots, nothing was off limits.  
  
He also worried about coming back and how things would be then. If the surgery worked, his whole life would open up to new possibilities and chances. Something about that seemed almost more frightening than the surgery failing. If it failed, nothing about his current situation would be any different, he would continue the way he always had.  
  
All this to say nothing of his concerns over Ryuji. He knew the blond was capable of taking care of himself, but he also knew that Ryuji didn't cope well with being left by himself for long periods of time. Akira supposed that Makoto, Haru, and Futaba would try to spend time with him when they could. Mishima or Hifumi were good alternatives if things got really desperate. Akechi? Not a chance. He quickly discarded his mind's mere suggestion of that.  
  
“Hey. Sorry to bother you,” Ryuji had woken back up, but his expression was tense, his face pale.  
  
_“Feeling sick?”_ Akira asked though he didn't wait around for an answer. He hauled both himself and Ryuji out of bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. Once there, he deposited Ryuji down onto the floor.  
  
“Out.” Ryuji insisted, swatting at Akira's legs until the other man left the room. Worry twisted inside him like a malicious vine, growing and spreading. He debated on contacting Takemi again. She had warned him about the medicine being strong, but he couldn't have imagined it would have such an effect on Ryuji. He sat back down on the bed and waited.  
  
It was going to be a long night.  
  
“M'sorry.” Ryuji apologized when he finally emerged, half hopping on one leg, using the wall for support. He wouldn't meet Akira's eyes as the dark-haired man carted him back to his bed and helped him lay down. “Seriously, you can leave. I can't expect you to stay here all night when I'm sick like this.”  
  
_“Not leaving.”_ Akira signed back, pulling the blankets up over the blond. He left for a moment to move Ryuji's computer chair over next to the bed, sitting down so he could keep vigil.  
  
“Please? Just go. I'll be fine.”  
  
_“You can't walk.”_  
  
“I'll figure it out.”  
  
_“I'm staying.”  
  
_ “I like having you around, just not when I'm sick.” Ryuji sighed the words, sounding defeated. When he placed a hand against Ryuji's forehead, he was upset to feel that the blond's fever was coming back. Akira once again wondered if he should contact Takemi, he had never seen Ryuji in such a weak state. A glance at the clock warned him against bothering the doctor, especially when it was likely that he was letting his own emotions get the better of him.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm going to run to the store and get you some different medicine.**  
  
“Okay.” Ryuji glanced at his phone to read Akira's message, eyes already starting to close as he began to doze off.  
  
When Akira returned from the store and tried to wake Ryuji, it sent him into a tailspin of panic when the blond didn't wake up. Out of desperation, he called Takemi at her office. His raspy and frantic utterances of Ryuji's name confused her at first until she realized who it was that had called her. She called him back from her cell phone, using video chat to communicate easier.  
  
“Shhh. Calm down.” Takemi soothed, staring through the screen at him with a calm expression. Her voice was clear, indicating she had been awake when he called, likely one of her usual late-night research binges. “Do you have a thermometer? Go ahead and take his temperature. You said his fever went up?”  
  
Akira pulled the thermometer out of the blond's mouth when it beeped, reading off the number, 101.2. He held the display up to the camera on his phone, allowing Takemi to see it.  
  
“Okay, that's good. That's pretty normal for a fever. Ryuji's always had pretty bad reactions to pain medication.” Takemi's voice was calm and it helped to bring down some of the tension forming inside Akira's nerves. “It's why I never really gave him anything long term. That and he was pretty set against it, his father's addiction history and all.”  
  
Sighing in relief, Akira switched to his front facing camera so that he could sign to her.  
  
_“He will be okay?”_  
  
“He'll be fine. Just keep an eye on him. If it goes up above 102, then you can give me another call. I'll be up. I'm finalizing some paperwork for your surgery,” Takemi paused, staring at him for a moment. “Ann said that you told him about the surgery. Obviously, his reaction was bad, but have you two worked it out?”  
  
_“Not yet. We will.”_  
  
“Just try to get things worked out before you leave. It won't do you any good to be fussing over that while you're recovering from the surgery.”  
  
_“I'll try._ ”  
  
“And Akira? Get some sleep. Okay? Ryuji's going to be fine, he just needs time to recover.”  
  
_“I will. Goodnight.”_ Akira ended the video call with her, shoulders slumping the moment her face disappeared from view. He rested his face in his hands, breathing deep to try and slow the rapid pace of his heartbeat.  
  
“What's wrong?” Ryuji's bleary voice caught Akira's attention. He glanced up to see the blond staring at him, looking confused.  
  
_“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”_ Akira ran his fingers through Ryuji's hair, smiling when he leaned into the touch like a cat. It took some coaxing to get the blond to go down again, but eventually, he went back to sleep. Exhausted, Akira returned to the bed with him, determined to get some rest.  
  
* * *  
  
When Akira woke the next morning he was alone in Ryuji's bed, sunlight streaming in through the window. He grabbed his phone to check the time, shocked to see that it was nearly noon. He had slept later than he intended, though it wasn't totally a surprise. He stumbled out of bed, groggy and disoriented, and went in search of the blond.  
  
He found him seated at the dining room table, picking apart toast slices. Relief washed through Akira, he hadn't expected to see Ryuji up and around, never mind eating something. It was a complete one-eighty to the way the blond had been the night before.  
  
“Yo! Good mornin'!” Ryuji was all smiles as Akira approached, patting the seat beside him. “Come sit down and eat somethin'.”  
  
_“Thank you,”_ Akira replied, returning the smile. He sat down at the table, unable to take his eyes off of Ryuji, overwhelmed by how happy he was to see him feeling better.  
  
“What on earth happened to your face?” Ryuji's mother appeared from the kitchen, inspecting the bruises along the right side of Akira's jaw. Ryuji shot a nervous glance in his direction.  
_  
“Dance off at the party.”_ He signed, giving her a moment to translate it back to herself.  
  
“What kind of party did Ann throw?!” Shaking her head in disbelief, she set a plate full of food in front of him. He suddenly realized how hungry he was, having not eaten since the party.  
  
“Hey man, slow down. No need to inhale it.” Ryuji mindlessly reached across the table to brush Akira's hair away from his face. The moment his fingers slipped free of the ends, he jolted, realizing that his mother was watching him with a sly smile on her face. “Th-That was jus'-”  
  
“It's alright. I don't mind.” She reassured him, patting her hand gently atop his head. “I knew this day would come. I've been waiting.”  
  
“What?! No effin' way. Since when?!”  
  
“Mmm... S'been a couple years now.”  
  
“MA!!!” Ryuji swatted at her and she ducked away, laughing as she retreated back into the kitchen. When she was out of sight, a pleased smile came over his face. He was clearly relieved to have his mother's approval. “Guess we don't gotta do the whole, awkward family dinner announcement, huh?”  
  
_“How do you feel?”_ Akira signed back, pushing Ryuji's plate closer to him, encouraging him to eat more.  
  
“Ohhhh man. I feel a lot better. I think I was probably still hung over or somethin'.”  
_  
“I'm glad. You were very sick. I was worried.”_  
  
“Er... Speakin' of, I'm real sorry you had to be here to witness that.” Ryuji glanced over his shoulder to check for his mom before reaching across the table to set one of his hands over Akira's. “Thank you for takin' care of me. Seriously, you went way above and beyond for me.”  
  
While they were still alone, and before Ryuji's mother could return to tease them about it, Akira lifted Ryuji's hand up and gently kissed over his fingers.  
  
* * *  
  
After breakfast, the two of them moved to the couch in Ryuji's living room. They sat facing one another on opposite ends, Ryuji's injured leg stretched out in front of him, almost in Akira's lap. Ryuji could feel his shoulders beginning to tense up, anticipating the talk they were about to have. He wasn't ready, but he doubted he ever would be.  
  
“You wanna go first?” Ryuji prompted, opening their private chat up on his phone. Akira's fingers began typing.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to start by apologizing for the way in which I told you about the surgery trial. I thought telling you in a group setting would keep things from getting out of control.  
**  
“Keep me from getting out of control, you mean,” Ryuji replied tersely, narrowing his eyes at Akira.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yes. The honest answer is yes.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.**  
  
“Nah, you shouldn't have. I kinda get it though. I know I can be a real ass about things sometimes.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: That's not a good reason to have embarrassed you and upset you in front of our friends.  
  
** “I'll forgive you for it, but you have to swear that you'll be honest with me from now on.” Ryuji looked up from his phone and met Akira's eyes. “I'm loud and I get angry about things, but I'll do better. I'll look at things from your side.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Thank you. I think that will go a long way for both of us.  
**  
“I also gotta apologize for how I acted. I know I was drunk, but that ain't an excuse for nothin' I did. It just really pissed me off. I was the only one who didn't know anythin'.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know and that was my fault. The medication that Takemi put me on wasn't working. My speech therapy sessions have been failing as well. I used to be able to speak a few sentences, now I can hardly say single words. When she mentioned the surgery trial to me, I wasn't convinced it was a good idea.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The odds of it working are about 50-50, but that's only for the candidates that meet all the criteria. I meet most things, but not all. So my odds might even be worse than that. Still, the more I think about it, the more I want to try. If I wait around for something else, my voice will probably deteriorate to nothing anyways.  
  
** “Less than fifty-fifty, huh? Shit, I've got a better chance at running track again. Those are such shit odds.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I have to try.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We can't even have a normal conversation. It takes too long for me to type things out and my signing is too basic. Forget writing on a notepad.  
  
** “Nah man, you're awesome.” Ryuji gestured his hands towards the phone that Akira was holding. “I've never seen anyone type as fast as you do. 'N you picked up signin' so quickly. 'Member how I had to keep renewing the signing books from the library so I could keep them longer? It took me forever to learn the signs, but you figured it out so fast!”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You never gave up on me.  
**  
“'Course not. I'm a ride-or-die kind of dude.” Ryuji smiled, hearing a soft snort of amusement come from Akira. “Okay, my turn.”  
  
“I- Well- See the thing is-” He winced slightly, trying to get his words in order, to decide what he truly wanted and needed to say. Akira didn't press, simply watched with an open expression, giving Ryuji time to think. “Sorry, I suck at serious stuff. I wanna say that I'm real sorry if I ever made you feel like you can't do things on your own, because of your voice. Er-lack of voice.”  
  
“Truth is, from the moment we met, I knew you could do anythin' you wanted to do. It doesn't matter that you can't talk, you've got like, all this charisma, y'know? People are drawn to you and you've made a whole lotta friends. You got good grades. Worked all those jobs. I've always kind of had it in the back of my head that you'd accomplish big things and that someday- Someday you would probably leave.”  
  
“My life is kinda on hold right now. I don't know what the hell I'm doin'. I don't have goals or plans.” Ryuji glanced down at his leg and reached out to trace his fingers over the faded surgery scars. “I think I've always thought that my leg was holdin' me back. I lost the ability to compete and lost my chance to get a sports scholarship. I never really thought of what I wanted to do outside of track. I met you and it's kinda like, goin' wherever you went became my new plan.”  
  
“I don't want you to leave, but I don't want to hold you back either. While you're gone, I'm gonna figure all my shit out. Get myself in order.” Ryuji shifted his leg down off of the couch and closed the distance between them. He grabbed hold of Akira's shoulders to command his undivided attention. “And you? You're gonna be okay. No matter what happens with that surgery, you're gonna be okay. I'll help you with whatever comes next.”  
  
Akira's expression phased from one emotion to the next, worry, surprise, relief. He reached up to slip his glasses off of his face so that he could cover his eyes with his forearm. Ryuji slid a hand around to the back of Akira's neck, trailing his fingertips through dark curls of hair. He encouraged him to lean forward so that he could rest his head against one of Ryuji's shoulders.  
  
“I got you, man. I got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slow claps* They finally had that talk they've been putting off all fic long. I could not be more proud. 
> 
> Smut in the next chapter! ;D Stay tuned.


	9. The Long Goodbye Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned at last! I know it's been a while since my last update. (TWO WEEKS? WHAT?) The Renaissance Faire rolled into town where I live and it's my one big yearly event. I dress up each year so I've been pretty busy! 
> 
> Now, I know I promised smut in this chapter and it TECHNICALLY is in this chapter, just in the Pt. 2 half. This chapter ended up being well over 14K words and so I felt like I needed to break it in half. This fic ended up surpassing the 100-page mark recently. (On 10.5 size font no less!) I ended up having to start a new document to write in because the old one had gotten so long that my poor netbook could hardly open it. Which is to say, thanks for all your support! I appreciate all the comments, bookmarks, and kudos. They continue to inspire me to see this fic all the way through to the end.

“Will you slow down?!” Ryuji's mother was standing in the hallway of their apartment, hands on her hips, as her son shimmied and hopped past her on his way to the kitchen. He was using the wall to support himself, still unable to walk on his injured leg without something to lean on. She still didn't fully know the details about how he had hurt it and he was not very forthcoming with information.

“Sorry~” He called over his shoulder, moments before he began slamming cabinets in the kitchen. Kotoko shook her head, trying to swallow down her annoyance. She was happy to see him feeling better, but three days in bed had built up a massive amount of energy and he had been bouncing off the walls all morning. She poked her head into his room, frowning when she saw the ever-growing number of boxes stacked in the corner. Just the sight of them made her heart swell with sadness.

“Are you going to go spend some time with Akira today?” She asked as she entered the kitchen. Ryuji was frantically cleaning up the bottle of water he had turned over on the counter-top. She sighed deeply, willing her patience to last until he had left for the day. “It's only been three days since he was last here. Are you that excited~?”

“W-What? This ain't got nothing to do with him!” Ryuji protested, but he couldn't stop the gooey smile that spread over his face or the redness of his ears. Kotoko had hit the bullseye, though she wasn't at all surprised. “We've just got a lot of stuff to do today. We're gonna go see Ann and Shiho off at the airport. Then we gotta go over to LeBlanc to pack some of his stuff up.”

“Don't overdo it. You're still supposed to be resting your leg.”

“Don't worry. We already hired movers to take the boxes to the apartment. Akira and Futaba are gonna help me move my stuff over to Yusuke's place on Friday.”

“You said you were going to stay at Yusuke's place for... What was it? A month or so?”

“Yeah. He's gonna be on an art tour and he asked me to take care of things while he's away. When he's back I'll move into me 'n Akira's place.”

“You'll need to make sure you go over to your apartment to check on things fairly often.” Kotoko set a gentle hand on Ryuji's shoulder, catching his full attention when he turned to look at her. “You'll have to make sure to keep the place tidy. You'd be amazed at the amount of dust that can build up in just a couple weeks. Even when someone isn't living there. You won't have me there to clean up after you.”

“You gonna be okay without me here...?” Ryuji looked down at her, eyebrows knit together in concern. “Maybe you should get a pet or something to keep you company. You can have Akira's cat, Morgana.”

“I don't think Akira would appreciate that.”

“No, but I wouldn't mind. That cat hates me for some reason. It's gonna be stayin' at Yusuke's with me and I'll be lucky if it doesn't kill me in my sleep or somethin'.” Ryuji sighed, averting his eyes away from her. “I feel like I'm abandoning you.”

“What? No, Ryuji. You aren't.” She set her hands on his face, holding it until he looked at her again. “All children have to grow up sometime. It isn't like I didn't know this was coming. I mean, look at you! You're so tall and lean. There's not a scrap of baby fat left anywhere on your body. You were such a fat baby...”

“Ma, don't say that, that's weird.”

“Well it's true, innit it?”

“That doesn't make it less weird.” Despite his complaints, Ryuji was smiling again. “I guess I was kind of a chunky baby.”

“Ohhh~ So you admit it?” She cooed, jabbing her finger lightly against his stomach, much to his chagrin.

“I said 'kind of'!”

“All I heard was you agreeing with me.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He stepped back slightly, hand on the counter for balance, just out of range for more poking. His expression changed suddenly, from a smile to a scowl. “...Are you ever disappointed? About Akira 'n me? I mean, growin' up you'd always joke about wanting grandkids and about me endin' up marrying Ann or somethin'.”

“I could never be disappointed in you, especially not for something like that.” She said the words firmly, meeting his eyes.

“As for Ann and you... Joking about those kinds of things are pretty standard mom-stuff.” She laughed, pulling away from her son to usher him over to the dining table to sit down. “I never had set expectations for you, I knew you were the sort of child who would do whatever he wanted to do. You had that big crush on Ann in middle school and that seemed normal enough to me. Once you hit high school and met Akira, I was surprised to see you acting in a similar way around him.”

“I did?!”

“Mmmhmm. Almost from the start, I could tell that your relationship with him was different from anything you'd had before. It was like you had stars in your eyes whenever you would talk about him. I was actually sort of concerned at first, wondering if I should treat him like I would a girlfriend. If I should ask you guys to leave the door to your room open or worrying about you spending so much time at his place. Obviously, I don't have a lot of experience with these sort of relationships. I wasn't even sure if there was a relationship or not. It just seemed like you two were closer than normal friends would be.”

“So I went to Munehisa for advice.” She paused, seeing Ryuji's eyebrows shoot up in shock.

“You went to the gun shop guy?!” Ryuji exclaimed, looking scandalized. “Why the hell would you do that?!”

“I've known him a long time and in that time I've seen him date both men and women. I thought he might have the best advice for me.”

“Wh-What did he tell you?”

“That I shouldn't be worried about it. That it was normal and that if anything came from it, I needed to allow it to happen without interference.” Kotoko dropped her eyes down to look at the dining table, tracing her fingertips over the wood grain. “A life shared between two men is not something society is going to be very accepting of. Even in this day and age, it's seen as an oddity or something to be feared or looked down on. When you were in high school you seemed almost disturbed by the idea yourself, as if you had suddenly become aware of it.”

“W-Well yeah. I had some weird concerns goin' through my head back then.” Ryuji admitted. “I mostly just tried to ignore it as much as I could.”

“You definitely seemed like you were holding back, but I didn't want to do anything that might sway you one way or the other. This was something you needed to decide for yourself.”

“I appreciate that. For real.”

“No matter what happens, Ryuji, I'm always going to love and support you. More than anything I'm glad you've found someone. That's really all a mother can ask for.” She glanced up, meeting her son's eyes across the table. “Okay, enough serious stuff. You've gotta hurry up and leave or you'll be late.”

“Shit, you're right.” Ryuji glanced at the clock and stood up. “Thanks for the talk. I'll be back later!”

She watched him go and then went to his room to look at the stack of boxes again.

* * *

“Where is he?! He's always late!” Ann was standing beside Shiho, the two of them gearing up to head through security for their flight. Akira and the others had gathered together to see them off, but Ryuji was still missing. Ann turned to Akira, her expression nervous. “I know his leg is still bothering him. Do you think he's okay?”

“ _I hope so.”_ Akira signed.

“If he's not here soon, we're going to have to leave without saying goodbye to him.”

“Have you gotten any messages from him?” Asked Makoto.

“ _None.”_ He reported, glancing at his phone. He saw that his messages had been read, but not replied to.

“I think I see him!” Futaba was jumping up and down, trying to see over a large crowd of people coming in off a shuttle bus. Sure enough, among the massive swarm of people was a familiar head of bleach blond hair.

“Sorry I'm late you guys. It took a while to get here from the station.” Ryuji apologized as he limped toward the group, using a cane to assist him in walking. News of his near death had been passed around already, but seeing the blond in such a state seemed to solidify it in everyone's mind. Out of the corner of his eye, Akira could see the others exchanging glances.

“How are you feeling?” Yusuke was the first to ask, his eyes scanning up and down Ryuji's body.

“I'm fine. All of you can stop gawkin'.”

“Sorry, it's just a surprise,” Haru explained, her voice high with nervous tension. “Ann told us what happened and we've all been worried about you.”

“I know... I'm real sorry about that. I'm seriously fine though.” Ryuji lifted the cane up so that everyone could see, looking proud of it. “Cool, right? Takemi hooked me up. I'm thinking I might put decals on it or somethin'.”

“You're so stupid,” Ann scoffed, stepping forward past the group so that she could wrap her arms around his neck. “You look better. How do you feel?”

“I'm gettin' there.”

“Thank you for coming.”

“'Course. I wasn't going to skip out on saying goodbye,” Ryuji shifted Ann over to his left arm, opening his right one up for Shiho. With a girl on each arm, he turned to address the rest of the group. While everyone exchanged well wishes, Akira stood to the side and observed, waiting patiently for it to be his turn. He watched Ryuji, who laughed and joked with the rest of the group, all confidence and finesse. He definitely seemed to be feeling better.

“He'll be okay.” Ann had broken away from Ryuji to come to stand next to Akira. “Even after we all leave, he's going to be okay.”

“ _I know.”_ Akira signed, turning to face Ann. She glanced at him and smiled, her expression calm.

“I think sometimes you and I forget to give him credit. It's hard when he acts like an idiot all the time.”

Akira made the hand sign for laughter and Ann smiled even wider, a flash of white teeth. She reached out to pull him into a hug, her arms wound tightly around his neck.

“No matter what happens, focus on the surgery trial. Yusuke will be back in a month, around the same time Shiho and I are flying in for Christmas. We'll keep an eye on him until you can come back, okay?” Ann pulled back, her eyes meeting Akira's. “No matter what happens between now and then, focus on yourself for once. Do what you need to do.”

“ _I will,”_ Akira promised, leaning forward to kiss her gently on the forehead. _“Goodbye, Ann.”_

“You're gonna make me all emotional.” She scolded, her eyes already beginning to look glassy. She walked back over beside Shiho and the two of them began to gather their bags. “Goodbye, you guys. We'll be back soon to visit. Take care of yourselves, okay?”

“Kick some ass!” Ryuji limped forward to hug Ann one more time and the gesture finally sent her over the edge. She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to keep herself from tearing up.  
  
“I will.” She said as she pulled free of him and turned away, ushering both herself and Shiho towards the baggage check, wiping her eyes fitfully as she went.

“It's hard to watch them go.” Makoto murmured over the top of Futaba's head. The younger girl was clinging to one of her arms, keeping her face hidden from the rest of the group. “It's okay Futaba. They'll be back. Please don't cry...”

“I'm not crying.” Futaba insisted through her choked up voice. “It's just allergies.”

“Hey, why don't we all get breakfast?” Ryuji suggested, setting a gentle hand on top of Futaba's head. She turned to look at him, her face red and puffy. If he noticed, he didn't call attention to it. “We'll even let you pick the restaurant. Just nothin' too expensive.”

“That new breakfast cafe opened up on Central Street. Can we go there?”

“Sure thing. Sounds good!”

“I've heard that they have a stack of pancakes that resembles Mt. Fuji.” Yusuke mused, looking thoughtful. “Recently I have been seeing a lot of articles on food as art and I would love to see some examples of this.”

“That place is really good!” Haru exclaimed, beginning to lead the group towards the exit, with Futaba, Makoto, and Yusuke hurrying after her. Ryuji hung back, looking towards the security checkpoint, checking for any remaining signs of Ann and Shiho.

“Damn. That sucked.” Ryuji sighed, turning to face Akira, his expression downcast. “I know she's gonna be back, but it still feels kinda permanent, ya know?”

Akira nodded his head in agreement, reaching out to gently bump his arm against one of Ryuji's.

“You surprised about the cane?”

“ _Yes.”_ Akira signed in reply, glancing down at it. It was a simple one, a long piece of steel-gray metal, topped with a handle on one end and a rubber boot at the bottom.

“I went to see Takemi the day after you left and she told me I needed to cart it around with me. What a pain in the ass, right?”

“ _Does it help?”_

“...Well yeah... But it's still awkward and embarrassing. I feel like an old man or somethin'!”

“ _It's fancy. Makes you look fancy.”_

“The hell, Akira?” Ryuji glanced sideways at him, trying to look offended. He gave up quickly, switching to a smile and a laugh instead. “Eff you, man. You probably have some weird kink involving old men or somethin'.”

“ _I do.”_ Akira signed with a sly smile, earning another loud burst of laughter from Ryuji.

“Takemi says I gotta use it for at least a month. Plus, you guessed it, back to boring physical therapy for me. Though she promised she would try to get in touch with Shiho's instructor.” Ryuji shook his head and then sighed. “I'm sorry if I scared you...”

Akira tilted his head to the side in a question.

“With the whole, almost getting run over thing. I was pretty out of it the day after that happened, but you stayed with me and I appreciate it.”

“ _Of course.”_ Akira insisted. _“You are safe now.”_

“C'mon. Let's get outta here.” Ryuji knocked the cane against the back of Akira's ankles, nearly tripping them both as they rushed to catch up with the others.

* * *

“Yusuke, I get it!” Ryuji threw his arms up in frustration. The artist had been in the middle of explaining the pros and cons of diced vegetables vs julienne vegetables for Goemon when the blond's patience ran out. “I'll feed her, keep her pen clean, make sure music is playin' for her, treat her like a damn queen. Just give it a rest!”

“Her constitution is very delicate.” Yusuke insisted, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you certain you can handle this?”

“Totally! Futaba said she would come over some to help me with it and you set up that... Live video feed?”

“Yes. Mishima assisted me in setting up the cameras in my room and the greenhouse.”

“So you'll be able to check on her whenever you want,” Ryuji said, waving his cane towards one of the cameras. “I promise man, I'm gonna take care of her. She's pretty cool, for a turtle and all.”

“Tortoise.”

“Same difference.” Ryuji shrugged his shoulders and left the artist's room, heading across the apartment for the master bedroom where he would be staying. Akira and Futaba were inside the master closet, hanging Ryuji's clothes up for him.

It had been two days since Ann's departure. He and Akira had spent the better part of those two days helping one another pack. The blond was still restricted in what he could do as far as lifting and moving things around, so most of his boxes and his furniture were still sitting in his room at his mother's house. The little attic above LeBlanc had been cleared out by movers. Ryuji and Akira were going to meet them at their apartment after sending Yusuke off. The blond would be seeing the new place for the first time and it was becoming hard for him to contain his excitement.

“-he'll never notice. I can just slip it into my bag.” Ryuji could hear the tail-end of something Futaba had said as he entered the room. He hobbled over to the bathroom and the large walk-in closet beyond it. Futaba and Akira were standing on either side of a large box of clothes, at least it was supposed to be clothes. Ryuji realized with embarrassment that it was the box he had packed all his Phantom Thief stuff inside of, including one very old and ragged Captain Kidd doll.

“Wass up, guys?” He prompted, catching their attention. They both turned towards him, Akira's expression blank, while Futaba wore a smirk. She held the Captain Kidd doll up triumphantly.

“I'll be taking this.” She announced. “A grown man doesn't need something like this. It's so cool and vintage.”

“No way! My mom gave me that.”

“So? You're still too old for stuffed toys.”

“It's not about whether I'm too old or not!” Ryuji protested, holding his cane up threateningly. “It's like a family heirloom!”

“What kind of weird family would have an heirloom like this?!” Futaba began to laugh, embarrassing Ryuji further.

“Just put it back in the damn box. You aint takin' it.”

“ _Listen to him.”_ Akira admonished her, earning a loud groan of frustration from the redhead. She tossed the doll back into the box and stomped out of the closet, nearly toppling Ryuji over in her haste. Akira hooked his hands out to grab hold of Ryuji's shoulders to steady him. _“You okay?”_

“M'good.” Ryuji sighed, using his cane to keep his balance. “She's been extra bratty. Think it's because she's upset about everyone leavin' and stuff?”

“ _Yes. I think so.”_

“You seem worried. N-Not that I'm like, an expert on knowing how other people feel just by lookin' at them, but... You're all tense.”

“ _Tense?”_ Akira asked, smiling as if Ryuji had said something amusing. _“How so?”_

“Just... Your shoulders 'n all.” Ryuji set his cane against a nearby wall so that he could turn Akira around to face away from him. Carefully he began to move his hands along the other man's neck and shoulders, secretly admiring them in the process. “See? It's all stiff back here. Normally that's a sign of someone bein' all worried or anxious about somethin'. Although, I guess major surgery is kind of a big thing. No wonder you're worried. I dunno if this'll help at all, but I'm gonna be workin' for Boss while you're away.”

Akira turned his head around to glance over his shoulder, his eyebrows so high up on his forehead that they had disappeared under his long bangs.

“Dude, I know. It's crazy right?” Ryuji smiled in amusement at Akira's bewildered reaction. “I thought I could make some money workin' there and help Boss out at the same time. I'll keep a close eye on Futaba for you too. You ain't got nothin' to worry about.”

Akira smiled, his eyes crinkling with happiness, an action that stole Ryuji's breath away. They were close, close enough to kiss, the blond noted. His hands were still on Akira's shoulders, it would be easy to turn the other man around-...

“Are you two going to come out of the closet?” Yusuke appeared in the doorway, his dark blue eyes assessing the situation. He made a frame with his fingers and held his hands out in front of himself, closing one eye to see through the box. Ryuji felt his skin prickling with discomfort, but he held still, not wanting to offend Akira by pulling away, being seen together by other people was something he was going to have to get used to.

“Thought we already did.” Ryuji joked, earning a sideways grin from Akira, who turned around to throw one of his arms around the blond's shoulders. Yusuke had the decency to look mildly scandalized by the joke, shaking his head as he turned to leave.

“The director for the art tour is on his way to pick me up. When you're done you should come to see me off.”

“He's just mad because I wouldn't let him go on a tirade about his turtle's meal plans,” Ryuji explained, earning an understanding nod from Akira. When Yusuke had completely turned his back to them, the dark-haired man began to do the hand sign for laughter. The blond smiled and leaned closer, inhaling the scent of coffee. It seemed to always cling to Akira's skin no matter where he went. “Come on. We better go say bye to him.”

They broke away from each other, Ryuji retrieving his cane from where he had leaned it against the wall. Akira walked slightly ahead of the blond, keeping his pride in mind, as they moved back into the living room. Yusuke was packing up some last minute art supplies, picking through dozens of different kinds of brushes and ink pens.

“I wish I could take all of it with me,” Yusuke murmured offhand, glancing at Ryuji and Akira as they approached him. “I never know when inspiration will strike and what tools will be best at that time.”

“Have you ever thought about just bullshittin' it?” Ryuji peered down at the pile of art supplies, unable to make heads or tails of anything more than if something was a pen or a paintbrush. He scooped a random pen out and held it up for Yusuke. “Let's say this was the only thing you were allowed to use the whole trip. I'm sure you'd make it work, right? Bend it to your will or whatever.”

Yusuke and Akira exchanged glances, making Ryuji feel suddenly flustered. Had he said something weird?

“Bend it to my will,” Yusuke mused, taking the pen from him, holding it with care. “I had never considered doing something like that. I'd like to give it a try.”

“I'm sure you'll make something awesome!” Ryuji enthused, unable to keep from smiling, proud of his own ingenuity. The moment was cut short by a sudden knock at the door, which Yusuke hurried to answer. An older man entered through the doorway, Yusuke's director, Ryuji assumed.

“This is Kawanabe-San, the director of the art society,” Yusuke announced, giving everyone in the room a chance to briefly introduce themselves. He led the older man further into the apartment.

“It's a pleasure to finally meet some of Yusuke's friends. You'll be the ones taking care of his apartment while he's away, yes?” Kawanabe looked between Futaba, who had been seated quietly on the couch, to Ryuji and Akira, his expression warm. “He often cites his friends as an inspiration for some of his works.”

“Kawanabe-San, shouldn't we be going?” Yusuke said hastily, seeming embarrassed by the older man's words. Kawanabe was undeterred by the artist's subtle protests and continued.

“Ryuji, correct?” Kawanabe pointed to the blond, startling him to attention.

“Uh yeah. That's me.” Ryuji stood up a bit taller, confused by the older man's sudden interest in him. Once the name had been confirmed, Kawanabe began to fish through his wallet, pulling out a business card to hand off to him. Ryuji took it gingerly, lifting it up to read it. “It's for a... A tattoo artist?”

“He'd like to speak with you about that painting you did. I think you should get in touch with him if you're interested. Might turn into a career for you.”

“Sure. Thank you.” As soon as Kawanabe turned his back, Ryuji sent a sharp look in Yusuke's direction, horrified that the artist had sent photos of his painting to the art director. Yusuke was doing his best to avoid the blond's eyes, shuffling his bags towards the door with a new and sudden haste.

“Aren't you going to say goodbye?” Futaba asked, standing up from the couch to approach Yusuke. He regarded her with a suspicious look in his eye but ultimately stopped his hustling long enough to hug her. “See you, Inari. Have a good time. Ryuji and I will take good care of Goemon.”

“I appreciate it,” Yusuke replied, his voice gentle with sincerity. He pulled free of her arms and turned to address Akira and Ryuji.

“I'm going to kill you, you know that, right?” Ryuji hissed under his breath, keeping his voice low so that the director wouldn't hear him. He stepped closer to Yusuke, knocking his cane lightly against the back of the artist's ankles. “I'll wait till you get back.”

“Are you going to go see that tattoo artist?”

“I might. I'll let you know.”

“Tell me what he says.” Yusuke stepped away from Ryuji and moved over to Akira, grasping the other man gently by the shoulders. “Take care of yourself. Keep in touch with us before and after the surgery, okay?”

“ _Okay. Take care.”_ Akira signed, smiling softly at Yusuke.

As Yusuke exited the apartment, Ryuji felt a swell of anxiety shoot through him, settling inside his chest. He could barely stand to watch another one of his friends leave, even if it was just a temporary situation. He glanced sideways at Akira, who had turned away to console a suddenly upset Futaba. She was trying her best to keep a straight face as she watched Yusuke disappear into the elevator. Ryuji could only imagine how she would be when Akira left, or how he would be.

The weight building up inside his chest had grown heavier again.

* * *

Ryuji, Futaba, and Akira had dinner at the beef bowl shop and then stopped by LeBlanc for coffee and dessert. They stayed in the little cafe for a while, talking and chatting until it was late. After walking Futaba home, Ryuji and Akira made for the station, headed back to Shibuya and to the little apartment that they would be sharing. The blond was beginning to wear down, though he was trying his best not to let it show. He kept pace with Akira, ignoring the soreness that had begun plaguing his left arm, unused to relying on a cane to help him walk.

“ _Are you tired?”_ Akira asked, slowing his pace.

“Nah, I'm fine. We should be able to make the next train if we hurry.” Ryuji replied, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “'Sides. We're almost there.”

Akira didn't look convinced, but he didn't press the issue any further. They left the back streets of Yogen behind and Ryuji breathed a sigh of relief when the entry to the station came into view. The train ride to Shibuya would be a chance to rest, at least for a short time. He was nearly at the staircase leading into the station when a pair of arms wrapped around his waist to halt him. Glancing over his shoulder, he found a pair of gray eyes assessing him.

“What the hell, man? We're gonna miss the train!” He protested, wriggling to free himself from Akira's grasp.

“Ryu...ji...” Akira rasped, his breath hot against the back of the blond's neck, causing his skin to prickle up.

“W-What? You okay?”

“Re...st.”

“You wanna sit down for a minute? But the train-...” Ryuji glanced at the staircase, knowing that it would take him extra time to get beyond it. His leg was stiff in the cool winter air and the cane cumbersome. If they didn't leave right away, they likely wouldn't make it. “We don't have time to rest. Can you hang on a little longer?”

Frustration flashed across Akira's face, making the blond feel guilty. He couldn't decide if he was pushing his friend too hard or if he was making decisions for him again. The two of them stood at an impasse in front of the station, staring at each other, willing the other to make the first move. Akira shook his head and pressed his hand to his own chest, patting a few times to indicate he was talking about himself.

“ _I'm fine. You should rest.”_ He explained, nodding at Ryuji's leg. The blond opened his mouth to protest, but Akira wasn't going to hear it. He hiked his bag up higher on his shoulder and turned his back to Ryuji, kneeling down in front of him. _“Get on.”_

“Excuse me?” Ryuji gaped, his eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. “No way. You're not carrying me.”

“ _Get on.”_ Akira insisted again, avoiding the curious gaze of a small group of teenagers that passed by on their way into the station.

“C'mon, man! Stand up. This is embarrassin'!”

Akira gave a haughty huff and rose back up to his feet, his expression cross.

“Somethin' like that is just too weird.” Ryuji sighed in relief and stepped forward to challenge the stairs, determined to catch their train on time. He made it up the first step when suddenly his feet went out from underneath him. He flailed, trying to catch his balance, panic jolting inside his chest. Instead of falling, Ryuji felt Akira's arms curl around him, one at his waist and one behind the legs, lifting him up off the ground.

“Akira! Put me down!” Ryuji yelled in protest, as the dark-haired man began to carry him into the station. The more he struggled the more Akira tightened his arms, holding the blond in a death grip to keep them from falling on the stairs. “I swear, if you don't put me down-...”

Akira glanced at him, eyebrows raised as if to challenge Ryuji to finish his threat and then make good on it. Ryuji looked away, knowing he could do neither.

His shouting had caught the attention of other people nearby. Ryuji didn't want to be stared at or cause an even bigger scene so he quieted down, avoiding the gaze of anyone who dared to look at them as they walked by. Akira carried him all the way to the turnstiles, only letting him down when it was time to scan his transit pass to get through the gate. Once on the other side, Akira ducked up under one of the blond's arms, allowing him to walk but not unassisted.

“Why're you doin' this?” Ryuji grumbled angrily, not truly expecting a reply when Akira's hands were occupied. They made their train on time, able to board and find a seat towards the back corner of the car. Once Ryuji was seated Akira settled in beside him, pressing close so that they could share warmth between them. The gesture was appreciated, not to mention cute, and Ryuji was having a hard time staying mad. “Jus' don't do it again. You don't like it when I push you around, so don't do the same thing to me. Got it?”

“ _I'm sorry.”_ Akira apologized, though his face was clearly full of triumph. _“Was nice.”_

“No, it wasn't nice.”

“ _Nice for me. I like holding you.”_

“The hell...?” Ryuji narrowed his eyes at Akira, trying to figure out if he was being made fun of somehow. “Wait. You're serious?”

Akira nodded his head, his lips turning up in a slight smile.

“You've got some weird kinks. You know that?”

Akira made the hand signs for laughter and Ryuji rolled his eyes, though he wasn't actually annoyed.

The short train ride from Yongen to Shibuya was making him aware of how tired he actually was. The sound of the train rolling over the tracks, the warmth between him and Akira, the low lights overhead, all of it was soothing and without realizing it he had begun to doze off. He rested for a bit, allowing his head to roll over against Akira's shoulder, pretending that it was an involuntary action. With his eyes closed, he listened to the sound of Akira shifting his bag around, pushing it closer to Ryuji. The blond was about to ask what he was doing when he got his answer. Akira's hand curled gently around Ryuji's, hidden underneath the bag.

Ryuji made a soft noise of understanding and shifted his hand so that they could lace their fingers together. He tried to keep from smiling, wanting to continue the illusion of sleep, just in case anyone on the train looked over at them. He had just settled into the comfortable feeling of resting against Akira when the announcement for their stop rang out over the intercom in the car. Scowling slightly he lifted his head up and pulled his hand away, crossing his arms over his chest.

If he curled his hand into a fist, he could almost imagine that he was able to still feel the warmth of Akira's palm against his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When me and my fiance first got together we had to keep things mostly on the downlow from our parents. My favorite date was movie theaters because we could hold hands under the armrest in the dark theater. Secret hand holding is a favorite plot device of mine!
> 
> I swear there will be smut in the next update. ; J ;


	10. The Long Goodbye Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the promised smut. I hope it lives up to everyone's expectations! 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be split into two parts but is now ending up being split into three, because the more I edit it, the more I end up writing to it, and the longer it becomes. This is why you should never pre-name your chapters unless you are completely done with the writing process. When will I learn? 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I probably won't.

The walk from the station to their apartment, though short, took them extra time due to Ryuji's leg. By the time they finally arrived at the little brick building, it was dark and the street lamps didn't provide enough light for them to see the planters and trees leading up to the entrance, or even a good look at the building itself. Ryuji could feel his disappointment hanging in the air, making it harder to fight off the bad mood that his mind was trying to sink him into.

“S'fine. We can see that stuff later.” He reassured both himself and Akira as they entered the main hallway. They found their mailbox and tried out their keys for it, finding a letter from the landlady inside welcoming them and a small box addressed to Ryuji.  
  
_“What's this?”_ Akira asked, turning the box inside his hands a few times. Before Ryuji could answer, one of their new neighbors came out of her apartment and began to introduce herself. Once they were done making small talk, they moved on to their apartment and Akira pulled out his key to open the door. 

“You're usin' the keychain I gave you.” Ryuji noticed, seeing the tiny Arsene figure hanging off the metal loop. Akira smiled at him and nodded.

“ _We match now.”_ Akira signed.

“Y-Yeah. When I bought yours that was kind of the thought behind it. It's sorta stupid.”

“ _I like it.”_

“Thanks. I-I mean, I'm glad.” Ryuji smiled to himself, pleased that Akira had not only decided to use the keychain but had noticed that their keychains matched.  
  
Akira went ahead into the apartment, turning on lights and shifting boxes around, Ryuji hesitated outside for a moment, preparing himself for what would be his future home with the other man. He pushed the door open and hobbled inside. It was better than he could have imagined, everything from the big window in the living room to the small but homey kitchen. Ryuji paced himself back and forth through the main areas, taking everything in. Akira watched him, occasionally stepping forward to move a box out of the way to make more room for the blond to pass through.

“Holy shit, Dude. I love it.” Ryuji breathed, turning in a full circle in the middle of the living room. He could already picture how things would look with furniture set up and with their friends over to visit. His mind instantly fast forwarded to the holidays and his face broke out into a huge smile. “We could decorate for Christmas! We gotta put up a tree! Oh... But... You won't... Be here.”

“Well it's no big deal, right? We've always got next year!” Ryuji was trying to keep his disappointment from showing on his face, but he could feel his smile stretching thin and his enthusiasm dimming. Hastily he moved past Akira into the bedroom. “Come on. Let's see the rest of the place.”

The bedroom brightened the blond's mood again. Akira had stopped by earlier in the day to unpack some boxes, making it the only room in the house to resemble an actual living space. His worktable was in the far corner, set up next to the bookcase Ryuji had had in his bedroom, the shelves neatly organized with books from both of their collections. Two futons had been set up next to each other on the floor, a temporary sleeping space until they could further decide on bedding arrangements.

He moved beyond into the bathroom, admiring the large tub, planning ways he could get Akira to join him in taking a bath. He had just opened his mouth to make a comment on it when he felt a pair of arms wrap gently around his waist. He glanced sideways at the mirror over the sink, admiring how well their bodies seemed to match up. He leaned back, pressing his shoulders against Akira's chest, able to feel the other man's heartbeat.

“Remind me to thank Takemi later for findin' this place. It's pretty amazin'.” Ryuji mumbled, feeling the arms around him tighten up slightly.

Akira huffed a soft breath of laughter at Ryuji's words, making the blond smile.

“I hate that you gotta leave though...” Ryuji sighed, a long drawn out breath. “The day after tomorrow. Huh?”

Akira nodded against his back.

“This is gonna sound weird, but... Y'wanna try the tub out?” Ryuji glanced over his shoulder, meeting a pair of surprised gray eyes. “I ain't so good at... Physical stuff yet. Like holding hands or huggin'. It all feels kind of like stuff I'm not s'posed to do with you. I wanna get used to it. A bath might be a good starting point.”

“ _It's not weird.”_ Akira signed, pulling away to adjust his glasses, his cheeks dusted with pink. _“I'm happy.”_

“Really? You don't think it's weird?”

“ _I think it's normal.”_

“To wanna bathe with another dude?”

“ _To want to be-”_ Akira paused his hand-motions to pull out his phone, continuing his thoughts via text.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I think it's normal to want to be physically intimate with someone you're dating.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: And before you say anything the word 'intimate' doesn't mean just sex.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It can be things like sharing a bath or sleeping next to each other.**

“I know that!” Ryuji lied. Akira didn't look convinced, but he didn't press the issue further.

While Akira tended to filling the bath, Ryuji returned to the bedroom to settled himself down on one of the futons. He tossed his cane to the side and stretched his legs out, massaging the sore muscles. He glanced around the room, trying to decide where he would put some of his things, wondering how they would mesh with Akira's. While the other man was away for the surgery, Ryuji was in charge of unpacking the boxes and he worried extensively about doing a bad job of it. He had no sense of where Akira would prefer for his things to go.

He was really beginning to work himself up over it when a soft knock caught his attention. Akira was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, drumming his fist lightly against the door frame. He approached Ryuji, kneeling down in front of him to get a good look at his face. Flustered by the close proximity, Ryuji turned away and averted his eyes downward. His heart became a noticeable presence inside his chest, thumping rapidly.

They were alone, in their new apartment, preparing to take off their clothes and climb into a bath together... Ryuji wasn't sure where that might lead, if anywhere, but it didn't stop him from feeling nervous excitement over the possibilities.

“I bought stuff.” Ryuji blurted out suddenly, gesturing towards the box they had found in the mail earlier. Akira glanced at the package with a look of curious surprise on his face. “I totally knew what it was when you pulled it out, I just didn't want to say anything in front of the neighbor.”

“ _What's inside?”_ Akira wondered, reaching a hand out towards the box, fingers nearly brushing the top of it when Ryuji caught hold of his wrist.

“We can look later, okay?”

“ _Naughty stuff?”_ He inquired, pulling his hand free of Ryuji's with a sly smile on his face. His glasses caught the overhead light, flashing ominously.

“Please don't call it that.”

“ _I'm right?”_

“Yeah man! You're right! Don't bring it up again!” Ryuji used the end of his cane to shove the box further away so that it would be out of Akira's reach. “Bath first and then we can talk about it.”

“ _Okay. Okay.”_ Akira relented, taking hold of Ryuji's hands to help him stand. He lead Ryuji into the bathroom and stood by while he undressed, his eyes averted politely.

“You can look y'know.” Ryuji suggested in a soft voice. “I mean, we already sucked each other's dick and we've been to the bathhouse together a million times. It seems kinda stupid to me to feel shy about it...”

“ _You are shy about it.”_

“W-Well yeah, but it's okay. We're datin' now and all.”

“ _I have permission?”_ Akira smirked, glancing sideways at the blond, his eyes moving slowly from top to bottom.

“It's different when you can get a good look, right?” Ryuji crossed his arms over his chest, standing tall, trying to force himself to feel confident. “You gotta undress too. It's only fair.”

Akira reached up to slide his glasses down off of his face, setting them to the side on the counter-top. When he looked back at Ryuji, his lips turned up into a full grin. He started with his shirt, slowly lifting it up to reveal the toned muscles of his chest and stomach, giving the blond a few moments longer than necessary to stare at them. He pulled the shirt off over his head and cast it to the side, watching Ryuji's face closely to see how flustered he was becoming.

“Puttin' on a show for me?” Ryuji asked, watching reverently as Akira began to undo the front of his pants. Akira nodded, stepping closer, his face just a foot or so from the blond's. “H-Hey. I can't watch if you stand so close.”

“ _Help me,”_ Akira suggested, taking hold of Ryuji's hands to bring them over to the waistband of his pants. Ryuji skimmed his thumbs under the fabric, tracing them lightly over the other man's hipbones, feeling breathless.

“If you keep doing stuff like this we ain't gonna make it into the tub.”

“ _I don't mind.”_

“J-Jeeze, Akira.” Ryuji drew his hands back, turning his head to the side, his heart racing with excitement. “Bath first and then we can talk 'bout it.”

“ _Okay.”_ Akira reached a hand up to touch the side of the blond's face, stroking his thumb gently over his cheek.

“You've definitely got a dark side. N-Not that I mind. I like it.” Ryuji confessed in a soft voice as he pressed his face deeper into the other man's palm. Their eyes met and he couldn't keep himself from smiling. “I really like it. I had no idea you could be like that.”

Gray eyes glowing, Akira leaned forward to press his lips against Ryuji's. He lingered for just a moment before pulling away so that he could finish removing his clothes. Ryuji moved slowly towards the bathtub, mindful of his leg. He slipped into the hot water and the soothing effect of the heat was almost immediate on his sore muscles. He watched Akira undress, looking out of the corner of his eye, able to see him easily in the reflection of the mirror. Likely aware that he was still being watched, the dark-haired man took his time, removing each inch of fabric with delicate care.

“You're kind of an attention seeker, huh?” Ryuji asked, moving his legs out of the way to make room for Akira. With a little shifting around the two men were able to squeeze into the tub together, surprising Akira, who hadn't initially expected them to be able to fit. They sat facing each other, Ryuji's legs stretched out to one side, Akira's drawn up to his chest, arms resting atop his knees.

“ _I like your attention,”_ Akira confirmed in reply to Ryuji's earlier comment, making the blond smile in satisfaction.

“Yeah? You like my attention?”

“ _The most.”_

“Dude,” Ryuji breathed, his smile growing. He leaned forward to set his hands on either side of Akira's face, holding his head gently between his hands. Water from his palms began to run down the other man's neck in thin rivulets and the blond's eyes traced it's path. He licked his lips, resisting the urge to lean forward to kiss the water away, still feeling a bit shy about Akira's earlier comment on physical intimacy. “You've got a strong body.”

“ _You don't?”_

“Well no, I do too, but they're different. In-In a good way. You're just a lot leaner or somethin'.”

“ _It's good?”_

“Yeah. It's good.” Ryuji laughed, watching Akira's eyebrows knit together as if he was surprised by the blond's answer. “Maybe I've got a type or maybe it's just because it's you, but I like it.”

“ _I'm happy.”_ Akira signed, turning his face to the side to nuzzle gently against one of Ryuji's palms. The blond's heart swelled, finding the action to be adorable, like a cat rubbing against its owner. _“So. The box.”_

“Aw man... You really gonna ask me about that now?”

Akira nodded, glancing at Ryuji out of the corner of his eyes, lips turning up into a sly Cheshire smile.

“You're gonna laugh at me,” The blond complained, pulling his hands back over to sit on the sides of the tub. He rolled his head back to rest against the tile, the cold porcelain a soothing contrast to hot water and steam. “I wanna preface this by tellin' you that there's nothing... 'Sexy' in that box. I-I don't know if I'm ready to get that deep into things just yet.”

A soft hand came up to rest over one of Ryuji's, squeezing gently, reassuring.

“I did some... Research.” Ryuji began again, “Y-You know that site that Yusuke was talkin' about at the bathhouse? I'd seen it before, way back when I didn't really know what I was feelin'. I didn't go there specifically, because y'know, it was all gay stuff with computer viruses, but I thought about it a lot. So eventually I got curious and I looked some things up, just to kind of understand what two dudes do when they're together. N-Not that porn is my only source.”

“I guess they have medical sites about how to do it right. So I looked into some of those. I never thought it would actually be somethin' I was interested in, but I guess I am? I jus' wanted you to know that I'm prepared in case it's somethin' you wanna try.” Ryuji could feel his face burning, the heat fanning all the way out to the backs of his ears. He straightened his head up to meet Akira's. The other man's expression was calm, but his eyes bright and attentive. “I'm not expectin' anythin', so there's no pressure, but I got the uh... Condoms and lube. That's what's in the box.”

“I tried to go to the store to get 'em, but every time I tried to go down _that_ aisle somebody would walk by or the saleslady would ask me if I needed help. It was real awkward! So I just ordered them off the internet instead.” Ryuji finished in a rush, averting his eyes away again. He ran his free hand back through his hair, a nervous gesture. “Like I said, we don't have to do anythin' though. I just got them in case.”

“ _Me too.”_ Akira signed, huffing out a soft breath of would-be laughter. _“I bought some too. In case.”_

“What?! Really?!”

Akira nodded, still exhaling soft puffs of air, smiling in amusement.

“I wish I had known that. I would'a just let you buy them.” Ryuji laughed back, sitting up straighter in the bath. He set his hands on Akira's shoulders and encouraged him to move closer. “Lemme wash your hair.”

Akira shifted his legs out of the way and leaned forward, giving the blond access to his head. Though Ryuji wasn't going to say anything about it, taking a bath together and washing the other man's hair had been high on his list of things that he wanted to do. He had never imagined himself to be a domestic person, but sitting in the tub with Akira, working shampoo through his dark curls, the blond was sure that his perception was slowly beginning to change.

Akira, for his part, looked to be enjoying it. His eyes were closed, long eyelashes moist from the bathwater. Tiny droplets of water hung from them, glistening in the overhead lighting. As he worked the soap deeper, Ryuji began using his fingers to massage the other man's scalp, earning a soft noise of approval.

“Feel good?” Ryuji asked though it was obvious what the answer was. He carefully rinsed the soap out of the dark locks, allowing Akira to sit back up, shaking water off his face. He opened his eyes to look at the blond, lifting his hands up in front of him to gesture at Ryuji's hair, wanting to return the gesture. “Hell yeah, man. You can wash mine.”

The two of them spent a while in the bath until the water had nearly gone cold. Ryuji was finally beginning to understand Akira's earlier explanation of physical intimacy, finding that he liked it, way more than he had imagined he ever would. It was simple and easy, but most importantly, it was comfortable. They drained the tub and used the new set of towels that Akira had bought. Ryuji ran one over the top of Akira's head to take some of the water out of his hair, leaving it a mess of dark waves.

“You're pretty high maintenance,” Ryuji commented, leaning against a nearby wall to watch Akira comb the tangles out of his hair. “That's why I keep my hair short. I'd never be dedicated enough to take care of long hair.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It wouldn't suit you.**

“You're prob'ly right.” Ryuji snorted, glancing down at his phone screen to read the message. “I forgot to have Ann bleach it for me before she left. Guess my mom can do it.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Maybe you should let it grow out to its normal color.**

“Nah. I'm so used to being a blond now. It would be too weird.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I think it would look nice.**

“Y'would.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: So about that box.**

“Didn't forget about that, huh?” Ryuji mumbled, catching Akira's eyes watching him in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. “How do you feel about it?”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm ready if you are.**

“Holy shit. Really? You aren't just sayin' that because you're leaving soon, right? You really want to do it?” Ryuji stepped up behind Akira, grasping him gently by the shoulders to turn him around. They faced one another, searching each other's faces for any signs of hesitation.

“Yyyy-”Akira hissed, moving his mouth to try and form a word. Ryuji leaned closer, trying to make out what he was trying to say.

“Mmm?” Ryuji prompted, trying to be patient, wanting to be absolutely certain of what the other man really wanted. Akira tried again to speak, his eyebrows drawing up in frustration, making Ryuji feel a bit guilty. “Just sign, man. Don't overwork yourself.”

Akira crooked an eyebrow at him and leaned closer, so close that Ryuji could feel his breath against his face. He tried to keep his eyes up, but they drifted down towards Akira's lips, distracting him.

“Yeah?” Ryuji asked again, swallowing the lump inside of his throat.

Akira slid a finger up under Ryuji's jaw, tilting his head back so that they were eye to eye again. Once he had the blond's attention, he moved back enough so that he could bring his hands up between them. He inserted his pointer finger of his right hand through a loop he had formed with his left hand. Ryuji watched the motion a few times, nearly jolting in shock when realization dawned on him.

“What the hell?” Ryuji turned his face to the side, ears burning. “Could'a just said yes or no.”

Akira smirked and started off into their bedroom, shedding his towel as he went, completely shameless. Ryuji's face was still hot as he limped after him, turning off lights as he went, bathing the room in near darkness. Akira was already tearing into the box, inspecting the contents in the dim light coming in from the glass patio doorway.

“Is that stuff okay?” Ryuji asked, sitting down on the futon next to Akira.

“ _Perfect,”_ Akira confirmed, setting everything at the head of the bed for easy access. He turned to face Ryuji, staring at him expectantly, allowing him to choose the first move.

“You seem like you know what you're doin'.”

Akira hesitated before answering, a subtle nod of his head.

“Takemi, right?”

He nodded again.

“Anyone else?”

A third nod.

“...A dude?”

“ _Yes.”_ Akira grabbed his phone.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It was at the end of third year. It wasn't a serious relationship, we just slept together a few times and then stopped.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I wouldn't say I regret it, but looking back, it wasn't a good situation to put myself in.**

“Did he hurt you or somethin'...?” Ryuji asked, feeling a wave of concern wash away his mild feelings of jealousy. He moved closer to Akira on the futon, gently resting his head against one of the other man's shoulders, watching his phone screen for the next reply.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He wanted sex and I wanted to self-destruct. You and I had just had our big fight and I was feeling sorry for myself over it.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sleeping with him allowed me to forget.**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: All things considered, he was fairly nice about the whole thing. He didn't expect anything and I didn't expect anything.**

“So... It was me that hurt you.”

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It was a long time ago, Ryuji. Things are different now.**

“You're right.” Ryuji sat up, his eyes meeting Akira's. In the dim light from the window, they looked as if they were bathed in moonlight, two rings of pure silver. Drawn in by this, the blond leaned forward to kiss him, gently resting one of his hands on the side of Akira's face. Ryuji leaned backward to sink down onto his back, guiding Akira over top. He all too eagerly opened his mouth when he was prompted, a shiver running up his spine when Akira bit down softly on his bottom lip, threatening the skin with his teeth. He hummed a soft moan when Akira's tongue slipped into his mouth, curling around his own, stealing the breath from his lungs.

“Fuck-” Ryuji groaned, pulling away, trying to steady his breathing. Akira's eyes slid up to Ryuji's and they held on another's gaze for a moment. He reached a hand up to brush Akira's bangs back away from his face, digging his fingers into the dark curls so that he could tilt Akira's head back and catch some light on his face. Akira smiled viciously, licking his lips as a challenge. “Holy shit. You're like a different person.”

“Not that I'm complaining.” Ryuji hastily added. Akira took hold of Ryuji's free hand, bringing it to his chest, flattening his palm down. Ryuji could feel Akira's heartbeat, the heat coming off of his skin, the soft rise and fall of his chest. Moving his fingers down to Ryuji's wrist, he coaxed him to move his hand down his body. Ryuji watched, his fingers twitching a bit as they glided over one of Akira's nipples. “Th-There?”

Akira nodded and Ryuji felt surprised. Sure, he knew girls liked to have their tits played with, but he didn't think it was something that guys liked as well. He was pretty sure it would only make him feel embarrassed if Akira tried to do it to him. Akira moved his hand to lay flat over Ryuji's, his fingers guiding the ones beneath, showing the blond how to touch.

“S'kinda cool,” Ryuji commented, a little disappointed when Akira moved his hand away and down further. Feeling the smooth muscles of Akira's stomach and hips was a pretty good trade-off. The blond took his time there, watching his palm curve slightly as it moved over Akira's toned body.

  
“Can I-...? I mean...” He gestured between the other man's legs.

“ _Touch.”_ Akira signed, and Ryuji wondered if it was a confirmation or a command. He hesitated and Akira decided for him. Taking hold of Ryuji's hand again, he pressed it down between his legs and over his hard cock. Ryuji's fingers twitched in surprise and he could almost feel all his blood drain south.

“Shit, man...” Ryuji groaned, curling his fingers around the thick width of it, stroking loosely. He watched closely as Akira's eyes slipped shut, his long eyelashes fanning out over his cheeks. “You've got eyelashes like a girl.”

“ _Fuck you.”_ Akira took his hand away to sign, his eyes snapping open, his lips pulled back in a sharp-toothed sneer. Ryuji reveled in it, thoroughly enjoying how feral the other man was behaving. He sat up so that they were eye level, using his free hand to grab hold of Akira's chin, tilting his head back. Dark curls fell away from his face making his eyes more clearly visible, two pools of smoldering liquid silver.

“You're like a damn wild animal or somethin'.”

As if to prove that point, Akira pulled free of Ryuji's grip. He turned his head slightly, snaking his tongue out to wrap around the tip of two of the blond's fingers, encouraging Ryuji to put them into his mouth. Slowly he took them deeper, closing his teeth over them, threatening to bite down. Ryuji skated the tips of them over Akira's tongue, his heart bouncing frantically inside his chest. Akira's throat vibrated a bit, Ryuji could feel it deeper inside, and he delved in, seeking that feeling.

“Are you-... I mean, is that-...?” Ryuji raised his eyebrows in question, leaning his head closer. Akira repeated the action, and although no sound came from it, Ryuji could tell it was a moan. Ryuji pressed his fingers in as far as they could go, earning a soft cough from Akira, who persisted in taking them as deep as he could. “Oh fuck.”

He could tell it was uncomfortable for Akira, his eyes had begun to glaze over with moisture and his eyebrows were drawn together in discomfort. Ryuji savored that for just a couple seconds more before finally relenting and pulling his fingers back. He could feel a soft rush of air against them as Akira exhaled in relief.

“I gotcha, bro. Don't worry.” Ryuji whispered, fascinated by the subtle twitch of Akira's cock under his opposite hand. He hadn't forgotten about it. Akira pulled his mouth away from Ryuji's hand, his teeth scraping lightly over the skin of the blond's fingers. He ran his tongue over his lips, breaking the line of saliva that had formed between Ryuji's hand and his mouth. Ryuji snorted in amusement, almost outright laughing when he saw the look of disgust on Akira's face.

“They were pretty much down your throat but you're upset about some spit?” Ryuji chuckled, sitting up so that he could wriggle free of the towel that still clung to his hips. A slight chill ran up his spine as he became aware of how cold the room felt.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We have heat panels in the floor. Do you want me to turn them up a bit?**

“Holy shit, really? That's so cool. I've never been in a place with heated floors. Let's turn them up some.”

Akira pulled away and rose to his feet, somewhat awkwardly, to briefly dip out of the room to adjust the thermostat. While he was gone, Ryuji peeled back the blankets on the futons so that they could get underneath them, using it as a way to calm some of his nerves. He didn't hear Akira renter the room, but he felt him come up behind him, pressing his hard cock against his backside. The blond made a very undignified noise and it was all Akira could do to keep him from jolting forward across the room.

“What the hell?” Ryuji whispered, swallowing a couple times to try to clear his throat. Akira's arms snaked around his waist, hands coming around to the front of the blond's body so that he could see his hands signing.

“ _Relax. I am helping.”_ Akira moved one hand down over Ryuji's hips to steady him, while the other wrapped around his hardening cock. It caught him by surprise and he moaned loudly, back arching as he tried in vain not to thrust into Akira's hand. He slapped a hand over his mouth, face burning with embarrassment. He felt like every muscle in his body was drawn tight, holding his body rigid. He was flustered and definitely a bit nervous, unsure of how things were supposed to go. His brain seemed to struggle to come to terms with the uncertainty of it all.

Akira moved his hands away from Ryuji's skin and the blond moaned in protest. Soft lips came up to gently brush over the back of his neck moving over to the dip in his shoulder. Ryuji glanced down to see Akira's hands signing again.

“ _You think too much.”_

“This is kind of a lot to take in!” Ryuji protested, leaning so that his back pressed against the front of Akira's chest, savoring the warmth he found there. “Aint it normal to be kinda nervous?”

“ _Yes. Except-”_

“'Except' what?”

“ _You are safe.”_ Akira continued, nuzzling his forehead between the blond's sharp shoulder blades. _“With me.”_

“I know that...” Ryuji began, curling his hands around Akira's, squeezing them gently. “Lay down.”

Akira pulled away and crawled across the futons to roll over onto his back, staring at him expectantly.

“ _Thinking too much again.”_ Akira signed slowly, beckoning him over. He crawled over top of Akira, framing the other's body with his own. Akira's hands came up to curl around the sides of Ryuji's face, thumbs smoothing lightly over the blond's cheekbones. Ryuji leaned into the touch his eyes slipping shut so that he could savor the feeling of his fingers against his fevered skin.

Sitting in their new apartment, with Akira's hands on his face, Ryuji wondered to himself how he was going to be able to let the other man go off for the surgery. He had spent countless days pining, never expecting that his feelings would be returned, that there could be something beyond friendship for the two of them. Somehow, despite all the things they had been through, they had a life they were starting together, a new home, new goals. Saying goodbye didn't fit into the equation of what Ryuji wanted, even though he knew it was inevitable.

“I'm going to miss you,” Ryuji said finally, opening his eyes to look down at Akira, who stared back with an unreadable expression. He could hear the sound of his own nervous breathing, a steady noise in the dark room. He swallowed hard, once, twice, a third time for good measure. “I don't want you to leave, but I know you have to. Whether you regain your voice or not, you have to take the risk, you have to go.”

Akira nodded, smiling so softly that it appeared to be an illusion. Ryuji leaned down to press their foreheads together, feeling overwhelming affection for the other man. Akira gripped the blond's face tighter with one hand, freeing the other one to gently comb back through his hair, and Ryuji melted into the feeling of it. It would be okay, some part of him whispered, insisted.

“Now...” Ryuji began, pulling away, bringing their attention back to the task at hand. “I got you all wound up, huh? Let's get this started.”

Akira nodded, a few stray curls falling back down over his forehead. He rolled his hips gently against Ryuji, who had to swallow his moan back down to keep his composure. Using his good leg, he pushed Akira's apart and hooked an arm out to grab the forgotten bottle of lube and box of condoms.

“Man, I gotta warn ya. I only vaguely know what I'm doin'. You'll help me, yeah?” He glanced up at Akira, earning a nod of agreement. He uncapped the bottle and coated a few of his fingers, setting it aside for the moment. With one hand holding Akira by the hip, he placed the first finger at Akira's entrance. Both of them inhaled in anticipation.

Akira hooked his arms up to drape over Ryuji's shoulders, hands curling around to play with the short hair at the nape of his neck. Shivering slightly at the touch, Ryuji eased the first finger inside, surprised by the lack of resistance. He glanced up at Akira's face questioningly, but the dark-haired man could only shrug and smile wolfishly. He knew that it was likely that it hurt a bit and that Akira was playing it up a bit for his sake, but he was grateful nonetheless.

He pushed his second finger in next to the first, stroking and scissoring them gently, watching the expressions play out over Akira's face. The way his eyebrows knit together in the middle of his forehead, his mouth dropping open in a sharp exhale, his shoulders rolling with shudders. He could feel Akira's legs shaking a bit, almost jolting when Ryuji managed to crook his fingers in just the right way.

“I had no effin idea you were like this,” Ryuji admitted breathlessly. He took his time, memorizing everything that he could, Akira's expressions, his heavy breathing, the would-be moans.

“Ryu...” Akira ground out, his voice extremely rough. He dropped a hand down to grab hold of Ryuji's arm, looking at the blond desperately.

“I gotcha.” Ryuji murmured, adding a third finger for good measure. With his free hand, he reached up to give Akira's neglected cock some attention, running his thumb around the head, sliding his palm up and down the length a few times. Akira's eyes were locked on his face the whole time, hips jerking, trying to take Ryuji's fingers deeper than they could go. “Want somethin' better?”

Akira offered no reply, but the answer was obvious. Slipping his fingers out carefully, Ryuji grabbed the lube and condoms, fussing with them both until he was situated. He grabbed the lube again and used it to slick himself up, maybe letting his hands work himself over for longer than really necessary, before moving into position. His hands dropped down to circle Akira's hips, thumbs digging into the muscles there appreciatively.

He pressed in slowly at first, then with more enthusiasm when he felt Akira pressing back against him, trying to take him deeper. Ryuji's eyes rolled and shut tight, his lower half burning with heat. His own thighs were shaking now as he struggled to keep himself composed and not lose himself right away. Finally, he bottomed out, releasing the breath he had been holding, opening his eyes to look down at Akira.

“Look at you, fuck, man...” Ryuji jumbled the words together, his lips curling back from his teeth in a satisfied grin. Akira was biting his bottom lip, one hand holding his bangs back while the other was tangled in the sheets, white-knuckled and tense. “Feel good?”

Akira nodded his head, smiling back at Ryuji, his eyes a little glassy. Freeing his hand from the sheets, he caught the side of Ryuji's face, pulling the blond down into a soft kiss. Ryuji allowed himself to linger there for a moment, but his body was thrumming with energy and he couldn't hold back any longer. Ducking out of the kiss, he tightened his grip on Akira's hips and started thrusting shallowly.

Akira's back bowed and his mouth fell open, sharp gasps of air taking the place of what should have been moans. Ryuji trailed a hand up his body, feeling the tensing and relaxing of the muscles in Akira's chest and stomach. He stopped at his neck and curled his fingers around it gently, pressing down just hard enough to feel the vibrations coming from Akira's throat. The dark-haired man shot him a look but didn't protest.

Ryuji continued to build up a steady rhythm, shaken by how Akira pressed back against him to ensure he took his cock all the way to the base. The two of them moved in perfect sync like this for a while, but the position was hard on Ryuji's knee and he finally had to slow to a stop and rest.

“Fuck, sorry. Hold up.” Ryuji grit the words out, feeling frustrated. Of all the times for his knee to decide to give up on him. “Sorry.”

Akira shook his head, expression softening. He gently pressed a hand against Ryuji's back, sitting up to move the blond off and away. Ryuji almost protested, worried that Akira wanted to stop. Patting his hand against the futons, Akira maneuvered him to lay down on his back, before swinging a leg over to climb on top.

“Oh shit. I didn't think of this.” Ryuji whispered appreciatively, able to admire the full scope of Akira's body as he knelt over him. Placing one hand on Ryuji's chest, Akira curled the other around his cock and guided it back inside, sinking down on the blond slowly. Ryuji dug his nails into the sheets under him, whimpering a bit as he tried and failed to hold himself back. He came with a muffled yelp.

For a moment, all he could do was lay limply against the futons and wait for the aftershocks to fade away. Then when his brain fully caught up with him, he nearly jerked upright, grabbing Akira gently by the shoulders. He expected him to be pissed at him, or at the very least annoyed, but Akira's expression was neither.

If anything, he looked even more aroused than he had before.

“You're kinda kinky, ain't ya?” Ryuji asked, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “What the hell, man?”

“ _Sorry?”_ Akira signed, his head tilted, a clear indication of it being a question. He huffed in laughter and leaned back some, placing his palms on either side of Ryuji's legs. Bent back like that, he gave the blond a clear view of his still hard cock, the head dark and leaking, curled back towards his stomach.

“You're killin' me here.” Ryuji hissed, licking his lips to wet them a bit. “Can we keep going?”

“ _Yeah.”_ Akira mercifully moved out of Ryuji's lap and off to the side.

“These aren't gonna last very long are they?” Ryuji asked, tearing the foil on another condom. Akira smiled mirthfully and shook his head. “Can we come back to that? The uh... You in my lap, thing?”

Akira nodded, rolling Ryuji towards him and onto his side, careful of his injured leg. He leaned forward to brush his lips over the blond's neck, his breath burning hot against sensitive skin. Ryuji leaned his head back to give him more room, his eyes slipping shut as Akira's mouth continued to suck and bite, at times almost a bit painfully.

This was nothing without the tandem of Akira's hands. One was curled into a fist and rolled against the space between his shoulders, less erotic and more like a soothing massage, killing time while Ryuji recovered. The other one had taken an interest in Ryuji's chest, smoothing lightly over the plains of muscle. As he predicted, having Akira brush over his nipples was a bit embarrassing, but he wasn't going to protest against it. Both hands continued to move down, sliding over his stomach and the small of his back.

Meanwhile, Akira's mouth had taken a special interest in Ryuji's collarbones. An especially sharp bite caused Ryuji to yelp and recoil. He looked down at Akira scathingly, a pair of doe-like gray eyes stared back at him, feigning innocence.

“Watch the teeth, m'kay?” Ryuji admonished, resting his chin lightly on top of Akira's head. Seeming just a bit apologetic, Akira's lips moved gently over the bite mark, soothing it with gentle kisses until the blond returned to a putty-like state. He shut his eyes again, basking in the warm comfort created by the two of them huddled together.

Ryuji's attention wavered for a moment but was pulled back by a muffled raspy noise, Akira's version of vocal laughter. He inched himself back to see what the other man was finding so amusing. He pulled back even more, scandalized and embarrassed when Akira brushed his fingers through the dark hairs growing up towards his navel.

“H-Hey. Don't do that! That's weird.” Ryuji stammered, drawing Akira's hand away quickly, encouraging it to come back up to rest against his stomach instead. “What's so funny 'bout it?!”

Akira fished through the sheets until he found his cellphone. He turned it on, blinking quickly in the harsh light. He ran his fingers over the screen to type out a message, turning it to face Ryuji, momentarily blinding him. When his vision cleared and he scanned the line of text, he groaned in exasperation.

_I had forgotten that you bleach your hair and it just occurred to me that that's why it isn't blond down there._

“What are ya? Thirteen?!” Ryuji plucked the phone from Akira's hand and set it at the head of the futons. He was about to scold him more but stopped short when he felt Akira's other hand return to the small of his back, sliding down over his ass. “Don't you dare.”

Looking disappointed, Akira removed his hand, giving Ryuji a look that seemed to say 'You're not any fun.'. The blond rolled his eyes, trying not to be amused by how pouty and bratty Akira had gotten. He wondered if it was because he hadn't been able to get off yet. Seemed logical.

“Come on. I'm ready now.” Ryuji rolled over onto his back, coaxing Akira to follow him. They fidgeted for a few moments, trying to get themselves back into the position from earlier. Ryuji had just opened his mouth to ask if Akira was ready when he felt the other man jump the gun and start without him. Gripping Ryuji's cock, Akira began to sink down on it again, showing very little hesitation. Ryuji waited until he was almost fully seated on him again before jerking his hips up, fully rejoining them. Akira made a sharp sound, probably the closest he could get to a shout, hand curling around the base of his own cock to keep himself from cumming early. “S'what you get for laughin' at me.”

Akira bared his teeth and shot him a dark look, threatening him silently, much to Ryuji's delight. He wasn't going to miss out on a chance to bring out the other man's feral side.

The two of them composed themselves quickly after that, wanting to get on with things. Ryuji's hands came up to grip Akira's hips, helping to lift them off and back on until a steady pace could be established. Then he merely laid himself back to watch, letting Akira handle the pace. He watched his cock slide out, holding his breath whenever Akira came back down, leg muscles tensing and relaxing around the blond's hips. It didn't take long for Akira to lose his composure, his face was flushed, beads of sweat sliding down his face, mouth hanging slightly open.

His eyes caught the light from the window, shimmering like silver glass, wordlessly begging for something.

“It's okay,” Ryuji reassured him, sitting up so that he could grasp hold of Akira's cock, possibly a bit too roughly. Akira managed to grit out a raspy whine, his whole body going rigid, tightening around Ryuji. The blond smiled in satisfaction, using his free hand to steady Akira as he took control. He began to roll his hips up into the dark-haired man, while his hand worked over the swollen head of his cock. Akira's whole body was quaking and Ryuji refused to let up.

“Akira, are you close?” Ryuji goaded, though he already knew the answer. Akira's eyes went sharp for a second and his teeth came together in a snarl, but a quick snap of Ryuji's hips put him back in line again. His expression melted into desperation, tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. Ryuji kissed him gently to encourage him, pulling back so that he could watch.

Akira's chest rose and fell in sharp little huffs of air, his back went rigid, and his hips stuttered, covering Ryuji's stomach and hand with cum. His mouth opened as if to make some sort of noise of release, but of course, nothing came out. His eyes trailed sideways, possibly looking at Ryuji's face but probably not really seeing anything at all. All the while the blond continued to thrust into him and run his hand over his spent cock, chasing his own release.

When it finally hit him, his vision blurred and his head felt dizzy. His hands came down to grip at Akira's hips so that he could bury himself as deep as possible. On the outside of it, he could feel gentle fingers smoothing his hair back and soft lips moving against his own. He melted into that feeling, swaying over onto his side, pulling Akira down with him.

They kissed for a while, the whole thing a hazy dream that Ryuji tried not to come out of, but inevitably, he woke. Akira was looking at him, his expression unreadable, but gentle. It was only then that Ryuji felt the wet spots on his own face and the awkward clench of his teeth. He cleared his throat and turned his face away, trying to compose himself.

“Shit. I don't know what's wrong with me.” He blubbered, running the back of his hand over his eyes to dry them. Soft hands came up to do it for him, thumbs sweeping the tears off his eyelashes and cheeks. Ryuji shut his eyes and let the other man coddle him. Akira's head came to rest against his, hands on either side of his face, soothing and warm. “It was just a lot, I guess.”

One of Akira's thumbs brushed down over his lips, silencing him. They pulled the blankets up and Ryuji dozed off and on for a while before the ache in his knee forced him to wake back up. He needed to get up, to move around for a bit, stretch the muscles. He reluctantly pulled himself away from Akira, who was just on the edge of sleep himself and stood up.

“It's okay.” He reassured Akira, who had cracked an eye open to check on him. He had to clear his throat a couple times to keep from laughing at the mess they had made of Akira's hair, sweat plastered and pushed back away from his face, the ends in tangles. Akira huffed, turning his back on the blond to show his displeasure. “Don't be like that.”

But Akira ignored him.

Ryuji decided to clean up some of their mess, sneaking off with it into the bathroom. He had intended for a quick wipe down for himself, but the new bathtub called to him, and he ended up taking a quick shower. On his way back into the bedroom, he pulled on some boxers, needing to be 'dressed' again. By then his leg was really aching and it was all he could do to make it back to the futons without his cane.

“Akira....” He was loath to wake the sleeping man, but he knew that if Akira didn't tidy up a bit, he would regret it in the morning. He opened his eyes to look at Ryuji, accepting the wet washcloth that the blond offered him. While Akira cleaned himself up, Ryuji spread one of the blankets out over the futons, promising himself he would give the sheets a good wash later. He tried very hard not to get excited by the side-eyed glances he caught of Akira running the towel over the inside of his thighs.

“Better?” He asked when Akira had come over to sit next to him, lowering himself down gingerly. Akira nodded, running his hands through his hair in a vain effort to fix it. “Worry about that in the morning.”

Ryuji slid under the remaining blanket, holding it up so that the other man could join him. It was meant for a single futon, so it didn't fully fit over them. To remedy this, Akira inched closer, till he was nearly chest to chest with Ryuji. He curled his legs, accidentally bumping them against the front of the blond's, earning a sharp hiss of pain in reply.

“ _Hurts?”_ He signed, setting his hand lightly on the side of Ryuji's face.

“It's okay. It's just sore.”

“ _I'm sorry.”_

“Don't be. I'm okay.” Ryuji set his head gently on top of Akira's, allowing the other man to tuck his face into his neck. He was just on the edge of sleep when he felt Akira tugging at the elastic waistband of his boxers, pulling it back so that it snapped back into place. He opened his eyes to glare at Akira. “What was that for?”

It was then that he remembered which boxers he was wearing, the pink ones with the neon green waistband.

“Don't you dare.” Ryuji threatened, seeing Akira bring his hands up to sign 'watermelon'. Snorting in amusement, Akira let it go, but his eyes continued to dance with laughter. Offended, Ryuji turned his back on the other man to punish him, taking most of the blanket with him. He expected the teasing to continue, but instead, he felt gentle hands come up to rub his shoulders.

Eventually, he relented, turning back over so that they could return to their snuggling. As soon as they had settled into a comfortable position, Akira was already halfway back to sleep. His head was tucked against Ryuji's chest and from this close vantage point, the blond could hear how unsteady and raspy the other man's breathing was. His inhales weren't deep enough, and his exhales long and rattled. Ryuji stayed up to listen for a while, mildly horrified, especially when Akira's breath would occasionally catch in his throat. Each time he would stop breathing altogether, nearly waking up from the lack of air, until finally, his throat relaxed enough to let the air through.

“No wonder you don't get any sleep,” Ryuji whispered, running a hand up and down Akira's back, hoping it might help in some way. He had never really been able to wrap his mind around the fact that Akira was really and truly sick. He was able to function from day to day, to deal with the disability that his illness had caused, but that didn't mean he was well. For the first time, Ryuji was able to _really_ understand why Akira wanted to have the surgery so badly, why he absolutely had to go through with it, even if the odds weren't in his favor.

Ryuji promised himself he would do whatever it took to support Akira, even if that meant they would have to be apart for a while.  
  
* * *  
  
Akira woke a short time before sunrise, the sky outside still mostly dark. He freed himself from Ryuji's arms, tucking the blankets back around the blond, determined to let him sleep as long as possible. He got up and went to take a shower, allowing the hot water to soothe his sore muscles from the night before. After drying and styling his hair, he went to the kitchen to make himself coffee, using the small satchel of beans that Sojiro had sent to the new apartment with him. Steaming mug in hand and blanket draped over his shoulders, he stepped out onto the patio and watched the sun rise up over Tokyo.  
  
A thick knot of discomfort began to form inside his chest as he stared out over the horizon. In a day's time he would be somewhere else, surrounded by people he didn't know in a place he had never been before. There had always been comfort for him in routine, but it was all slowly being stripped away, leaving his mind barren and confused, unsure of how to react to all the changes.  
  
His vision began to swim with moisture, hands shaking around the mug, lungs aching as he struggled to take in enough oxygen. He knew what was coming and he tried to fight it off as best he could, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder to make sure that Ryuji was still asleep. If he could just keep quiet, it would be fine. He moved a hand up to cover his face, jaw locked and teeth gritted together, as his fear overwhelmed him.  
  
The mug shattered noisily against the concrete of the patio.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember kids, there's nothing sexier than open discussions about using protection and of course consent. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> Also, we're back to cliffhangers!!!!
> 
> Please feel free to follow me on [Tumblr](https://ravenchaitea.tumblr.com/) for pegoryu/P5 goodies as well as early fic updates!


	11. The Long Goodbye Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Long Goodbye is an acceptable title because this chapter ended up torn into three parts and it just. kept. growing. This is the last we will see of Akira and Ryuji being together for a while. They've got many changes and challenges headed their way! Fear not dear readers, the ending will be a happy one. 
> 
> S/O to my better half for suggesting I add a smut scene to this chapter when I originally had planned not to have one. Nothing says 10 years of romance like encouraging your partner to write dirty fanfics. 
> 
> I've loved writing this story for you all and I sincerely appreciate all the comments, kudos, and bookmarks. If you'd like to follow my exploits please consider following me on [Tumblr](https://ravenchaitea.tumblr.com/). It's a P5 exclusive blog, with lots of pegoryu/akiryu stuff. I also plan to start doing chapter previews and previews for my next AkiraRyuji fic on there! I'd love to see you there! Especially all you lurkers!

"Is he okay?" Ryuji asked when Takemi emerged from he and Akira's bedroom. She shut the door gently behind herself and came over to stand by him, smoothing her coat.  
  
"He's fine," Takemi assured him in a soft voice. "It was just an anxiety attack."  
  
"Anxiety attack...? It's not his throat that was messin' up his breathin'?"  
  
"No. It was a mental reaction."  
  
"Oh," Ryuji whispered, his heart sinking inside his chest. "Wh-What can I do for him?"  
  
"All you can do is be there for him. Take care of him today and be mindful of his needs." Takemi turned her face away, arms crossing over her chest. "I was afraid this might happen. The pressure of the surgery trial might be too much for him."  
  
"But he has to go! It's his only chance!"  
  
"They're not going to allow him to participate if he isn't sound. Mental health can affect a patient's recovery from surgery. If he turns out to be a risk, they might not be willing to take a chance on him."  
  
"That's bullshit!"  
  
"I know, but that's how these trials work."  
  
"Can't you give him somethin'? There's medicine for that kind of stuff, innit there?" Ryuji looked at Takemi, hands curling into fists at his sides. "He has to go to that trial."  
  
"I can give him medicine to help with it, but it's nothing he would be allowed to take during the trial." Takemi sighed, shaking her head in defeat. "I admire your desire to help him, but this is ultimately something he has to do for himself. We have to support his decision, whatever that is. It will only harm him more if we try to force our opinions on him. Do you understand?"  
  
"Yeah... I got it."  
  
"I gave him something to help him sleep. In an hour or so try to get him up and get him to eat."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"How's your knee feeling?" Takemi lifted her eyes up to look at him. "Any pain?"  
  
"Nothin' I can't handle," Ryuji replied, tapping his cane lightly against his right leg.  
  
"You may want to ice it. Maybe some ice for those bite marks on your neck too."  
  
"On... My neck?"  
  
"You haven't seen yourself?" Takemi asked, smirking. She pulled a small mirror from her medical bag and offered it to him, her grin widening when he saw all the dark red marks dotting his neck. She came around behind him, tapping the large one at his collarbone. "This one looks especially bad. You should probably wash it out and apply a topical cream to it."  
  
"Okay, okay. Thanks for the advice." Ryuji shoved the mirror back into her hands, shying away from her, face burning with embarrassment.  
  
"He likes to bite."  
  
"I am aware of that now, thanks!"  
  
"Call me if you need anything," Takemi called over her shoulder as she gathered her things and saw herself to the door, stepping out into the cool morning. When Ryuji was sure that she was gone, he turned towards the bedroom and let himself in quietly.  
  
Akira was asleep on one of the futons, curled into a tight ball, face halfway tucked into his pillow. Ryuji knelt down to get into bed next to him, keeping a bit of space between them in case the other man felt crowded. Ryuji gently brushed his bangs back off of his face, causing him to stir, his gray eyes opening up.  
  
"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you." Ryuji apologized, drawing his hand away. Akira shrugged a bit, rolling over so that his back was to the blond, tugging his blankets tighter around himself. Ryuji tried not to take offense to it. "Go back to sleep for a while. Okay? If you need anythin', let me know, I'll get it for you."  
  
Ryuji waited for Akira to fall back to sleep before excusing himself to the living room. He had just started on breakfast for himself when his phone rang, Futaba's name and number appearing on the screen.  
  
"Hey, what's up?" Ryuji answered, holding the phone between his face and his shoulder so he could continue cooking.  
  
"Just calling to remind you two to be at the cafe tonight around five. Akira wasn't answering and I knew that you probably forgot about it." Futaba replied back, sounding smug. "The going away party for Akira."  
  
"I didn't forget about it. It's just-... Akira isn't feelin' so good. I don't know if he's gonna be able to make it."  
  
"What do you mean? Is he sick...?"  
  
"Kind of." Ryuji glanced nervously over his shoulder towards the bedroom, hoping that Akira was still resting. "You know those things you get? Those uh... Anxiety attacks?"  
  
"Yeah..." Futaba spoke slowly, sighing. "Happens to him too sometimes."  
  
"I didn't know that. I've never seen it happen before."  
  
"Well yeah, he's really good at making sure no one's around when they happen."  
  
"Why would he hide somethin' like that?" Ryuji asked quietly, scraping his food out of the pan and onto a plate, although he didn't really feel like eating it anymore.  
  
"Well I mean, they're sorta embarrassing. People think you're being weird or crazy." Futaba explained. "Akira hates showing that side of himself, especially to you."  
  
"Yeah, don't I know it... Don't cancel the party. Don't tell anyone. I'll let you know what he decides and we can deal with it then."  
  
"Okay. That sounds good."  
  
They hung up the phone and Ryuji turned to the plate of food he had set on the counter, willing himself to eat it. In the end, it wound up going down the sink.  
  
* * *  
  
Around noon, Ryuji returned to their room to wake Akira. He had been avoiding the area all morning, trying to give the other man space, occupied with unpacking some of the boxes in the living room. When he entered the bedroom he saw that Akira was still asleep, curled in on himself in a tight ball under the blankets. Ryuji approached and knelt down next to him, his heart pounding nervously as he prepared to wake the sleeping man.  
  
“Hey. You gotta get up now.” Ryuji whispered, smoothing Akira's bangs back away from his face. The touch caused Akira to stir, eyelids fluttering for a moment before he opened them. He glanced at Ryuji through bleary storm-colored eyes, looking exhausted despite his hours of rest. "Feelin' any better?"  
  
_"Sorta."_ Akira signed with a shrug, pushing the blankets down off of himself so that he could sit up. He rested his hands in his lap, head hanging low, eyes kept pointedly away from Ryuji's face. He was still for a moment and then he moved his hands back up to sign, _"I'm ashamed."_  
  
"Hey. Don't be. You're under a ton of stress, man. It's understandable."  
  
_"It's stupid."_  
  
"No, it ain't." Ryuji said firmly. He reached a hand out to slide his fingers under Akira's chin, lifting his head up. "Look at me."  
  
_"I can't."_  
  
"Yes, you can. Come on." Ryuji stroked his thumb lightly over the other man's jaw, waiting patiently until Akira's eyes drifted up toward his face. "See? Everythin' is okay."  
  
_"Doesn't feel okay."_  
  
"I know man, I know." Ryuji sighed, sliding his hand down to massage the back of Akira's neck. "Listen, don't let this be a setback. You've worked too damn hard to throw everythin' away. If anyone can get through that surgery trial, it's you. Seriously dude, you're one of the strongest people I know. I've always admired you. You aren't like anyone else I've ever met. Don't give up on yourself, okay?"  
  
"R...ji..." Akira whispered, reaching a hand out to touch the side of the blond's face. He held it for a moment before turning away, rummaging through the sheets until he found his cellphone.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm having a bad day today... But I still want to try to go for the surgery trial.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's daunting.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to go.**  
  
"Good..." Ryuji said, pressing his head gently against the front of Akira's. "If anyone can do it, it's you."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I love you.**  
  
"I-I... M-Me too. I feel like that too. The same." Ryuji's flustered reply brought a smile to Akira's face. Feeling a swell of relief and happiness inside his chest, Ryuji leaned forward to gently kiss the other man. "How about the party tonight? You still wanna go?"  
  
_"Yes. I want to go."_  
  
"Good. Let's eat some lunch first though. Takemi says you gotta eat."  
  
* * *  
  
"Are you sure you're up to this?" Ryuji was watching Akira from the doorway of their bedroom, eyebrows drawn together in concern. The two of them had spent the better part of the day in bed and were now getting ready to go to LeBlanc for Akira's send-off dinner.  
  
_"Yes. I'm sure."_ Akira signed, slipping his arms into his jacket. Once his hands were free again, he continued. _"Tired of being in bed."_  
  
"I feel like that should offend me somehow." Ryuji joked, grinning at Akira, who returned his smile enthusiastically.  
  
_"You are a bad pillow."_  
  
"Well you make a pretty shitty blanket, so we're even."  
  
_"Now I'm offended."_  
  
"Hey, the truth hurts." Ryuji shrugged his shoulders. "Hey uh... I might need some help with my neck."  
  
_"Your-..."_ Akira stopped mid-sign, his lips turning up into a devilish smile. Ryuji was, of course, referring to the dark marks that Akira had left all over his neck and shoulders the night before. With each passing hour, they seemed to grow a bit darker and more noticeable.  
  
"Takemi says this one has to have some kind of cream put on it." Ryuji pointed to the bite on his collarbone. The marks in his skin had darkened up enough that it was almost a perfect outline of Akira's teeth.  
  
_"Sorry. I bit too hard."_ Akira signed, reaching out to brush his fingers over the imprint.  
  
"It's okay. I kinda like it."  
  
_"I have an idea."_ Akira signed, disappearing into the bedroom. Ryuji could hear him rustling through boxes for a moment or so before he returned, carrying a small first aid kit with him. He opened it up and held up a small flat package.  
  
"A band-aid! That's genius!" Ryuji exclaimed as Akira tore open the package, carefully applying the large square plaster so that it covered the mark completely. "What about the other marks? It'll be weird if I have a ton of these stuck to my neck."  
  
Akira had an answer for that as well, he disappeared into the bedroom again and came back brandishing a scarf. He carefully draped it over the blond's neck, between his skin and the hood of his jacket, tucking in the edges.  
  
"A scarf, huh? It doesn't look weird on me?"  
  
_"It looks stylish."_  
  
"Only because it's yours," Ryuji replied, though he couldn't help smiling at the compliment. The scarf smelled like Akira and a bit like coffee. When the other man looked away, the blond buried his nose in the fabric to inhale the familiar scents. Composing himself, Ryuji grabbed his cane and the two of them moved toward the front door. He felt uneasy about going out, especially when Akira hadn't been himself for the better part of the day. He knew there was nothing he could do, Akira needed time to feel better on his own. Despite this, Ryuji couldn't keep his eyes from watching him like a hawk, looking for any signs of unease.  
  
Ryuji's mind replayed the scene from earlier that day when he had woken to find Akira a hysterical mess out on the patio. He had seen a full spectrum of emotions from the other man, happiness, anger, sadness. The person he had seen that morning was someone else entirely, a side of Akira that he had never known. Though he would never admit it, it had scared him.  
  
"Can I ask you somethin'..." Ryuji prompted, glancing at Akira as the two of them walked towards Shibuya Station. A passing car's lights reflected against the lenses of the other man's glasses as he nodded his head in agreement. "Do those... Anxiety things... Happen a lot?"  
  
_"Yes and no,"_ Akira admitted, sighing softly, his breath visible in the cool air. He pulled out his phone and tugged off one of his winter gloves so that he could type.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: When I was younger, it happened a lot. Since I wasn't able to speak well, I didn't react well to social situations.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's part of why my throat condition went undiagnosed for so long.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: They thought that I was simply choosing not to speak. That it was a mental block.  
**  
"What the hell...?" Ryuji hissed, scowling as he read over Akira's messages. "They didn't believe you at all?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: No, they didn't.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: My parents trusted the doctors.  
**  
"That's bullshit."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Maybe, but I can't really blame them.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Doctors are supposed to have all the answers, right?  
**  
"Obviously not." Ryuji shook his head in anger and frustration.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's okay. It's all in the past now.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It was all worth it in the end. I would have never come to Tokyo and met you otherwise.  
**  
"Aren't you pissed, though? I mean, if they had caught it sooner they could have stopped it, right?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Maybe. There's no guarantee though.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I've made peace with it.  
**  
"Then what happened this mornin'?" Ryuji asked softly.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's less to do with the past and more to do with the future.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Everything feels uncertain right now.  
**  
"It does. I uh... I mean, I feel that way too right now. I keep thinkin' that I know where I'm goin' and then I turn around and everythin' isn't how I thought'd it be."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You'll find your path, Ryuji.  
**  
"And you'll be okay after the surgery."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We're pretty agreeable today.  
**  
Akira glanced up over the top of his phone to smile at Ryuji, effectively stealing the breath from the blond's lungs. He offered a sheepish smile back.  
  
"C'mon. We're gonna miss our train."  
  
* * *  
  
The streets of Yogen were quiet and dark, most people tucked away in their homes to avoid the cool winter air. So when Akira slipped his hand into Ryuji's, the blond didn't protest against it. The two of them walked close together, taking longer than needed to reach the cafe, trying to enjoy each other's silent company. As the lights from inside LeBlanc became more visible, Ryuji stopped walking.  
  
"Don't... Take this the wrong way or nothin'..." Ryuji mumbled, slipping his hand free of Akira's, the action reluctant. The other man raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side in a question. "I ain't ashamed to be with you, but... Sojiro. I feel like he might react weird to it."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You have a point. I haven't had a chance to sit down and talk with him yet.  
**  
"That's what I thought."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Don't worry so much. My ego isn't THAT fragile.  
**  
"Heh, I know." Ryuji knocked the back of his hand against Akira's and started walking again.  
  
The moment they entered the cafe, Futaba descended on Akira, pulling him over to one of the booths, where Haru and Makoto were already seated. Ryuji awkwardly sat at the bar nearby, listening idly to the girls' chatter. They were working to set up a video chat with Ann and Shiho on Futaba's laptop.  
  
"They've been yammering like that for the better part of an hour now. It's about time you two showed up." Sojiro scowled, adjusting his glasses. He mindlessly set a plate of curry and a glass of water down in front of Ryuji, shaking his head. "As soon as it's socially acceptable, I'm headed home for the night."  
  
"They're just excited to see him," Ryuji replied with a shrug, picking up his spoon to dig into the food, keeping a close eye on Akira.  
  
"You guys get all settled into your apartment?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, yeah. More or less. Lots of unpackin' to do."  
  
"Gotta say, it's a little weird that you two rented a one bedroom apartment." Sojiro mused, catching Ryuji's attention. The blond turned around to the face older man, his heartbeat a nervous flutter inside his chest. Did Sojiro know about them after all?  
  
"What's so weird 'bout it?" Ryuji asked, trying to keep his voice casual and calm.  
  
"I imagine it might be awkward if either one of you wants to bring a girl home. Not that that's any of my business."  
  
"We've got a... System."  
  
"Oh? What kind of system?" Sojiro raised an eyebrow, arms crossed over his face, looking at Ryuji intently. The blond floundered for a moment, trying to think of how to answer.  
  
"Er- You know. Sock on the door?"  
  
"Really? _That's_ your system?"  
  
"It works for us."  
  
"Yeah, because you're both single." Sojiro snorted in amusement, leaning his back against the bar. "Back in my day, I had a string of ladies following me around. Kinda like Akira over there. I'd have thought you would have found one of those girls to your liking by now. What about you and Ann?"  
  
"We're friends," Ryuji replied dryly, stuffing his face with food so he didn't have to keep talking.  
  
"What about Makoto? She and Akira get along well. Do you think there's anything there?"  
  
"Hwe's twaken."  
  
"Huh? Since when?!"  
  
"Er-..." Ryuji took another bite of food and shrugged his shoulders, trying to buy himself time, hoping the older man would let the subject die.  
  
"C'mon, you can tell me." Sojiro leaned a bit closer, his voice low. "It isn't Futaba. ...Right?"  
  
Ryuji nearly choked.  
  
"Are you okay?" Sojiro asked, waiting for his coughing to subside.  
  
"M'fine." He gasped, grabbing hold of his glass of water, drinking until his throat felt clear. Sojiro was looking at him as if he still expected an answer, so Ryuji pointedly ignored him. He moved away from the bar, sliding his seat over closer to the booth to sit with the others. Sojiro huffed in annoyance and made a big show of gathering up the cafe's trash and recycling, carrying it towards the door and outside to the bins. Ryuji was glad to see him go.  
  
"We finally got Ann and Shiho connected," Futaba said as Ryuji seated himself at the head of the table.  
  
"Hi, Ryuji!" Ann was on the screen of Futaba's laptop, Shiho sitting close beside her.  
  
"Hey! How are you?" He asked. "How's Paris?"  
  
"It's amazing! I can't even begin to describe it."  
  
"Ann and I have been doing a lot of sightseeing between her shoots," Shiho added, smiling radiantly. "Because of Ann's job we've been able to get into some of the museums for free."  
  
"And the FOOD! There are so many cafes and patisseries," Ann exclaimed. "I have to be really careful, otherwise I might not be able to fit into the outfits for the shoots."  
  
"You don't really have a lot of control when it comes to sweets." Ryuji snorted, earning a sharp look from Ann. "It's true."  
  
"All that aside. How are you guys? You've moved into the apartment, right?"  
  
"Yeah. We slept there last night."  
  
"Oh? 'Slept'?" Ann narrowed her eyes, leaning forward so that her face took up most of the camera's lens. "That isn't what Akira said you two did."  
  
"What the hell?!" Ryuji exclaimed in horror, raising his voice to be heard over the sudden commotion that came from the three girls seated at the table.  
  
"Ann! You shouldn't bring up their private lives in that way." Makoto scolded, her voice drowned out by Futaba's hysterical laughter.  
  
"Y'didn't hafta bring it up in front of everyone!" Ryuji growled at Ann, feeling his face grow hot with embarrassment.  
  
"Why not? Nothing to be embarrassed about." Ann said with a shrug, leaning back away from the camera. "I'm not asking for details or anything. I just wanted to congratulate you two for getting to that point."  
  
"I don't need to be congratulated on that!"  
  
"Why not? You two took forever to start dating. Can't I be happy to see some progress?"  
  
"Be happy in private!" Ryuji exclaimed, sinking down in his seat, trying to avoid the looks of his other friends. If all the commotion bothered Akira, he didn't show it. His face was as impassive, like the subject of conversation was the weather instead of he and Ryuji's sex life.  
  
"How about a subject change?" Haru chimed in, sounding a bit embarrassed. She pulled out a brightly colored gift bag and slid it across the table towards Akira.  
  
Distracted by the gift, the conversation over Akira and Ryuji's night together finally died off, though it didn't stop the blond from pulling his phone out to give Ann a good scolding. She ignored his texts, opting to smirk at him from her side of the video chat, occasionally winking, earning herself a gently prodding elbow from Shiho.  
  
"It isn't much, but I thought you could use some greenery for your hospital room," Haru explained as Akira reached into the bag to pull out a small potted succulent.  
  
_"Thank you."_ Akira signed with an amused expression, holding the plant up so that everyone could see it. _"It's awesome."_  
  
"This is from Yusuke and me," Makoto said, sliding another gift bag across the table to him. Akira proceeded to open it as well, revealing a fountain pen and a brand new journal. He appraised them both for a moment, looking awestruck. "You're always writing in those little journals that Sojiro gives to you. We thought you might like a new one to take with you."  
  
_"They're perfect. Thank you."_  
  
Just then, the bell above the cafe door rang and two figures came in from outside. The first was Sojiro, holding a large flat box, neatly wrapped in red paper, another gift for Akira. The second person was Akechi and instantly Ryuji felt himself go on guard.  
  
"Sorry, I'm late." Akechi apologized, pulling a chair over to seat himself between Akira and Ryuji, earning a dirty look from the blond.  
  
"Were you even invited?" Ryuji asked in a low tone, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest.  
  
"As a matter of fact, Akira was kind enough to invite me."  
  
"That's what I tho-... Whoa, what?! He invited you?!"  
  
_"I did,"_ Akira confirmed.  
  
"Well you're a little late for food, but I can at least make you some coffee." Sojiro squeezed himself behind Akechi and Ryuji to get to the kitchen.  
  
"Coffee will be more than enough for me, thank you," Akechi replied warmly, turning around to address the group, all smiles. "It's good to finally get an invite to one of your exclusive parties. Rumor has it that Yusuke hosted one a short time ago. I live in an apartment a few floors down from him."  
  
"Yeah, well, maybe there's a reason you never get invited." Ryuji murmured, mostly to himself, but loud enough that Akechi could definitely hear him.  
  
"It's probably for the best. I was busy with a new assignment anyway."  
  
"It's nice that you could make it this time around," Makoto said, trying to be amicable, though it was clear that no one at the table was terribly comfortable with Akechi's presence, sans Akira.  
  
"Here you go." Sojiro approached the table again, handing Akechi's coffee cup to him. He then turned to Akira. "This is from Futaba, Ryuji, 'n me I guess."  
  
_"All three?"_ Akira asked, looking surprised. He took the gift from Sojiro, running his fingers over the wrapping paper. Ryuji's irritation with Akechi was temporarily forgotten in favor of excitement about the gift. He and Futaba had been all over town shopping for it and the blond was eager to see Akira open it.  
  
"Well Futaba and him picked it out. I just paid for it."  
  
"I helped!" Both Futaba and Ryuji chimed in, earning an exasperated look from Sojiro. Akira smiled at them all and then turned to the gift, carefully peeling back the wrapping paper.  
  
_“A laptop.”_ He signed as lifted his eyes up in surprise, running his fingers over the surface of the box.  
  
"We wanted you to have something to take with you so you can keep in touch," Sojiro explained. "It might be easier to use that over your phone. I don't really know much about computers."  
  
"I downloaded all kinds of cool movies and games onto it," Futaba added, smiling proudly, practically beaming when Akira ruffled her hair. "I didn't want you to be stuck with nothing but bad cable TV. It's got a webcam too so we can video call each other."  
  
"So, whaddya think?" Ryuji prompted, practically vibrating with excitement. He could tell just by looking that Akira was pleased.  
  
_"It's amazing. Thank you."_ Akira signed, looking a bit overwhelmed. He lifted his head up to address everyone at the table. _"Thank you to all of you. It means a lot."_  
  
"Is he blushing? Or is that just the quality of my webcam?" Ann leaned forward towards the camera again. "He is blushing!"  
  
"Only a little bit," Makoto confirmed. Akira flashed a smile at the two of them, unashamed of their teasing.  
  
"I suppose my gift won't hold much of a candle to the ones you've already received, but I will give it to you anyways." Akechi reached into his pocket to pull out a small book. Akira took it from him, glancing down to read the cover, a book on chess techniques. "You've gotten better during our games, but I think you could still learn a thing or two."  
  
_"Of course. Thank you."_ Akira replied, looking at the book with interest. Ryuji couldn't think of anything more boring than a book as a gift, especially one on the subject of chess. His heart swelled with pride over the gift that he, and Futaba and Sojiro, had given. It was better in every way.  
  
"What's so good about chess anyway?" Ryuji asked, sincerely unable to understand the two men's obsession with it. "It's pretty boring."  
  
"It would be, for someone as simpleminded as you." Akechi countered back, offering the blond a sly smile. Ryuji clenched his fists, trying to control the sudden burst of anger flaring up inside his chest.  
  
"I've played before. It was okay but boring."  
  
"Oh? You know how to play? Maybe we should have a game sometime."  
  
"Yeah, ain't gonna happen." Ryuji leaned back in his chair again, arms crossed over his chest.  
  
"Why? Are you afraid of losing?" Akechi quipped, his expression obnoxiously smug.  
  
"Nah, I just don't see the point in kicking your ass. It's not worth it."  
  
"I don't see you being able to kick much of anything these days," Akechi spoke calmly, nodding his head towards Ryuji's cane. A burst of angry heat rushed up into the blond's face. "I wouldn't want you to fall and hurt yourself."  
  
"The hell...?!" Ryuji snapped, gripping the edge of the table to stand himself up, looming over Akechi. Akira stood too, giving Ryuji a warning look, making the blond angrier. "I don't need two legs to put you on the ground."  
  
"We were talking about chess, not street fighting. Though I suppose you really would have the upper hand when it comes to that. I'm sure you've spent plenty of time in back alleys defending your... Honor."  
  
"Let's go outside and I'll show you how it's done." Ryuji threatened, earning another sharp look from Akira.  
  
"I'd love to, but I have another engagement." Akechi stood from his seat and turned his back to the blond. He moved towards the door, Akira following close behind. Ryuji's stomach clenched with discomfort at the sight and he forced himself to look away and sit back down.  
  
"Don't let him get to you." Makoto encouraged, setting a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Akira could've at least backed me up." Ryuji sighed, his lips turned down in a scowl. "He's always playing devil's advocate for that dude."  
  
"I think he's just trying to be diplomatic. Akechi is his friend, despite what we all think about him."  
  
"Yeah, see, I don't get that. Why does he wanna be friends with a guy that acts like that?"  
  
"Maybe he feels sorry for him," Haru suggested, earning a sharp look from both Ann and Ryuji.  
  
"Sorry for what?" Ann prompted. "I'm with Ryuji on this one. Akechi gives me a bad feeling."  
  
"Me too." Futaba agreed, turning backward in her seat to look out the front window, trying to spot Akechi and Akira through it.  
  
"I don't know." Haru sighed, taken slightly aback by the protests to her statement. "Akechi just seems lonely to me."  
  
"Yeah, there's a reason for that. It's called being a pompous asshole." Ryuji grumbled, rubbing his hands over his sore leg. He rolled his head back to look at the older man behind the counter, who had been quietly cleaning the bar the entire time. "Whaddya think, Boss?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, it's not my business." Sojiro replied, his shoulders jumping a bit. It was obvious that he had been eavesdropping. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't start fights in my cafe. Especially if you're going to be working here. That kid's a regular."  
  
"What?! He is?! Great, so I've gotta see him all the time now?!"  
  
"Yeah, so get used to it."  
  
"Goddammit."  
  
"Maybe since Akira will be gone he won't show up as much," Haru suggested hopefully, earning an exasperated look from both Ryuji and Futaba.  
  
"Not with the way my luck's been goin'." Ryuji sighed, glancing at Ann. "You think I should go see that fortune teller in Shinjuku?"  
  
"It couldn't hurt!" Ann chirped back as the bell above the door rang, signaling Akira's return. Instead of coming fully inside, he motioned for Ryuji to go out. Exchanging a nervous glance with the others at the table, Ryuji grabbed his cane and walked over to join Akira.  
  
"What's up?" Ryuji asked, his eyes scanning their surroundings, checking to make sure that Akechi was gone. "That guy really knows how to run his mouth off, huh?"  
  
_"Don't."_ Akira signed, his hand motion sharp, startling the blond. _"Don't fight him."_  
  
"He picked that fight, not me. Okay?"  
  
_"Don't."_  
  
"The hell? You could at least be on my side." Ryuji scowled, instantly disliking the direction the conversation was going. "Look man, I don't want to argue with you. Not right before you leave."  
  
_"I'm on your side."_ Akira insisted. _"I talked to him."_  
  
"Oh... Really? What did you say?"  
  
_"Not important. Don't fight him."_  
  
"Okay, okay. I won't." Ryuji sighed, running his fingers back through his hair, his lips still down-turned. "The moment you leave, he's going to be back to his old tricks. Even if it's you who's asking him to back off, he's not going to. I mean, did you hear him in there?! Talking about me roaming back alleys and about my leg and stuff."  
  
Ryuji leaned his back against the entry wall of the cafe, weight balanced on his good leg. He dug the tip of his cane down against the concrete, swiveling it back and forth mindlessly. Gentle hands began to card through his hair, and he leaned into Akira's touch, allowing the other man to baby him for a few minutes. When he finally glanced up, Akira was looking at him with concern etched into his features.  
  
"What can I say? I'm a sensitive guy." Ryuji joked though the amusement of his words fell flat. He pushed away from the wall, throwing his balance, catching himself by grabbing hold of Akira's shoulders. The hollow cane pole rang out noisily as it fell to the ground and bounced, echoing down the narrow alleyway. Ryuji grimaced and sighed through his teeth, watching in frustration as Akira leaned over to retrieve it for him. "Gotta get a cane for my cane."  
  
"...ji." Akira breathed, sounding nearly exasperated by the blond's attempt at humor. He handed the cane back, running his hands lightly down Ryuji's upper arms, making sure that he was stable.  
  
"I'm okay. It's not like I'm at risk of falling over or anything."  
  
Akira gave him a stern look in reply.  
  
"Okay, okay, so maybe I did _almost_ fall over, but I didn't. I'm fine."  
  
_"It bothers you."_ Akira signed. His eyes were serious, appearing almost gold in the lights coming from LeBlanc. He made an offhand gesture towards the cane and then Ryuji's leg.  
  
"It's fine." Ryuji insisted, but Akira wasn't in the mood to dance around the issue. He let out a sharp exhale of air, breath visible in the cold, rising like dragon steam from between his lips. "Yeah, okay? It bothers me. What about it?"  
  
_"Why?"_  
  
"Why? What kind of question is that? Innit it obvious?" Ryuji spat the words, his eyes narrowing slightly. "It's a huge pain in the ass having to cart this stupid thing everywhere 'n it's not like I can opt out and leave it at home. I can't walk around without it."  
  
Akira frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together in concern. He stepped closer to the blond, cupping both of his hands around either side of Ryuji's face, drawing him closer so that their foreheads were pushed together. The anger melted out of Ryuji and he sighed, feeling guilty for snapping at him, knowing that he had only been trying to help.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on ya."  
  
Akira made a soft noise of understanding.  
  
"It hurts worse than before," Ryuji admitted in a soft voice, pulling back to stand up straight, averting his eyes down the dark expanse of the alleyway. "Takemi said it should be back to normal in a month or two. I'm sure she's right, but- If she ain't, what will I do then?"  
  
Instead of offering a solution or an answer, Akira caught Ryuji by the face again, turning his head back around, forcing the blond to look at him. He leaned in, locking their mouths together. Ryuji gasped in surprise, dropping the cane again. He brought his hands up to grasp hold of Akira's shoulders, pulling him closer, until their chests were pressed together. One of Akira's arms came to curl around his waist, bracing him to ensure he didn't unbalance himself again.  
  
Ryuji opened his mouth, shuddering at the feeling of Akira's tongue curling around his own. He allowed Akira to take the lead, still feeling like a novice when it came to kissing techniques. It was all he could do to keep his breathing even and his head tilted correctly, his mind spinning with excitement and desire. Had they not been standing out in front of LeBlanc, Ryuji was certain that he would have tried to seduce Akira into a repeat performance of their night before.  
  
They were standing in the shadow of the cafe, just out of sight of anyone inside but the blond's heart pounded nervously. He jumped slightly when one of the chairs inside the cafe scraped over the floor, probably Akechi's, being returned to its proper place. One of Akira's hands came up to rest against the back of his neck, tilting his head back further, giving the dark-haired man better access to his mouth. He moaned softly, overwhelmed by Akira's intensity and vigor. He had just settled down, certain that no one was going to catch them when the door to the cafe opened.  
  
"Are you two okay out here-..." Sojiro's voice, his sentence cut short by a startled noise of alarm. Ryuji nearly threw Akira off himself, tumbling back against the cafe wall, sliding down it until he was seated on the cold ground. In a mindless panic, he scrambled for his cane, which was just out of reach in his current position.  
  
“I'm gettin' too old for this,” Sojiro sighed as he hooked his arms under Ryuji's to hauled him to his feet while Akira retrieved the cane again. "Wh-What do you two think you're doing out here?"  
  
_"Kissing."_ Akira signed, his expression completely blank and relaxed. The other two men stared at him, dumbfounded by his cool attitude.  
  
"I can see that. I want to know why you're doing it."  
  
_"We're dating."_  
  
"What?" Sojiro's expression shifted, from shocked, to confused, finally settling on annoyed. "What are you playing at, kid?"  
  
_"I'm serious."_  
  
"You can't possibly be."  
  
_"Why not?"_  
  
For this, Sojiro had no reply. He slipped his glasses off of his face and rubbed the bridge of his nose, a clear sign that he was displeased. Ryuji looked between him and Akira, willing himself to step in, to defend his relationship. His throat felt thick and every time he opened his mouth to speak, the words caught in his throat. He idly wondered if that was how Akira felt all of the time.  
  
"It's true." Ryuji finally grit out, clearing his throat, catching Sojiro's attention. The barista turned to stare at him, eyebrows raised in a challenge. Standing taller, the blond curled his hand around one of Akira's. The action was mostly for his own sake, to give him something grounding, but it seemed to calm Akira's nerves as well. Ryuji could feel the other man's hand muscles relaxing inside of his own, shifting so that they could lace their fingers together. "Got a problem with it?"  
  
"Well," Sojiro began, taken aback by Ryuji's words. "It's not a problem, per se..."  
  
"Then why're you all mad?"  
  
"I'm surprised more than anything. How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Er, well, a real long time. Though we only started datin' recently."  
  
"How recently is 'recently'?" Sojiro asked, his voice almost breathless. He slid his glasses back up onto his face, eyes trailing down to lock on their hands.  
  
"Just a week or so," Ryuji confessed, trying his best not to allow the older man's displeasure to shake him. "It's not really your business. We're adults now."  
  
"Like hell you are!"  
  
"Didn't know we needed to ask for your permission."  
  
"You don't!" Sojiro snapped, placing his hands on his hips, lips pulled down in a scowl. "You don't, but it would have been nice to know. I didn't realize you two had that kind of relationship going on. I don't care about the type of relationship so much as the fact that no one thought to tell me."  
  
"Oh..." Ryuji mumbled, exchanging relieved glances with Akira.  
  
_"I'm sorry."_ Akira signed with his free hand.  
  
"It's fine I guess. I kind of get why you didn't say anything." Sojiro shrugged his shoulders, his expression softening. "Just don't do that kind of stuff right out in front of the cafe. Most people aren't going to be as accepting of it as I am. Now come inside, you'll catch your death out here and I don't want to have to explain that to your mothers."  
  
Sojiro turned to shuffle his way back inside, leaving the two men alone for a moment to compose themselves.  
  
"That was close." Ryuji sighed, his voice just on the edge of laughter as the tension melted out of his body. "I didn't think he was gonna take it that well."  
  
_"Me either,"_ Akira replied, pulling his hand free of the blond's so that he could sign. He glanced towards the door of the cafe, eyes soft, lips turned up into a small smile. _"I'm happy."_  
  
"Yeah? I didn't know you were so worried about what he would think. I guess that makes sense though. I thought for a while my mom would be disappointed or upset." Ryuji set a hand on Akira's back. "Let's go inside. He was right about it bein' cold."  
  
Akira leaned over to place a gentle kiss on the side of Ryuji's face before leading the way back into LeBlanc.  
  
* * *  
  
By the time the party had wound down enough to end, the last train to Shibuya had come and gone. Makoto and Haru had left already and Futaba was just slipping out the door with Sojiro. Akira had gone up to grab some last minute things from the attic, leaving Ryuji alone at the table.  
  
"Let me walk Futaba home and I'll come back to give you a ride," Sojiro told Ryuji, who felt a wave of relief wash over him. He had been worrying about the long walk home the entire evening and missing the train had given him an excuse to avoid it.  
  
"I don't need to be walked home." Futaba sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"Fine. Go on ahead and I'll be right behind you. I need to go back to the house to get my car anyway." Sojiro made a shooing motion with one of his hands. Exasperated, Futaba turned on her heels and left the cafe, Sojiro's eyes watching her until she was out of view. He then turned back to Ryuji. "About-... Earlier."  
  
"We don't gotta talk about it again," Ryuji said rapidly, holding up a hand to stop the older man from continuing. "Unless it's gonna cause some kinda problem with me workin' here."  
  
"I never said that."  
  
"Then we're all squared up."  
  
"I never said that either." Sojiro sighed, leaning his back against the bar. "It's not like I didn't suspect that something was going on with you two. I mean, what sort of men move into a one-bedroom apartment together? Though I guess that's true about a man and a woman as well."  
  
"It's like I said earlier, we don't really need your permission." Ryuji murmured defensively, giving the older man a sharp look.  
  
"You're taking all this the wrong way."  
  
"Then how am I supposed to take it?"  
  
"He's like a son to me," Sojiro spoke softly, his eyes downcast towards the floor. "It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, I just want to know he's with someone who's going to take care of him."  
  
"Well, he actually spends more time takin' care of me," Ryuji replied, somewhat sheepishly. "I'd do anythin' for him though. This thing he and I have, it isn't a joke or a fling or whatever. I'm serious about bein' with him."  
  
"You understand the ramifications of two men being together?"  
  
"Yeah. I know."  
  
"Jeeze," Sojiro sighed, shaking his head, lifting his eyes back up towards Ryuji's face. "I know you said you don't need my permission, but you've got it. Or rather, my support. I was a bit confused earlier so I didn't really get a chance to say so."  
  
"What? For real?!"  
  
"Yeah. Don't make a big deal out of it." Sojiro leaned away from the counter, moving beyond it towards the door. "I'll be back with the car. See if you can get Akira to come down out of that attic."  
  
Ryuji sat quietly for a moment, absorbing the conversation. He had fully expected for Sojiro to be disapproving, defiant even but instead, the older man had surprised him. A weight had lifted off the blond's chest, knowing he had Sojiro's acceptance, something he hadn't realized he wanted or needed. He stood up from the table and made for the attic, wanting to pass the good news onto Akira, sure that it would make him happy as well.  
  
"Sojiro will be back soon to give us a ride," Ryuji called out as he hobbled up the last few steps leading to the cafe's attic. His eyes went wide when he saw the vast emptiness of it, so used to how it had been when Akira had lived in it. He couldn't help feeling a bit sad, especially when he thought back on all the memories that the room had held for them. "Shit. It looks so different without all the stuff."  
  
_"Lonely,"_ Akira commented, glancing over at the blond. _"You look tired."_  
  
"I'm okay." Ryuji sighed, limping over to stand at Akira's side. "I had a talk with Boss just now."  
  
_"What?"_ Akira turned to look at the blond, his eyebrows raised in surprise and concern. _"A bad talk?"_  
  
"No. It was good." Ryuji smiled at Akira. "He says you're like a son to him. Pretty great, right?"  
  
_"I... Had no idea."_  
  
"For real?! Well, I guess he's pretty good at hidin' his emotions."  
  
_"What else?"_ Akira prompted.  
  
"He more or less gave us permission to date. He said he would be supportive." Ryuji grinned wider, seeing the look of shock and delight on Akira's face. "You were still pretty worried, huh?"  
  
_"I was."_ Akira agreed, returning Ryuji's smile with one of his own. He turned his head around, taking one last look at the attic that had been his bedroom for the past three years, sighing imperceptibly. _"Let's go home."_  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji had briefly considered the possibility that once he and Akira were at home, alone, that they might decide to have a little bit of fun. A blowjob, maybe a handjob, he had mulled over options during the brief car ride. Instead, he found himself crossing the threshold of their apartment, his body and mind lusting after sleep instead of after Akira.  
  
_“Sleepy?”_ Akira asked, coming closer to help Ryuji out of his jacket, hanging it on a peg by the door. Carefully he unwound the scarf from the blond's neck, stopping briefly to admire the marks he had left.  
  
"Sorry." Ryuji apologized in a soft voice. He took hold of one of Akira's arms, using it to slowly lower himself down to the floor so that he could get his shoes off. "It hit kinda suddenly."  
  
_"It's okay."_  
  
"You've been signing a lot more lately. Not relyin' on your phone as much. Any reason?"  
  
_"Good practice."_  
  
"Yeah, it is. I should probably be studyin' up on it too." Ryuji set his shoes neatly by the door next to Akira's, admiring the sight for a moment, committing it to memory. He glanced up, momentarily dazed, eyes searching for a clock. "What time is it?"  
  
_"After twelve."_  
  
"Shit. That late already?" Ryuji sighed the words, his stomach tense with discomfort. He only had a few hours left before Akira left. He definitely couldn't justify wasting it all by sleeping. "Help me up."  
  
Akira took hold of Ryuji's forearms, pulling slowly until the blond was able to stand. The two of them moved toward the bedroom, catching light switches as they went, nearly tripping over one another in the darkness. Ryuji shed out of his clothes, tossing them in the direction of the bathroom, down to nothing but his boxers. He peeled back the covers and slid underneath them, shifting around until he found a comfortable position to lay in. Akira joined him moments later.  
  
"So what now?" Ryuji asked, waiting for Akira to reply via cellphone, their eyes still adjusting to the dark.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You can go to sleep.**  
  
"I only have a few hours left with you. Are you sure there's nothin' you want?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: There's a lot that I want.  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But you're tired. So you can sleep.**  
  
"Akira," Ryuji sighed, shifting closer to the other man. "It's fine. I can sleep tomorrow. I mean, you should be the one gettin' some sleep. Not me. You've gotta travel tomorrow.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I can sleep on the train. I'm too wired right now.**  
  
"Sounds like we agree. No sleeping tonight."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What about your leg?**  
  
"It'll be fine. Just don't bend it or anythin'." Ryuji snorted in amusement, though he was also flattered by Akira's concern. "Hey uh, why don't you take the lead this time? I don't know if I'm really ready to go all the way, at least not right now, but you can do anything else that you want."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Anything?**  
  
"Maybe not _anythin'_. Go ahead and I'll tell you to stop if I need to."  
  
Though still tentative, Akira wasn't going to turn down the offer. He shifted the blankets out of the way, crawling over top of Ryuji, straddling the blond's body with his own. Ryuji inhaled softly as he felt Akira lean forward to start kissing along the right side of his jaw, moving down towards his neck.  
  
"Don't bite me, okay?" Ryuji murmured, feeling a puff of hot air hit his neck as Akira laughed in reply. "I mean it. I can't wear a scarf all the time."  
  
Akira didn't offer a reply but seemed to take the request seriously. His mouth traveled from Ryuji's neck to his shoulders, first the left and then back over to the right. When Akira moved further down, past Ryuji's chest, towards his stomach, the blond's breath caught in his throat. He set a hand on the back of Akira's head to encourage him to move further down, his body acting while his mind drifted in a lazy haze.  
  
Akira's teeth caught hold of the elastic on Ryuji's boxers and it made the blond remember Takemi's comment from the morning. It was beginning to dawn on him that the silent man had some kind of oral fixation. Akira's hands curled around the blond's waist, thumbs tracing over his hipbones, fingertips dipping down under the waistband of the boxers. In one smooth motion, he removed Ryuji's last layer of clothing, freeing the blond from his cotton blend prison.  
  
"Y'like usin' your teeth, huh?" Ryuji asked, glancing downward to see Akira smirking up at him, a flash of white teeth in the dim room. It was obvious what the answer was.  
  
Continuing his conquest, Akira started laying down a path of gentle kisses over Ryuji's hips. The action was simple and yet it had the blond's heart racing, threatening to burst free of his chest. It skipped a beat when Akira wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, moving down to lave his tongue up the remaining length. He repeated the motion, tightening his grip, curling his lips around the head and sucking.  
  
Ryuji's hands gripped hopelessly at the sheets, twisting them between his fingers, balling them up inside of his palms. Akira hummed softly, silently, but the vibrations still reached the blond's skin. His breathing became heavy, sharp inhales and exhales, as he resisted the urge to push himself deeper into Akira's mouth. He hissed softly as Akira pulled off, leaning in to kiss up the inside of one of his thighs, sucking a dark mark into the skin.  
  
"Fuck-" Ryuji breathed, lifting an arm up to cover his face, overwhelmed. He couldn't fathom why but being on the receiving end of things felt so different. When he wasn't in control the unknown was exciting for him, albeit intimidating. He waited breathlessly to see what Akira would do next, where things might go. "Get undressed, man. S'weird bein' the only one."  
  
Akira made a soft breathy noise of agreement and moved back, sitting up on his knees so that he could pull his shirt off over his head. Ryuji moved his arm away from his face to watch, his eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room. His vision locked on to the other man's hands, thumbs hooked down into the elastic of his boxers, slowly drawing them down his sharp hips, revealing himself to the blond. Ryuji's reaction was immediate, a jolt of pleasure settling inside his stomach. He sat up, hand moving mindlessly towards Akira's rigid cock, eager to feel it.  
  
"Nuh-uh." Akira hissed out, catching Ryuji's hand before it could make contact, rerouting it towards his mouth. He kissed gently over the blond's knuckles, eyes averted.  
  
"Why not?" Ryuji asked in a gentle voice, sitting himself up so that they were closer to eye level. "Y'got a short fuse tonight?"  
  
"Mmmhmm."  
  
"Fuck man. That's so cute..."  
  
Akira clearly didn't share Ryuji's sentiment, if the sharp glare he gave was any indication.  
  
"What're you so excited about? We ain't even doin' anythin' yet."  
  
Akira moved his free hand to gently touch Ryuji's chest, tapping his fingers and palm against it a few times.  
  
"Yeah?" Ryuji mused, feeling his lips curl up into a smile. "Excited because it's with me?"  
  
Akira nodded, sliding his hand up so that he could curl his fingers against the back of the blond's neck.  
  
"Is it... Different now? 'Cause of what we did last night?"  
  
Another nod.  
  
"Holy shit." Ryuji hissed, feeling his chest swell with affection for the silent man. "Me too though. I feel different too. I've been thinkin' about it all day."  
  
"R'ji."  
  
"Don't strain your voice, man. I'm right here." Ryuji coaxed Akira to lean forward to rest his head underneath the blond's chin. He wrapped one arm around Akira's back and brought his other hand up to gently comb through his dark curls. "We don't gotta do this if it's too much right now."  
  
_"I want you."_ Akira signed, keeping his movements slow so that Ryuji could read them in the dimly lit room.  
  
"I told'ya before, you can do what you want. That offer's still on the table. I just wanted to make sure you still felt up to it."  
  
_"I do."_  
  
"Then what are you waiting for-... Ah-..." Ryuji trailed off into a moan as Akira's fingers came up to curl around his shaft, icy cold and shocking. Akira sat up, using his free hand to push the blond back down against the sheets. Mindful of Ryuji's injury, he spread the blond's legs apart and settled himself in-between them. Ryuji looked up at him, heart fluttering.  
  
Akira's hesitation and shyness from before seemed to have disappeared completely. He was looking down at Ryuji with an intense hunger in his eyes and the sight of that alone had the blond's cock stirring with excitement. Akira began running his hands up and down the length of it, fingers still inhumanely cold against Ryuji's heated skin. He exhaled sharply, fingers curling in on themselves as he balled them up in the sheets, hoping that the fabric might do something to help ground him.  
  
"Please..." Ryuji breathed, though he was unsure of what it was that he was asking for. Akira seemed to understand, a sly smile spreading across his face.  
  
Slowing his hand to a stop, Akira paused what he was doing to slip his glasses down off of his face, leaning over Ryuji to place them at the head of their combined futons. When he sat up again, he took hold of one of Ryuji's hands, pulling it free from its grip on their bedding. He coaxed it up into his hair, giving the blond something better to hold onto.  
  
_"Can I use my fingers?"_ Akira asked, holding both of his hands up in front of Ryuji's face, fingers flexing.  
  
"Huh?! Y-You mean-...?" Ryuji trailed off, embarrassed by the way his voice had gone up a few octaves. He cleared his throat and tried again. "You mean uh, in my ass? Or whatever?"  
  
Akira snorted in amusement, bobbing his head up and down.  
  
"Don't laugh! I had to make sure of what you were askin'!"  
  
_"You'll like it."_  
  
"I dunno, man. That's kinda-..." Ryuji sighed, a long, long exhale. "Okay."  
  
_"Don't worry."_ Akira insisted, turning his face to the side to nuzzle his nose against the underside of the blond's forearm and wrist.  
  
"I trust you," Ryuji said, meaning it wholeheartedly. He massaged his fingers deep into Akira's soft curls, earning a soft moan in reply. "You like it when people mess with your hair, huh?"  
  
Akira nodded, smiling crookedly. Ryuji tightened his grip, tugging the dark locks, grinning back when Akira's eyes slipped shut and he hummed quietly in pleasure.  
  
"Thought so."  
  
_"That's cheating."_ Akira shot back, opening his eyes to give Ryuji a sharp look, though it was more for show than anything else.  
  
“Not if you like it.” Ryuji countered.  
  
_“Cheater.”_ Akira insisted again, moving his hands down to slide through the sheets until he uncovered the bottle of lube they had used the night before. Ryuji took a deep breath at the sight of the tube, trying to calm the nervous beating of his heart. _"Don't worry."_  
  
"I ain't," Ryuji replied, grabbing one of Akira's hands, guiding it down towards his neglected cock. "Feel how hard I am, man. That's your fault."  
  
Akira gripped his fingers around it and tilted his head to the side, his expression amused.  
  
"So you better take care of it."  
  
Akira nodded, running his fingers slowly up the entire length, sweeping his thumb over the tip to smear the precum forming there. Ryuji hissed, his hips jerking at the sudden stimulation. Akira brought his thumb up to his own lips, snaking his tongue out to wrap around it, the sight gloriously lewd. Before Ryuji could open his mouth to scold him, Akira leaned forward to smash his lips against the blond's, forcing them to open. Ryuji let out a soft noise of protest, his cheeks flushing, able to taste himself on the other man's tongue.  
  
"The hell?!" He demanded when Akira pulled away. The other man just shrugged, his expression noncommittal. Ryuji would have said more, had he not heard the click of the cap on the tube of lubricant.  
  
_“Relax.”_ Akira signed before he coated the fingers of his right hand, spreading the liquid around until his fingers glistened. He set his free hand against Ryuji's side, thumb stroking gently over the blond's hipbone. It made Ryuji wonder if maybe Akira was just as nervous about what they were doing as he was. To encourage him, Ryuji spread his legs further, arching his back slightly, trying to show the other man that he was giving up everything to him. Akira's eyebrows shot up, disappearing underneath his long bangs, causing Ryuji to break character and laugh.  
  
"Shit man, it's fine. I want this. I know it's supposed to feel real good. So let's try it out already."  
  
"...ji." Akira rasped, finally looking as if he was assured of Ryuji's confidence in him. He dropped his hand down between the blond's legs and gently pressed his first finger against the tight ring of muscle.  
  
"Fuck-...!" Ryuji exclaimed, jumping a bit in surprise, his cheeks flushing. Akira hesitated. "Don't stop. It's just weird."  
  
Akira nodded in understanding, leaning over to gently kiss down Ryuji's stomach, continuing to move his finger against him. Once Ryuji had relaxed a bit more, he pressed the tip inside, earning a soft noise of surprised pleasure from the blond. He worked the finger deeper until it was completely inside then he curled it back on itself, dragging a loud moan from the blond's throat. Ryuji's mind was buzzing with static, his cock still standing proudly at attention, his lower half ignited with heat.  
  
"I-... I think I can take more." Ryuji said through a hoarse voice, meeting Akira's gaze, offering the dark-haired man a lopsided grin. "So don't hold back."  
  
Akira's other hand gripped Ryuji's waist tighter and his gray eyes lit up with excitement. He moved up Ryuji's body so that he could kiss a path down the left side of the blond's jaw, hooking his tongue out to trace over the shell of his ear, breath stirring short locks of bleached hair. Ryuji shivered and let out the breath he was holding, feeling the second of Akira's fingers slowly press inside. When Akira pressed them further in and began scissoring, the blond arched his back, his voice a sharp noise of need.  
  
He hooked a hand up into Akira's hair, trying to calm himself. Blood rushed inside of his ears and he was certain that his heart was close to bursting free of his rib cage. Akira nuzzled his nose against Ryuji's neck, trying to show that he understood, that he knew that Ryuji was feeling overwhelmed, speaking in the only way he was currently able. He moved his hand from Ryuji's hips over to curl gently around the blond's cock, using the dripping precum to slick the shaft up.  
  
Akira pressed his fingers in as far as they could go, curling them and stroking them inside, until he found what he was looking for. Ryuji's whole body jolted and his hands shot up to grip Akira by the shoulders. Pleasure shot through his veins and he let out another needy whine, unable to form words to ask for what he wanted.  
  
"I- knowww." Akira breathed, nuzzling his face against the side of Ryuji's. "-'s'kay."  
  
Akira continued to thrust his fingers slowly, occasionally probing at that spot inside the blond until Ryuji was a writhing mess. On the edge of his mind, Ryuji knew he must look and sound ridiculous, like some kind of animal lost in the throes of heat. Tears had gathered at the corners of his eyes and he rushed to scrub them away, hoping that Akira hadn't caught sight of them.  
  
"Feels 'mazin'" Ryuji grumbled his words a slurred mess. Akira couldn't help the soft breath of laughter he let out, moving his head over to kiss Ryuji softly on the lips. "Don't laugh."  
  
Akira moved his hand off of Ryuji's cock for a moment, ignoring the blond's quiet moan of protest, so that he could hold up three fingers. Ryuji stared at them for a moment, confused until Akira began to curl and uncurl them. He looked away, scandalized by the suggestion, feeling his blush extending to the back of his ears.  
  
"I... I think two's probably all I can handle this time around."  
  
Akira nodded in understanding, cupping the side of Ryuji's face, encouraging the blond to look at him again.  
  
_"It's okay."_ Akira slowly sign-spelled, his other hand still too occupied to sign words.  
  
"I know," Ryuji replied back, meeting the other man's gentle gaze. "Don't stop."  
  
Akira leaned forward to kiss Ryuji again, a series of small open-mouthed kisses that made the blond's head spin. He dropped his hand back down to curl around Ryuji's cock, stroking it loosely in time with the shallow thrusts of his fingers. Ryuji bucked his hips up, back bowing. He bit down on his lip, teeth nicking the soft flesh, a rush of copper tang flooding his mouth. Akira leaned down to lick gently over the bite, coming away with a tongue smeared with crimson.  
  
Ryuji tried to control himself, to stop the steady trembling of his legs and quiet the rising volume of his voice but found himself unable to do either. Akira's fingers continued to brush over the spot inside him that made his vision white out and his heart lurch. With no warning, for either him or Akira, his body gave one final jerk as he slipped over the edge. Akira's hand on his cock didn't let up, even after Ryuji had spilled out over the top of it. He opened his palm up wide to fit himself inside, working his hand over both of them. Ryuji moaned in protest, overstimulated and dazed.  
  
Akira leaned forward to kiss him again, his breathing heavy, hot puffs of air against Ryuji's face. He continued to work his fingers inside the blond as well, slowly building him up towards a second release. That time they came in tandem, foreheads pressed together, sharing airspace.  
  
It took several moments for Ryuji to come back to himself, his mind a foggy blur of emotions and thoughts. There was moisture on his face and for a moment he was annoyed with himself for crying until he realized that the source was actually Akira. For a moment he panicked, thinking for sure he had done something wrong or that Akira had merely been reminded of something that upset him. Ryuji disentangled himself from Akira so that he could sit up, grasping the other man by the face, one hand combing through his hair.

  
"Shh," Ryuji crooned, his heart racing nervously inside his chest.  
  
_"I'm okay."_ Akira signed, his lips turning up into a smile. It was only then that Ryuji realized that Akira was crying from laughter.  
  
"The hell you laughing for?!" Ryuji demanded, feeling suddenly irritated. He pulled away from Akira, crossing his arms over his chest. "The hell, man?!"  
  
_"I'm happy."_  
  
"H-Huh?!"  
  
_"Happy."_ Akira signed again, slower, thinking that Ryuji might not have read it properly the first time. _"I'm really happy."_  
  
"O-Oh... So you aren't crying because you're upset." Ryuji sighed in relief, his anger dissipating like smoke. "Shit. That scared me."  
  
_"Sorry."_  
  
"No, it's cool. I just thought- Well it doesn't matter."  
  
_"Are you okay?"_  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." Ryuji looked away, feeling flustered. His body was still a little weak from his second release. "I feel pretty tired now though."  
  
_"Yes. Me too."_  
  
"That... That was sort of amazin'. I can't really explain it."  
  
Akira smiled, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss against Ryuji's forehead.  
  
_"Let's sleep. Long day tomorrow."_  
  
"Yeah." Ryuji agreed, his eyes already threatening to close. "Oh uh... I just wanted to uh, tell you, that you're amazin' too. I'm glad we got to do this."  
  
Akira sat his head up, his eyes wide with surprise.  
  
"Don't make that face. I mean it. You're probably the most awesome person I know." Ryuji pushed himself up into a sitting position, knowing that if he stayed down he would probably fall asleep mid-sentence, his mind and body begging him to rest. "You're so brave man, to be goin' off to get that surgery and just everythin' you've been through before that. I want to be a stronger person because of it. I-I love you. I'm so happy I get to be together with someone like that."  
  
_"I love you too."_ Akira signed back, his face lit up with delight. He hooked his arms out to pull Ryuji back down beside him, kissing the blond's face and neck smothering him with affection until the two of them were left breathless and drained of energy. _"Goodnight."_  
  
"Yeah, g'night, man."  
  
Tucked in together, it didn't take long for both of them to fall asleep.  
  
* * *  
  
"You're sure you have everything?" Sojiro asked, unloading Akira's bags from the trunk of his car. They had arrived at the airport to drop Akira off for his flight, a task that Ryuji had been dreading all morning. The rush of planes overhead was anything but soothing, a reminder of the last time the blond had been to the airport to see Ann and Shiho off. Now he had to do it all over again, this time with Akira.  
  
"Well if he didn't, it's too late now," Ryuji grumbled, mostly to himself, but loud enough that Akira overheard him. The silent man gave him a sharp look that he pointedly ignored.  
  
_"I do."_ Akira signed in reply to Sojiro's earlier question as he gathered his bags together into a neat pile.  
  
"Where's the doctor?" Sojiro asked, looking around for Takemi. She had decided to attend the trial alongside Akira, to act as a sort of adviser to him. It was both a relief and a frustration, as the only flight she could find a ticket for was several hours earlier than the originally planned flight. In order to go together, Akira had to switch his flight to match hers. Ryuji was glad that Akira wouldn't be going off alone, but it meant that he wouldn't get to spend the day with Akira as he had planned to. The loss of that time was making him irritable.  
  
“I'm sure she'll show up.” Ryuji sighed, crossing his arms over his stomach, his cane dangling from the wrist strap. “Don't get your panties in a twist over it.”  
  
“Oi! Don't talk to me that way!”  
  
“Or what?”  
  
_“Stop.”_ Akira signed, stepping in-between the two of them. He took hold of one of Ryuji's arms and lead him off a short way. Once they were alone, Akira turned around to face him, his expression cross. _“That's enough.”  
  
_ “I'm not doin' anything,” Ryuji scowled, his back rigid with tension.  
  
_“Ryuji.”  
  
_ “Shit, okay. I'm kinda mad.”  
  
_“About me leaving?”  
  
_ “You're leavin' earlier than I thought. It kind of caught me off guard.” Ryuji confessed, his shoulders slumping forward. “I know I'm bein' a jerk. I'm sorry.”  
  
_“I'm sorry too.”_ Akira signed, his expression earnest. He took hold of Ryuji's hands inside his own, massaging them gently.  
  
“I know you have to go. It just really sucks.”  
  
Akira nodded in agreement, squeezing Ryuji's hands before releasing them. The two of them moved back over towards the group, where Ryuji apologized to Sojiro.  
  
"Sorry for the delay," Takemi called out when she arrived, stepping out of the back of a cab. She gathered her bags together and walked over to stand next to Akira, smoothing her hands down the front of his jacket to straighten it. "You're a bit of a mess this morning."  
  
"We overslept," Ryuji admitted, catching the sly look that Akira shot in his direction.  
  
"I don't even want to know." Sojiro sighed, looking exasperated. He stepped forward, clapping his hands down gently on top of Akira's shoulders. "Good luck, kid. Take care of yourself."  
  
_"I will,"_ Akira promised, meeting Sojiro's gaze directly. The two of them stared at one another, both adjusting their glasses. Shaking his head, looking slightly embarrassed, Sojiro tugged Akira into a brief hug, patting his back a few times before breaking away. He grumbled something in a low voice and turned his back to the group.  
  
"You'll come back, right?" Futaba asked timidly, stepping forward to stand in front of Akira, her eyes downcast at the ground. He pulled her gently against his chest, wrapping his arms around her. "S-Sorry. Of course you will. I'll see you when you get back."  
  
_"You will. I promise."_ Akira signed, ruffling her hair gently. _"Take care of Sojiro and Morgana."_  
  
"I will."  
  
Akira turned his attention to Ryuji and the two of them stared at one another, unsure of what to do or say next.  
  
"Akira, I-..." Ryuji trailed off, frantically searching for the right words inside of his brain. He had never been one for long goodbyes, or goodbye in general, but he knew he needed to do something to make it meaningful, to give Akira the confidence he needed to leave. With a deep breath, he stepped forward, gripping Akira by the shoulders, drawing him into a tight hug. "You're going to be okay. Got it? When you come back, I'll be here waiting for you, and no matter what happens, we'll get through it."  
  
Akira nodded his head slowly, returning Ryuji's hug, holding the blond like a lifeline.  
  
"We should get going," Takemi said. The two men broke away from each other, wearing twin masks of disappointment.  
  
_"People are watching,"_ Akira warned when Ryuji leaned towards him.  
  
"Let 'em," Ryuji smirked, closing the small space between them to press his lips to Akira's. His hands came up to grasp at Akira's face, holding him for a moment or two, before pulling back. "I'll see you soon."  
  
"Ssssooonnn..." Akira whispered, pressing his forehead to Ryuji's, causing the blond's chest to ache. All he could think about was how much he didn't want Akira to leave him, how worried he was about the surgery, how lonely he knew he was going to feel. He forced himself to take a step back so that Akira could turn away.  
  
"Don't look back," Ryuji warned when Akira's head started to rotate. Nodding slightly, Akira fixed his eyes forward, gathering his bags. He waved goodbye to Sojiro and Futaba and then started after Takemi, who was already halfway to the security checkpoint. The two of them passed through and disappeared around a corner.  
  
Ryuji shut his eyes tightly, a hand pressed down over his chest, trying to stop the pain building up inside it.  
  
Akira would be back.  
  
Things would be okay.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! I meant to make a reference to it at some point in my fic, but it never happened. I know that some people who use sign language will spell out a person's name, but some will also pick a world or some kind of description that describes a person. I imagine that since Ryuji uses 'Skull' as his chat name, that's likely the sign that Akira uses specifically for him. Panther for Ann, Fox for Yusuke, Pancake for Akechi, etc. 
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Now you know.


	12. The Adjustment Period

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited return of this fic. (At least I hope it was long-awaited!) Life and the holidays got the best of me and I became pretty busy over the last couple of months. Stereotypical fic author excuse, but it's true! This chapter feels a little less exciting than some of my other ones, as a lot of day to day mundane things happen, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! The next chapter will turn the heat back up. ;D If you know what I mean. I promised myself I wouldn't include characters that didn't actually appear in Persona or it's fellow incarnations. 
> 
> I lied. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“You're late.” Sojiro scolded, as Ryuji entered the cafe in a breathless rush of cold air.  
  
“I know, I know. Things are so damn crazy right now.” Ryuji gasped, hand over his chest, trying to fill his winded lungs. “I couldn't find my shoes or my wallet and I had to go back because I forgot to feed the turtle and then I missed my train and-... Shit. Sorry. I know those ain't good excuses.”  
  
“Watch your mouth and I'll think about forgiving you for it later. Once I turn that sign on the door around, it's best if you don't talk any more than you need to.” Sojiro crossed his arms over his chest, his scowl deepening. “You aren't earning yourself any points by showing up late on your first day. I appreciate your offer to help out but this feels less like help and more like a problem in the making.”  
  
“It won't happen again.”  
  
“It better not. If you find yourself running late tomorrow, don't bother showing up at all.”  
  
“Got it,” Ryuji mumbled, ears burning with embarrassment from the older man's harsh words. The feeling worsened when he caught sight of Futaba ducked down inside one of the booths. She was trying to pretend that she hadn't heard the whole exchange.  
  
“Go get changed,” Sojiro barked, snapping him back to attention. He shuffled past the two Sakuras and went into the cafe's small bathroom to change. Sojiro had been strict over what he would allow Ryuji to wear, no bright colors, no words, no symbols. It left him no choice but to borrow something from Akira. As luck would have it, had an astonishing collection of neutral colored clothes. They were all a stark contrast to the rainbow of colors that took up his side of the closet.  
  
He pulled on a simple pair of black pants and a gray t-shirt, inspecting himself in the bathroom mirror. His nose caught the strong smell of coffee and curry spices that intertwined with the fabric. The scent was a lingering aura that had always seemed to surround Akira. Ryuji lifted the collar of the shirt up to his face and inhaled, closing his eyes. For a moment he was able to discount the distance between them and imagine that Akira was nearby. The moment didn't last, his mind too aware of how embarrassing his actions were. He straightened his shirt and smoothed his hands down the front.  
  
He could hardly believe how he was acting. Akira had only been gone for three, going on four, days, but he was acting like it had been months. On a whole, nothing had changed between them. They were together, but at the core, they were still best friends. They hadn't spent enough time together as a couple for Ryuji to be acting like an abandoned wife.  
  
He was going to blame it on the apartment and all the unpacking he still had left to do. It had turned out to be lonely work, as he had always thought of it as something they would do together. He could picture the two of them playfully arguing over how to arrange the furniture. Helping one another find the perfect spot to hang posters on the wall. Having to make all the decisions by himself made the task almost unappealing. He hadn't been making much progress.  
  
“Okay, I'm ready to work,” Ryuji announced as he stepped free of the small bathroom. He saw for a brief moment Sojiro's eyes flash down towards his legs and the cane in his hand. “I walked all the way here, didn't I? I can get around the cafe no problem.”  
  
“I didn't say anything. Put this on.” Sojiro tossed one of the cafe's aprons in the blond's direction. The fabric nearly missed Ryuji's hands.  
  
“Akira said you used to work at a convenience store. So you know something about customer service, right?”  
  
“Er-... I worked late night shifts.”  
  
“You still helped customers, right...?”  
  
“They had me do stock work.” Ryuji could feel sweat begin to break out on the back of his neck. Sojiro's eyes were on him, watching as he struggled to tie the apron behind his back. “I'm sure I can figure it out though. It can't be that hard.”  
  
“It's not about it being hard or easy. It's about doing it right and being consistent.” Sojiro sighed deeply, sparking a pang of annoyance inside Ryuji.  
  
“I can do this job and do it right.”  
  
“What makes you so sure?”  
  
Ryuji paused for a moment, chewing his bottom lip, trying to get his thoughts in order.  
  
“I'm workin' here because I want to help out while Akira's gone. It won't do anyone any good if I do a shit-... Er... Bad job. I'm takin' this all seriously, so try to have a little faith in me.” Ryuji stood up straight, looking Sojiro in the eye. “I'll clean tables, wash dishes, whatever you want me to do, let me prove it to you.”  
  
“'Tch. Fine.” Sojiro turned away but he hadn't been quick enough to hide the look of amusement on his face. “Do a good enough job and I might teach you how to make coffee. No promises though.”  
  
“For real?!”  
  
“I said no promises.” Sojiro huffed, tossing a rag over his shoulder at the blond. “For now you can go wipe down all the tables.”  
  
* * *  
  
Akira's first three days at the hospital had been a flurry of activity. He went through dozens of tests and more needle sticks than he cared to think about. His arms were still sore from the pokes of the less experienced phlebotomist. Doctors and nurses had been in and out of his room almost hourly. They explained results and offered suggestions on further tests they wanted to do.  
  
On the fourth day, he woke to Takemi seated by his side and a late morning sun streaming through his window.  
  
“Good morning Little Guinea Pig.” She greeted, reaching a hand out to smooth his bangs back off of his forehead.  
  
_“Good morning.”_ He signed back, his movements sluggish. He felt as if he had gotten too much sleep and a quick glance at the clock confirmed it. It was almost noon.  
  
“There are no more physical tests scheduled for the next couple of days,” Takemi explained, noticing his confusion. “I let you sleep in.”  
  
_“Just the head one.”  
_  
“What? Oh, the psych evaluation. Yes, you're scheduled for that in an hour or two.”  
  
_“Should be interesting.”_  
  
“I'm glad you're so optimistic about it.” Takemi murmured around a sly smile, her fingers still combing gently through his hair. “I'm not going to bother trying to give you advice. I know you won't listen.”  
  
_“I won't,”_ Akira agreed earnestly.  
  
“Be careful with how you phrase things. Meanings can get lost in hand signs and text.”  
  
_“I'll be clear.”_  
  
“I'm going to go down and get some coffee. I'll bring you back some.” Takemi stood, smoothing her fingers thoughtlessly over the bed sheets. Akira's lips pulled back in distaste. The thought of cafeteria coffee was far from appealing. “You let Boss spoil you with the good stuff and now you're so picky. I'll get some tea for you instead.”  
  
_“Tea is fine.”_ Akira agreed. He waited until Takemi had left the room to extract himself from the bed. He realized that he was alone for the first time in days and he was eager to explore his room. He approached the window on the far side of the room. He pulled back the stark white curtains, less than amazed with the view outside. The only thing to see was a multi-storied parking garage, boxed in on both sides by other parts of the hospital.  
  
_This is cozy._ He thought mirthfully, pushing his face against the glass. He craned his neck in an to attempt to glimpse something beyond the hospital but he soon gave up. He decided he'd rather use his alone time to do something more productive.  
  
He slipped into the bathroom for a shower, already missing the big tub he had back home in his and Ryuji's apartment. While he waited for the water to switch from cold to lukewarm, he pondered on what the blond was up to.  
  
Ryuji had sent a few stray texts, photos of the progress he'd made on unpacking into the new apartment. The occasional video of feeding Yusuke's tortoise. Akira hoped that the blond wasn't offended by his lack of responses. Their chat client would have marked all the messages to 'read'. He had read them but he had already promised himself he would wait before replying. He couldn't give into homesickness only four days into the trial. He had to stay focused on passing the required tests.  
  
_After the psych evaluation._ He thought, stepping under the spray of the shower, the water still too cold for his liking. When he had finished cleaning up he returned to his room. It surprised him to see that Takemi hadn't returned. Instead, he found himself greeted by a meek looking nurse.  
  
“Sorry to intrude.” She said, gesturing for Akira to take a seat on the bed. “My name is Lavenza. I will be the nurse in charge of your care during the daytime rotation.”  
  
Akira sat down on the edge of the bed, offering her a small smile and a hand wave as a sort of greeting.  
  
“I'm well versed in sign language. So feel free to use it if you prefer.”  
  
_“Thank you.”_ Akira signed, feeling a bit relieved. It had been awkward having to rely on Takemi to be his interpreter.  
  
“You're welcome.” She replied, offering a small smile. “I'm going to check your vitals. In about half an hour Dr. Igor will be ready to see you for your mental health evaluation. Do you have any questions to ask before then?”  
  
_“I'm okay.”_  
  
“That's fine. Let me know if you think of anything.”  
  
After Lavenza had excused herself, Takemi returned with Akira's tea and some breakfast. The two of them ate together until it was time for him to leave for his appointment with Dr. Igor. He was lead by an older nurse down a maze of hallways to an office in another part of the hospital.  
  
He filled out paperwork while he waited for it to be his turn, his veins alight with nervous anticipation. He could hardly concentrate on the questions he was being asked, but somehow he managed to finish. A short time after that the nurse led him down a hallway and to the room at the very end of it.  
  
A tall wooden door stood before them, sporting a shining brass nameplate that read Dr. Igor. The nurse opened the door and ushered him inside. She loomed in the doorway, hands on her hips as if she expected Akira to attempt an escape. He offered her a slight head nod and a wave of his hand, hoping to please her enough to shut the door.  
  
Inside, a balding man with a large nose and a crooked grin sat behind the desk. He looked nothing at all like Akira expected. Most of the psych doctors he had met before were less... creepy.  
  
This was to say nothing of the low lighting in the room and the dark blue coloring on the walls. From an old-style CD player in the corner, choral music played at a low volume, adding to the unnerving atmosphere. When Akira glanced at the nurse, hoping she might have made a mistake, she shrugged and shut the door.  
  
“Welcome, please take a seat.” Dr. Igor gestured to a velvet blue couch and Akira moved towards it to sit down. “I understand that you have difficulty with speaking. I'm versed in sign language, but if you prefer, the hospital has provided computers.”  
  
Akira wasn't going to lie, he much-preferred text to signing. He nodded in agreement, standing back up to take the laptop that Igor slid across his desk towards him. He opened it up and settled it into his lap, noting that it was already powered on. The only window available was a simplistic looking chat room. Igor opened up a similar laptop and settled it on the desk in front of him.  
  
“You'll have to excuse the hospital's dated equipment.” Igor drawled, in a voice pitched several octaves too high. He folded his hands together in front of his face and leaned across his desk towards Akira. “Let's start with your name. Go ahead and enter it into the program and create a password. No usernames, please.”  
  
Once the program was set and Igor seemed appeased, the evaluation began.  
  
“I'm going to start out by asking 'How are you?'. When I say this, I mean of course, how are you in this moment?”  
  
Akira wanted to reply with something snarky or something to imply that Igor was creepy. He knew better.  
  
**Akira: I'm pretty tired. It's been a busy couple of days.**  
  
“Why of course it has!” Igor exclaimed, his eye scanning his own computer screen. “It's only natural that you would feel that way. Yet, I was referring to your emotional state. I need you to be very specific.”  
  
**Akira: I don't know. Bored?**  
  
“Annnnd?” Igor prompted, his voice trilling up even higher than before. Akira sighed and adjusted the computer in his lap.  
  
**Akira: Overwhelmed? I'm not used to having so many strangers around.**  
  
“See? That's perfect. We're going to get along so well.”  
  
_I doubt that._ Akira thought, trying to keep his face straight. Igor didn't seem to notice, pressing on.  
  
“Are you feeling any anxiety about the surgery? Surgery can be quite scary.”  
  
**Akira: When I was back home, I thought about it a lot. It was something that weighed on my mind. Here it somehow feels more distant, so I haven't had time to worry about it.**  
  
“Your file says you had surgery in Tokyo about three and a half years ago. How did that go for you?”  
  
**Akira: The surgery itself was fine. It didn't solve the problem though.**  
  
"I'm of course referring to your mental state."  
  
**Akira: I struggled a bit with accepting the surgery as a failed venture. It made my condition worse and I wasn't able to speak anymore afterward.**  
  
“That is all too understandable, to be upset by the loss. Shortly before that surgery, you began to live with a Mr. S. Sakura, is that correct?”  
  
**Akira: Yes.**  
  
“And how was that? Different from living with your parents?” Igor asked as he glanced away from his computer screen. He grabbed hold of a pen and a pad of paper, scribbling down something on the top page. Right away Akira could feel his heart pick up in pace. The subject of his parents was no his favorite one.  
  
It had long been a part of his hesitation in joining the trial, knowing that the mental evaluation was a requirement. He had gone through one during his last surgery. He knew that in the end they always lead to the topic of his parents and the time before he moved to Tokyo.  
  
“I need you to be very very specific about any details that you think are important.  
  
**Akira: My parents and I are like most families. I'm a single child, so my parents took a lot of interest in my medical conditions. They both had a stable income, so there wasn't a lot that they weren't willing to try, medically speaking.**  
  
“Were they worried about you living in Tokyo? You were a long ways away from them.”  
  
**Akira: I imagine they were mindful of the distance. They couldn't be there for the surgery itself, but they trusted Sakura-San to take care of me.**  
  
“And did they keep up steady communication?” At this question, Akira paused, able to feel a knot forming inside his stomach. Instinct told him to lie, to assure Igor that they had and move on to the next question. It was a half-truth, they had called almost weekly during his first couple months in Tokyo. Over time the calls stopped and turned to letters instead when his voice failed him, but even those had been tapering off for a while.  
  
**Akira: Following the** surgery **they called a lot. As I settled into my life in Tokyo and began to recover, our lives got busier. They always make sure to call on my birthday or send letters when they're able. It's difficult to keep up phone communication when one half of the party can't speak.**  
  
“When was the last time you spoke with them? Via letter or otherwise.”  
  
**Akira: It's been longer than I'd like, but I've been busy with studies and they've been busy with work.**  
  
“So it's safe to say that you aren't particularly close with them anymore,” Igor spoke in a stern tone, his hands scribbling more notes down on his pen pad. Akira's eyes watched the pen move, almost caught in a trance, heart racing. “Can you tell me more about your childhood? Were they attentive parents?”  
  
_There it is,_ Akira thought, the question he was dreading, the one he had been unsure how to answer. His childhood had been a sea of long car rides and hospital visits. He had seen by dozens of specialists, therapists, and everything between. All leading up to a diagnosis of self-inflicted muteness, that it would resolve with time and age.  
  
They had given his parents hope when there had been none. When no resolution had come, Akira understood very well that the blame had shifted to him. His parents had gone above and beyond what should be expected of them. He wasn't trying hard enough to snap out of whatever mindset kept him from speaking.  
  
By the time the physical symptoms began to appear the rift between Akira and his parents had grown too wide. It was an instant relief for them when Sojiro had agreed to take Akira in. They could pretend that it was a temporary situation and that when the surgery was over that he would go home. That they would be a happy family.  
  
He settled into his life in Tokyo and made friends, so it was no surprise that his parents insisted that he stay. They told him to finish out the school year. Then to finish out high school. To go on to university. It was all under the guise of being better for Akira's health. He wasn't an idiot. From the moment he arrived in Tokyo he knew that his parents had washed their hands of him. They would never have to own up to their failures to raise him, to be parents to him, to understand him.  
  
“Akira?” Igor asked, staring at Akira through his wide and near bulging eyes. Taking a deep and measured breath, Akira put his fingers to the keyboard and began to type.  
  
**Akira: My parents and I aren't close and we don't have a lot of communication. Despite that, I have a very strong support group in Tokyo. Sakura-San and his daughter Futaba are** family **to me now. During high school, I made friends with several of my classmates. As well as others in our age range from older classes and other schools. I recently moved out of Sakura-San's, I'm sharing a small apartment with one of my friends. Dr. Takemi oversees my health and was the one who pioneered this surgery trial for me. My physical tests for the surgery have all come back well. I have a steady support group. I'm ready for this surgery.**  
  
There was a long and pregnant pause as Igor's beady eyes scanned back and forth over the screen. His hand was scribbling down notes on his pad of paper, hardly even looking at what he was writing. Akira waited on the couch, heart racing and nerves strung tight. He wondered what the strange doctor would do or say next. Igor stood up, moving towards Akira with an ungainly step, arms extended to offer a small stack of papers.  
  
“...Very well.” Igor said, flapping the papers a few times to prompt him to take them. “Give these to the woman who helped sign you in and they'll be sent off to the surgical department. With your support network, I don't see any issues in allowing you to take part in the trial. I wish you the best of luck.”  
  
Akira removed the laptop from off of his legs and followed Igor to the door, feeling numb with shock. They shook hands, much to Akira's chagrin, and then he was thrust out the door and into the hallway.  
  
“Do come back and visit.”  
  
Akira glanced back in time to see the man disappear back into his office.  
  
* * *  
  
After his shift at the cafe, Ryuji spent the afternoon tied up with his college classes. Then it was off to his evening session of physical therapy with Shiho's old instructor. He picked up dinner on the way home from the gym, dragging his feet the entire way back to Yusuke's apartment. By the time he arrived his appetite had been replaced by exhaustion. He skipped dinner in favor of sitting out in the sun-room to watch Goemon as she grazed over her evening salad. Morgana joined him and sat on the ground next to his feet, paws tucked under his body. He was eyeing Goemon with suspicion.  
  
“What? You don't like turtles?” Ryuji asked, leaning over to brush his fingers over the back of the feline's head. He earned a sharp look in reply as Morgana ducked his head down out of the blond's reach. “C'mon. You can't hate me that much.”  
  
As if to challenge his words, Morgana rose to his feet and sauntered back into the apartment.  
  
“Yeah, screw you too,” Ryuji grumbled, feeling affronted by the cat's rejection of him.  
  
When Goemon finished her dinner, he watched her retire to her burrow. It was a stout wooden box filled with straw and heated by a large red basking light. She was like a dog, turning in a full circle before settling down to rest. Though she appeared contented, Ryuji couldn't help but wonder if she was lonely. Did she have the capacity to realize Yusuke was away? She didn't act as if she was missing him in any way, though he didn't know a lot about tortoise behavior so he couldn't be sure.  
  
Seeing her tucked away under her lamp made him realize how cold it had gotten. The sun room's walls did nothing to block out the cold winter air. He stood up and brushed his palms down over his pants, getting a hold on his cane before heading back inside. For a while he sat in silence in the living room, watching the city lights bouncing off the many canvases. He sighed and the sound echoed off the vaulted ceilings, grating to his ears.  
  
He supposed that it was a luxury to live somewhere insulated from noises, but he hated absolute silence. The apartment he had grown up in had always had background noise. He could remember the sounds of traffic outside or neighbors on the other side of thin walls. In the winter it was the loud hum of the furnace or the clunky a/c unit in the summer. Even the apartment he had moved into with Akira had its own symphony of daily noises.  
  
Yusuke's apartment was something close to purgatory. The silence gave Ryuji too much time to think, to reflect on things he didn't want to think about. His past, his father, the future, Akira, all these thoughts swirled inside his mind.  
  
“Eff this,” Ryuji mumbled, feeling around in his pockets for his cellphone. If he could figure out how to work Yusuke's fancy sound system, he could at least put on some music. As he pulled his phone free, a small card of paper came with it, fluttering to the floor, catching the blond's eye. He bent down to pick it up. It was the card for the tattoo shop, the one that Yusuke's art director had given him. Ryuji had forgotten all about it in the hustle and bustle of Akira leaving.  
  
The shop was in Shinjuku. A quick glance at the clock told him that if he left right away he could catch the next train there. Exhaustion was biting at his heels. He had another full day of work and classes ahead of him but Yusuke's apartment was smothering. He shoved the card and his phone back into his pocket and made for the door, grabbing his coat on the way out.  
  
Finding the shop had been a grueling task until a host from a nearby club had pointed Ryuji in the right direction. The entrance was at the end of a dark alleyway. The only sign that it existed at all was the bright neon lights on the door and window. Ryuji felt like he was getting tunnel vision, his heart racing inside his chest. A tattoo shop so well hidden usually meant it catered to those involved with things like the Yakuza. Was this the right place?  
  
He checked the business card again.  
  
“For real?” He hissed, confirming his fears. He couldn't imagine Yusuke's director being involved with such a shady looking place. The business card said otherwise. He was about to turn tail and run when a man came up behind him, blocking his only point of exit.  
  
“You coming or going?” He asked in a hard accent. Ryuji turned around to face him, startled for a moment by his striking features. He was a good head taller than the blond with a face that was all sharp angles. His eyes were hawk-like and the left one sported an ornate tattoo all in black around the edge. He had his head shaved completely bald sans the low hanging Mohawk that ran down the back and center. He definitely looked like the kind of person who would on their way into a tattoo parlor. “Make up your mind, I am going to be late for work if you don't move.”  
  
“You work there?” Ryuji asked, pointing his thumb over his shoulder towards the door.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Is this your business card?” Ryuji offered the small rectangle of paper to the man. He looked it over with an impassive expression on his face.  
  
“It's one of ours, but it's not mine, it is Hari's. He is the owner of the shop.” The man explained, handing the card back, angling his body to the side so that he could brush past Ryuji. “He is inside if you want to talk to him.”  
  
“Hari,” Ryuji mumbled to himself, glancing down at the card in his hands. The paper was beginning to become worn, covered in crinkles and the design coming away at one of the corners. If the blond waited a bit longer, it would likely become illegible and he could forget all about it. What was he thinking anyway? What was he expecting? The invitation from the tattoo artist had come out of the blue with no explanation. He had no real reason to feel obligated to find out more about it. And yet...  
  
A rush of warm air hit Ryuji's face as he opened the door to the shop and stepped inside.  
  
* * *  
  
Akira spent the afternoon trying to read the book Akechi had given him. Only to find that it wasn't holding his attention. Now that he was a confirmed candidate for surgery, he could put aside his rule about not calling Ryuji. The only problem was the blond's busy schedule. He was finishing up his college classes for the day and then he had to be off to the physical therapist after. He knew there was nothing he could do to speed the process along but that didn't keep him from feeling impatient.  
  
“You've got a sour look on your face,” Takemi commented, flipping through a copy of the mental evaluation. “The guy who wrote this is definitely a doctor. I can't read a damn thing. His handwriting is a mess. Anyway, what's got you so crabby?”  
  
_“Nothing.”_ Akira signed, shutting the lid on his laptop. “I'm bored.”  
  
“I could go find a doctor and see if he'll do some more tests on you. If you're lucky we can get you in for an MRI.” Takemi snorted at her own joke, smiling impishly as his scowl deepened. “You are cranky, aren't you?”  
  
_“I'm tired.”_  
  
“Your mental assessment went well. The doctors are eager to get you into surgery as soon as possible. It could be any day now.”  
  
_“That soon?”_ He asked, eyebrows rising in surprise.  
  
“They also mentioned that if things go well you may be able to finish recovery at home. It might get you back in time for Christmas, or at the very least New Years. Although I'd keep a level head about that, it may or may not happen.”  
  
Akira sat up to look at her, feeling his mood shift to one of excitement. Christmas was less than three weeks away. He tried not to get over excited about it but the thought of being home in time for the holidays was more than he had hoped. Even New Years seemed ideal, although it wasn't as close. He could tell by the look on Takemi's face that she was feeling hopeful as well.  
  
_“I'd like to surprise everyone.”_ He signed, earning a nod of agreement from her.  
  
“I won't tell if you won't.” She whispered, turning her attention back to the papers in her hands.  
He settled himself back into bed, trying to calm the eager beating of his heart inside his chest. For the first time since coming to the hospital, he felt himself feeling hopeful, now able to focus on a goal. He opened his laptop and send a brief message to Ryuji before turning his attention back to his book.  
  
Only a few more hours.  
  
* * *  
  
The tattoo parlor was warm and inviting, a welcome respite from the cold weather. It gave off the impression of stepping into someone's home, rather than an ink shop. There were dazzling colored tapestries hung from the ceiling. Their billowing fabric sectioning off the reception from the rest of the shop. It made the room feel intimate and cozy.  
  
To the left of the entryway was a small sitting area. It was a collection of mismatched fabric love seats and a large leather couch. The room carried the scent of sweet and exotic spices, foreign to his nose but pleasing. It reminded him vaguely of the smell of Le Blanc, the coffee and curry that clung to every corner of it. To say the least, it wasn't what Ryuji had been expecting.  
  
“Are you here for an appointment?” A warm voice greeted Ryuji and he turned to see a man with dark skin and long black waves of hair seated behind a counter.  
  
“Oh, uh, not exactly," Ryuji replied with a soft shrug of his shoulders. “I'm lookin' for Hari.”  
  
“Ah, he is in the back with a client. He will be out soon.”  
  
“Er, no, I'll come again later,” Ryuji grumbled. He began back stepping towards the door, moving with the soft drag of his cane. The long-haired man stood and came around the counter. He was alarmingly tall the way foreigners often were, the way the man outside had been.  
  
“I will make you a cup of tea. Please, take a seat.” He insisted, gesturing towards the couches. Ryuji was reluctant to obey but he didn't argue. He sat down on one of the love seats, sinking down into the cushions as if even the furniture wanted to trap him. Satisfied with this, the man disappeared behind a curtain into the back end of the shop.  
  
Waiting on pins and needles, Ryuji debated on leaving. He didn't want to get caught on his way out the door. With his knee, speed wasn't his strong suit at the moment. Before he could make any moves the mohawked man he had run into outside appeared. He looked as unfriendly as ever. He took up house behind the counter where the other man had been before.  
  
“Decided to come in,” He said, a gruff statement in his heavy accent. “Jahvan is making tea. So you better stick around.”  
  
“Sure thing,” Ryuji replied, feeling woefully foolish. He was now trapped in the tattoo shop, hating himself more and more with each passing second. He didn't know what he had expected, what he had thought the shop owner would say to him. The whole venture felt pointless.  
  
“Here you are.” The long-haired man, Jahvan, had appeared again brandishing a cup of steaming tea. He offered it to Ryuji and the blond took it, confused by its color and sweet aroma. It looked more like milk and coffee than tea. “This is a tea called chai. A family recipe from back home.”  
  
“Oh,” Ryuji responded dryly as he brought the cup to his lips, wary of Jahvan's eyes on him. His mood lifted when he tasted the tea, full of spices, delicate in its sweetness.  
  
“Where's mine?” The mohawked man demanded, shooting a sharp look in Ryuji's direction.  
  
“I made you some. It is in the back.” Jahvan answered, shooing him from behind the counter. Ryuji watched him go, feeling intimidated by the man's obvious dislike of him. “You will have to excuse Alistair. His people skills are lacking, but he is a good person.”  
  
"It's cool, man,” Ryuji replied with a shrug, though inside he still felt leery. “So what's this Hari guy like?”  
  
“He is a fun person,” Jahvan mused, looking thoughtful. “The word might be ‘outgoing’ or ‘friendly’."  
  
“A friendly guy runnin' a tat shop?”  
  
“Many kinds of people come in for ink. It is a business of great hospitality and respect.” “I guess when I think of tattoos I imagine yakuza or gangsters.”  
  
“I am sure at one time in this country that was the case but modern expectations are in time becoming the norm,” Jahvan spoke in a warm voice, looking around the shop with an adoring expression. “When people come in here it is my greatest hope that they leave with a bit of happiness.”  
  
“Very well spoken, Jahvan.” A man stepped out from a side hallway, shedding a pair of gloves off into a trashcan as he went. He was closer in height to Ryuji with long black hair done up into a high ponytail. His eyes glimmered like blue ice, searching the blond's face. “How can I help you this evening?”  
  
“Oh uh. I got this from my friend's art director.” Ryuji held the business card out with one hand, using his other to balance his teacup on his thigh. The man, Hari presumably, nodded in acknowledgment.  
  
“So you're the painter.” Hari mused, setting his hands on his hips. “I know finger painting is a far cry from tattooing but I liked the overall look of the painting. The use of gold paint was especially stunning.”  
  
“Thank you but, uh, why did you wanna talk to me?”  
  
“I need a new apprentice. Jahvan and Alistair have been working comfortably on their own for almost two years now. It's time for me to turn them over to the wolves and find someone new.”  
  
“I don't know nothin’ about inkin’ people.” Ryuji protested, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.  
  
“As I said. It would be an apprenticeship. I would teach you.”  
  
“I'm not an artist. Have you heard of this guy named Yusuke?”  
  
“Oh I'm aware of Kitagawa's talent, but he doesn't have the style I'm looking for.”  
  
“C'mon, man. You can't be serious.” Ryuji insisted, turning his face down towards the floor. “I've got school and a job and my leg. I don't got time to learn how to do tattoos.”  
  
“I can work around your schedule,” Hari spoke in a calm voice. He crossed the room to take a seat across from Ryuji. “You can take some time to think it over. If I don't hear from you soon though I'll move on, I do think that you'll be a good fit for this job.”  
  
“I dunno man. I've never really been good at anythin’ since my leg got busted up.”  
  
“I hope by ‘anything’ you are including grammar. You certainly are not good at that.” Alistair deadpanned, stepping free of the curtained-off back room, a mug of tea encased in his fingers. Both Hari and Jahvan shot him a sharp look, one he assessed over the top of his drink. “No offense meant. It is just what is true.”  
  
“Alistair.” Hari chided, offering Ryuji an apologetic smile. “This is a career where you can sit and work. Most clients will be sitting or laying down anyways.”  
  
“This is just sorta out of the blue, ya know?” Ryuji sighed, still in a state of disbelief. “I'm not that good of an artist and I can't see myself makin' this a career or anythin'.”  
  
"Not everyone who is good at drawing is good at tattooing." Hari continued, giving no mind to Ryuji's protests. “Do you have a major that you've chosen at college?”  
  
“...No.”  
  
“Family obligations?” Hari pressed, not one to easily back down.  
  
“No," Ryuji sighed, polishing off the remainder of his tea. He set the mug down on a nearby side table. His heart was still unsettled, pounding with endless nervous anticipation. He couldn't figure out what he had gotten himself into. He didn't even know if it was even something he wanted to get involved with any further. “You'll work around my schedule?”  
  
“Since it is an apprenticeship you won't be making any money to start out. The schedule will be flexible, though I ask that you commit to at least four days a week. Even if it's only for a few hours.”  
  
“I think I can do that.” Ryuji agreed though he had no idea how he was actually going to find the time. “I could probably come by after class tomorrow.”  
  
“There can't be a 'probably'. I need a promise from you.” Hari stood and although he wasn't tall like Jahvan or Alistair, Ryuji felt as if the man was towering over him. It pissed Ryuji off enough for him to throw caution to the wind. He stood up, slowly so that he didn't falter, and stood eye to eye with Hari.  
  
“I'll be here.”  
  
* * *  
  
The ride back to Yusuke's apartment felt like a dream. It was something that Ryuji couldn't wrap his head around despite being the one to experience it. His mind was still on the tattoo shop and the strange men who worked there, notably Hari. He knew nothing about Ryuji and yet he had been able to figure out what buttons to push. He knew what he needed to say to rile him up enough to agree to the apprenticeship.  
  
Ryuji wanted to be angry about it, but his day had been a long one and he didn't have any energy for it. He let himself into the apartment and made a beeline for the bedroom, shedding his clothes as he went. He made a mental note to deal with them in the morning.  
  
Before settling himself into bed, Ryuji turned down the drapes over the large wall of windows. He watched as a thick canvas-like fabric lowered itself to the floor like a grand curtain. Had Yusuke not shown him how to do it before leaving, he was certain that he would have spent a few weeks unable to sleep. The heavy material blocked out every small inch of light.  
  
He climbed the small steps of the platform where the bed was, tucking himself in for the night. He felt around in the darkness for his phone charger, blinded by the flash of his screen. His eyes caught sight of a familiar notification. It the first message he had received from Akira in days.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Finally finished with all the post-surgery tests. I passed the mental evaluation too. ;)**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Takemi says they'll probably be able to get me in for surgery in the next couple of days. I'll keep you posted on that. [♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know you've been busy today, but give me a call when you finish with your PT.**  
**(Call from [♣]]]Joker[♠]]] at 7:46pm: Canceled)**  
**(Call from [♣]]]Joker[♠]]] at 9:21pm: Canceled)**  
**(Call from [♣]]]Joker[♠]]] at 11:02pm: Canceled)**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Is everything okay?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's getting late here, so I'm going to bed. Give me a sign that you're still alive.**  
  
Ryuji's heart sank with disappointment, seeing all the missed calls and messages. His phone had been set to silent during his classes and physical therapy session. He hadn't thought to check for any notifications while he was out Shinjuku. Though he knew Akira would be understanding, he still felt angry with himself. He hated that he had missed the opportunity to talk to him.  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man im sorry. was real bsy today.**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: **busy**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: psyched to hear about your tests and stuff** goin **good!!!**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i got work at the cafe n all in the morning but ill try to call back when i can**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ttyl**  
  
Ryuji wanted to write more, to give a better explanation, but he was already dozing off. Twice he almost dropped the phone on his face, his body desperate to race towards sleep. With his hands still curled around the device, he drifted off.  
  
* * *  
  
“Ryuji wake up.”  
  
“M'awake.” He lied, doing his best to ignore the voice rousing him from his sleeping. Something soft and warm lay next to him and he snuggled closer to it.  
  
“You're gonna be late if you don't wake up and that's gonna make Dad have to fire you.”  
  
“Fire me? No m'okay.”  
  
“Ryuji!”  
  
Ryuji opened his eyes with a sigh of irritation, surprised to find Futaba standing next to the bed. She leaned over to pet Morgana. He had tucked himself against the blond's chest sometime during the night and was still there. If he was aware of Ryuji being awake, he didn't act like it currently bothered him. He ducked his head under Futaba's hands to encourage her to keep petting him, his throat rumbling in a deep purr.  
  
“He must miss Akira if he's comin' up into bed to sleep with me.” Ryuji murmured. He cautiously ran his hand down the cat's side, ready for teeth and claws to come after him. He glanced up at Futaba. “What're you doing here?”  
  
“Akira said you had a late night, so I came over to make sure you didn't oversleep. I fed Goemon for you. I can get Morgana's food before we go.” Futaba glanced at Ryuji's surprised expression sheepishly. “It's not like I want you to get fired. Things at the cafe will be really boring if you aren't there for my dad to torment.”  
  
“I-... uh... Thanks.” Ryuji wasn't sure what else to say, he was as surprised as he was flattered. “You rode here all by yourself?”  
  
“I ride the train by myself all the time now.”  
  
“I know, I meant-”  
  
“Ryuji. Go get ready for work. You don't have to thank me so much.” Futaba slipped her arms under Morgana, drawing him against her chest like a baby. She carried him out of the room and closed the door behind herself. Ryuji felt around in the sheets for his phone, checking for any messages from Akira. He was disappointed to see that his reply from the night before had gone unanswered.  
  
He freed himself from the warm nest of sheets and hobbled down off the bed's elevated platform. Though it was only four steps high, first thing in the morning they were hell on his knee. The glamour of Yusuke's luxury apartment was beginning to dim.  
  
Once he had readied himself for the day, he stepped out into the main room, where Futaba was waiting for him.  
  
“You look kinda rough,” Futaba commented, her eyes scanning him from head to toe. “You gonna be okay?”  
  
“M'good,” Ryuji assured her, jerking his head towards the door. “Let's go.”  
  
“If you say so.” Futaba bounced off the couch and lead the way out of the apartment. She waited in the hallway while Ryuji gathered his schoolbag and readied his cane. He stepped out beside her, shutting the apartment door behind him.  
  
“Shouldn't you lock it?”  
  
“Normally yeah, but maintenance is gonna come by today to check some of the fire alarms and sprinklers. These fancy apartments like to check on things constantly. I've had them come by four or five times since I've started staying here.”  
  
“I don't even think that Le Blanc has a smoke detector.”  
  
“Aw man, it probably doesn't,” Ryuji exclaimed, following Futaba down the hallway towards the elevator. “He might want to invest in one if I'm gonna be workin' there. Just sayin'.”  
  
“You're not a bad cook. I wouldn't worry so much.” Futaba insisted, jutting her elbow out to jab him in the side. “You're really hard on yourself sometimes.”  
  
“I don't mean to be.”  
  
“You won't ever be a curry master like my dad, but you hold your own.” Futaba stepped into the elevator when the doors opened. Ryuji followed close behind her, assessing her out of the corner of his eye. “What're you lookin' at me like that for?!”  
  
“Dunno. Just thinkin' maybe you've grown up a bit or something.” Ryuji replied with a half shrug. “Could be all the time you spend with Makoto. Some of her might've rubbed off on you.”  
  
“I guess. She's my girlfriend but I don't think we're that much alike.”  
  
“Your what now?”  
  
“Girlfriend.”  
  
“That's what I thought you said,” Ryuji breathed, feeling heat rush up into his face. Was he that stupid? Had he really not noticed?  
  
“We've been together longer than you and Akira,” Futaba added, her face beginning to flush as well. “You don't gotta get all weird about it!”  
  
“I'm not getting' weird about it! I didn't know.”  
  
“How did you not know?”  
  
“I dunno! I just didn't!”  
  
The two were thrust into silence as the elevator came to a stop. The bell above the door began ringing as the doors slid open.  
  
“Isn't this a surprise!” The man on the other side stepped in, weaseling his way into the middle between Futaba and Ryuji.  
  
“Akechi.” Ryuji murmured stiffly, stepping back some to put space between them. “What're you here for?”  
  
“I believe I mentioned it at the party, but I live here a few floors down from Kitagawa-San.”  
  
“Oh yeah. I remember somethin' about that.”  
  
“I'm surprised that we've gone this long without running into one another,” Akechi said, setting his briefcase down next to his legs so that he could straighten his necktie. When he finished he turned to face Ryuji. “I wanted to apologize if I offended you the other night.”  
  
“Yeah, whatever. It's fine.” Ryuji was now pressed into the corner of the elevator, heart racing with heated blood.  
  
“I'd like to make it up to you. My caseload has been lighter recently so if you've got the time I thought I could teach you to play chess.”  
  
“No thanks.”  
  
“Are you sure? I thought Akira would like someone else besides myself to practice with.”  
  
“Look, you're not gonna bait me into some kind of pissing contest,” Ryuji growled, tightening his hands into fists. “If it was jus' you 'n me in this elevator, things might go down different, but it's not. So shut up and leave us-...”  
  
Before Ryuji could finish, the doors to the elevator opened to the ground floor.  
  
“Think about my offer, Sakamoto,” Akechi said as he swept out of the elevator, a cheerful smile on his face. He offered a quick wave before turning to walk through the lobby and out onto the sidewalk. Ryuji watched him go, eyes trained on him until the closing elevator doors broke his line of sight. He threw a hand out to stop them, opening them up to allow Futaba to go out first.  
  
“That guy never changes.” Futaba sighed, throwing her hands up over her hips, expression cross. “You did well keepin' your cool though.”  
  
“It wasn't easy.” Ryuji sighed, the fire already beginning to dim inside his chest. “Come on, we're gonna be late for the train.”  
  
They exited the building in a rush of warm air meeting cool air. The day was sunny and most people had dressed down for the warmer weather. Ryuji was glad to see that the streets were clear and dry, fewer obstacles to have to go over with his cane. The two of them walked across the street together, Futaba keeping pace until they were on the other side. Her step was naturally more energetic than his and he found himself struggling to keep up. His leg was still stiff from overexerting himself the day before.  
  
“Futaba-... Shit, slow down will ya?” He reached out to grab hold of one of her arms, winded from trying to race after her through the train station. “I can't walk that fast.”  
  
“Sorry.” She amended, slowing herself down to walk a few steps ahead of him. “I forgot.”  
  
The two of them made it to their stop, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the next train.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Good morning.**  
  
**Ryuji pulled his phone from his pocket, happy to see a message from Akira.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man! ur awake!!!!!**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: They've got me on a pretty regular breakfast schedule here at the hospital. :) How are you?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: im good how r u?**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm doing good. There's not a lot going on until my surgery. They've got it scheduled for next Saturday.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: damn, that soon???**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Honestly, I'm looking forward to getting it over with.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: r u feelin confident about it goin good?**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm sure I'll be fine. Nothing to worry about. I've got Takemi with me and the doctors have run a lot of tests to make sure that it's safe for me to participate. After the** surgery **I'll have to be monitored for a bit, but after they give me the okay, I can come home.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: man I hope it's soon. :(**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Me too.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man, the trains here and im on my way to work. ill message you before class, ok?**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Have a good day. TTYL.**  
  
“Were you talking to Akira?” Futaba asked as the two of them boarded the train.  
  
“Yeah, he's scheduled for his surgery and all,” Ryuji replied, holding his phone up so that she could scan their conversation. He reached his free hand up to take hold of one of the handles hanging from the ceiling of the car. The train's rocking had caused him to nearly fall into the sea of other passengers on more than one occasion. Once he had dropped his phone and it was only by pure luck that it hadn't been damaged or stepped on. “I'm kinda nervous about it.”  
  
“The ride to Le Blanc?” Futaba asked, pointing to his grip on the handle.  
  
"No! I don't mean that! I meant the surgery."  
  
"Ohhhhh."  
  
“Yeah. He got real messed up after his last one. I don't want him to end up like that again.”  
  
“I've been thinking about that too,” Futaba confessed. “He's in a better place this time though.”  
  
“I hope so.” Ryuji sighed, his mind flashing back to the day in the apartment when Akira had had his breakdown. He doubted Akira had told anyone else about it and he wasn't about to bring it up with Futaba. The less she knew about it the better, he reasoned.  
  
He spent the rest of the train ride to Le Blanc in deep thought.  
  
* * *  
  
“It's good to see you're on time today.” Sojiro praised as Ryuji shuffled in the front door of the cafe. Futaba and him had staggered their arrival to make it seem less obvious that she had gone to get him. If the barista noticed he didn't make any comment about it. Once Ryuji had changed into his uniform, the older man beckoned for him to come behind the counter. “What do you know about coffee? If anything.”  
  
“Er, well, it's bitter,” Ryuji answered, though it was clear from Sojiro's face that it wasn't what the older man wanted to hear. “Only sometimes. I can drink it when Akira makes it.”

“Do you know anything else about it besides taste?”  
  
“Oh, uh, it's stronger than tea?”  
  
“So you don't know anything.” Sojiro sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Guess it's better that way. We can start you from scratch. That way you don't have to get rid of any bad habits along the way.”  
  
“Are you gonna teach me to make coffee?” Ryuji asked, feeling a jolt of excitement.  
  
“Not right away. You've got to learn a few things first. If you can handle all that then I'll teach you how to make coffee.”  
  
“For real?!”  
  
Before Sojiro could reply, the bell above the door rang as a customer entered. Ryuji's heart jolted at the sight of the man who entered, his face as familiar as it was unfamiliar. He had combed his dark hair back away from his face, the strands carefully combed to be orderly. Despite this, a few stray strands had started curling slightly towards the nape of his neck. Sharp gray eyes swept around the room, stopping on Ryuji, forcing the air from his lungs. Though older, the man's features were almost an exact match to Akira's, which could only mean-...  
  
“Kurusu-San.” Sojiro greeted his expression a mirror of Ryuji's own surprise. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“My wife and I are in town for a business conference and I thought I would stop by to see Akira.” The man explained, stepping further into the cafe to take a seat at the bar. “Is he around?”  
  
“I... I'm a bit confused. Did he not tell you he would be out of town for surgery?”  
  
“...No. Seems he failed to mention that.”  
  
“Hoo boy.” Sojiro shook his head and made a quick motion with his hand. Ryuji had learned from the day before that that was the sign for 'go grab a coffee cup for me'. He dipped into the kitchen to retrieve one, shooting Futaba a nervous glance. She was sitting in one of the booths, looking just as bewildered as the two men behind the counter. In all the time Akira had been in Tokyo, Ryuji had ever met either of his parents.  
  
“Here.” Ryuji brought the cup back to Sojiro, placing it carefully atop its saucer on the counter. When he lifted his eyes, Akira's father was staring at him, an all too familiar sharp-eyed look.  
  
“Are you a friend of Akira's?” The man asked, looking away to watch Sojiro pour coffee into his cup.  
  
“Er, yeah. He and I met back when he first came to Tokyo.”  
  
“I see. How many friends does he have?”  
  
“He's got a whole crew of them that follow him around,” Sojiro answered, making a subtle shooing motion towards Ryuji. He took the hint and stepped out from behind the counter, going over to stand nearby Futaba. “All very nice kids. I've known 'em for years.”  
  
“I'm sure they are.” Mr. Kurusu replied, his voice gentle with sincere interest. His words were almost drowned out by the sound of the bell over the door. This time it was a woman and she too looked strikingly like Akira. She had the same dark black hair, although hers was notably long and straight instead of curled. Her eyes were dark, veiled by a set of long eyelashes. It seemed to be one of the few things had she passed on to her son. His other trademark looks came from his father.  
  
“Come on.” Futaba hissed in a stage whisper. She jerked her head toward the staircase leading to the attic. Slowly the two of them ascended up to the second level, out of sight of the older adults, but not out of hearing range. They sat together at the top of the stairs, listening to Mr. Kurusu as he brought his wife up to speed.  
  
“The very least you could have done, Sakura, is send us a letter.” She said the words sharply, followed by an immediate decline of Sojiro's offer of coffee. “No thank you. I won't be here long enough to drink it.”  
  
“I had no idea that Akira hadn't contacted you about it,” Sojiro replied his voice level, but tense with nerves. “He's an adult now. I don't really have any control over what he chooses to do.”  
  
“Regardless, I expected better from you.”  
  
“Did you ever think that there might be a reason he didn't try to contact you? You two dropped him off on my doorstep and never looked back. You basically abandoned him here.”  
  
“Akira was aware of our intentions. Although it sounds like your personal feelings have clouded his mind.” Mrs. Kurusu's voice rose, but her tone remained measured. There was a soft rattle of China, a cup placed back atop its saucer and then a brief silence. “Sakura-San, let's not forget the position that you found yourself in six months ago.”

“If I recall it was you who showed up here making demands.” Sojiro countered, his voice thin with well-measured anger. “The two of you have to stop this. You can't keep coming and going in and out of his life like this.”  
  
“What hospital is he at?” Mr. Kurusu asked, swiftly changing the topic, trying to steer his wife to another topic.  
  
“I'm not going to tell you that.”  
  
“Please, Sojiro-...”  
  
“You will tell us.” Mrs. Kurusu chimed back in, her voice low with unspoken threats.  
  
“Like hell I will!” Sojiro countered back, his voice finally raising as the argument heated up.  
  
“Sojiro.” Mrs. Kurusu's tone was sharp, commanding. “I am not going to argue with you over the right to see my own child. I will, however, ask you one last time to give us the name of that hospital. You and I both know what will happen if you don't.”  
  
“Can't you just leave that poor kid alone?” Sojiro's voice had become defeated, bordering on desperate. Ryuji was about to stand himself up and go down to defend Sojiro, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He turned to look at Futaba, who could only shake her head in a clear definition of 'no'. “He's doing well for himself here. He's made friends and he's held down jobs. Graduated and got himself into a good school. The surgery was something he chose for himself. If he didn't tell you about it, that should be a pretty clear indication of his feelings.”  
  
“Are you finished?”  
  
“Let him go.”  
  
“Sakura-San.” Her voice became flat again as if she had purged it of all the anger it had held moments earlier. There was the quiet slide of the bar stool as she stood up. Her heels clicked on the wood floors as she walked towards the door. “If you won't help me, I will find the information I need elsewhere.”  
  
“...Wait.” Sojiro's voice, so quiet that Ryuji wasn't sure he had even heard it. “If I give you the name of the hospital, what are you going to do?”  
  
“Depends on what I find out when I call Akira.”  
  
“He's a few days out from his surgery. Can you at least wait until after it's over with?”  
  
“I'll consider it.” Mrs. Kurusu agreed. “The name, Sojiro.”  
  
“Here. I'll write it down for you.”  
  
It took everything in Ryuji to throw himself down the stairs, leg be damned, to come to Sojiro's defense. Twice he had almost pulled free of Futaba's grasp. He only stopped trying when he realized how bad her hands were shaking. It was obvious she knew a bit more about what was happening than he did, so he decided to trust her for the moment. The two of them remained at the top of the stairs long after Mrs. Kurusu's departure.

“I'm sorry.” Mr. Kurusu offered, surprising Ryuji with his continued presence. He assumed that he had left alongside his wife. “I'm going to speak with her. You know our son better than we do, as horrible as that is to say. I'll try to convince her to hold off on rushing to the hospital.”  
  
“You've got a right to see him, he's your kid,” Sojiro sighed the words, a long exhale of exhaustion. “He's made a place for himself here and he's more than capable of making his own decisions. I don't always agree with them, but it wouldn't be fair to stand in his way.”  
  
“She knows that. She's not one to take other people's advice. I will keep a close eye on her. How much do I owe you for the coffee?”  
  
“It's fine. On the house.”  
  
“You are sure?”  
  
“Yeah, go ahead so you can catch up to her.”  
  
“Thank you, Sojiro. I hope the next time we meet it will be less hostile.” With that, Mr. Kurusu left, leaving the cafe suddenly very quiet.  
  
“The two of you get down here,” Sojiro called, breaking the two of them out of their trance. Futaba helped Ryuji down the stairs and they made their way over to sit at the bar. Sojiro had set out two cups of fresh coffee for them.  
  
“What the HELL was that about?!” Ryuji crossed his arms over his chest, fingers twitching with anger.  
  
“Drink your coffee and then get back to work.”  
  
“You're not gonna clue us in on what happened?!”

“Nope.”

“Boss-”

“Coffee and then work.” Sojiro snapped the words, startling both Ryuji and Futaba. He moved out from behind the counter and made for the door. “Watch the shop for a bit.”

“Where are you going?” Futaba asked, her voice high with tension. Seeing her distress, some of the anger seemed to melt out of Sojiro. He turned around to face the two of them.

“I need to run home to make a few phone calls. I'll be back within the hour.”

“Can I go with you?”

“Stay here with him and run the shop. I'll be back.” Sojiro stepped out of the cafe and disappeared around the corner.

“Shit.” Ryuji breathed, curling his hands around his cup of coffee. He drank it in a few large swallows, it was a bit too hot and definitely in need of sugar, but he didn't pay much mind to it. Inside his chest, his heart was racing, a steady drumbeat that matched the pulse at the side of his forehead. “What was that about, Futaba?”

“It-... I don't know a lot of details.” She stammered, taking up her own cup of coffee. “Akira's parents don't show up a lot, but when they do Sojiro is always weird for a few days after. Akira too, if he happens to run into them. I think they've come to Tokyo maybe three times since he's lived here.”

“It sounded like she was makin' some kinda threat.”

“I know they've given Sojiro money before but that's always been for Akira's expenses.”

“You sure that's all it was for?” Ryuji asked, waiting for Futaba to answer. She was blowing over the top of her coffee, sending the steam swirling over the side of the cup.

“I don't have any proof, no, but Sojiro wouldn't take bribes like that. Not after what happened with my uncle.”

“Oh yeah. Wasn't he making Boss pay him to keep you?”

“Yeah, but he eventually got him to go away. After that, he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that again.” Futaba glanced at Ryuji, her eyes wide with sadness from behind her thick-framed glasses. “I don't want to think that he lied to me.”

“He didn't,” Ryuji insisted, reaching a hand out to pat the top of her head a few times. “I'll take care of the shop until he comes back. I doubt we'll get any customers before then.”

“Ryuji... We shouldn't tell Akira about this until we know more.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“We should definitely warn Dr. Takemi though,” Futaba added, pointing to the cafe's phone. “I've got her number if you'll call. We need to warn them in case Akira's dad decides to show up there.”

“Shit, I hadn't thought about that.”

“That's why I'm the brains and you're the brawn in this situation.”

“We make a kind of crack-shot team, eh?” Ryuji grinned at Futaba, pleased with her hesitant but warm smile in return. He moved over beside the cafe's phone and picked up the receiver. “What's the number?”

* * *  
  
“Ah, Ryuji, I wasn't sure if you were going to show up or not.” Hari was standing behind the counter at the tattoo parlor, watching Ryuji shed out of his jacket. Ryuji had surprised himself, still unsure of the entire situation. He had spent most of his classes agonizing about it. He couldn't help wondering if it was somehow a scam or at the very least a pointless venture.

“Am I late?” He asked out of courtesy.

“Not at all. Follow me. I'll show you where you can keep your things. We can take a tour of the shop while we're at it.”

“Cool,” Ryuji murmured. He followed Hari beyond the entryway towards the hallway at the back of the shop.

“This first room to your left is where we keep all the supplies, ink, needles, sanitation items.” Hari gestured towards it before opening the door to allow Ryuji to peer inside. The room was the size of a small office. Shelves covered most of the walls with products neatly organized atop them. To the right of the door was a long counter with a sink. “Everything in here is kept as sterile as possible. We wash our hands before we take anything out of boxes or off shelves. Since we're working with human bodies, we have to be aware of contamination risks.”

“I hadn't thought of that,” Ryuji admitted.

“Don't worry about that for now. It'll all be taught to you in time.” Hari assured him, blue eyes assessing his expression. Ryuji followed Hari into the next room. It was similarly decorated to the front end of the store, with soft seats and a warm atmosphere. There was an extensive collection of art supplies, organized in drawers or on shelves. In the main area of the room, there was a large drafting table and a desk with a computer. “This next room here is the drawing room. It's where tattoos are planned out or refined.”

“It can take a few weeks of working with a client to pin down exactly what it is they want. They send photos or suggestions and we email them back with a mock-up of a design. They decide if they like it or not and reply back. It's a lot of building trust with your clients so that they're able to get the exact tattoo they want. Most of our work is client based with appointments or consultations, but we do get the occasional walk in. They choose a design from a book or bring in something simple on paper and we do our best to accommodate.”

“What if they want somethin' real stupid?” Ryuji wondered, able to easily imagine the sort of odd things people might want.

“Clients are usually very clear about what it is that they want, but we're allowed to say no. If it's something that isn't feasible to produce or something they might regret, we decline. I don't allow anyone under eighteen to get tattooed, not even if they have parent's permission. Some shops allow anyone as young as sixteen to get tattooed with an adult. I still think that's an impressionable age. Names are a big one and we usually offer advice and try to steer them away from the idea as best we can. Things like that can always be covered up later though.”

“It's important to respect a client's wishes but it's also important to know when you have to refuse a request. Especially if you feel like the design is out of your skill range. I've had Alistair and Jahvan occasionally pass clients off to each other. Usually for stylistic reasons. If it's a very complicated tattoo sometimes they step back and allow me to take over. For large pieces, we might have one person do the lines and someone else does the detailing. It all depends. The most important thing in this shop is that we work as a team.”

“I like that.” Ryuji agreed, somewhat sheepishly. “Workin' as a team I mean.”

“I'm glad to hear you say so,” Hari spoke warmly, motioning for Ryuji to follow him to the door at the end of the hallway. “Are you good to climb stairs?”

“Huh? Oh, m'leg. Yeah, I'll be okay.”

“Upstairs is the break room, but it is also my apartment,” Hari explained, leading the way up a short flight of stairs. At the top they turned a corner, entering into a small attic apartment. It was a simple open room layout. The kitchen lay in one corner and the rest of the space split between the living room and dining area. “The bathroom is up here too and down the hallway is my room. It should be off limits, but Alistair insists on using it for a nap room.”

“He sleeps in your room?!” Ryuji asked, his eyebrows raised in shock and confusion. “For real?!”

“Alistair is... A unique person. Perhaps because he's not from Japan but he's very unconcerned with social boundaries. It doesn't bother me, I just thought I would warn you.”

“That's weird, man. I'm not gonna lie.”

“You'll get used to it.” Hari laughed, seemingly unconcerned with Ryuji's discomfort over the odd situation. “I don't spend a lot of time up here unless I'm eating or sleeping, so it's pretty much fair game for you guys to use as a break room. The kitchen is well stocked with food and there's a couch and a TV. Tattooing can be a long process and it's good to schedule some time between clients to rest your hands and eyes.”

“You came back.” A voice from the hallway caught Ryuji's attention. Moments later Jahvan emerged from Hari's bedroom.

“H-He sleeps back there too?” Ryuji asked in a hushed tone, earning an amused smile from Hari.

“Sometimes.” The man confessed, grinning all the wider at the blond's shock. “They've been friends for longer than they've been working here together. They're pretty comfortable around one another.”

“Who, Alistair and me?” Jahvan asked, noting the look on Ryuji's face. “It is purely platonic if that is what you are concerned about.”

“I hadn't even thought about that yet.” Ryuji fumbled his words, his face beginning to feel hot. It had him wondering, curious to know if Jahvan and Alistair were anything like him and Akira.

“Before we get more off track,” Hari continued, stepping away to a small closet by the entryway. “You can store your coat and bag in here.”

“Got it.” Ryuji moved towards the closet to stow his jacket and bag. He stole another quick glance around the apartment. Most of the furniture seemed to be antiques or at the very least upcycled in some way. The room had no real design, none of the furniture could be called matching, and yet it all seemed to go together. Something about it reminded Ryuji of the attic above Le Blanc, or rather, how it had been before Akira moved out. “So what are we gonna be learnin' today?”

“Station-Sanitation~” Hari said gleefully, much to the blond's chagrin. 

“...For real?”

“No need to make such an ugly face.” Hari chided, though his face was all smiles. “It's the most important thing you'll need to learn as a beginner. Follow me, back downstairs.”

Ryuji groaned internally, wondering once again what he had gotten himself into. He followed Hari down the stairs and beyond the curtain where the tattooing stations were. They had stepped into what had once been a warehouse area. The floor was concrete and on the far side of the room, Ryuji glimpsed a roll down door. Despite this, it had all the pomp and circumstance of the waiting room. Ornate designs had been pained over the concrete under each station. They were broad designs that made Ryuji's head spin if he looked at them for too long. Even the chairs were covered with leather that had patterns and designs put into it.  
  
“This is where the magic happens,” Hari announced, moving his arms in a wide arc around his body. “Each one has a counter, sink, table and chairs, and a folding screen as needed for privacy. We have the customer bathroom and changing room towards the back. Any questions so far?”  
  
“Not yet.” Ryuji was too overwhelmed to think of anything productive to ask.  
  
He followed Hari around to each station. He observed where everything was stored and how the machinery was operated. He was taken on a short tour of the disposal area. There Hari gave a brief rundown on the proper ways to dispose of used materials. It was late afternoon by the time Hari had finished. Much to Ryuji's surprise he was disappointed that the day had ended. When the lesson was over, Ryuji followed Hari back upstairs to drink a cup of tea prepared by Jahvan.  
  
“So uh, do you need me here tomorrow too?”  
  
“Sure, if you've got the time,” Hari said around a small sip of his drink. “You seemed attentive today and I appreciate that. I know the stuff I showed you today isn't very exciting, but it's important.”  
  
“Nah, it wasn't a big deal. Er, I mean, it was a big deal but what I meant was that I didn't mind it so much.”  
  
“Tomorrow afternoon Jahvan's got a regular client coming in. I'll ask him if he's okay with you sitting in on the session so that you can watch a tattoo being done.”  
  
“For real?!”  
  
“Mmm, now that I think about it,” Hari sat up, his expression embarrassed. “You're not squeamish or anything, right? I guess in hindsight I should have asked from the beginning.”  
  
“Nah, man. It takes a lot to get to me.” Ryuji shrugged, taking a drink of his tea, allowing it's sweet flavor to wash over his tongue. “I got a friend who goes to the doctor a lot and gets his blood drawn every fourth or fifth visit. So I'm pretty used to seeing similar stuff.”  
  
“It's less gory than a blood draw at the doctor's office. You'll be fine.”  
  
“I, uh, had fun today. I'm looking forward to coming back tomorrow.”  
  
“I'm pleased to hear that.” Hari murmured in approval, smiling openly at Ryuji. “Finish your tea and I'll drive you to the station.”  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji's entire body was buzzing with excitement. The afternoon he spent at the tattoo shop was still fresh inside his mind. He had finally decided to tell Akira about it, now that it seemed more tangible. The two of them had planned a call following dinner. He was eating in the living room, watching one of the instructional videos that Hari had sent home with him. Watching the artists doing the tattoos was mesmerizing.  
  
He would have stayed watching, had it not been for the alarm chiming from his phone. It was his evening reminder to feed Yusuke's tortoise. He paused the video and went into the kitchen to prepare her evening salad. As he chopped vegetables, he read over the invoice left behind by the maintenance workers. They had changed the batteries inside the smoke detectors and had tested all the emergency sprinklers. Ryuji sent a photo of the invoice to Yusuke and went out onto the patio to feed Goemon.  
  
When he entered Yusuke's bedroom, he found it several degrees colder than the rest of the house. The culprit was the sliding glass door, which was wide open. The sight baffled Ryuji for a moment or so as he wondered if the maintenance had left it open by mistake. He was just about to shrug the whole thing off when a terrible realization came over him. He rushed out onto the patio, his fears confirmed when he found it lacking it's shelled occupant.  
  
“Oh great.” Ryuji hissed, carefully kneeling down to check inside her burrow, just to be certain she wasn't in it. When he found the box unoccupied, he felt the first wave of panic wash over him. Trying to remain calm, he used his cane to stand back up. He hobbled back into the house, checking first Yusuke's room and then the rest of the apartment. He had just finished checking all her usual spots when his phone began to ring, his voice call with Akira. He answered it, waiting for Akira's face to appear on the screen before offering a greeting. “Hey man.”  
  
Ryuji tried to think of something else to say, something to get his mind away from the panic he was feeling. He knew he needed to continue the search for her, but it had been so long since he'd spoken to Akira. Seeing the other man's face reminded him of how much he missed him. He gripped the edges of his phone tighter, still flapping his lips uselessly.  
  
_“What's wrong?”_ Akira signed back, his camera shifting slightly with the movements of his signs. All Ryuji could do was let out a weak laugh. He was both amused and annoyed that the other man had caught on to his distress. He hesitated a moment, trying to calm his thoughts enough to verbalize words.  
  
“I think I lost Yusuke's turtle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to confess, my knowledge of tattooing is limited to what I've been able to research. If I get anything wrong, please go easy on me.


	13. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ghhhh, I am not crazy about how this chapter turned out, but I'm tired of fussing over it. Sorry to you my dear readers for not putting more effort into the editing process. I just wanted to get this chapter out before 3+ months had passed. So I hope it's at least readable!

“I think I lost Yusuke's turtle.”  
  
“ _What?”_  
  
“I don't know! I went to feed her and she's not in there. The door to the patio was open and I can't find her in the apartment,” Ryuji bemoaned. On the other side of the chat, the camera moved around a bit as Akira shifted the laptop closer to himself. His hands shook the screen as he typed a reply out over the keyboard.  
  
**[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: Just** **calm down and think this through clearly. When was the last time you saw her?”  
  
** “Last night. I fed her last night, but I didn't feed her this mornin' because-... Shit, Futaba. She came by to wake me up and she went out there to do the feeding. She might have left the door open by accident.  
  
**[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: Even if she did leave the door open, wouldn't Goemon only have access to the house?**  
  
“That's what I thought too, but the maintenance workers came by today to check a bunch of the sprinklers. I wonder if maybe she went out while the door was open.  
  
**[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: It's definitely possible. Where would she have gone?  
  
** “...You don't think she fell down the fire escape stairs, do you?” Ryuji said the words slowly, calculating the terror of them. He grabbed hold of his cane with his free hand and rushed into the hallway. The emergency stairs were unguarded by a door, just an open entry leading down. Ryuji had remembered the vast number of stairs from the night he had fled from the party. He leaned out over the railing, straining to see beyond the tight spiraling staircase. “No effin' way she'd survive if she fell down them.”

 **[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: You should call Futaba to help you look.  
  
** “By the time she gets here, it'll be pointless.”

 **[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: It's not pointless if it gives you ideas of other places to look.**  
  
“I don't want to make her feel bad if she left the door open, okay? Especially if we find out that Yusuke's turtle died because of it,” Ryuji took a few steps back from the stairs. He rested his back against the nearby wall, preparing himself for the descent down. He glanced at the phone with a weary expression. Akira's eyes were locked onto him. “I'll deal with this. It's probably my fault anyway. Sorry, it's cuttin' into our time to chat though.”

For a moment neither one of them spoke. Ryuji stood with his back against the wall, his mind still buzzing with panic. Where should he look? How far did she get? What if she had fallen down the stairs? He could see Akira watching him, assessing him. It made Ryuji want to hang up the phone to avoid how awkward it had become.

 **[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: You look tired.**  
  
“Don't start with me, man. I don't need that from you right now.” Ryuji rubbed at his forehead, feeling a headache building behind his eyes. He didn't want to deal with Akira's mothering.  
  
**[** **♣** **]]]Joker[** **♠** **]]]: I'm concerned. This isn't something you should do on your own. You should ask Futaba to come to help you.**  
  
“I already told you why I'm not gonna do that,” Ryuji growled the words, feeling his panic shifting into anger. “I'm happy you called 'n all, but I gotta go.”  
  
Before Akira could form a reply, Ryuji ended their video call. As an extra measure, he turned off notifications for their chat. After tucking his phone away in his back pocket he stood still for a moment, trying to get a handle on his composure. He knew he was in the wrong and that he would have to apologize for it later. Akira's sensible personality was more than he could deal with at the moment.

His mind was already a tangled mess of issues and he didn't need anyone digging their fingers in to try and fix it. Akira definitely had a habit of poking sticks into the tiger's cage. Under normal circumstances, it usually served as a grounding point for him. It was common sense when his fury prone personality couldn't summon any. At the current moment, Ryuji couldn't think of anything more unwelcome. He was mad and frustrated and worried beyond reason about Yusuke's stupid pet turtle.  
  
Seeing no reason to waste any more time, he shoved off the wall and began the long slow descent down the stairs.

* * *

Akira shut the lid of his laptop and pushed the offensive device down towards the end of the bed. He couldn't decide if he was more disappointed or irritated, maybe a healthy dose of both. He had been looking forward to their planned chat all day. He felt foolish for allowing himself to get so excited.

“Is now a bad time?” Nurse Lavenza stepped into the room. Her arms were wrapped around a small stack of overstuffed clipboards.

“ _It's okay,”_ He signed, gesturing for her to approach the bed. She hoisted her stack of clipboards up and approached. Standing at the edge of the mattress she began to spread them out over the top of Akira's legs.

“These are forms for you to fill out,” She explained, pulling a pen from her pocket to offer to him. “We had two candidates drop out of the surgery trial. You were next on the list.”

“ _Drop out? Why?”_

“I'm not allowed to give you full details. I can tell you that it was voluntary and had nothing to do with the safety or success of the trial thus far.”

“ _The surgery will be sooner?”_

“Yes. It could be as soon as the day after tomorrow.”

Akira's eyebrows shot up in surprise. He had been preparing himself to wait another week, if not longer. He couldn't help thinking about the people who had dropped out. He wondered about their reasons. Why had they chosen to give up on having the surgery.

“Are you frightened?” Lavenza asked and he raised his eyes to meet hers. She was very perceptive, he had to give her that. Either that or she was a wicked good guesser. Could she see the cracks forming, buckling the foundation of his resolve?

“ _Of failure.”_

“It is understandable to be afraid of the possibility that this might not work for you.”

“ _Or it might work.”_ He signed. “ _But I might_ _become someone else.”_

“Change is inevitable. Humans are adaptive. You have already become someone different by coming here. Whether it works or not won't affect that.” Lavenza crossed the room and Akira's eyes trailed after her. She stood by his bedroom window, staring down at the small plant that Haru had sent along with him. He had placed it in the window earlier in the day, hoping it might be able to get some light. "No one's heart changes overnight."

“You in here scaring my patient?” Takemi entered the room, surprising both the nurse and Akira. Lavenza turned away from the window, looking flustered by the doctor's sudden appearance. “Ah, but I guess you were once a patient of mine too.”

“ _What?”_ Akira signed. He moved his hands in sharp motions to make sure that he caught Takemi's attention.

“Yeah, back when I was doing my residency. She was a patient of mine.”

“I had poor health as a child,” Lavenza explained, smoothing her hands down the front of her uniform. “Takemi took care of me during a long stay in the hospital. It's actually because of her that I became a nurse.”

“ _She did not mention.”_ Akira gave Takemi a sharp look. She could only shrug in reply, her lips turned up at the corners.

“I may have pulled some strings to make sure that she got assigned to you.” Takemi moved over towards the bed, picking the clipboards off the top of the sheets. “We'll go over these together. Okay?”

“ _Okay.”_

“Think about what I said,” Lavenza murmured as she turned towards the door. “I'll be back later to check on you before I leave for the night.”

“Thank you.” Takemi saw the nurse to the door before returning to take her usual seat by the bed. “Sounds like you two had an interesting conversation.”

“ _Not really,”_ Akira hedged, though he doubted Takemi would believe him. At least for the moment, she didn't press to find out more.

“Whatever advice she gave you, you should take it. She's not much older than you, but she's experienced similar hardships.”

“ _That's why?”_ Akira asked, then added to clarify his meaning, “ _She is my nurse.”_

“Yes, more or less. As I said, I pulled some strings. When I first met you, you reminded me so much of her. She's mellowed out some over the years but she used to be as troublesome as you.”

“ _I'm not trouble.”_

“Oh?” Takemi tilted her head to the side, red eyes wide and inquisitive. “All those modifications I made to your medicine? All the check-ups and vocal lessons? Taking time out of my clinic to come to this surgery with you? I've spoiled you and you've become a little tyrant.”

“ _Spoiled? Me?”_ Akira smirked at her and knocked one of his legs against her stack of clipboards. “ _Help me.”_

“You're pretty ungrateful.”

Takemi slid the first clipboard off her lap and offered it to him. The two of them poured over the paperwork. Consent forms, long-winded explanations of the surgical techniques, complication and risk outlines. It carried them late into the night until Akira's eyes became weighted. Even with his glasses, the letters on the pages were becoming unintelligible. Twice he caught himself dozing off, head bent so far forward that his frames had slipped off his face.

“You need to go to sleep,” Takemi said, at last, pulling a half-finished stack of papers from his hands. She gathered the clipboards together and set them on his bedside table. “We can finish these in the morning.”

Akira wasn't going to argue, it would have been one-sided anyway. He settled back into bed as Takemi turned out all the lights. She didn't waste time lingering in the doorway and for that he was grateful. He needed a private moment.

When he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was back home in Tokyo. Which reminded him of his earlier conversation with Ryuji. Had they fought? He wasn't sure it was enough to be considered an argument. Still, he knew better than to leave things hanging up in the air. He mustered up the energy to check his phone one more time before bed. Ryuji hadn't sent him any messages.

He didn't know what that might mean.

* * *

Ryuji was at an absolute loss.

He hadn't been able to find Goemon, or any sign of her, on the stairwell. None of the lobby staff had seen her. Despite Ryuji's obvious desperation, none of them were willing to help him look. He had taken to the streets, asking nearby shop keepers if they had seen her wandering around outside. If she had left the apartment building there was very little chance of ever finding her again. He trolled the back alleys of Shibuya. Every shadow was vaguely turtle shaped.

His mind conjured images of all the horrible things that might have happened to her. He could picture her trying to cross a busy intersection, only to be flattened by a car. Being a cold-blooded meant that it was possible that she had already succumbed to the cold. It was unlikely that she would have been able to find a good source of heat on her own. He couldn't decide which scenario was the worst.

Still, he found that he couldn't give up on her. He moved away from Shibuya into residential areas. He checked under bushes and parked cars, using his phone for a flashlight. He scanning the streets for clawed footprints until the battery ran dead. By that point, the streets had begun to look more familiar. Ryuji realized that he had walked all the way to Yongen. It reminded him of his earlier conversation with Akira and the suggestion that he ask Futaba for help.

Ryuji didn't want to make her feel guilty about her involvement, but things were getting desperate.

It was late, most businesses including Le Blanc would be closed. Futaba would be at home then and that was only a short ways ahead. Following the familiar streets, Ryuji made his way to the Sakura house. The lights inside were off, sans the blue glow in one of the upper story windows. It had to be coming from her computer screens.

He picked up a few small rocks and began throwing them up towards the glass. Sometimes he made contact, but mostly he missed. His balance was too unsteady, trying to avoid putting pressure on or twisting his bad leg. He was about to give up when he heard the front door open.

“Futaba?” He called out, trying to see over the fence around the house. “Fu-...”

“What the hell are you doing?! I'll call the cops!” Boss's voice, definitely not Futaba. The man turned the corner and the bright beam of a flashlight blinded Ryuji.

“Boss! Boss! It's me!” Ryuji called out. He stumbled backward and threw up an arm, trying to clear his vision.

“...Ryuji?!” Sojiro lowered the light, his expression shifting from anger to disbelief. “What are you doing?!”

“I'm lookin' for Futaba.”

“She's at Makoto's house tonight. Why didn't you just call her?!”

“Phone's dead. Can you help me up?”

The older man flicked his flashlight off and stepped forward, bending over to help Ryuji to his feet.

“We gotta stop meeting like this,” Ryuji joked, clutching the other man's shoulders. The look Boss gave him was anything but amused.

“Shut up,” Sojiro growled, shaking free of the blond's hold on him. “And that was MY window you were throwing rocks at. You're damned lucky you didn't break the glass.”

“Shit, I'm sorry. Er, sir.”

“Next time use the front door,” Sojiro set his hands on his hips, his brow furrowed. “You know, I used to think that there was some kind of magnetic thing between you and Akira. That when you two got together you couldn't help yourselves. That you had to go stirring up trouble somewhere. I see now that you're more than capable of doing that all on your own. What're you doing out this late?”

“Looking for Yusuke's turtle.”

“The one you've been looking after? It got out?”

“Yeah. Futaba fed it this morning when she came by Yusuke's apartment and I think she left the pen open.”

“Wait. What was she doing at his apartment? I thought she was at the house this morning.”

“Er, I mean-...” Ryuji fumbled his thought, trying to think of a way to cover up his slip. Sojiro's lips had drawn into a thin line, an obvious sign that he was about to go off. “I know how weird that might sound to you, but she came by to wake me up. She wanted to make sure I wasn't late for work. For real, I mean it!”

“You're not making a pass at my daughter, are you? I know supposedly you and Akira have a,” Sojiro waved one of his hands around in the space between them, making vague motions. “-thing.”

“That thing is definitely still a thing. Futaba's like a little sister or somethin'!” Ryuji insisted. “Believe me, Boss, it ain't like that. She was just tryin' to help me out. She didn't want you to fire me.”

Sojiro studied Ryuji for a moment like he only half believed his explanation.

“Sorry,” He said, at last, his shoulders slumping forward. He lifted a wiry hand up to rub at his forehead. Ryuji noticed for the first time traces of gray beginning to form along the older man's hairline. “I've been having some trouble with her lately. She's been dressing different and going out a lot, being really vague on the details. I know that at her age she doesn't need to tell me every little thing. I worry there's some boy involved.”

“A boy?” Ryuji questioned, his eyebrows rising up some. It occurred to him that Sojiro might not know anything about Futaba and Makoto. Though Ryuji could hardly blame him. He himself hadn't been sure until his conversation with Futaba in the elevator.

“I heard the rocks against the window and I thought it was some boy from her class throwin' them.” Sojiro sheepishly explained. “Guess there's not much sense in thinking that. What with all the cellphones and things you kids carry around with you.”

“Yeah, people don't really do stuff like that anymore.”

“Says the kid standing in my yard with a fist full of rocks.”

“C'mon, man! You know it wasn't like that!”

“I guess I'm not used to Futaba going out all the time. Or doing girly stuff with her friends,” Sojiro continued. He moved his arms up to cross over his chest, somehow looking vulnerable. “Girls these days, I don't get them. You know? Or, I guess you wouldn't.”

“I still like girls,” Ryuji said flatly. It was almost horrifying that Sojiro might think otherwise.

“...I don't understand.”

“I still like girls,” Ryuji insisted again. His stomach was twisting with discomfort. He hadn't planned on having such an awkward conversation with Sojiro. “There's a word for it, uh, bisexual? S'when you like both guys and girls. Or really it's that I like Akira.”

“And that's what you are?”

“I think so, yeah. I don't understand it much myself, so please don't ask me to explain.”

The two men fell into silence, wearing twin masks of embarrassment.

“I'll give you a ride home,” Sojiro suggested, clearing his throat. He pointed back towards his house. “Let me grab my car keys.”

“Sure thing,” Ryuji watched the older man go. He was relieved that they had let the subject drop. It that didn't mean the ride back to Yusuke's apartment wasn't going to be awkward though.

That aside, he was also feeling a sense of failure. He had made no progress in finding Goemon. With each passing hour, his chances of finding her grew slimmer and slimmer. He wanted to keep looking, but wandering the streets hadn't seemed to help. If anything, it had been a huge waste of valuable time, but what more could he do? He didn't know enough about reptiles to know where one might have wandered off to.

“Are you okay?” Sojiro had returned without Ryuji noticing. He glanced at the other man and shrugged.

“Maybe.”

“Do you need tomorrow off?”

“No. It's fine,” Ryuji assured him. The last thing he wanted to do was cause even more trouble than he already had. “The whole point of me workin' at LeBlanc was so that I could help you out while Akira is havin' his surgery. It's not much help if I wuss out on you two days in.”

“It's also not any help if you wear yourself out,” Sojiro countered. He unlocked the car so that they could climb inside. “If it's too much for you, say so. I can find someone else to fill the part-time position.”

“No! I mean it, man. I'm good! For real, don't find someone else. I need this job. I need the distraction.”

“Okay, okay.” Sojiro relented, but it was clear that he wasn't comfortable with the idea. That was fine for the moment, he didn't need to be believed, he just needed to keep his day job.

The car fell into silence and Ryuji turned his attention to the passing streetlights. It was still a surprise to himself that he had walked all the way to Yongen on his bad leg. He'd regret it in the morning, but he'd worry about that when the time came. They arrived at the apartments a few minutes later. It was clear by the look on Sojiro's face that he was expecting something less grand. He stared at the vast height of the building with a look of awe.

“I had no idea that that artist lived in a place like this.” Sojiro whistled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I imagine it's nice on the inside too.”

“It's got its own charms, yeah,” Ryuji agreed, remembering how he too had been impressed by it at first. “Thanks for the ride. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Ryuji made his way through the apartment lobby and into the elevator. During the ride up to his floor, he couldn't help mulling over how he had ended his conversation with Akira. Although it had been for a justified reason. He couldn't have sat by having a social call while Goemon escaped into the city. The fact that he wasn't able to find her was an additional layer of salt in the wound. He swore he would make some time tomorrow to call Akira back and apologize. Which also got him thinking about another phone call he would soon have to make, to Yusuke.

The two of them had never been particularly close. They didn't have a lot of shared interests and they didn't seem to agree on much of anything. Yusuke was not someone he felt he understood well and that had always been intimidating. The artist stood on a pedestal of intelligence that Ryuji felt was impossibly far out of his reach. Despite their rocky history, Yusuke had trusted Ryuji to safeguard his apartment. Now Ryuji couldn't help feeling like that trust had been misplaced.

Once he told him about Goemon, he was certain that he'd be relieved of his house-sitting duties. It almost made him glad that he and Akira had declined Yusuke's offer to move in with him. It would have turned into even worse of a situation if they had all been down on a lease as roommates. Ryuji could imagine Akira being allowed to stay, but him? He'd have been kicked out and on his way back to his mother's house. There was still a high chance that Yusuke would never speak to him again and that was... Depressing to think about.

He stepped out of the elevator and hobbled his way down the hall to the apartment door. Once inside, he kicked off his shoes and made a beeline for his bedroom, half tripping over Morgana on the way there. He tried not to be offended when the cat swiped at his legs and ran away to hide. He stripped out of his clothes and kicked them into the rapidly growing pile inside the bathroom.

When he lived with his mother, he had been determined not to become an additional burden on her. Things were always kept tidy. Here, without anyone's judgment placed upon him, Ryuji felt unmotivated to keep up with it. As long as the mess stayed contained to his living space it would be okay. He could always make sure everything got cleaned up before Yusuke's return. With that thought in mind, he shut the covers over the windows and climbed the small staircase to the bed.

He plugged in his phone and waited for it to power up. Once the menu screen had settled he opened up his chat client to check his messages. He only had one and it was from an unknown number. He tapped the message thread and almost rolled out of bed in shock. There on his screen was a photograph of Goemon, and underneath it was a brief message.

♛ **: Are you missing something?  
  
** “The hell-...?” Ryuji hissed, moving his hands over the screen keyboard to reply.

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: who is this?**  
  
He wasn't expecting a response, not at such an ungodly hour. Before he could tap away to another thread, a message appeared.

♛ **: A friend of a friend.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: i need a name**

♛ **: How about 'Crow'?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: fine. dont tell me**

Another photograph of Goemon.

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Rest assured. No harm will come to her.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: i see you changed ur screenname**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: You asked for a name and now I have one.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: where is she???**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Safe, in my home.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: where is that???**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: It isn't any fun if I tell you that.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: this isnt a game**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Isn't it?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: plz, she isnt mine. i need her back.**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Beat me at a game of chess and I'll tell you.**  
  
Realization dawned on Ryuji and he grit his teeth together in frustration.

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: akechi. tell me where she is.**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: I will, but first a game**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: i know what floor u live on. i can come down there and start knockin on doors.**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: And I will be the first to call management when some delinquent starts roaming the halls, disturbing the peace.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: yeah??? and???**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: And they'll be more than happy to show you the door. I'm sure Yusuke will appreciate hearing about Goemon and your behavior from his landlord.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: i c ur point**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: If you beat me, I'll return her. No questions asked.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: fine**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: I'll be by your place tomorrow evening. 8pm?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: fine**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: See you then. :)**  
  
Ryuji slammed his phone down on the nightstand and turned his back to it, anger making his blood boil. He spent the better part of the next hour tossing and turning, trying to settle down enough to sleep. He gave up and got out of bed to try his luck at a cold shower. Once the water was cranked up high, he sat in the bottom of the tub, head resting against the tile wall. He could feel his heart thrumming inside his chest, from anger, from the shock of the cold water. He stayed there until his skin blanched white from the chill.

Nerves still strung tight, he switched the water back over to hot, nearly scalding himself in the process. He stood up and tried his luck at jerking off instead, but even that proved to be a wasted effort. He certainly wasn't going to be able to get it up, never mind finish himself off, with Akechi's smug smile at the forefront of his mind. He got out and went back to bed, not bothering to towel off or to find clothes to put on.

Settled back under the covers he retrieved his phone. He performed a quick internet search to find out what time it was in Paris. Ann and Shiho were eight hours behind Ryuji, putting them roughly around six in the evening. He didn't want to interrupt what might be their dinner time, but he was desperate for someone to talk to. He dialed Ann's number and held his breath.

“Hello?” Ann's voice from the other line, cheerful as ever. For a moment, Ryuji found himself unable to speak. He couldn't put all his troubles over on her. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find words. Ann's voice again, this time concerned, “Ryuji?”

“Sorry,” He grit out, clutching his phone tighter. He felt stupid, he should hang up.

“Ryuji, are you okay?”

“I don't... Know. Maybe?”

“Turn on your video chat,” Ann demanded. He obeyed, but he kept his thumb firmly over his phone's front-facing camera. Ann's face came into view and seeing it calmed his nerves. She narrowed her eyes at the black box coming from his end. “Ryuji, your thumb is over the camera.”

“I know.”

“Well then move it.”

“I'm not... Decent.”

“It's not like I haven't seen it all before. So move your thumb.” He wasn't going to argue with her. He shifted his hand around to cup the back of his phone. The dim light from the screen illuminated his face. It wasn't flattering. “Maybe turn on a light?”

“Ann, please,” Ryuji begged. Sensing his distress, she let it go, but he could see her eyes sweeping back and forth in an assessment. It was exactly like Akira. How bad did he look?

“Ryuji,” She spoke in a softer tone, her words firm. “What's going on?”

Without meaning to, Ryuji uncorked, spilling the details of his first week alone. He told her about Akira's parents showing up at the cafe. About his random internship at the tattoo parlor. About his call with Akira. Goemon. Akechi's game. He talked about his leg and the sessions with Shiho's physical therapy instructor. About he and Akira's apartment. How little progress he had made unpacking their things. Nothing was chronological and he skipped from topic to topic without sensible transitions. She never interrupted him unless it was to clarify something or ask a question.

Finally, he ran out of things to say and for a few awkward moments they stared at each other.

“You need to get some rest,” She said, at last, her lips turned down and her eyebrows drawn together. “I was planning to come back for Christmas anyway, but I can try to catch a sooner flight.”

“No, don't do that,” Ryuji murmured. He felt better, not fully whole, but better. He couldn't allow Ann to come home and baby him, which is exactly what would happen if she took an early flight. “Christmas is like two weeks away. I can make it that long.”

“Are you sure? You seem to have a lot going on.”

“I'm sure.”

“I'm still surprised that you accepted the internship at the tattoo shop.” Ann shook her head. “You do know that it's not a very safe profession, right? The gang association and all that.”

“I know, but it's like... It's real interesting, y'know? I want to at least try it out and see what happens.” Ryuji smiled, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. “I don't know what Akira's gonna think about it.”

“What about your college classes?”

“I'm still takin' them. It's just that I don't feel like I'm gettin' anything out of it.”

“I sort of thought that might happen,” she mused, though her words were without judgment. “If they're not for you then have you considered dropping them?”

“What? No way, I can't. Mom'll be real disappointed if I do that.”

“But you said yourself that you aren't getting anything out of them. Isn't that a waste of your own time and money? Your mom wouldn't want you to do something that you aren't putting your heart into.”

“She was really excited when I got in though. I can't let her down by droppin' out. I can do both.”

“At what cost, Ryuji?” Ann asked, her face serious. “I don't exactly know what kind of career you can make out of tattooing, but I know you. You aren't going to become happy if you end up in some office job or working retail. I didn't want to leave Japan, but I knew that if I didn't make a career move that I would never get anywhere. You have to do what's best for you and your life.”

“I don't know what that is yet,” Ryuji sighed, shutting his eyes in exhaustion. “I'll think about it, okay?”

“That's all I'm asking. Get some rest, Ryuji and call me any time you feel like you need to talk.”

“I will. G'night Ann.”

“Goodnight Ryuji.”

He ended the call, his screen dimming to display the time. It was after three in the morning. He definitely needed to get to sleep. He set his alarm for in the morning and a back one up to be safe. As he settled into the sheets, he noticed for the first time the solid weight tucked behind his legs. Morgana had forgiven him enough to come to sleep up on the bed. Something about that made him feel better.

He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

  
* * *

“I'm sorry, but he's sleeping at the moment.” Takemi had parked herself in front of the door to Akira's room, expecting unwanted company. She'd been waiting for them all morning, tipped off by a call she received from Futaba and Ryuji the day before. The Kurusus were unmistakable. She recognized them right away, although she had only met them once. “As his doctor, I am going to have to turn you away. This is a private medical trial and visitors aren't allowed.”

“We didn't say he could be in a medical trial,” Mrs. Kurusu snapped, without so much as a greeting. She was trying to look intimidating and doing a well enough job of it.

“You don't have to authorize it. He's an adult and that makes him legally in charge of his own medical care.”

“We have legal custody over him.”

“Excuse me...?” Takemi raised her eyebrows, surprised by Mrs. Kurusu's claim. “He's above eighteen. He's no longer legally under your care.”

“Due to his disability, the court granted us adult custody,” Mr. Kurusu's voice was a soft rumble of words. Takemi turned her head to look at him, noting that his demeanor seemed timid in comparison to his wife. He offered Takemi a stack of papers and she glanced over them. "They're good until he turns twenty-five."

“Does he know about this?”

“We're here to inform him of it.”

“At least let me tell him.”

“Why?" Demanded Mrs. Kurusu, taking a step forward in an attempt to inch closer to the door.

“He'll take the news better if I tell him.” Takemi implored to them. “Are you going to allow him to take part in the trial? There's a good chance he could regain the use of his voice. He's worked very hard to get to this point and I can't imagine what it'll do to him if you take that away.”

“Of course we're not going to let him into some unknown medical trial! We know nothing about it!”

“I can bring you up to speed on all the details. Please, for the sake of your son, do not take this away from him.”

“You do not get to tell me what my child needs or doesn't need.” Mrs. Kurusu spat the words at Takemi, turning to her husband for agreement.  
  
“He isn't a child!” Takemi growled back. She too looked to Mr. Kurusu to see his take on things. The man was looking elsewhere, not paying attention to the conversation at all. His inattention reminded Takemi of Akira, always lost in thought. Though she supposed that was due to his lack of speaking ability.

Mr. Kurusu was staring down the hallway at a young girl and her father walking towards them. The child was dressed in a tiny hospital gown, a resident of the children's ward. As they neared, Takemi noticed that the father had slowed his steps. He was keeping them small so that his daughter could keep up. Mr. Kurusu's eyes regarded them gently as they passed by.

“I'd like to go over the details of the surgery before deciding.” He mumbled, somewhat to himself, but loud enough for the women to hear. He looked toward Takemi, still wearing a soft pair of silver-gray eyes. “I'd like for you to explain the situation to him, Dr-...”

“Takemi,” She supplied, noting his apologetic expression.

“I know we've met once before, but I'm terrible with names. You'll need to forgive me.”

“It's not a problem. Isn't the first time and won't be the last.”

“Call us as soon as he wakes up,” Mrs. Kurusu huffed as she stalked away. She threw her hand up over her shoulder in a vague motion, beckoning for her husband to follow. Takemi didn't miss the roll of his eyes as he bid the doctor farewell and trailed after her.

Relieved that they had gone, Takemi let herself into Akira's room. She felt relieved to see that he was still asleep. Taking quiet steps she walked over to stand beside his bed. He was sleeping deeply and she hoped that it meant he had missed the conversation with his parents.

Their news had come as a shock. Anyone who knew Akira knew that was more than capable of taking care of himself. Although maybe that was the point. The Kurusus had been so far removed from his life that she doubted they had any knowledge of who he was.

He had grown up. So much so that it was hard for her to remember the mature high-schooler that had once flirted with her. The surgery was his last chance and Takemi would do whatever it took to make sure that he succeeded.

* * *

Ryuji regretted his entire life. Every single thing he had ever done to lead up to this moment. The monumental task of opening his eyes seemed like too much and with a sigh, he hit the snooze button. For the next ten minutes, he lay dozing in and out, Time was a blur as he waited for the alarm to go off again. When it did, he finally accepted the inevitable. He rolled himself out from underneath his tangle of sheets. His knee screamed in protest.

Morgana cracked his eyes open but the cat made no move to get up himself.

Ryuji hated him for it.

He grabbed his cane from its place by the bed and hobbled down into the bathroom. He moved like a zombie through his morning routine. Fed the cat. Packed his school books. Skipped breakfast to give himself more time to get to the train station. He was two blocks shy of the cafe when he felt himself finally begin to recall everything from the night before. It came rushing back to him in the form of a tension headache behind his eyes. He rubbed at his temples as he entered.

“Want some coffee?” Boss asked him as he dumped his bag off behind the counter and slipped into his apron. He still hadn't grown a taste for the stuff but he wasn't about to turn down caffeine. Sojiro allowed him to sit at the bar while he drank it, giving him some much-needed respite. He could tell from the older man's face he looked rough, but the barista didn't comment on it.

The shift passed uneventfully, transitioning into his last day of classes before the weekend. By the time he made it to the tattoo parlor, he was feeling a bit shaky. His body was covered in a cold sweat and his heart was pounding wildly inside his chest. When he stepped into the shop he paused for a moment, head spinning.

“Ryuji?” Jahvan's voice, filled with concern. Ryuji opened his eyes, not realizing that he had shut them. The taller man lingered in front of him, his hands on the blond's shoulders to help steady him. “You look very pale. Come sit down for a moment. I will get you some water.”

Ryuji didn't have the will or the energy to protest. He allowed Jahvan to sit him in the waiting area on one of the love seats, then opted instead to have him lay down. Once he was sure the blond was settled, he disappeared into the back to fetch the water. Alistair came out of the studio side of the parlor. Even he looked off-put by the sight of Ryuji. He approached with caution, reaching out to rest the back of his hand against Ryuji's forehead.

“No fever,” He reported, though Ryuji didn't much care either way. He was more concerned with keeping his focus trained on not throwing up all over the concrete floor. The colorful tapestries were beginning to swirl together in an unnatural way. Alistair too disappeared into the back end of the store. Ryuji watched him go and then shut his eyes, breathing deep through his nose.

An unknown amount of time later he heard approaching footsteps. Jahvan and Alistair had returned, this time with Hari in tow. Ryuji covered his face in embarrassment. He hadn't meant to fall apart in front of the three older men. If it bothered any of them, none of them let it show. Jahvan knelt down next to him, coaxing him to drink some water that had a minty taste to it. He finished the whole cup and Alistair stood by with a refill. The second cup went down slower, small sips that settled Ryuji's stomach.

“You look unwell,” Hari spoke gently, kneeling down beside Jahvan to get a better look at him. “I admire your dedication, but you shouldn't push yourself into poor health.”

“I'm okay. I jus' didn't sleep well last night.” Ryuji explained, hooking an arm underneath himself to sit up. His body tipped forward with the sudden movement. Alistair caught him by the shoulders to keep him from face planting.

“Get up,” The mohawked man commanded, hauling Ryuji to his feet. Mindful of the blond's bad leg, he half dragged half carried him into the back room. When they reached the stairs he allowed Ryuji to lean on him for support. They made their way slowly up to Hari's apartment. “Lay down on the couch for a while and get some sleep.”

“I can't sleep. I have to be learning things.” Ryuji protested as Alistair dumped him down upon Hari's faux leather couch.

“Sleep for an hour or two and then you can learn things.” Alistair's accent was hard, but not unkind. He excused himself to the kitchen and returned with a cold wet washcloth to drape over Ryuji's eyes. They were red and swollen from his lack of sleep and the chill from the cloth was soothing. “I will send Jahvan up to check on you later.”

Ryuji tried to fight it for a while, catching himself whenever he began to doze off. He could hear the voices of the three men downstairs, their words muffled. Jahvan appeared later to check on him. He changed out Ryuji's washcloth for a fresh one and draped a blanket over the blond. With a drowsy 'thank you' Ryuji gave up on fighting and allowed himself to finally drift off to sleep.

* * *

Akira sat very still in bed, his hands folded together in his lap, lips drawn into a thin line. Takemi was at his side, explaining the paperwork he had spread over his lap. In the corner of the room, his father stood staring out the window, eyebrows drawn together. Akira wasn't sure what the man was staring at but it couldn't have been more than he had seen himself. His mother was on the other side of his bed, standing over him like a threat, her expression sharp as ever.

“Akira, do you understand?” Asked Takemi, her voice soft with concern. He nodded his head and turned to look at her, ignoring his mother completely.

“ _The surgery?_ ” He signed, tilting his head to the side to indicate a question. His hand movements caught the attention of his father, who pulled his eyes away from the window to stare at him.

“He learned to sign,” It was a statement and not a question, taking both Takemi and Akira by surprise.

“Yes, he knows how,” Takemi glanced over her shoulder at him, regarding him curiously.

“He signs.” His father directed the words towards his mother, who shrugged her shoulders.

“Doesn't mean he can communicate effectively with the masses.” She waved her hand in the air as if batting his words away. Akira could feel irritation sparking to life inside his chest. Had he been able to speak, he would have had some choice words for her.

“ _The surgery.”_ He signed again, trying to pull the conversation back on track.

“In order for us to proceed, they have to approve it. They have legal power over major medical decisions.” Takemi said the words with an outwardly bitter tone. “We could appeal to have their custody overturned, but that would take months. By that time the surgery trial would be long over.”

Akira wanted to punch something. It was something Ryuji would definitely have done. Instead, he clenched his hands tighter together, until his knuckles began to ache from the tension. He almost couldn't stand the thought, that he had come so far only to be shut down by his parents of all people. They had a lot of gall to do this to him, especially after they abandoned him to live with Sojiro. Which sets Akira's mind on another path. Had Sojiro known about this?

“I will sign the papers,” His father stepped forward. “I will sign them.”

“No, you will not!” His mother exclaimed, turning on his father with contempt in her eyes. “I'm not going to set him up on a path to another failed surgery.”

“We may have power of attorney over him, but that doesn't mean we can come into his life and control it.”

“He can't answer for himself. How do we know that doctor didn't fill his head with lies?”

“He can answer for himself.” Snarled his father, startling everyone in the room. He stepped towards his wife, grabbing her by the shoulders, tone dipping down into a whisper. “You cannot control everything. You have the house, the money, everything you want and need. Why are you doing this?”

“He is our child,” She pressed, shaking his hands off of her. She took a step back to put distance between them.

“He hasn't been our child in years.”

“Don't say that.”

“Go into the hallway. Now.” Akira's father said the words with finality. For a moment, his mother lingered in the room to glare and posture. When no one reacted to her, she turned on her heels and left. Akira turned a raised eyebrow up at his father. Growing up, he had never seen the man speak so harshly to her, or anyone for that matter. He had always been firm, but never angry. To see it now he realized that something had changed between them.

“We're separated,” His father explained to his unasked question. The man's shoulder sank and he looked wearily at Akira and Takemi. “I did not come here to support her madness. More than anything I'm along to be her handler and to make sure she doesn't do anything outrageous.”

"You're not doing such a great job of that." Takemi scoffed.

"She's a difficult woman to control."

“Obviously. Why did you bring these?” Takemi gathered the stack of custody papers up, offering them back. Akira's father seemed loath to accept them.

“We went to Tokyo to find Akira and discuss the custody with him. Since she and I are likely headed towards a divorce. The case for adult custody over him will need to be reevaluated. I found out about the surgery second hand from Sojiro so we came here instead. If we hadn't of shown up when we did, the hospital staff likely would have dug it up on their own. The surgery would have been canceled.”

“If you sign the papers for the surgery and your wife does not, what happens then?”

“Then Akira will be out of the trial,” He stated. “I never agreed to the adult custody, but she went and filed the papers behind my back. The judge, for whatever reason, signed off on them.”

“ _Why are you doing this?”_ Akira signed and before Takemi could translate, the man answered.

“You deserved better.”

Akira and Takemi exchanged glances.

“You can read signs,” Takemi mused.

“Well, yes. Several years ago in one of Akira's letters, he mentioned that he was learning sign language. That a friend of his was helping him with it.”

 _Ryuji_. Akira thought, feeling something painful stir inside his chest.

“In the early days, when we still planned to take Akira home, I began to learn how to sign in case things went badly.” The man continued to speak but he had returned to his place at the window. “I'm not good at the signing itself, but I can read it well enough. I had wanted to surprise you.”

His father's eyes swept back across the room towards him, looking glassy. Although it might have been the light from the window.

“We realized early on the impact that your new life in Tokyo was having on you. We-... I, decided it would be best for you to remain there until your therapy had completed. When we called, I could hear how your voice was failing. I knew the surgery hadn't worked, but you still somehow seemed happier than you had ever been back home. I asked Sojiro to keep you longer. I knew that you needed to be with your friends and somehow the years flew by.”

“No, I shouldn't say somehow. I thought about time passing almost constantly, but even then I knew bringing you home would be selfish. Forgive me, Akira, for not communicating my feelings better over the years. I can't imagine the anger you must feel towards us. As your parents, we should have and could have, done more for you than we did. I could have done more for you. The way Sojiro talks about you, he's as proud of you as he is Futaba. He's more of a father to you than I ever was.”

“But my regrets are just that. Mine,” His father trailed off, his voice heavy with the burden of many emotions. Akira tried to find it inside himself to forgive him, but he couldn't. At least not right away. It was nice at the very least to know how his father had truly felt about everything. It wasn't much to go on, but it was something.

“ _We will start over,”_ Akira suggested, waiting for his father to match the signs with the words. The older man's eyebrows knit together and his lips turned up at the corners.

“I'd like that. Let's get you through this surgery first and then we'll see what we can do once you're well.”

Takemi and his father excused themselves to the hallway to give Akira some time alone. He still felt leery about the entire situation, especially after seeing the state his mother was in. There was nothing either one of them could say or do to repair what they had lost. In some ways, he was glad for that, that he had been removed from their fantasy family. The people he loved, the people who had become a true family were back in Tokyo. He desperately wanted to return to them.

* * *

Ryuji slept through the first two hours of his shift at the tattoo parlor. He woke to the smell of freshly brewed tea and recently cooked food. For a moment he had forgotten where he was until Alistair appeared inside his line of sight. He placed a steaming mug and a plate down on the coffee table next to Ryuji's face.

“Eat something. It will help.” He supplied, gesturing to the food. He returned to the kitchen to retrieve his own mug of tea and sat down across from Ryuji, his face expectant. Ryuji sat up and accepted the man's offering, realizing for the first time how hungry he was. Meals over the last several days had been convenience food. Anything he could make fast in the microwave and eat. His reckless meal planning was beginning to catch up to him.

“What is it?” Ryuji asked, pulling the plate over into his lap. The dish looked to be some kind of bread roll with a thick stew packed inside it.

“A dish from Jahvan's home country,” Alistair explained, pursing his lips. “I cannot pronounce the name. You will have to ask him to tell it to you later. It is somewhat spicy, so keep that in mind.”

“Oh, I can handle spicy.”

“There is a difference between spicy in Japan and spicy in the middle east.”

“I'm sure it's fine,” Ryuji assured. He glanced at the table again, expecting silverware and seeing none. “Oh, uh, where does Hari keep the spoons?”

“You use the bread,” Alistair explained, making a tearing motion with his hands. Ryuji raised his eyebrows but didn't question it. He pulled off one of the raised edges of the bread roll and dipped it down into the stew.

“It's herb-y,” Ryuji remarked, less 'hot spicy' and more literal use of spice blends. It wasn't what he was expecting.

“If you do not like it, I will find you something else.”

“No, it's good. Just different than I thought'd be.” It took a few minutes for Ryuji to get into it, but the flavor quickly grew on him. Between bites he nursed his mug of tea, savoring its sweet flavor. He wanted to bring Akira by the shop to try it sometime. He hoped he would still have his internship by then. After his embarrassing entrance, he wasn't sure that his place in the shop was secure.

“Ah, he's awake.” Hari had come up the stairs, his hair loose around his shoulders rather than put up into its normal ponytail. He poured himself the remains of the tea, earning a sharp look from Alistair, before joining them. He sat down in the chair next to Alistair's, pulling his feet up off the floor so that he could sit cross-legged. Ryuji noticed that he was barefoot and that his tattoos extended to the tops of his feet and ankles. The designs were smaller and missmatched, but like the furniture in his apartment, it all seemed to go together anyways.

“Your feet are filthy,” Alistair complained, swatting at Hari's knees until he returned his bare feet to the floor. “Do not put them up on the furniture.”

“Excuse me, but I thought this was _my_ apartment.”

“It is when all your employees have gone home for the day.”

“Don't forget who signs your paychecks, Alistair,” Hari said the words like they were a threat. Alistair rolled his eyes, halfway grinning in amusement. “Ryuji, how are you feeling?”

“Er, oh... Better. Thank you. Sorry about uh-...” Ryuji shrugged, unsure of how to phrase his apology.

“Don't be sorry,” Hari exclaimed, looking at the blond with wide eyes. “I don't have any strict rules governing your internship. Outside of your continued commitment to it. Showing up on a day you didn't feel well is above and beyond what I would have expected.”

“I jus' feel like I caused a lotta trouble or somethin'.”

“It was no trouble. You looked pretty bad when you came in the door. I'm happy to see you feeling better.”

Ryuji fell silent, his mind churning over Hari's words. Unperturbed, Hari and Alistair settled into their own conversation. Occasionally they glanced his way to make sure he was still eating his meal. He still wasn't sure what to make of the weird men in the tattoo shop, they weren't anything like he had imagined they'd be.

Although he was new and only an intern, they seemed to accept his presence inside the shop without fuss. It was like he had always been there. It reminded him of the easy way he got along with Akira. A thought he had to push away to keep from dwelling too much on it.

“Is he awake?” Jahvan appeared in the doorway, looking pleased as anyone to see him up and eating. He came to take a seat next to Ryuji on the couch and gestured to the half empty plate. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it was good!" Ryuji enthused, then added, "Alistair said he can't pronounce the name. What is it called?”

“Zyppah sahdo. In your words that means 'soup in bread'. Not very creative, but there is not any other way to translate it.”

There was no way in hell Ryuji was going to attempt to repeat the name, so he smiled at Jahvan instead.

“If you're feeling better, Jahvan has a client coming in. I promised to let you watch.” Hari caught Ryuji's attention with a knowing smile. “Finish up and then you two can head downstairs.”

Ryuji's tore through his meal and passed off his dishes to Hari for washing. He's buzzing with excitement as Jahvan leads the way downstairs and into the studio. Watching videos was one thing, but Ryuji was eager to see what a tattoo looked like up close.

“We use single-use cups for the ink,” Jahvan explained to him as he showed Ryuji how to set up his station. “It saves us on the cost of the ink and it is safer and more sanitary for the customers. As you become more experienced, you will be able to eyeball your design and know how much ink you'll need for it. It takes a lot of practice to get to that point.”

“How long have you worked here?” Ryuji asked as he watched Jahvan prepare a tray full of wrapped needles and alcohol pads.

“Three years now, though I have been in the business much longer. Hari is very meticulous about who he hires. The first year he handled all my bookings and helped me develop a better technique. The last two years have been my own clients and building relationships with them.”

“How long does it take to learn everything?”

“Many years,” Jahvan confessed, checking Ryuji's face for signs of disappointment. “It could be a year or more before he decides your internship is over.”

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Ryuji shrugged his shoulders. “I'm sure I'll find out sooner than that if I'm not cut out for this place.”

“I believe you... Fit in well.”

“Yeah, man? For real?”

“It is real, yes.” Jahvan agreed, fumbling a bit over Ryuji's slang. The blond couldn't help smiling, Jahvan's presence was nothing if not soothing.

When the client finally arrived Ryuji was surprised to see how average he looked. He was your typical businessman in a suit. Once the suit came off he could see that the upper half of his body was covered in tattoos. They showed through his shirt, splashes of color through the fabric with no clear shape. The client regarded Ryuji with curiosity as he took his seat at Jahvan's station.

“He is Hari's new apprentice,” Jahvan explained, earning a soft rumble from the man in reply. “He is here for observation.”

“That's fine.” The man replied, offering Ryuji a half-cocked smile. “You must be fresh meat. I was in last week and I didn't see you around anywhere.”

“This is only my second official day,” Ryuji said, standing up a bit straighter, trying to appear confident. The man laughed and shook his head, seeing right through the act. He rolled up his sleeve to reveal dark black outlines. They connected to a larger piece that had been filled in further up his arm. Ryuji crept closer, trying to get a better look.

"Wanna see the rest?" He asked, rolling his sleeve up to his armpit so that Ryuji could see the full design.

“Flowers?”

“And trees.”

“They look so... Real.” Ryuji stared in awe, every branch and petal looked true to life. He was sure that if he reached out to touch them he would feel the wood grain and the silky texture of the petals.

“It's healing nicely,” Jahvan complimented the man, cleaning the half of arm that only had line work on it. Even that looked remarkably detailed despite its lack of color. “Pull up a seat, Ryuji. This will be a long process.”

Jahvan was right, it was a long process. The three of them sat in the studio for several hours. Ryuji's eyes were locked on Jahvan's hands as he moved the needle to apply color and details to the man's skin. The man himself was a source of amusement. A natural-born storyteller, he made mishaps at company parties into three part tales. Ryuji hadn't even noticed the time slipping by until his phone buzzed inside his pocket.

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Mind if we move our game up to 7?**

Ryuji hissed out a curse. He had forgotten all about Akechi and his stupid chess game.

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: wats wrong with 8?**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: I got out of work earlier than I expected.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: yeah, well im busy**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: With?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: none of ur business**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Don't you think it would be better to have Miss Tortoise back sooner rather than later?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: her name is goemon**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Miss Goemon****

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: im in shinjuku right now**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: I'm nearby there.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: NO. i don't need u 2 come find me**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: Why not? I'm nearby. We can take my car.**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: ill find my own way thx**

♛ **Crow** **♛** **: So 7 then?**

☣ **Ŝ** **Ќ** **ǗĹĹ** **☣** **: fine ill b there**

“Sorry, I've got to get going,” Ryuji grumbled. The last thing he wanted to do was leave to go spend time with Akechi. Jahvan glanced up, his expression curious. He didn't pry.

“Have a good evening,” Jahvan said, turning his attention back to his work. The man with the tattoos waved his free arm in farewell to Ryuji as he left the studio. Hari was manning the front desk and he looked up when Ryuji approached him.

“I've got to get going for the night.”

“Wait here.” Hari disappeared into the back. Ryuji could hear the dull thumping of his feet going up the stairs and coming back down again. When he returned he had a small paper bag that he offered over to the blond. “Jahvan always makes extra so that there are leftovers. Take some home with you for dinner.”

“Th-Thanks, man,” Ryuji stammered, feeling his chest grow warm with embarrassed affection. “Are you sure?”  
  


“There's more than enough for everyone. You look like you could use a good home cooked meal.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“Stop by on Sunday night if you feel up to it. We close the shop early so we can do breakfast for dinner and board games.” Hari's invitation is unexpected and Ryuji isn't sure how to respond to it. He's unused to being invited to social engagements unless it's a part of something that his usual group of friends is putting on. Perhaps sensing this, Hari adds, “If you have any friends, bring them along too.”

“I might. I'll let you know.” Ryuji gathered up his bag of food and sets off to meet up with Akechi.

* * *

“I have some conditions.” Akira's mother announced as she entered the room. The four of them had planned another meeting to sit down and discuss the surgery and already it seemed to be running off track.

“Take a seat.” Takemi was calmly seated on the other side of the bed, with her legs crossed and her arms draped over her midsection. She gestured to the two chairs that she arranged on the opposite side. Akira sighed imperceptibly, annoyed at the arrangement, putting him literally in the middle of everything. His parents took to their seats, his mother nervously wringing her hands, father calm and blank-faced. “Go ahead, give us your conditions.”

“Alright,” His mother was the first to speak, eyes narrowed as she stared across the gap at Takemi. “I want Akira's care to be handed over to a doctor of our choosing. Your reputation precedes you and I don't trust you with the kind of care he's going to need.”

“Go on,” Encouraged Takemi, her jaw clenched, red eyes blazing.

“I also want his recovery to take place at home, with us.”

“Excuse me? What good will that do?”

“This is major surgery and I would like for him to recover at home.” His mother was insistent, leaning forward some in her chair as if to challenge Takemi. The two women stared each other down.

“A healthy environment to recover in is important after major surgery. I wouldn't consider your home to be a healthy environment.” Takemi turned her head to look at Akira as if suddenly remembering he was present. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly, eyes awash with guilt. “I'm sorry. This decision is yours, not mine. We should be talking to you, not in front of you.”

“It's okay.” He signed to reassure her. He turned to his mother, a woman he hadn't seen or talked to in several years. He couldn't understand her motives or what she might be expecting from him. He pulled his laptop towards him and opened up a word document on it to write out his questions.

Why now? You had years to patch things up with me. You didn't try to reach out to me and I wasn't able to keep up communication as well. Sending cards on my birthday or occasionally mailing checks to me isn't exactly parental love.

He turned the computer around towards his parents, giving them a few moments to read over the text.

“Is that what you think? That we don't love you? That we weren't there for you enough?” His mother asked, her expression losing some of its sharpness. “I'll admit that we weren't available for you during your high school years, but we did what we were able to do at the time.”

“No, we didn't.” Akira's father countered, reigniting his mother's anger. Akira could see her teeth grinding together and the rise and fall of her chest as she took a few calming breaths. “This isn't about you and I. This is about him and his future. Stop standing in his way and sign the damn papers.”

“Not until he agrees to my terms.”

I have conditions of my own. I'll agree to see another primary doctor, but it must be one of Takemi's choosing. She's got connections, I'm sure she can find someone. As for my recovery, I'll stay here for the first week after the surgery and I'll spend Christmas at home. After that, I return to Tokyo and you remove the custody order.

“You're not in a position to argue with us.” His mother sighed.

This is my life. If you don't agree to those things, then I'll just go back to Tokyo anyway and Takemi and I will work on getting the custody order removed. Either spend time with me or don't. I don't care.

She considered that for a moment, biting her bottom lip, chewing it until it was near bleeding. This obviously wasn't the arrangement she wanted and Akira didn't particularly want to spend Christmas with his parents, but he needed something to sway her opinions. He needed a compromise.

“Fine. She'll find you a doctor in our area and leave. We'll stay with you during the surgery and you can come home for Christmas.”

“And we'll remove the custody order.” His father added, earning an irate look from the woman beside him.

“Yes, yes. We'll remove it.”

“I'll go make some phone calls.” Takemi sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her fingers. “I'll leave tomorrow morning, but until then I'm still his doctor and I'm going to have to ask you two to leave for now.”

His mother looked like she wanted to argue, but she didn't. She stood up and walked out of the room without another word. His father rose more slowly, expression irritated, though it softened some when he looked in Akira's direction.

“I'm sorry,” He said simply. “To both of you. I'll have my office get started on dissolving the custody ruling, but I can't promise it will be done before the holidays. I'm sure you'd rather be back in Tokyo with your friends for Christmas, but I can't promise you that. At least not yet.”

“I understand.” Akira signed, though he didn't really. He couldn't understand his mother's anger towards him or his father's kindness. He knew that in some ways he was caught in the middle of their divorce, a place he didn't belong and a place he didn't want to be. The situation with his surgery was as much about him as it was about their need to fight each other for something. Thinking about that made Akira feel exhausted, so he turned his back and pulled out his phone. He couldn't wait for everyone to leave.

“I'll make sure they stay out for a while,” Takemi promised when both his parents had gone. “I'll be back around dinner time. Get some rest.”

“Okay.”

The moment she was gone from the room, Akira threw himself from the bed and went over to the window to glare out at the parking garage. He felt trapped, stuck in limbo between what he wanted for himself and what other people expected from him. The looming threat of another failed surgery pressed down upon him, a silent reminder that even if he did have the surgery, even if he did bend to his parent's wishes, he still might end up on the other side with nothing to show for his efforts. Panic welled up inside his chest, choking off his oxygen supply.

No. He thought furtively, trying to calm himself down before things spiraled. He wasn't sure what would happen if the hospital caught him in the middle of one of his episodes. Probably throw him out of the trial. He hurried back to the bed and snatched his phone up, dialing the first number that came to mind, the only number that mattered.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jahvan is actually not from a real-world location. The Middle East is the closest I can get to his actual homeland. Either way, his language is completely made up and if he's said something bad in some other language I don't know, well, there it is. 
> 
> Hopefully, I will get another chapter up before you all lose interest!


	14. Under The Knife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, the fated day of Akira's surgery has arrived! This chapter has a lot of twists and turns that I (hope) you guys will be surprised by! Sorry there was a lull in updates, but last weekend I went to Chicago to visit a friend. Nothing like five days in another city to get those writing juices flowing again! 
> 
> Tiny warning about a very brief scene that might be triggering for anyone with emetophobia. (Or maybe just squeamish people?) It's more detailed than normal. 
> 
> For anyone who doesn't know, I also have begun a new P5 Pegoryu fic called [Beyond The Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18128711/chapters/42861764). If you haven't had a chance to check that one out please give it a look! It's set in a space Au and has a completely different writing style to go along with it. 
> 
> As always thank you for all the kudos, comments, and bookmarks. It means so much to me that so many people have enjoyed my writing. <3

The walk back to Yusuke's apartment glittered with Christmas lights. For the first time all season, Ryuji took note of them. He hadn't realized how soon the holiday was approaching, how fast time had flown by. He paused to examine an over the top display inside one of the store windows. In years past he would have been halfway through his gift shopping. He and his mother would have hung lights and decorated a small tree. There would no doubt be a Christmas party planned for LeBlanc.  
  
This year those things felt far away and Ryuji couldn't even find it within himself to feel excited.

He was even less excited to see Akechi waiting for him in front of Yusuke's apartment. Goemon was lingering at the detective's side. He was keeping her occupied with a plate full of vegetables.

"Yo," Ryuji greeted, approaching the strange pair. He leaned on his cane to help him kneel down next to the tortoise to examine her. She looked to be in good condition despite the company she had kept. "She looks okay."

"Of course. Do you think I would have harmed her?" Akechi asked.

"I dunno. Maybe," Ryuji hedged. He stood up and stepped around Akechi to get to the door. Once he had unlocked it he swung it open and gestured for the other man to enter.

"Not very pleasant this evening, are we?" Akechi mused. He knelt down to retrieve the plate of vegetables, using them as a lure to tempt Goemon into the apartment. "Where should I lead her?"

"Yusuke's room is on the left," Ryuji explained, waving his hand vaguely towards it. "She's got a den on the patio if you want to put her out there to eat."

Ryuji kicked out of his shoes and stepped into the kitchen to stow away the leftovers Hari had sent with him. With his food settled in the fridge, he moved on to his bedroom to change clothes.

"I hope you don't mind," Akechi said when Ryuji returned. He nodded towards the coffee table where he had set up the chess board. The black pieces were on his side while white faced the empty couch across the table. "The standard rules are that white takes the first move. I decided to give you the advantage."

"Great," Ryuji sighed taking his seat. He looked over the pieces and tried to recall their names and movements. To begin he moved one of his pawns forward. "How did you find Goemon?"

"She was wandering the hallway on my floor," Akechi explained, mirroring Ryuji's move.

"How did you know she was Yusuke's?"

"Akira's showed me photographs of her." Akechi leaned forward to observe the board, steepling his fingers in front of his chin. The room was quiet for a few minutes while they traded turns. "You're certainly a chess novice."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryuji asked, watching as Akechi moved one of his rooks forward to capture one of Ryuji's knights. "Okay, I got it."

"It will be unfortunate if you take offense to losing."

"I ain't gonna lose to someone like you."

"You can dislike me all you want, Sakamoto. It won't make you a more skillful player. Chess isn't the sort of thing you can win on will alone."

"I don't care. I'm not letting you win," Ryuji insisted again, cautiously moving forward one of his knights. He hadn't been paying attention to his moves before, but he was now. He could feel his heart racing inside of his chest, sweat forming at his brow, he couldn't let Akechi beat him. The two traded moves back and forth for a while in silence. Save for the occasional mumbles of interest from the detective. Akechi's eyes never strayed from the board. He was always watching it with his expression dawn in concentration.

Ryuji could tell early on that he was going to lose. Move after move Akechi captured his pieces until he only had one bishop and his king remaining.

"There's no way you can come back from this," Akechi explained. He moved his finger over the board to show the various moves that Ryuji could make. "Move your bishop and it's checkmate. Move your king and it's check. I'll have you beat in two moves or less."

"This is bullshit," Ryuji hissed, moving his king in a show of stubbornness. Akechi's eyebrows rose, but he didn't reply. He moved one of his knights to follow the path of the king.

"Check."

Ryuji shifted his bishop forward to protect the king. He knew that the piece would be lost to Akechi on his next turn.

"Wait," Ryuji hissed, holding a hand up to stop Akechi's removal of his bishop. The detective crooked an eyebrow at him, fingers lingering in the airspace over the piece. "I hear something."

There was a familiar tone coming from his bedroom, a melody he was certain he knew. He stood up to walk towards his room, seeking the source. It turned out to be his cellphone, blasting an old rock song that he recognized as Akira's old ringtone. He hadn't heard it in years, as the two of them didn't have the ability to have regular phone calls. Despite this, Ryuji had always kept the same ringtone, even through a few phone upgrades.

He stood flabbergasted for a second or so before his brain and body caught up to each other. He grabbed the phone from the top of the nightstand and quickly answered the call.

"Hello?" He called out, receiving silence in reply. "Akira?"

He couldn't be sure, but he thought he could hear something in the background.

"Are you there...?"

* * *

Akira hadn't actually expected Ryuji to answer the phone. His heart jumped in excitement when he heard the other man's voice. He pressed his phone closer to his ear, moving his lips, trying to form a reply.

"...ji," He greeted though his voice was hardly more than a whisper. He swallowed hard and tried again. "Ry'ji."

"Hey..." Ryuji's tone softened. "The hell you callin' for man? Y'know it's not good for your voice."

He placed a hand over his throat, already exhausted by his earlier attempt at talking. He wanted to reply but it was hard enough trying to breathe, never mind form words.

"We could'a jus' done a video call you know."

He shook his head, though he knew Ryuji couldn't actually see the action.

"We still can. Lemme call you back-"

"Nnno-...!"

"Are you okay?" Ryuji asked, his voice laden with concern. Akira had no way of answering. He didn't want to hang up the phone, afraid that something might come up to prevent Ryuji from calling him back. He flipped the lid up on his laptop and opened their chat window. He typed out a one-handed message.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Don't hang up.**

There was a pause while Ryuji pulled his face away from his phone to check the message. He let out a soft rumble of understanding.

"I got you, man," Ryuji said, returning to the phone line. "I won't hang up. Just give me a minute."

Akira held his breath, listening to the soft background noises on Ryuji's end of the phone.

"We gotta finish this later," Ryuji said distantly. There was a voice that said something in reply though Akira couldn't make any of the words out. "Yeah, I guess tomorrow's fine."

There was a few moments of silence, some rustling and scratching, more murmured voices. Akira strained his ears to try and make out what was happening. Before he could come to a conclusion Ryuji returned.

"Sorry," Ryuji apologized, his voice tense. "That was uh, Akechi."

Akira's eyebrows rose in shock. It hadn't at all been what he was expecting.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Akechi was with you?**

"Yeah, it's kind of a long story."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I've got time.**

"Okay. Uh... I found Goemon. Sorta. She didn't actually get as far as I thought."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Is she alright?**

"Seems to be. Actually, Akechi found her." Ryuji trailed off.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Did he give you a lot of trouble?**

"Kinda. He made me play chess against him. We made a bet and I lost."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What were the terms?**

"I have to beat him to get Goemon back."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What? That's impossible. He knows you can't beat him.**

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's nothing to do with you personally. He plays at a professional level. It's unlikely that you'd ever beat him.**

"Wait. He's that good?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yes.**

"That bastard."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He can't steal Goemon from you.**

"He did bring her back but..."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But?**

"You called at the end of our game. He probably knew I wasn't going to want to play him again tonight, so he said he'll be back tomorrow."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What are you going to do?**

"Play till I win I guess," Ryuji sighed. "He technically gave her back but I know it ain't over. He's gonna keep showin' up."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Do you want me to talk to him about it?**

"No. I don't want you to have to keep rescuin' me from him. This is somethin' I gotta do on my own."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I understand.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What else is going on?**

Silence overtook Ryuji's line and Akira worried that the call had disconnected. He moved his head away from his phone, confirming that it hadn't.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji?**

"I... I'm not real sure what to talk about."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Anything. Please. I need to hear your voice.**

"Well, since we're talkin' anyways, I jus' wanted to tell you how sorry I am for last night. I didn't mean to yell at you. You were only tryin' to help me out 'n I directed my anger at you."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's okay. I can be pushy sometimes.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: How are things going there?**

"They're a'ight."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji I'm serious.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: How are things?**

"They're fine, man. Let it go." Ryuji whispered his voice heavy with sadness.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You can talk to me. You know that.**

"Shit. Jus'-... Forget I said anythin'. You've got enough to deal with right now."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's okay. I want to hear about it. Please?**

"I can't."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji. Please?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't care.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to hear it.**

"Everythin' feels all wrong," Ryuji grumbled after another long stretch of silence. "I've got all this stuff going on and I don't think I can handle it. I'm fuckin' things up. You haven't even been gone that long and I can't handle how it's makin' me feel."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I miss you too. I know this is hard.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It feels impossible for me too.**

"We haven't been able to find time to talk at all. I have no idea how your trial thing is goin' or how you're dealin' with everything. It's friggen bullshit! I hate this."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm sorry.**

"I-... Don't apologize, man. We both know you had to go and do it." Ryuji's voice cracked, tapering off into another prolonged silence. Akira could feel his heart sinking inside his chest. "I'm lonely. Or something."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's okay to miss everyone.**

"Why'd you all have to leave at once?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The timing was bad.**

"I feel stupid. It's been like, what, a week? How am I supposed to stand this?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Have you been hanging out with Futaba and the others?**

"Sorta... Futaba mostly."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What about Ann? Yusuke? Have you heard from them?**

"Kinda. Yusuke calls to check on Goemon every couple days and Ann and I talked the other night."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: A good talk?**

"Not... Exactly."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What was it about?**

"Nothing, man. Jus'-... Tell me what's goin' on with you. I can't stand not knowin' how you're doin'."

He wanted to protest, to insist that Ryuji continue with his side of things, but he couldn't hold back. He had, after all, been the one to selfishly initiate the phone call.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Okay.**

"Here, let's switch to a video call," Ryuji suggested.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: NO.**

"Why not? It'll be easier."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I can't**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: See you**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Right now**

"C'mon man. What does that even mean?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's not personal, Ryuji. I just can't do it right now.**

"I'm gonna need a better answer than that." Ryuji sighed, his voice bordering annoyance. Akira floundered to find an excuse. He didn't want to have to explain the reason behind his sudden phone call. He didn't want to admit that he was struggling under all the pressure. More than anything he didn't want to give Ryuji another thing to worry about.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's my problem. I'll deal with it.**

"I'm switchin' to a video call. Either answer or don't."

Akira winced at Ryuji's words, scrambling to compose himself. He watched in nervous anticipation as the offer for the video call appeared on his laptop screen. His eyes scanned between the two options, 'answer' or 'decline'. He didn't want Ryuji to be an audience for his current mental breakdown. He also couldn't stand the thought of ending the conversation. With a shuddering breath, he accepted the prompt.

A few seconds later the video feed came into view and Ryuji's face appeared. Akira inhaled sharply, feeling like he had been sucker punched in the stomach. He definitely wasn't ready for this.

 _"You look tired."_ Akira signed and it was true. Ryuji looked worn down, his skin pallid and his eyes ringed with dark circles. It was obvious that he hadn't been sleeping well.

"Shit. You don't look so great yourself," Ryuji mumbled. His eyebrows knit together in the center of his forehead. "What happened?"

_"I-"_

"C'mon man. Tell me everything."

Akira hesitated for a moment, unsure of where to start. His eyes darted around the room, then back to Ryuji, his body strung tight with nerves. His earlier panic was beginning to well up again, his throat closing up.

"It's okay," Ryuji said softly, able to see his distress. "Start at the beginnin'. We'll piece it together as we go along. A'ight?"

 _"Okay,"_ Akira agreed, forcing himself to take a few deep breaths of air. Once his body had relaxed, he began. Half signing, half typing, he told Ryuji everything that had happened since he got to the hospital. He told him about all the tests. Showed him his needle bruised arms Explained all the procedures he had endured. He talked briefly about Igor and the man's disturbing psych evaluation. He told Ryuji about Lavenza and her past as one of Takemi's patients. He told Ryuji about his parents and the custody order.

"They came by the cafe," Ryuji explained during a pause in Akira's story. "We warned Takemi about it and she was going to tell you but I guess they got there first. I should have told you myself."

 _"It's okay,"_ Akira assured him. _"What happened?"_

"They were lookin' for you. Picked a fight with Boss and made a bunch of threats towards him, but none of them made any sense. Jus' that if Boss didn't tell them where you were 'you know what' will happen."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: That's annoyingly vague.**

"I know, man. The hell did they mean by that?" Ryuji growled, shaking his head. "They also said somethin' to Boss about how he was in trouble six months ago. Like they had helped him out with somethin'."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't have any idea what that could mean.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Did they say anything else?**

"Nah. Nothing specific." Ryuji sighed, his whole body deflating with the motion. "I'll keep lookin' into it for ya."

The two of them fell into silence, but Akira didn't find it to be particularly uncomfortable. Ryuji seemed relaxed enough, his eyes focused on something inside of Yusuke's apartment.

"'ji." Akira whispered, calling the blond's attention back to the camera. Although, to call him a blond was only half true. His roots were growing out, overtaking the bleached portions of his hair. Akira pointed to his own head, tilting it to the side in a question.

"Oh. M'hair? Yeah, I haven't had time to really do anythin' 'bout it." Ryuji scowled, running a hand self-consciously through the spikes. "I feel like someone else when my hair gets all dark like this."

_"I like it. It's nice."_

"You wear glasses for a reason."

 _"I'm serious!"_ Akira implored. _"I miss feeling it."_

"My hair? That's weird," Ryuji snorted in amusement. "Though, I kinda miss yours too. It's all soft 'n stuff."

 _"How are you?"_ Akira held up one of his hands, stopping Ryuji as he opened his mouth to reply. _"I mean, how are you 'really'?"_

"It... It's like I said earlier. I'm not doin' so great without everyone. Without you," Ryuji's brown eyes trailed away from the camera, focusing elsewhere. "Man, it's not fair. I can't lie to you but the truth don't seem- Doesn't seem- Now ain't the best time to be troubling you with my shit."

 _"We're a team,"_ Akira signed, tapping the side of his own forehead. _"Remember?"_

The two men fell into silence again, newly punctuated by Ryuji's discomfort. He could barely bring himself to look Akira in the eye.

"I can't," He said again, his voice thick with emotion. "It's not that I'm trying to hide anythin' from ya. It's jus' that so much happened in the last couple days that I'm havin' a hard time dealin' with it all. I already unloaded a bunch on Ann, I can't do that to you."

 _"Start at the beginning,"_ Akira signed, mimicking Ryuji's earlier words back to him. It took a few more minutes of prompting but eventually, Ryuji cracked and began to relay his side of things.

It was certainly a wilder tail than Akira's had been. There were so many twists and turns that he could hardly keep up. Ryuji told him how he had landed his random internship at the tattoo shop and about his search for Goemon. What was going on with his physical therapy or random anecdotes from his new job working at Le Blanc. He talked about living in Yusuke's lavish apartment and how lonely it was turning out to be. How ashamed he was about the small amount of progress he had made unpacking boxes at their apartment.

A few times Akira could see Ryuji on the verge of happiness. When Ryuji spoke of the mysterious tattoo parlor, his lips turned up at the corners. Or when he talked about the progress he had made in his physical therapy classes. A few of the stories caught Ryuji on the verge of laughter. It was usually something involving Futaba and Sojiro or something funny Morgana did. He'd be at the edge, almost smiling and then he would catch himself. Something would flash behind his eyes and steal away at his joy.

It was difficult to watch Ryuji struggling. It was so unlike him to be so negative and so critical of himself. After a while, he stopped talking entirely, at a loss for words. Another drawn out silence where neither one knew quite what to say.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's getting late. You should lay down and try to sleep.**

"I don't want to hang up the phone," Ryuji whispered. "I don't know when we'll talk again."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Soon. I promise. I'll be better about checking in.**

“I feel like I brushed over your problems with all of my stuff.”

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You didn't. It's actually nice to have something else to think about.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: And you listened to everything I had to say. Everything I needed to say.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't know when exactly they'll take me in for the surgery. It could be tomorrow it could be a week from now.**

"What...? Tomorrow? Innit that kinda-... Soon?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm ready for it.**

"Even though Takemi won't be there?"

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It was always going to be something I would have to do on my own. I never had any preconceived notions about that.**

"You might've been back for Christmas if not for your parents."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know. And I'm sorry about that. I had to make a compromise somewhere.**

"I get that."

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Ryuji. I agree with what Ann said about pursuing something outside of your college classes. You don't have to drop them. You can put them on hold. You might be happier if you didn't have other people's expectations hanging over your head.**

"It's not other people. It's my mom, man. She worked so hard to take care of me. I can't let her down."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But you can't let yourself down either.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: She wouldn't want that.**

"I'll think about it."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I don't know if the tattoo internship is going to turn into a passion for you but it's worth looking into.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You also don't have to keep trying to do everything on your own. Ask for help from Futaba and the others. From me. I'll do what I can from where I'm at.**

"I know. I'll try."

 **[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Will you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Or until you do. Lol**

"Yeah, I can do that." Ryuji murmured with a slight smile. It wasn't completely convincing, but Akira would take what he could get.

Despite his new list of worries, he was beginning to feel calmer. Talking to Ryuji often had that effect on him. He climbed back into bed and settled the laptop on the bedside table. Ryuji had slouched over against the cushions of the loveseat he had been sitting on. It was almost like they were laying together.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Tell me again about the tattoo shop.**

* * *

"Akira?" Ryuji whispered, staring at the screen of his phone. He was halfway through the story of how he landed his internship when he noticed Akira's eyes had closed. His expression had relaxed and he didn't stir, even when Ryuji called his name. "Fuck. You went to sleep, huh?"

The answer was obvious, but Ryuji still felt disappointed. This was the first time they had been able to sit down and have a long talk. There was no way to know when the next opportunity would come. The surgery weighed heavy on Ryuji's mind. Especially knowing that Takemi wasn't going to be there for it. If something went wrong-...

Ryuji quickly shut the door on that train of thought.

"See you soon man," Ryuji whispered, sliding his thumb up over the end call button. When the video call had fully disconnected he let his phone drop to the floor. Rolling onto his back, he stretched out over the loveseat. He breathed deeply and watched the city lights play over his bedroom walls. He wasn't sure if the talk had made him feel better or worse, his heart still raged in turmoil.

"At least Akechi left." He sighed, surprised when he heard a soft meow in reply. Morgana was sitting atop the platform bed, staring down at him. Dinner time, Ryuji supposed. He rolled himself off the seat and made for the kitchen, the cat hot on his heels. His body felt weighted and heavy, but he had responsibilities to take care of.

He fed Morgana, adding a little extra tuna to the cat's dish as a treat, before going to check Goemon. The tortoise was peacefully tucked inside her burrow asleep. She seemed no worse for wear despite her adventure. He took a photo to send to Yusuke, assuring the artist that she was in good hands. He left out the information on her disappearance. What Yusuke didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Right?

He rushed through his nighttime routine, eager to get to bed. The moment his head hit the pillow, he was out.

* * *

"Akira," Takemi's voice, rousing him from his sleep. He opened his eyes and glanced around the room surprised to see that it was daytime. He slid his hand up over the nightstand in search of his glasses, hand brushing over the keys of his laptop. His conversation with Ryuji came rushing back to the forefront of his mind. He glanced up at the screen, but it was dark. A disappointing sight.

"I have to leave soon," Takemi explained, taking her usual seat next to the bed. She retrieved his glasses for him off the floor and offered them to him. They must have fallen off the bed during the night. "I spoke with the surgeon and they want to get you into surgery this evening."

 _"That's fast,"_ He signed, feeling surprised.

"You can thank your parents for that. They insisted you have the surgery as soon as possible. Your mother wants you to be home for Christmas after all."

Akira sighed in frustration, rolling his eyes. Takemi made a soft sound of agreement.

"It honestly depends on your recovery," she explained. "You've worked hard to get into this trial. Don't allow her to force you to move at an accelerated pace. What she wants and what you need are not the same thing. It's still a closed trial. If you need more time to recover then use that to your advantage."

_"I understand."_

"One other thing, my little guinea pig. For your own sake, don't push yourself beyond what is reasonable." Takemi locked him in a hard-eyed gaze. "I know you're eager to return to Tokyo but this is a huge opportunity for you. We were expecting two months for recovery. With the success of earlier trial patients, it seems that time frame has been shortened. However, that doesn't mean you should rush through it. If you throw away this chance it may never come again. Listen to the doctors. Listen to Lavenza. Be patient."

 _"I will be,"_ Akira signed, meeting Takemi's eyes. He set a hand over his chest, tapping his palm against it a few times to physically show his sincerity. _"I promise."_

"I'm counting on you," Takemi replied with a stern nod. "It's fortunate that you skipped dinner last night."

_"Why?"_

“Some surgeries require that a patient fasts. Throat surgeries especially."

_"I do not understand."_

"That means you won't be able to eat anything between now and then. My, such a sour face."

 _"No food?"_ Akira asked, his lips turned down into a scowl.

"Sorry. That's the rules."

Akira turned his back to her, still frowning in displeasure.

"Akira," Takemi's voice had turned serious, prompting him to glance over his shoulder at her. "This is still a closed surgery trial, so your parents won't be able to bother you until you're ready for discharge. They've signed all the necessary paperwork so you shouldn't run into any more trouble. I regret that I won't be here with you when you wake up."

 _"I will be okay._ "

"I know that but it will still be disappointing to miss. They were going to let me observe the procedure."

 _"What?"_ Akira narrowed his eyes at Takemi, not at all pleased by the way she was smirking at him.

"You didn't think I was here to be your babysitter, did you?" She leaned closer to him, capturing his face with her hands. "For me, this was academic. I really did want to see how my little guinea pig did on the table."

_"I hate you sometimes."_

"Did you and Ryuji talk?" Takemi asked, nodding her head towards the open laptop on the nightstand.

 _"A little,"_ Akira signed, reaching a hand out to close the lid.

"He and Futaba told me about your parents. I'm sorry I didn't get to warn you before they arrived."

Akira shrugged, pulling free of Takemi's warm hands on his face.

_"It is what it is."_

"You don't have to do this," Takemi said, breaking a few moments worth of silence. Their eyes met and for the first time, Akira saw in her his own hesitation. Takemi had always been stoic and a clear-headed source of advice. He realized then that even she was not infallible. "I know it's not like me to vacillate on things like this. I want to know you're doing this for the right reasons. That you're doing this for you and no one else."

Akira thought on that for a moment, weighing all the feelings inside his heart.

 _"I want freedom,"_ He replied after a short time, meeting Takemi's gaze. Her eyes softened and she smiled, a rare and private smile that she reserved for him.

"I understand." Takemi nodded resolutely and stood. She ran her fingers gently through his hair. "I'll keep in touch through Lavenza. Take care of yourself. When you return to Tokyo I'll be waiting to perform a full check up on you. I'll know if you've slipped."

_"Understood."_

"I'll see you soon, Akira." Takemi pulled her hand free and stepped towards the door, glancing back only to add, "I'll keep an eye on Ryuji for you. He's in good hands with me."

_"See you soon."_

Akira closed his eyes and listened for the sound of her shoes on the tile flooring in the hallway. He counted her footsteps until he couldn't hear them anymore.

* * *

Ryuji was two steps into the cafe when Futaba descended on him.

"What happened with Goemon?! Is she okay?! Did you find her?!" The redhead was bouncing on her tiptoes. Twice she almost knocked him off balance.

"Hold on a second, Futaba!" Ryuji exclaimed, catching hold of her shoulders, half to keep from falling over and half to hold her in place. "Yeah, I found her. She's safe back at Yusuke's apartment."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I-... I knew I was gonna find her."

"How'd she get out anyways?"

"Er, I think the maintenance guys might have forgotten to shut the door to her pen," Ryuji explained. He caught Sojiro's eye from behind the cafe bar. The two men stared at one another for a heartbeat, until the older man nodded in silent agreement. "Might be kinda cool if you come up with a way to GPS track her or somethin'. In case she gets out again."

"Are you kidding me?!" Futaba gasped, her eyes wide with excitement. "I'm gonna run home and get started!"

"Futaba," Sojiro's voice from behind the counter. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"Mmm, no?"

"You need to be leaving soon to get to school."

"But Sojiro! It's the weekend! Can't I stay home?" Futaba dipped away from Ryuji to turn towards the bar. Seeing a chance to escape, Ryuji slipped past her and into the cafe bathroom to change clothes for his shift. He could still hear Futaba and Sojiro arguing. He snorted in amusement at her feeble attempts to sway the older man. By the time he came out, she had conceded defeat and had left.

"I've never met a kid who could argue like that!" Sojiro seethed, throwing his arms towards the ceiling in exasperation. "That aside. Thank you for not pointing out her mistake with Yusuke's turtle."

"Tortoise," Ryuji corrected, raising his eyebrows in surprise at himself. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned his back against the bar. It was startling to see the cafe empty on a Saturday morning. He hadn't noticed before, but there had definitely been a drop in customers. "It wouldn't'a done any good to go blamin' it on her."

"I appreciate it either way."

"I need to talk to you about somethin'."

"Oh, uh, okay," Sojiro mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. He gestured to one of the empty seats at the bar and poured Ryuji some coffee. "What about? You aren't quitting, right?"

"Nah, nothin' like that." Ryuji curled his hands around the steaming mug, allowing the heat to seep into the bones of his fingers. "I need to know what Akira's parents did for you six months ago."

Sojiro jolted, his expression shifting from surprised to angry. "How the hell is that any of your business?"

"Because it's comin' down on Akira."

"It's got nothing to do with him either!"

"They made a threat against you! It's obviously got some leverage!" Ryuji snapped, tightening his hands around the coffee mug. "You were all too quick to give them the name of the hospital where Akira is! If they've got you mixed up in somethin' I need to know."

The two men fell silent, Sojiro glaring at the floor and Ryuji at the mug in his hands. Time trickled by, measured by the clicks of a clock on the kitchenette wall.

"How long have you known about the custody order?" Ryuji asked, straining to keep his voice level. He knew this wasn't the appropriate time to lose his head and become aggressive.

"Only for a couple of months," Sojiro confessed, speaking through clenched teeth. "I didn't actually think that woman would go through with it. Even if I had believed it, I couldn't have done anything to stop her. When he turned eighteen my guardianship legally ended. I imagine she filed for it sometime around then."

"They've had it on him since he was eighteen...?"

"As far as I know."

"Then why the hell didn't they say anything?" Ryuji demanded though he didn't expect Sojiro to have an answer for him. He lifted his cup to his mouth and drank a few large mouthfuls of the coffee, allowing it to burn his throat on the way down. "Boss, what happened six months ago?"

"Will you let it go?" Sojiro's voice had lost most of its anger. When Ryuji glanced up at him, he was wearing a pained expression. His were eyes lost as they scanned the empty seats inside the cafe.

"They loaned you money." Ryuji guessed.

"...Yes."

"Why?" Ryuji pressed, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. He felt bad about cornering Sojiro. Especially about a subject that seemed to be so personal, but he couldn't back down. He needed to get to the truth of things.

"Do you remember when I went to the hospital at the beginning of the year?" Sojiro asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah. You had a high fever or something, right? Had to stay there a couple days?"

"...I had a heart attack."

"Excuse me?" Ryuji stammered, his own heart jolting from the shock. "Why didn't you tell any of us?"

"You think I wanted that getting back to Futaba?!" Sojiro barked, pointing a threatening finger in Ryuji's direction. "You can't keep your damn mouth shut for anything."

Ryuji clenched his teeth together against the angry words he wanted to sling back at Sojiro. He knew that if he started a fight they would get so far off track that he'd never find anything else out. He forced himself to take a few moments to calm down. He took steady deep breaths and waited for his pulse to stop throbbing inside his forehead.

"It was a small one," Sojiro continued without any prompting. He had begun to pace back and forth behind the counter. "I had to borrow money from the cafe to foot the medical bills. This place isn't exactly the most popular place in town for coffee. It was hard for the business to make up that lost income."

"Six months ago Akira's father showed up and offered to loan me the money to get the cafe back on its feet." Sojiro stopped pacing, his head hung low with shame. "I couldn't see any other way."

"What the hell? So he loaned you the money and now he's hanging it over your head?" Ryuji slammed his fist down on top of the bar, causing the liquid in his mug to leap over the side.

"No. It wasn't his father that was the problem. It was his mother," Sojiro explained, shaking his head. "The Kurusus aren't exactly wealthy but they're stable. For that much money to suddenly leave the account, well there was no way she wasn't going to notice it."

"Why would his father offer if it was going to be a problem?"

"I guess because he's more or less a decent person."

"More or less," Ryuji scoffed, rolling his eyes. "He either is or he ain't."

"The point is, she found out about it," Sojiro continued, ignoring Ryuji's remarks. "She wanted to me to make her a business partner and of course I refused."

"Bet she didn't like that."

"She threatened to sue me. Threatened to use the custody order to force Akira to go home with her. All kinds of crazy things like that."

"Can she do that?!"

"Legally, yes."

"Shit," Ryuji hissed, clenching his fists over the top of the counter.

"She's never made good on any of those threats but I don't want to do anything that might rock the boat."

"Why didn't you tell Akira they had that custody thing on him?"

"Because I thought I could protect him," Sojiro growled, resuming his earlier pacing. "I never honestly thought they would try to use it against him. That was my naivety."

"They are usin' it."

"I know. Takemi called me last night."

"So we gotta do somethin'!" Ryuji exclaimed, his head spinning with anger. "We gotta go to the hospital and make them get rid of it!"

"Kid, you're out of your mind." Sojiro scoffed. "You're getting all worked up over nothing. Takemi said they wanted to have him home for Christmas. They're gonna drop it after that."

"I don't believe that! Everythin' they've done up until this point has been complete shit. It's probably another scheme!"

"You're letting your imagination run away with you."

"I'm not! I've got a feelin' about this!"

"Oh yeah?" Sojiro turned to Ryuji and crossed his arms over his chest. "Let's say they did plan to keep the custody order. What would you do about it?"

"I'd go there and make them get rid of it," Ryuji replied with resolute determination.

"You think it's that easy?!" Sojiro snapped, coming up to stand in front of Ryuji. "This is a legal matter."

"Makoto's sister can help us. She's a lawyer innit she?"

"Even if she could it's not likely we'd win."

"I'd make sure we did," Ryuji insisted, his voice rising with desperation. "We can't sit on our hands doin' nothing!"

"You've lost your damn mind," Sojiro derided. He ignored Ryuji's growl of frustration. His hands patted at his pockets, searching for his pack of cigarettes. "I need a smoke."

Sojiro stepped out from behind the counter and made for the door, Ryuji donned his cane to follow him. They two of them stood outside Le Blanc, blinking in the harsh winter sun. When Sojiro lit up a cigarette, Ryuji stiffly held his hand out for one. He earned a raised eyebrow from the barista.

"Just give me one," Ryuji grumbled as Sojiro shook another free of the box. Ryuji lit the end of it and cautiously inhaled through the filter. The smoke burned the back of his nose and throat and caused his lungs to seize up. Embarrassingly he began to cough, smoke rising in puffs in front of his face. Sojiro looked at him out of the corner of his eye. A slight smile turned up the edges of his mouth, but he made no comment. When Ryuji could speak again, he asked, "Should you even be smoking?! You had a heart attack!"

"Shh! Keep your voice down! And I told you, it was a small one," Sojiro insisted, taking a long drag. "Akira'd have my hide if he knew I gave you one of those."

"Well yeah, he can't be around stuff like this, with his throat and all."

"So don't make a habit of it."

"With all the stupid shit that keeps happenin', I might not be able to help it." Ryuji sighed, taking another go at his cigarette. The second time it went down smoother, making his head spin with dizzy pleasure. The smoke warmed him from the inside. "You really could'a told us... I know I don't have a great track record for keepin' secrets, but I'd have done it. Big things like that aren't somethin' I mess around with."

"I- Sorry. For what I said," Sojiro grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. He ashed his cigarette from between his teeth, the end falling neatly down onto the ground. Ryuji would never admit it, but it was kind of cool. "You're not a bad kid."

"Don't get all weird."

"This whole conversation has been damn weird." Sojiro huffed, his throat rumbling with would-be laughter. "I hope he doesn't do anything rash."

"Whaddya mean?"

"Er, it's not my business to tell really-"

"Boss, c'mon." Ryuji slipped the man's unlit cigarette from his hand, replacing his own spent one with it. This was definitely going to become a problem later.

"Part of why he came to live with me was his behavior at home." Sojiro began, holding his lighter out to Ryuji. "I was pretty leery about allowing him to stay with me. That's why he ended up in that attic instead of my house. I didn't want him getting Futaba mixed up in anything."

"What was he doing?"

"All kinds of things. Getting into fights at school, stealing, running away."

"Hold up," Ryuji turned to look at Sojiro, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Are you sure they weren't jus' makin' all that up? I mean, he's never done anything like that here."

“As his mother described it one time, he was like a caged animal. Always trying to claw his way out.”

“I would too if she was my mom.”

"Imagine my surprise when he turned out to be the complete opposite."

"That doesn't sound like him."

"They've got it on paper. He got arrested a few times." Sojiro shrugged his shoulders. "He was pretty sulky when he first got here. Definitely looked like someone who had been raising hell but he never gave me any trouble. Well, outside of all that stuff you two got yourselves into. That was kid's stuff though."

"He never told me any of that," Ryuji grumbled, unsure of how to feel. He didn't like to think that Akira had been hiding something from him. "He got arrested?"

"Apparently. More than once."

"I can't wrap my head around that."

"We've talked for long enough," Sojiro said, lifting his arms over his head to stretch, causing his joints to pop loudly. Ryuji looked sharply at him. "I'm fine. I wouldn't have told you about it had I known you were going to make such a fuss."

"Can't believe you had Takemi lie to us about your heart attack," Ryuji shook his head and put out his cigarette. He brushed past Sojiro to enter the cafe. His head was still spinning from the smoke.

* * *

Ryuji finished his shift at the cafe and found himself with an open afternoon. He decided it was due time to make some progress on unpacking boxes at the apartment. He still didn't feel fully comfortable going through Akira's things. Though his conversation with Sojiro had made him curious. Did his journals have any information about his past?

He couldn't bring himself to find out.

He spent the first half of the afternoon working on the kitchen. He unpacked all the second-hand dishes from Le Blanc and put them away in the cabinets. He mad lists of any utensils they could use more of, planning to go out and buy them on his next day off. He stopped after a couple of hours to have a late lunch.

While he sat atop a makeshift sofa of boxes to eat, he considered another video call with Akira. The idea was quickly discarded. Though he longed to see him again he still felt wary of what Sojiro had told him earlier that morning. He settled for a few texts instead. He didn't want to completely ignore Akira on the day of his surgery.

 **☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wat time is the surgery @?**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: it was nice 2 talk to u last nite**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The surgery won't be until after 6 tonight. It was nice talking to you too. I'm sorry I fell asleep.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: no big deal how r u feelin?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm okay. It kind of feels surreal. Like it's not actually going to happen.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Also hungry. I guess I'm not allowed to eat anything before the surgery.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: shit that sux**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: :(**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wat about ur parents?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's a closed surgery trial. They're not really allowed to be here again until after I'm allowed to leave the hospital. So at least I get a break from them.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: im glad we r talkin again**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Me too. I didn't mean to clam up on you.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: nah it was my fault 2**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ive been so damn busy**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I think it's really awesome that you got that internship. I've been meaning to ask though, what painting did they see?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: oh that**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yeah that.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: it was just some dumb finger painting thing i did with yusuek**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: **yusuke**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Why didn't I ever get to see it?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: we got into that big fite**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Oh. That makes sense.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: think i left it at my moms house anyways**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Can I see it when I get home?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: /////// maybe**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What are you so shy about? ;D**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: its just embarrassin ok???**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Are you having a better day today?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hbu?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I think so. We'll see after the surgery.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: how will i know ur ok?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Once I'm awake enough, I'll text you.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: promise?**

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I promise.**

Ryuji sighed in relief, though he still wasn't feeling completely calm. He glanced at the clock, trying to determine the time difference. While he was counting the hours off in his head, another notification flashed across his phone. Another number he didn't recognize.

**💀: I'll be back in town tonight. Come by my office.**

He checked the number attached to the message, trying to recall if he had seen it before.

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: new phone who dis?**

**💀: Dr. Takemi**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: oh lol sorry**

**💀: Are you going to stop by?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i guess i can**

**💀: Simple yes or no.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah ill be there**

**💀: Don't keep me waiting till late.**

Ryuji sighed around a bite of his food. He definitely didn't want to make time to go visit with Takemi. How had she gotten his number anyways?

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: cant do chess 2nite**

**♛Crow♛: Afraid I'll beat you again?**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: im serious!!!**

**♛Crow♛: So am I.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: akiras havin his srgery 2nite**

**♛Crow♛: Then allow me to distract you. I'll be there at 8.**

**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i said no**

**♛Crow♛: I'll see you then. :)**

"Stupid bastard Akechi," Ryuji hissed. He finished the real of his meal and returned to his work of unpacking.  
  
When the afternoon sun had begun to set, he went to the tattoo shop for a couple of hours. Saturday nights seemed to be busy for the shop and he was able to observe all three men as they put ink to skin. After dinner and on his way to Takemi's office, he received one final message from Akira.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: They're sending me back. Talk to you soon.**

* * *

"Sorry to say but you're not allowed to walk yourself down to the ER." Levenza had arrived in Akira's room, followed by two other nurses and a gurney. "Takemi was right. You do make faces when you're displeased about something."

 _"I do not,"_ Akira protested, eyeing the bed on wheels with distaste.

"Change into these."

Lavenza offered him a small stack of clothes and he excused himself to the bathroom to change. When he glanced up into the bathroom mirror he remembered that he had been wearing one of Ryuji's shirts. He had packed it impulsively the night before he left Tokyo. It was a welcome sight and he wished he didn't need to take it off.

While he was alone, he sent one final text to Ryuji. Typing the words out had been something of a struggle. His fingers were nearly locked from his tense nerves.

He undressed down to his boxers and tucked himself into his new set of hospital clothes. He shed Ryuji's shirt in favor of an open back blue and white hospital gown. He struggled to tie the straps along the back, shivering with his shoulders exposed. There was an unsightly hair cap that he instantly hated. He knew he would only need to wear it for the surgery, but it didn't diminish his disdain.

It took some adjusting to get all of his hair up inside the cap. When he looked in the mirror he wished he had a voice to groan his displeasure with. Ryuji would find it amusing though so, despite his feelings about it, he took a photo to send to the blond later. The only part of the outfit he could agree with was a pair of knee high compression socks. The bottoms of which had small round rubber pads to prevent slipping.

Scowling at his reflection one last time, he opened the door and stepped out into the room. Lavenza kept her expression neutral but she couldn't hide the amusement in her eyes. She approached to take his clothes and his phone from him, settling them on the bed. She then turned to peel back the sheets on the gurney, patting it's stiff plastic covered mattress.

He moved to climb onto it when a soft giggle from one of the other nurses caught his attention. He raised his eyebrows at Lavenza in a question. Instead of answering she walked around behind him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Those come off too," She said sternly, snapping the waistband of his boxers. He jumped forward in surprise casting a sharp look over his shoulder at her. She was definitely a mini-Takemi. "I can help you if you can't do it yourself."

 _"I can do it!"_ He signed, moving his hands in sharp movements. He turned his body front facing towards the nurses, his face slightly flushed. It was embarrassing to admit that a room full of nurses had him so flustered. Especially when his mind trailed to the memories of all the things he and Iwai had done in the back of the gun shop. They were infinitely more obscene. 

He definitely couldn't think about that right now. It wasn't helping his situation.

He hooked his thumbs into the top of his boxers and drew them down over his hips, dropping them to the floor. He stepped free of them and was about to bend down to pick them up but thought better of it. The back of his hospital gown was still untied. Instead, he grabbed them with one of his feet and flung them in the general direction of the bed. They missed and landed on the far side by the wall but that was close enough. He reached around behind himself to clutch at the back of the gown. He hoped it was closed enough to save him some dignity.

He inched his way onto the gurney and pulled the sheets up over himself. Lavenza's face was still impassive but he could see a hint of a smile. It was a sure bet that she was going to spill all the details of his struggle to Takemi later.

The three nurses gathered at different points of the bed. There was one at the head to push and Lavenza and the other on either side. They lifted up a set of rails to make sure he didn't roll out by accident, locking them into place. While they all pushed the bed, Lavenza explained the procedure to him one final time.

Due to the location of the vocal cords, he would be going under without a breathing tube. The surgery would be kept as short as possible. An incision would be made at the center of his throat where a scope and the needed tools would be passed through. The doctor would go in and reassess the damage and make the needed repairs.

He had heard it all before, but he couldn't help the wave of discomfort that settled inside his stomach. He placed his hands over it, hoping the pressure might soothe some nerves. The bed slid into a large elevator. For a moment he was forced to watch his own tense expression in the mirrored ceiling. That and the view of the horrible hair cap.

A soft chime announced their arrival to a new floor. The doors on the opposite side of the elevator opened and the nurses continued their path. They passed by a small break room, the scent of coffee flowing from beyond the door. Akira was painfully reminded of how hungry and thirsty he was.

"You're a bit pale," Lavenza reported, glancing down at him. "Do you feel sick?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

"It's probably just nerves." One of the other nurses assured him.

"We're going to take you in for the anesthesia," Lavenza explained as the bed came to a stop. "After that, you'll be asleep and you won't have to worry about anything for a while."

Akira nodded his head, trying to take deep breaths to calm the restless pace of his heart. The nurses disappeared briefly, returning wearing similar hair caps and surgical masks. Gloved hands took hold of the bed again as they wheeled him into a stark white room. It was empty save a large panel of instruments tucked against the far wall.

"Do you have any questions?" Lavenza asked. Akira felt like he was being offered the chance to say final words before an execution. He shook his head fervently. She took hold of his hands and moved them beneath the sheets, tucking the sheets around him at the edges. He was effectively silenced. He shut his eyes and curled his fingers into the fabric. He thought of Ryuji, of Tokyo, of all his friends and his tiny Le Blanc family.

"Hello," A new voice caught his attention. He turned his head to see another nurse had entered the room. Though her face was obscured by her face mask she looked remarkably like Lavenza. Akira wondered if they were related. They certainly had the same striking yellow eyes. "My name is Margaret. I'm here to do the anesthesia."

While Margaret prepared the machines one of the original nurses pressed a thick clear mask down over Akira's mouth and nose. His stomach lurched with discomfort though he tried his best to keep a straight face. Behind his closed lips, he ground his teeth together, reminding himself it would be over soon.

"I want you to breathe deeply with my count down," Magaret instructed as she started the gas flow. There was a sharp hiss and then a bitter taste that made his lips curl back from his teeth. "Ten.."

He inhaled as deeply as he could and then exhaled.

"Nine..."

Another deep breath, this time with a distinct feeling of dizziness.

"Eight..."

_Breathe._

"Seven..."

He'd lost control of his eyes, they rolled in circles around the room, his vision blurred.

"Six..."

 _I don't want to do this._ He thought, knowing it was too late to go back.

"Five..."

_I miss him..._

"Four..."

_No._

The world faded to black.

* * *

"Ow ow ow! Not so hard!" Ryuji couldn't understand how he had ended up in his current position. He was on his back in Takemi's examination room, shirtless, with the doctor on top of him. Well, on top of his leg, bending it back towards his stomach, stretching out the muscles.

"I'm impressed." Takemi mused, finally letting off the pressure. She moved over to her stool and sat down to jot down some notes. Ryuji remained where he was. He lowered his leg gingerly back down into a more reasonable position. "The flexibility has improved greatly. I can tell you've been to a few good physical therapy sessions."

"Yeah. I had a couple I went to this week."

"They're definitely working."

"Doesn't seem like it," Ryuji grumbled. The air in the examination room was frigid and without his shirt or jacket on he felt close to freezing. "It's so damn cold in here."

"I had the heat off while I was away. Saves electricity." Takemi explained mindlessly. Ryuji scowled at her back and rubbed his hands over his arms to work warmth into them. It was a mystery to him that she didn't seem bothered by it. She was sitting at her desk in a short-sleeved dress, her lab coat hung neatly by the office door. All winter long she dressed the same as she did in the summer as if the cool weather had no effect on her.

 _She's gotta be a vampire or something._ Ryuji thought, it was the only explanation he could think of. It would explain her clothing choices and her frigid attitude.

"I'm freezin'! Can I get dressed?" He asked, earning a sharp look from the doctor. "C'mon!"

"How's the pain been?" Takemi asked, ignoring Ryuji's gripes. "You can use a one-ten scale."

"I guess maybe a four or five? It's been an eight at it's worst."

"I know your feelings on it but have you considered pain medication?"

 _"No,"_ Ryuji said the word firmly, his expression hardening. "You gave me some before."

"I gave you giant high dose aspirin pills." Takemi swiveled in her seat, turning to face him. "I can start you out with something simple-"

"I said, no."

"There isn't any shame in it. Pain management is important for recovery."

"And am I?" Ryuji snapped, sitting up to pull his shirt back on. "Am I recoverin'?"

"Yes and no." Takemi continued, unabashed by his harsh tone. "You've been blowing off physical therapy for a long time so your knee was already weakened by that. When you slipped and fell you set yourself back even more."

"You said it would get better. That I needed to wait a month or two."

"I said it _might_ get better. You're doing everything right but it's still early. I can't give you a definitive answer."

The two sat at an impasse.

“How long is he going to be in surgery for?” Ryuji asked, his voice soft.

“He should be coming out of surgery soon,” Takemi replied, checking the time on her phone. “Recovery might take another couple of hours. They have to wake him up and make sure his vitals are stable.”

“How dangerous is this surgery?”

“Well it's not brain surgery but it's not simple either. They're using new techniques that haven't been in practice for more than a short time. There's always a risk of accidentally nicking the vocal cords. He can't have a breathing tube during the procedure, so there's a small suffocation risk.”

“Eff that,” Ryuji mumbled, hugging his arms around himself to soothe away his discomfort.

“He'll have to breathe on his own.”

“He ain't exactly good at that.”

“I know,” Takemi agreed. “He and I both knew going in that this would be a tricky surgery for him.”

“What... Happens if he stops breathin'?” Ryuji wondered, his tone even softer than before.

“They'll take care of him.”

“But-...”

“They're doctors, Ryuji. They'll take care of him.” Takemi rose to her feet and gestured for him to get dressed. “I'll drive you home.”

* * *

Ryuji arrived at Yusuke's apartment before eight. He debated on not answering the door when Akechi arrived but decided it wouldn't be worth it. Instead, he found himself in the kitchen preparing snacks. While he worked, he spoke on the phone to his mother, explaining the situation with Akira. As usual, she seemed to have ideas and answers that he would have never thought of himself. By the end of the phone call, he couldn't help realizing how much he had been missing her.

“Oh, there's food this time,” Akechi noted as he stepped into the apartment. He slipped free of his shoes and stood awkwardly in the entryway. “Should I have any reason to think that you've poisoned it?”

“I wish I had,” Ryuji grumbled. He took up a plate and began filling it with food. “Eat or don't. Doesn't matter to me.”

“I suppose I can take advantage of your hospitality.”

“Yeah, well, don't get used to it or nothin'. I mostly made all this for me.”

The two of them retired to the living room, where they ate in silence. Akechi was meticulously neat and tidy as he ate, while Ryuji ended up under a dusting of crumbs. He tried to be discreet about brushing them off onto the floor.

“You said he's having his surgery tonight?” Akechi asked when they had finished their food. He was setting up the chessboard, placing the black pieces on Ryuji's side.

“Well, it should be over by now," Ryuji explained, checking his phone. His heart thrummed with anxiety. He hadn't received any new texts from Takemi. No news was good news, right? “He's prolly in recovery.”

“Nothing to be done about it,” Akechi said, gesturing a hand towards the board. He had already started the game.

“Y'never mentioned it before, but you're a pro chess player?”

“I wouldn't say that I'm making a career out of it but I do play for our university's chess group.”

“Is that so?” Ryuji inhaled a sigh. There was definitely no chance that he would beat someone who was able to play at such a high level. Even knowing that, however, made him stubborn and hopeful. If he could hold out for some dumb luck-

“Checkmate.”

“What?! We just started!”

“You left your king unguarded.” Akechi moved his finger over the board, showing his own movement path. “I saw this opening early on in the game.”

“Dammit.”

“How's Miss Goemon doing?”

“She's fine,” Ryuji growled, throwing a hand towards the board. “Set it up for the next game.”

* * *

All around him Akira could hear voices. Their words drifted senselessly through the air like smoke. Their meanings were lost to him. His throat felt scorched with fire, a burn that continued down to settle inside his chest. His stomach flipped and churned nauseously. He tried to breathe deep to soothe it, but it only served to make the pain worse. He needed help.

Cautiously he opened his eyes, finding himself inside a dimly lit room. Curtains made up three of the four walls surrounding him. He glanced to his left to gaze upon a jumbled mess of white machines and the sight of them reminded him where he was. A small wave of relief washed over him as he realized that he had made it through his surgery.

“I see that you've finally woken up,” Lavenza appeared from a split in the curtains. She was being followed closely by another nurse. “This is Nurse Angie. She and I are going to get you cleaned up and ready to return to your room.”

“You slept for a long time. It's almost seven in the morning.” Lavenza said while she and Angie, a petite woman with bright green eyes and long blond hair, set to work. The blond tended to the machines while Lavenza asked a short series of questions. Akira answered the best he could with his hands. His fingers struggled to bend enough to form certain signs. Moving his arms was almost out of the question. It sent too many shock-waves of pain through his chest.

“Lavenza, I'm going to need your assistance,” Nurse Angie interrupted, her voice soft. She placed a gentle hand on Akira's shoulder to catch his attention. “After the surgery, we had to intubate you or insert a tube to assist you with breathing. I'm sure you can feel it inside your mouth. Lavenza and I are going to remove it for you. Do you have any questions?”

 _“How?”_ He asked, his signs translated to Angie by Lavenza.

“I'll have you relax your throat and take a deep breath while we remove the tube. It won't take more than a moment or so but it's a bit uncomfortable.”

 _“Got it,”_ He signed stiffly. He definitely wasn't looking forward to the removal process. His throat and chest were still aching.

“Don't worry. It will be over in a second,” Lavenza assured him. The two nurses gathered on either side of the head of his bed, lowering it into a flat position. “Whenever you are ready, Miss Angie.”

Angie peeled back the tape that had held the tube in place. She reminded him to breathe deeply and relax. The two things he wasn't certain he was going to be able to do. He gripped at the sheets like a lifeline, his body shaking in nervous anticipation. She gripped the tube firmly, reminded him once again to breathe, and began to pull. He shut his eyes and cringed away from the pain and discomfort. The moment the tube slid free of his lips his gag reflex kicked in.

Probably prepared for such an outcome, the two women hooked their arms under him to pull him upright. A bowl appeared in front of his face milliseconds before his stomach clenched up. The taste of blood and bile filled his mouth and he spewed the distasteful combination. He sat in silence misery until his body decided it had finished. Shaky and covered in a cold sweat, he motioned for them to lay him back down. Lavenza lowered him while Angie and the bowl disappeared through the curtains.

 _“Sorry,”_ He signed with a trembling hand.

“You don't have to apologize. It happens all the time,” Lavenza assured him, her voice almost cheerful. It didn't make him feel any less embarrassed. “Swallowing that much blood can make some patients sick to their stomach.”

He held up a hand to stop her from further commentary. He didn't need to know the details. Seeing it firsthand had been enough.

“The doctor said you did really well,” Lavenza continued, changing the topic. “He actually said that you were pretty much a prime candidate for the new procedure. He's expecting good results.”

_“I'm glad.”_

“I told Takemi about it. She'll relay it to your friends and your family,” As Lavenza said this, Nurse Angie reappeared. The two of them set to work cleaning him up while he basked silently in the attention. Angie cleaned the adhesive and blood off of his face while Lavenza freed his hair from the head cap. She smoothed her hands through it to comb out the tangles. The cold hiss of oxygen brushed over his face as they looped a clear tube under his nose and around his ears.

“Are you in any pain?” Angie asked when they had finished. He forced his eyes open to look at the blond and nodded. He ran his hand up over his chest and the bandages around his neck. “We'll give you something for it.”

“We're going to take you back to your room now,” Lavenza said as a third nurse appeared through the curtains. The three of them took up post around his bed and began wheeling him through a maze of hallways. He shut his eyes again and rested, listening to the muted hospital sounds. When they arrived inside his room the sun was beginning to stream in through the window, rising to greet a new day.

“The doctor will be by later today to talk to you about the surgery. As well as how we'll proceed with recovery,” Angie said. She moved over to the window to shut the curtains over it, bathing the room in near darkness. “I'm going to give you a light pain medication. It will help you sleep.”

“Here,” Lavenza approached, holding a small cup of water with a straw sticking out of the top. She positioned the end of the straw at his lips and he drank. It was the best water he'd ever had. “You can have some more later.”

“I'll be right back,” Angie said to Lavenza, dipping out into the hallway. While she was gone, the younger girl moved about the room. She covered him up with a thicker blanket, smoothing her hands over it to get rid of any wrinkles. He blinked gratefully at her, earning a small smile in reply. She plugged his cellphone in for him and set it on the bedside table, making sure it was accessible.  
  
“If you need anything else, you can press the nurse's button,” Lavenza pointed it out to him. She ran through a quick explanation of the other buttons on the bed's control panel. “My shift is finishing up in a few minutes, but Miss Angie will be here to help you if you need anything.”

Akira nodded in reply as the Angie reentered the room. She injected the aforementioned pain medication into his IV line. The effects of it hit him almost immediately. The pain inside his throat and chest eased off and his body began to feel like it was floating. His eyes grew heavy and began to close. He slipped into another blissfully restful sleep.

* * *

Ryuji stared at the clock on the wall, watching the minute hand ticking towards the top. It was almost five in the morning and he hadn't been able to sleep at all. He sat in the living room on one of the couches, shoulders slouched forward. He watched the sun begin to rise over Tokyo. Morgana slept inside his lap and every so often Ryuji's hand would stray down to pet him. The cat would shift, his throat rumbling with purrs.

The blond was still bitterly recalling his chess session with Akechi hours earlier. The detective had smoked him in half a dozen games before heading home for the night. The chessboard was sitting on the coffee table, the pieces still left out from their final game. All evening long Ryuji had glared at them, going over in his head all the ways in which is strategy had gone wrong.

The sharp buzzing of his phone caused him to jump, startling the cat inside his lap. Morgana lifted his head to glance up at the blond, offended by his sudden movement. Ryuji leaned over to pick up his phone. His heart quickened it's pace when he saw the several new messages had come in from Takemi. Chest thrumming, he unlocked the screen and opened the messages.

 **💀: Akira is out of surgery.**  
**💀: The nurses say that he's doing well and that the surgery went better than anticipated.**  
**💀: Get some sleep.**

Ryuji placed his phone down gently. He turned his head toward the large living room windows. He could see the first warm glimmers of sunlight creeping between the tall buildings. His vision began to swim and his face grew hot as the tension inside his body seeped out through his eyes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What can I say? I love crying boys. 
> 
> There will be smut in the next chapter! Fun times to be had by all! 
> 
> Also, I am not in any way, shape, or form a doctor. I have a PHD in fanfic medicine only. I do my google research but some things may not be realistic or unintentionally impossible. I do, however, have experience with after surgery mishaps. At 7 years old I had my tonsils removed. A family friend came to visit me at the hospital and while he was talking to my parents I ejected blood all over him and the bed sheets. It was probably the crowning achievement of my tiny 7-year-old life. True story!
> 
> Also kudos to anyone who knows who Nurse Angie is and what Atlus game she's from!


	15. Christmas Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [insert stereotypical excuse about life getting in the way of fic writing here]
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm sorry this chapter is so long overdue! I've been working more shifts than usual at work, which means less time for writing. When I did have time, I had a weirdly hard time getting anything down on the page. Despite that, I hope this chapter is enjoyable! Most of my chapters are around the 8k range. This one is closer to 10k. So for the wait, I added some extra writing on. 
> 
> This is the last chapter (at least for a while) that Akira and Ryuji will have to spend apart. They'll be reunited in the next one! Look forward to it!

* * *

Ryuji looked around the apartment in approval. He had spent the past week working on it. All the boxes had been unpacked. The furniture was arranged. It finally looked like a place he and Akira could call 'home'. As an added bonus it had served as something to keep his mind busy. The first few days after Akira's surgery had been quiet. Now that their communication had picked up in frequency again, he was eager to show off his hard work.  
  
Akira would be finishing up his medical tests soon. They had a video chat planned for right after. Ryuji put some finishing touches on their bedroom before settling in the living room to wait. He glanced at his phone to check the time, his chest filled with nervous anticipation. He had just turned his screen off when the display lit back up. Akira's screen-name appeared and Ryuji felt his heart leap up into his throat.

“Hey!” He greeted. The video took a few seconds to buffer. A side effect of bad hospital wi-fi. Akira's face went from pixels to a clear image. Ryuji grinned.

**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What's with that face?**

Akira was smiling too.

“Ain't nothin'. Jus' glad to see you, man.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Me too.**

And Ryuji did see him. His eyes drank in every detail. Though he was a little pale, Akira looked better than he had for a long time. His eyes were clear and bright and he looked well rested. His smile became more of a smirk when he noticed the rapt attention Ryuji was giving him.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: See something you like?**  
  
“Shut up,” Ryuji replied sheepishly, averting his eyes away from the screen. They didn't stray for long. “What're you doing with your hair?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Oh that? Lavenza did it.  
  
** Akira reached a hand up to touch the elastic headband at the crown of his head. The material held his bangs back, taming the normally unruly curls. It gave Ryuji an unobstructed view of his bright gray eyes and the long eyelashes that veiled them.  
  
“Don't take it off. It looks kinda nice.”  
  
_“Yeah?”_ Akira signed, cocking his head to the side.  
  
“I like seein' your whole face,” Ryuji mumbled in a soft voice, running a nervous hand back through his own hair. He still hadn't had a chance to deal with his rapidly encroaching roots. “Your hair got so damn long.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Do you like it long?  
  
** “C'mon man. Don't ask me weird things.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to know.**  
  
_“Please?”_ Akira pressed. His expression was so openly sincere that Ryuji couldn't bring himself to deny him an answer.  
  
“Fine, okay. Yeah, I like it long. Y'happy?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: :-)**  
  
“Dude. Stop with the smiley faces.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: :D**

“Akira, jeeze,” Ryuji shook his head in disbelief but he was smiling in spite of himself.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Hey**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I just noticed**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Are you at the apartment?  
  
** “Huh? Oh! Yeah, I finally finished unpackin'. Wanna see?” Ryuji had been hoping Akira would ask. In fact, he had specifically off centered his phone camera, putting the apartment in one half of the frame. He wanted it to grab the other man's attention.   
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to see.  
  
** “Alright. I'll give you the grand tour,” Ryuji stood up and limped to the front door. He made it his starting point. From the entryway, it was easy to see the entire expanse of the living room. He swept his phone in a large arc in front of his body, giving Akira a panoramic view of the apartment's main space. They still didn't have a lot of furniture but in the middle of everything was a large black table. Ryuji indicated towards it with his free hand. “I went by that second-hand shop near LeBlanc and they had a used kotatsu for sale. So I bought it with some of the money I made workin'.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You bought us a kotatsu?**  
  
“Hell yeah, man! You'll be back before winter ends and we can probably use it in the spring some too. It's not as nice as the one I had at my mom's place but it'll be fine for now. Right?"  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You're making me want to drop everything and come home right away.**  
  
“You haven't seen nothin' yet.” Ryuji enthused as he moved through the apartment toward the dining area. The table and chair set from Akira's room above LeBlanc had been set up. In the kitchen Ryuji opened every cabinet and drawer, showcasing their neatly organized dishes and utensils. He had spent an annoyingly long time the day before removing the old paper cabinet liners, replacing them with new ones. Akira took notice. He complimented them and Ryuji's chest filled up with pride.  
  
“Bathroom is next,” he announced, continuing the tour with as much grandeur as he could muster. He slipped inside through the living room entryway. It was an easy way to bypass the bedroom. He wanted to save the best room for last. He had stocked the room with all their combined toiletries. New blue-grey towels hug from the walls. A matching rug was laid out over the tiles. “Futaba picked out the bathroom decor. I hope it's okay.”  
  
_“It looks great!”_ Akira assured him.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We'll have to do something to thank her.  
  
** “Totally,” Ryuji agreed, nodding his head. “It's weird to say this but it was fun shoppin' for the stuff with her.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm glad you two have been spending time together.**  
  
“We're actually gonna go to a game night thingy tonight."  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: A game night?**  
  
“The weird guys at the tattoo shop have game night on Sundays. I mentioned it to Futaba and she practically begged me to go. So I'm gonna take her.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It sounds like fun. : )**  
  
“It got me out of my chess game with Akechi. So I'm fine with it,” Ryuji sighed, feeling a throb of annoyance settle at his temple. “I still haven't beaten him. I don't think I ever will.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He's still coming over to play?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm surprised he's dragging it out.**  
  
“I thought he would lose interest but I guess not.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He can become hyper-fixated sometimes.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Do you want me to talk to him about it?**  
  
“No. It's not that big of a deal. I just wish he wouldn't come over every night.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: He's there every night?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol He must miss me. ;D**  
  
“Don't even joke about that, man,” Ryuji complained. “Did you ever finish that chess book he got for ya?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Oh yeah. Finished it within a couple of days. There's not a lot to do here at the hospital.**  
  
“Can I borrow it?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You want to borrow it?**  
  
“It might help me beat him,” He explained in a soft tone. He shrugged his shoulders to try and play off his embarrassment. “I'll try anythin' at this point.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Wow lol  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You _are_ desperate**  
  
“You have no idea, man.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'll send it off in the mail before I go to my parent's house.**  
  
“Oh, speakin' of, how are things going with all that? Your recovery and your parents?” Ryuji asked, watching Akira's lips turn down at the corners. He reached a hand up to touch the crisp white strips of gauze wrapped around his neck. Briefly lost in thought, he itched the fabric.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Recovery is going well. I'll probably be out of here in a few days.  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: My parents will pick me up and I'll be stuck with them until Christmas. Maybe even New Years.  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It all depends on what the doctors say.**  
  
“Sorry if this is a stupid thing to ask, but can you explain it all to me? I don't know 'bout all that medical stuff like you do.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's not a stupid question. I promise.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm happy to answer anything you want to know.**  
  
“I want to know all of it. Well maybe not _all_ of it but the real important stuff,” Ryuji explained, earning a soft smile from Akira. “Takemi said the surgery went well. What comes after surgery?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'll need to do speech therapy in order to regain my tone and clarity. If I have anything like that left to regain.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I have to rest my voice before I can start on that though. It could be a few weeks before I'm allowed to attempt speaking.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm sorry again that I won't be back for Christmas.**  
  
“I understand, man. It's not your fault.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's frustrating**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I want to come home  
  
** “I know,” Ryuji agreed. “I want ya home too. What about the surgery trial? Are you done with it?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Kind of. I still have to report my results. Right now it's mostly a lot of medical tests and question sheets.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I also have to talk to Dr. Igor about my 'feelings'.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Which is really annoying.**  
  
“They're still makin' you see that creepy guy?!”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Unfortunately.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Once I'm out of the hospital I'll go see the doctor my parents picked out. And I assume a therapist too.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: They'll send data back to the hospital.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I might eventually have to come back here for tests or if there are complications.**  
  
“What kind of complications?” Ryuji asked, his tone guarded.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Obviously there's still a chance that the surgery failed.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: We won't really know until I'm able to start speech therapy**  
  
“And your breathin'?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's been better. I don't wake up as much during the night. So that must be a sign that it's improving.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: After the surgery, I was on oxygen for a while. They were pretty insistent about it. I'm at least past the need for that.**  
  
“Was it... Y'know... Scary?”  
  
There was a short lull in the conversation after Ryuji's question. The moment the words were out of his mouth he immediately regretted them. Akira's eyes trailed away and he stared blankly off to the side. Ryuji could hear his fingers patting restlessly over the keys of his laptop. Tension set itself into the lines of Akira's neck and shoulders  
  
“You don't gotta talk about it. I shouldn't'a asked.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's okay.**  
  
Akira turned his attention back to the screen. His eyes weary.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Honestly, yes.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It still sort of is. I won't know for several weeks if it worked or if it failed.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The uncertainty is frightening.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I was pretty out of it for the first few days so there's a lot of big gaps in my memory.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm not used to getting so much sleep so I still feel kind of foggy. The past few days haven't felt real to me somehow.**  
  
“Anyone would be freaked out by all of that,” Ryuji insisted in a soft tone. “Hell, just hearin' about it makes me feel kinda weird. I can't imagine what you're goin' through. I wish I could do more for you.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You're doing amazing, actually.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: This whole thing has been taxing on both of us.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You've got so much going on right now.**  
  
“Speakin' of,” Ryuji leaned back against the bathroom counter. “I thought a lot 'bout what you and Ann said. This whole tattoo thing I'm doin'- I enjoy it and I'm learnin' a lot, way more than I was learnin' at Uni. It might turn into somethin' great for me or it might turn into nothin'. Either way, I wanna focus more of my attention on it. So yesterday I went in and dropped my classes. Er, well I put 'em on hold or whatever. I can still go back next semester if I really want to. I got my scholarship and all still.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's like you said,**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You can always go back if you want to.  
  
** “I know, it just feels like a failure or something'.”  
**  
[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Don't count it against yourself.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Okay?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You won't know if you like something until you try it, right?**  
  
“It's not my resolve that I'm worryin' about,” Ryuji told him, grimacing. “It's my mom. I don't know what to tell her.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The truth**  
  
“I know. I just-... She's gonna be disappointed.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's your life. You have to decide what you want to do with it.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I know that better than anyone.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Trust me, it's okay to take risks.**  
  
“Man, when did you get so wise? It's kinda creepy. You're turning into Boss or somethin'.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol Sorry. I might have laid it on too thick. You get my meaning though.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You never showed me the bedroom.**  
  
“Huh? Oh! Oh yeah!” A smile broke loose across Ryuji's face. He had almost forgotten about the surprise in the bedroom. After adjusting his camera to allow Akira a clear view he entered their room. It was fully assembled, a clean mashup of the remainder of their possessions. Ryuji turned in a slow circle, stopping when he came to their sleeping area. What had once been two futons and a mess of blankets was now a neatly made double bed.  
  
_“You got us a bed!”_ Akira signed, his hand motions quick with excitement.  
  
“Actually Ann and Shiho got us a bed.” Ryuji corrected, running his hands over the duvet to smooth a stray wrinkle. “Ann said it's supposed to be a housewarmin' slash Christmas gift.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What?!**  
  
“I'm pretty excited about it. My knee ain't a real big fan of sleeping on the futons.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Did you put it together by yourself?**  
  
“No way. Futaba and Makoto did most of it. Haru put the sheets on.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol I'm sure they made a huge spectacle out of it.**  
  
“You got no idea, man. It took them _hours_. Oh yeah! Speakin' of Futaba and Makoto,” Ryuji trailed off suggestively. “How long have they...?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Close to a year?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You really didn't know?**  
  
“I can't know somethin' like that!”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Don't worry about it so much. It's not any different from Ann and Shiho. Or you and me.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I can't believe Ann and Shiho got us a bed.**  
  
“I can,” Ryuji scoffed, despite the rush of heat running up the back of his neck. “Ann ain't exactly subtle with that kinda stuff.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: She's persistent.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Not that I'm complaining.**  
  
“It totally gave me some ideas, y'know, for when you get home.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Oh yeah?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Like what?**  
  
“Don't ask for details. I'd rather show ya than tell ya.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Will you?**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Show me I mean**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: When I get back**  
  
“Of course,” Ryuji murmured, averting his eyes away from his phone screen briefly. “I can't look at you when we talk about it.”  
_  
"You're cute,”_ Akira signed.  
  
“Stop that!”  
  
Before either one of them could say more, the door to Akira's hospital room opened. Ryuji could hear someone speaking in the background but the words were too muffled to make out.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I have to go now. I'm sorry.**  
  
“It's okay,” Ryuji said, shrugging his shoulders lightly. “We can just text for now.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sounds good.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm glad we got to talk for a while.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: The apartment looks great! Thank you for working so hard on it.**  
  
“Of course, man. Go do your hospital stuff. I'll talk to you later.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: TTYL**  
  
The video call disconnected, leaving Ryuji staring at their thread of messages.

  
* * *  
  
“I hope you don't mind that I brought friends with me,” Ryuji stood in the entryway to the tattoo parlor, collecting jackets from the trio of women who had come in with him.  
  
“Not at all,” Hari insisted, shaking his head. He approached the group and introduced himself.  
  
“This is a lovely place you have,” Haru offered, breaking the ice for the other two girls. “I'm Haru Okamura.”  
  
“Makoto Nijima.”  
  
“You can call me Futaba!”  
  
“It's nice to finally meet some of Ryuji's friends,” Hari continued, leading the group into the studio. The large area, with all it's partitioned off stations, had been transformed. A large table sat in the middle of the room, surrounded on all sides by plush cushioned seats. A smaller table was set up nearby, its surface covered with an abundance of food and snacks. Jahvan's tea sweetly scented the air from its place on the buffet table. The girls exchanged glances with each other, impressed by the tattoo shop's presentation.  
  
“We may have gone overboard a bit,” Hari admitted to Ryuji, smiling sheepishly at his own words. “When you said you were bringing friends along, Jahvan and I got pretty excited.”  
  
“No man, it's fine,” Ryuji insisted with a shake of his head. “I'm grateful that you went to all the trouble for us.”  
  
“It was no trouble.”  
  
“It was a complete pain in the ass,” Alistair grumbled, approaching Hari and Ryuji from behind. Despite his harsh words, his mouth turned up at the edges. “Jahvan made me help with all the snacks.”  
  
“I seem to recall you volunteered,” Jahvan teased as he entered the room. He bypassed the men in favor of introducing himself to the girls.  
  
“He will have them eating out of his hands in a second,” Alistair commented dryly. Sure enough, Jahvan's charms seemed to be working. The girls followed him around the buffet table as he showcased each plate of food. If Jahvan's looks and personality didn't win them over, his cooking would.   
  
“People like that make the rest of us look bad,” Hari jokingly lamented.  
  
“Yeah, I know someone like that,” Ryuji was off course talking about Akira. Even without a voice, he seemed to effortlessly captivate those around him. Even Ryuji himself had fallen prey to it on multiple occasions. “He's that uh, the guy I told you about, the one who had the surgery.”  
  
“Speaking of,” Hari mused. “How is he? Have you had a chance to speak with him?”  
  
“Yeah, we talked today. He's doin' alright.”  
  
“I'm glad to hear that. You seemed pretty worried about it.”  
  
“Sorry if it affected my work or somethin'.”  
  
“Not at all,” Hari protested. “You've been working exceptionally hard. Especially for someone who's here without pay. Are you enjoying the internship?”  
  
“Well yeah. I find it all real interestin',” Ryuji admitted, a small smile stretching itself across his face. “I actually put my college classes on hold for a bit. I wanna give myself more time to focus on the things I want. I can't say for sure if this is what I wanna do for my career but it's at least on the table as an option.”  
  
“You have definitely shown more promise than I thought you would,” Alistair commented, breaking his way into the conversation. “I would not mind if you came to my station sometime to watch me work."  
  
Before Ryuji could form a reply, Alistair swept away from the table. He approached Jahvan and the two of them fell into a continued conversation with the girls.  
  
“Alistair doesn't hand out compliments very often,” Hari explained, elbowing Ryuji lightly in the side. “If he sees something in you then you should take his words seriously.”  
  
“Yeah, I will,” Ryuji said, his chest warm with pride. He broke away from Hari to meet back up with his friends. The entire assembly carried food back over with them to the game table and seated themselves.  
  
“We are waiting on one more,” Jahvan indicated one of his hands towards an empty seat between Alistair and Ryuji. “She should be here any moment.”  
  
“My sister, Aikaterine,” Alistair grumbled to Ryuji. The blond's eyebrows rose in surprise. Alistair had spoken of his sister off and on. Ryuji had always assumed she lived in whatever country Alistair had come to Japan from.  
  
“Is she visiting?” Ryuji asked and Alistair shook his head.  
  
“She lives in town but she is often busy at her herb shop. It is where Jahvan gets all the ingredients for his tea and food. She imports or grows a lot of things. It is sort of a niche market.”  
  
“It sounds interesting,” Haru chimed in. “I've got a bit of a green thumb myself.”  
  
“Here, I have some of her business cards,” Alistair reached into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet, sliding one of the cards across the table towards Haru.  
  
“Can I get one too?” Ryuji asked, surprising himself with the request. He didn't know much about herbs or plants but he still wanted to check the shop out.  
  
In the other room, the bell above the shop's entry door rang. The curtain separating the waiting area from the studio shifted and a tall woman stepped through it. She was definitely Alistair's sister, her face had all the same sharp-features. Though most of it was hidden behind a pair of large framed sunglasses. In her right hand was a long thin walking stick made of wood, with floral designs carved into it.  
  
Alistair called out to her in his thick accent. He spoke words that Ryuji didn't recognize. Another language. Russian maybe? She replied in kind and began to walk towards the table. Instead of using her walking stick for support, she moved it back and forth across the floor in front of her. She nearly missed her destination at the table entirely, until Alistair clapped his hands to get her attention.  
  
“Come sit,” He commanded, standing up to pull out her chair. She moved confidently to his side and he took hold of one of her hands to assist her in seating herself.  
  
“My apologies,” She told everyone at the table, her voice sonorous and deeply accented. “The room has been rearranged so I could not find my way as well.”  
  
“It's not a problem,” Makoto responded. Her eyes were curious as she took in the woman's unusual appearance.  
  
“That is Makoto,” Alistair mumbled to the woman before turning to address Ryuji and his group of friends. “If you do not mind, please go one by one to introduce yourselves. Speak clearly so that she can understand you.”  
  
“This guy is weird,” Futaba whispered to Ryuji and he could only nod in agreement. He had known Alistair for almost a month and he still didn't have a good grasp on what made the man tick.  
  
“I'm Ryuji Sakamoto. It's nice to meetcha,” Ryuji began, shifting in his seat to face the woman. He noticed for the first time a long set of scars that crossed from her right temple down to the top of her left cheek. They carved a path over her eyes, which were hidden behind the stylish sunglasses she was wearing. Suddenly all her weird quirks made sense to Ryuji. She was blind.  
  
“Aikaterine,” She replied back, smiling warmly. “I have met Miss Makoto. Who else is here?”  
  
“Oh, uh, I'm Haru Okamura,” Haru said next, followed by Futaba's introduction.  
  
“It is nice to meet you all.”  
  
“Shall we get started then?” Hari announced, holding up a stack of cards. “The name of the game is Hanged Man's Folly. There's no requirement to put down money but it's a bit more fun if we start a betting pool.”  
  
Everyone seemed to be in agreement with this idea. Hands dove into pockets and wallets to contribute to the pool. A small wooden bowl was passed around to collect the offerings and then it was placed at the center of the table. Hari briefly went over the rules and the group played through a few mock rounds. Once everyone understood how to play the real game began. It was the typical card-based bluffing game. Everyone took to it with determination, wanting to win the pool of money.  
  
The winner of each round would tally down a point for themselves on a piece of scratch paper. Whoever held the most tallies at the end of the game would win the money. Everyone had their own unique approach to the game. Ryuji's chess games with Akechi were somehow paying off. He was able to watch the other players and memorize their strategies.  
  
Alistair and Futaba both played aggressively, sometimes winning and sometimes taking a loss. Jahvan and Haru both seemed to be the best at bluffing. Ryuji had a hard time seeing past their sincere personalities. It netted them both multiple wins. Makoto, of course, approached with a strategy, never taking any risk that she deemed too bold or reckless. Hari acted almost unconcerned with trying to win or lose. Towards the end of the game, he stole Aikaterine from her team with her brother and the two of them won a few rounds seemingly on accident.  
  
“Alistair has told me all about you,” Aikaterine said to Ryuji during an intermission in the game. Everyone had moved off from the table to stretch their legs or make themselves another plate of food. Ryuji had gone outside with Alistair to smoke and Aikaterine had tagged along.  
  
“All good things, yeah?” Ryuji asked, taking a long drag off of his cigarette. He blew the smoke out and away, trying to keep it from drifting into her airspace.  
  
“Of course. It has been a long time since Hari took on an apprentice. There are high hopes for you.”  
  
“No pressure or anything.”  
  
“No pressure,” She laughed. Her playful personality was infectious and Ryuji caught himself smiling. She was the complete opposite of Alistair and his dour moodiness. “So which one of those girls is your girlfriend?”  
  
Ryuji choked on his next puff of the cigarette. He sputtered for a moment, trying to catch his breath. Her question had caught him off guard.  
  
“None of them,” He admitted when he could speak again. “Futaba's like a sister to me and uh... Makoto and her have this thing goin' on. I don't think Haru is seein' anyone right now.”  
  
“Ha! I told you!” Aikaterine declared to Alistair. She reached her hands out in front of her body until she found his wrists. Trailing her hands up, she slapped her palms against his upper arms, earning an eye roll from him. “Do not roll your eyes at me, Alistair. I do not have to see to know that you are doing it.”  
  
“I am not rolling them,” He lied, earning a soft cuff to the side of his head. He easily ducked away from it. An affectionate smile, the first Ryuji had ever seen from him, spread itself over his face. He leaned down to place a soft kiss at the center of his sister's forehead. For some reason, it embarrassed Ryuji so badly that he had to look away.  
  
“So if none of those girls are to your taste, then who is?” Aikaterine wondered, returning to her place next to Ryuji. “Are you single?”  
  
“Er, uh, well no, I'm not single,” Ryuji stammered, his face hot against the nighttime's cool air.  
  
“Jahvan's described you to me. You sound very attractive, though not quite to my personal tastes.”  
  
“I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment.”  
  
“Probably both,” Alistair explained, blowing out a large puff of smoke. Ryuji watched it rise through the air and dissipate. “Aikaterine is not into men.”  
  
“I sorta thought as much,” Ryuji mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “I had no idea the world was so... Well, there's just so many people like that.”  
  
“Yourself included?”  
  
“W-Well, I guess, sorta, maybe...” Ryuji trailed off, feeling the heat rise to the back of his neck and ears. He turned away from Alistair and fumbled to light another cigarette. The smokey flavor of it calmed his nerves enough to admit, “Yes. I guess I'm kinda both ways.”  
  
“I knew it,” Alistair snorted, sounding amused. Aikaterine struck out at him with an elbow, jabbing him in the side.  
  
“Do not be so unpleasant,” Aikaterine scolded. Her tone softened as she turned to speak to Ryuji again. “So you have a boyfriend then?”  
  
“Mmmhmm,” Ryuji hummed, avoiding Alistair's gaze. He could feel the older man practically beaming him with his eyes. It wasn't something he had initially been comfortable to admit. His mother and Sojiro's warnings about men dating had always been at the forefront of his mind. It wasn't an unlikely scenario to imagine. If anyone had taken offense to his relationship at the tattoo shop, his internship might have suffered the consequences. It wasn't a risk he had been willing to take. “Don't tell Hari or Jahvan.”  
  
“Why? They will not mind it.”  
  
“I don't want to lose my internship,” Ryuji explained, mostly directing his words towards Alistair. He hadn't meant for him to find out the truth.  
  
“We are not going to fire you over something like that,” Alistair reassured him. His tone was so perfectly blank that he might have been talking about the weather, instead of Ryuji's sensitive relationship status. “The one you talk about so much, the boy who cannot speak, is he the person you are dating?”  
  
“Y-Yeah. He is.”  
  
“I thought as much.”  
  
“He cannot speak?” Aikaterine asked, her tone soft. “May I ask why not?”  
  
“He was born with the problem,” Ryuji answered. He briefly explained the situation to them both, how he and Akira had met and become friends. How the relationship had changed into something else. It was something of a relief, to talk about things to people that didn't already have preformed opinions. Alistair and Aikaterine were attentive listeners.   
  
“It must be very hard for you to be apart from him,” Aikaterine said when Ryuji had finished. “I can hear it in your voice when you speak about him. He is someone very important to you. I would like to meet him once he returns to Tokyo.”  
  
“I'm sure he'd like to meet you too,” Ryuji agreed sincerely. He stubbed out the remainder of his cigarette and gathered his cane from where he had propped it by the door.  
  
“Come. Let us return to the game,” Alistair decreed, leading Aikaterine by the arm. Ryuji followed after them. His mind felt clearer. Maybe it had been the confession. Maybe it had been the cigarettes. Either way, he returned to the game with renewed vigor. Although in the end, it was Futaba who ended up going home with the money.  
  
* * *  
  
“I hope you guys had fun,” Ryuji was leading Makoto and Futaba to the train station. They had parted ways with Haru once they had reached Shibuya. The other two girls still had one more train to catch to get back to Sojiro's.  
  
“Are you kidding? Of course we did!” Futaba exclaimed, waving her wallet in the air to illustrate her point.  
  
“Money aside,” Makoto continued. “It was definitely fun. We were talking about going back sometime to do it again. The people you work with are interesting.”  
  
“They have their moments,” Ryuji agreed, then added, “Actually, they're all pretty cool people. I'm kinda lucky I get to work in a place like that.”  
  
“So is that what you've decided to do?”  
  
“I dunno. It's not like I've actually tried to tattoo anythin' yet. I might find out that I suck at it.”  
  
“If you do you can always have your job at Le Blanc,” Futaba said, grinning playfully at him. “I saw Sojiro showing you how to make coffee the other day. That's basically a right of passage. You're all but sworn in as a lifelong employee.”  
  
“No way, I could never do that for a living,” He protested, shaking his head vehemently.  
  
“Someone's gonna have to take over the cafe when he retires. It's not gonna be me!”  
  
“It ain't gonna be me either!”  
  
“Perhaps Akira has an interest in it,” Makoto offered. “Before he left for his surgery he had mentioned wanting to switch his major to business studies.”  
  
“Really?” Ryuji asked in surprise.  
  
“It was probably dependent on the results of his surgery.”  
  
“He's gotta stop plannin' his life around stuff like that.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“He's capable of so much,” Ryuji began to explain. “If he wants to go into business and run Le Blanc he should just do it. Or really anythin' that he wants to do. It doesn't matter if he can speak or not, right? There's all kinds of people that can't do stuff. I can't walk real well, but I do okay. That lady Aikaterine can't see and she's got her own herb business she runs. So even if the surgery doesn't work out, he's still got a lot of potential. O-Or somethin'.”  
  
“Oh yeah, I heard her talking to Haru about it,” Agreed Futaba. “She said that after she lost her sight her other senses took over for her. She sorts all the herbs by scent and texture. She memorized the layout of her shop so she knows where to put things or how to direct customers.”  
  
“You two are quite passionate about all this, aren't you?” Makoto chuckled, looking at the two of them with an amused smile. “You both should tell him what you think. I'm certain that he would appreciate the encouragement.  
  
“I-I've just been thinkin' about it a lot lately,” Ryuji shrugged his shoulders, trying to appear nonchalant. “The surgery probably fixed his voice but if it didn't, he's got other options.”  
  
“It's weird to hear you talk about your relationship with such confidence,” Makoto commented. “Not in a bad way. It's just surprising.”  
  
“You guys better get goin',” Ryuji grumbled. His face was beginning to feel hot. She was right of course, it wasn't often that he spoke about Akira with such surety. “And let me know if you find out anything about the custody order thing.”  
  
“I'm looking into it. There are plenty of things we can do to appeal it if his parents don't keep their word.”  
  
“Good, cuz I'm not goin' down without a fight.”  
  
“Me either!” Futaba agreed, earning a soft smile from Makoto. The two women bid Ryuji farewell and then set off towards the train station. Ryuji lingered until they passed the turnstiles and then he set off for Yusuke's apartment.  
  
* * *  
  
“How's your pain level?” Takemi asked Akira from her end of their latest video call. Although she had agreed with his parents to leave the hospital, her work as his doctor continued. She had called him twice a day, every day since the surgery to ask questions and take notes. It was almost like she had never left.  
  
Akira made a so-so motion with his right hand.  
  
_“Still sore,”_ He explained, indicating towards his throat.  
  
“That's more or less normal for this kind of surgery,” Takemi explained. “It should go away soon. How has your breathing been?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's better if I'm resting.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: If I move around a lot it's hard to catch my breath after.**  
  
“Your body is adapting to the changes. I'll have Lavenza look into breathing exercises for you to try. They should help with that problem.”  
  
_“I hope so.”_  
  
“She's been sending me all the updated files on your progress,” She continued, flipping through a small stack of papers. “There are particular markers for where you should be at in your recovery. So far you've reached each one as expected. Barring any complications, if you continue to do as the doctor instructs, you should recover fully.”  
  
_“I see.”_  
  
“You don't seem very excited.”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: That's what the doctors from my last surgery said.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Even if it's you saying it this time, I don't want to get excited over nothing.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I appreciate the positivity.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: But I can't let myself get swept up in it.**  
  
“Someone is moody today,” Takemi scoffed, shaking her head. “Although I don't blame you. It's been so many years of trial and error.”  
  
_“Yes,”_ He agreed.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I also feel like if this doesn't work out, I've let everyone down.**  
  
“Success of a surgery depends on more than the patient. The nurses, the surgeon, there's a lot of people behind the scenes. You can't blame yourself if it doesn't work out. Not to mention the millions of ways different human bodies react to the same treatments and medications.” Takemi paused, her expression thoughtful. “Are you still meeting with Dr. Igor?”  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yes. Reluctantly but yes.**  
  
“I know he can be- Odd. He's an expert in his field. Take the sessions with him seriously.”  
  
_“I will,”_ Akira promised.  
  
“You leave for your parent's house in a few days, right?”  
  
_“Yes. Three more days.”  
  
_ "Make the most of your time between now and then. I won't have Lavenza to keep an eye on you for me. You'll have to find time to check in with me on your own.”  
  
_“I will.”_  
  
“Take care of yourself, my little guinea pig.”  
  
* * *  
  
The days following the game night passed quickly for Ryuji. He found himself at the mercy of Ann and her plans for their upcoming Christmas party. Since she was still in Paris until Christmas Eve, it was up to him to troll the streets of Tokyo to get supplies. By the end of the week, he had Yusuke's apartment decorated to her standards. The only remaining problem was his gift shopping.  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: What do you mean you don't have any Christmas gifts yet?!?!?!?!?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: um??? exactly how it sounds???**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Ryuji!!! Christmas is the day after tomorrow! >:(**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i kno! it snuck up on me or somthn.**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: You better get out and shop then!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i was thinkin of givin everyone an i.o.u**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: That's the lamest thing I've ever heard. You better not do that to ME.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: cmon ann**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: >:(**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: well it feels pointless w/o Akira**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Like you don't have any other friends???**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i kno**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: im not in a very christmas-y mood yknow?**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: I guess so.**  
  
Ryuji slipped his phone into his pocket as he entered Le Blanc for his morning shift. Despite what he had told Ann, he had actually planned to go do some last minute shopping when his shift ended. He smiled to himself, feeling sneaky.  
  
“How are plans for the party coming along?” Sojiro wondered as Ryuji donned his apron and began his opening duties.  
  
“All the decorations 'n stuff are set up. Mom's gonna help me with the food tomorrow.” Ryuji explained, moving from booth to booth to make sure the tables were clean and set for patrons. Every so often he caught the older man's eyes watching him. “Need somethin'?”  
  
“I have a confession.”  
  
“Er-...” Ryuji hadn't been expecting that. He moved over to sit at the bar counter. “What's up?”  
  
“I didn't think you guys would be having a Christmas party this year. Since so many of you kids are off doing your own things right now,” Sojiro began, averting his eyes away from Ryuji. “I got Futaba tickets for her and Makoto to go to an onsen for Christmas.”  
  
“You mean, like, _for_ Christmas?”  
  
“Yeah. I'm sorry.”  
  
“Oh,” Ryuji sighed, his heart sinking with disappointment. The guest list for the party was rapidly shrinking. He shook his head, trying to reassure Sojiro. “Nah man, don't be sorry. That's a great gift. Futaba's gonna be real excited!”  
  
“I didn't tell you sooner because I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to afford it,” The older man clarified. “Haru's family is openin' up a small chain of bathhouses that feature food from their restaurants. She helped pull some strings so that I could get a good rate.”  
  
“Don't gotta feel bad man. None of us are gonna hold somethin' like that against you.”  
  
“I felt sort of bad since you kept bringing up the party.”  
  
“Ann 'n me will figure it out.” Ryuji insisted though he knew she was going to be as disappointed as he was. "And it was  _you_ bringing up the party." 

"Whatever." Sojiro gave him a withered look and returned to manning the counter. 

  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: so futaba n makoto wont b @ the party**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: boss got em tickets to an onsen**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: But what about my Christmas party?!?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: they aint comin**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: So then who's left?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: you, me, yusuke, haru, n shiho**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Well five is still a party. I can work with that. Maybe we can get Mishima and Hifumi on board.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: y u invitin a bunch of people???**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Because it'll be more fun.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: we usually do christmas just with our friends**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Mishima and Hifumi are friends**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: u kno wat i mean**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Well most of our friends aren't available. Might as well extend invitations to more people.**  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Invite the guys from the tattoo shop.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i guess i could**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: Stop sulking about Akira. If he could be there he would be. If he's not busy with his parents he can do a video call. It'll be kind of like he's there.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: maybe**  
  
***•.¸♡ P͓̽a͓̽n͓̽t͓̽h͓̽e͓̽r͓̽ ♡¸.•*: You better get me and Shiho something good for Christmas.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ill try**  
  
“Well, since that's cleared up, I'm going to go get a pack of smokes,” Sojiro moved out from behind the counter, hands tucked into his pockets as he made for the door. He glanced over his shoulder at Ryuji before leaving. “Want anything?”  
  
“Er, uh, menthols?”  
  
“Menthols,” Sojiro mused, shaking his head. “Got it. I'll be back.”  
  
The older man stepped free of the cafe, bypassing Futaba as she came in to eat her morning breakfast. Ryuji set her plate out on the bar for her, trying to appear casual. She gave him a quizzical look as she sat down.  
  
“Somethin' wrong?” She asked, tilting her head in a mimic of Akira.  
  
“Nah, nothin',” Ryuji replied, shrugging his shoulders. “I talked to Akira this morning. He's all settled in at his parent's place. He's gone kinda quiet again."  
  
“Yeah, with me too.”  
  
“Probably trying to adjust after being in the hospital for so long.”  
  
“That aside,” Futaba said, changing the subject. She waved an empty mug in the air until Ryuji took it from her to fill it with coffee. “Are we still goin' shopping after you get off work?”  
  
“'Course we are! I need your help finding stuff for everyone.” Ryuji set her coffee down next to her plate. “Unless you got somethin' better t'do.”  
  
“Nope! I was just makin' sure. I need to get something for that dumb Inari.”  
  
“Yeah, Yusuke's hard to shop for. I don't know a lot about art stuff. Don't know what to get him outside'a that.”  
  
“Makoto suggested getting him some clothes but that seems so lame!” Futaba shook her head, eyes narrowing in frustration behind her thick-rimmed glasses. “I don't know what to get her.”  
  
“Makoto?”  
  
“Yeah. We were more or less still only friends last Christmas. So it didn't seem so important.”  
  
“When did you guys get together?” Ryuji asked as he rolled the cuffs of his sleeves up towards his elbows. He was wearing one of Akira's practical button-ups. Futaba took note of that and waggled her eyebrows at him. “Shuddup. Answer me.”  
  
“After New Years.”  
  
“Y'gonna give me any more details than that?”  
  
“Later. Sojiro's coming back,” Futaba threw a glance over her shoulder towards the door. Sure enough, the older man appeared. It seemed odd that she was able to predict his arrival with so much accuracy. Ryuji didn't want to think that she had put some sort of surveillance camera or something up outside of the cafe, but-... stranger things had happened.  
  
“G'morning,” Sojiro greeted as he made his way back to his post behind the bar. One of his weathered hands hooked out to pat the top of Futaba's head. An affectionate smile curled the corners of his lips.  
  
“Morning!” Futaba replied with all the cadence of a songbird. “The coffee is good this morning.”  
  
“You can thank this guy for that,” Sojiro said, tapping the back of his hand lightly against Ryuji's chest. The blond's face flushed in embarrassment.  
  
“I'm glad I didn't eff it up,” Stammered Ryuji. His eyes locked onto the two boxes of cigarettes in Sojiro's other hand. He made to reach for them, trying to be discreet. Ignoring the attempt, the older man haphazardly tossed the box up into the air for Ryuji to catch. Pivoting awkwardly on his good leg he scrambled to snatch it out of the air. He fumbled it so that it landed on the bar. Futaba glanced from it to Ryuji, her eyes narrowing in disapproval.  
  
“What? Was it supposed to be a secret?” Sojiro wondered, glancing between them.  
  
“Don't worry 'bout it,” Ryuji sighed, picking up the box to tuck it away in his back pocket. Futaba didn't comment aloud, but her face dropped down over her phone screen. His own phone began to buzz. He excused himself to the small kitchenette to check the messages.  
  
**❂↭Φrʌclε↭❂: REALLY???**  
**❂↭Φrʌclε↭❂: You know how bad those are for you? >:C**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah yeah i know**  
  
**❂↭Φrʌclε↭❂: Well if you know then DON'T DO IT???**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: workin on it**  
  
**❂↭Φrʌclε↭❂: Ksure**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: futaba cmon**  
  
**❂↭Φrʌclε↭❂: I don't want to talk until it's time to shop.**  
  
Futaba excused herself to the attic, spending the better part of Ryuji's shift up there. The few times she came down she pointedly ignored him. Sojiro for his part seemed to feel guilty for causing their tiff, offering Ryuji sympathetic glances.  
  
“If you're gonna be mad the whole time, why bother goin' with me?” Ryuji asked her as they exited the cafe. She was walking a short distance ahead of him, keeping up a steady pace to put distance between them. With his leg and cane, there was no way he was going to be able to keep up.  
  
“I promised to go, so I'm going,” Futaba called back to him, spinning around to walk backward down the alleyway. “It's a dirty habit. I've been trying to get Sojiro to quit for years.”  
  
“I know, I know, jeeze- Will you slow down?!”  
  
“Wouldn't be so out of breath if you weren't smoking-”  
  
“That ain't why!”  
  
Despite her words Futaba finally slowed her rapid pace, dropping into a walk next to him.  
  
“I know all that stuff,” Ryuji continued. “I know it's bad for me 'n for Akira 'n whatever.”  
  
“Well if you know all that why do it?”  
  
“I don't know,” He scoffed, shaking his head. “I've been all stressed out. It helped me feel better."  
  
“Oh...”  
  
“It ain't a good reason, 'n I'm trying not to do it, but cut me some slack for now.”  
  
“I guess when you put it that way it makes more sense,” Futaba agreed, though she still wore an expression of disapproval. “If you need help with it, tell me.”  
  
“I will,” Ryuji promised as they neared the station.  
  
* * *  
  
“Ohhh mannn, this whole waitin' till the last minute thing was a bad idea,” Ryuji lamented. He and Futaba seated themselves at their usual booth inside the Shibuya Diner. They were having a late lunch, nearly dinner, after a few hours of shopping. “The lines are so long. It takes forever to check out.”  
  
“The selection is a little-” Futaba trailed off with a sigh. “This is why I prefer to shop online but after last year's 'estimated delivery time' fiasco-...”  
  
“Yeah, maybe next year.”  
  
“I still don't know what to get Makoto.”  
  
“Don't look at me,” Ryuji said, flipping his menu open to glance through it. It was more a cursory gesture, he already knew what he wanted to eat. “I haven't thought of anything for her either.”  
  
“What about for Akira?”  
  
“W-Well, no, not him neither. It's not like he's gonna be around to receive any gifts right now.”  
  
“Yeah, but if you count on that you'll forget to get him anything,” Futaba leered, staring across the table at him. “Ann was talking about gathering his gifts together so they could be shipped to him. Like a care package or somethin'.”  
  
“Oh man, why didn't I think of that?!”  
  
“How about jewelry?”  
  
“Y'mean,” Ryuji glanced up from his menu, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Like uh, rings and stuff?”  
  
“Well no, not rings! Rings are too-” She trailed off, though her meaning hung in the air. Rings definitely implied a commitment that neither one of them was quite ready for. “I thought more like a necklace or earrings.”  
  
“A necklace might be cool. A chain or somethin'.”  
  
“Should we stop by the jewelry store after this?”  
  
“We ain't got any better plans, so why not?”  
  
* * *  
  
After finishing the Christmas shopping, both Futaba and Ryuji retired to Yusuke's apartment. They sat in the living room, passing wrapping paper and scissors back and forth over the coffee table. Somehow they had managed to find gifts for all their friends. Ryuji was still feeling skeptical about his choices. Especially the gift for Akira, a simple silver chain necklace. Ryuji was more of a gold person, but he thought the silver would match the other man's eyes better. If the sour look on Futaba's face was anything to go by, she felt the same about what she had gotten for Makoto, uncertain.  
  
“I'm worried that he'll think it's stupid,” Ryuji confessed, struggling with the wrapping paper on Ann's gift.  
  
“No way he's gonna think that,” Futaba chided, fixing him with a hard-eyed stare. “You could give him like, the world's ugliest t-shirt and he'd love it.”  
  
“I wouldn't do that!”

"You probably would."

"I would not!" 

“If it's a gift from you he's going to be happy.”  
  
“If you feel that way then why're you over there makin' faces at Makoto's earrings?”  
  
“Makoto enjoys things that are practical,” Futaba spoke slowly, her eyes averted towards the floor. “I don't know how practical a pair of fancy earrings are going to be.”  
  
“They're diamond studs, right?”  
  
“Yeah but I've never seen her wear anything with diamonds before,” Futaba continued, her face beginning to take on a red hue. “For most people diamond studs aren't all that special but Makoto is pretty reserved. I mostly got them because they're her birthstone. I don't even think they're very high-grade diamonds either. I'm worried she'll think they're gaudy or over the top. Or worse. Cheap."  
  
“I guess it's possible but I wouldn't worry too much,” Ryuji encouraged. “Makoto is a lot like Akira. Whatever you give her will make her real happy.”  
  
“I hope so.”  
  
“Remind me again why we didn't pay to get the gifts wrapped for us at the stores?” Ryuji asked, his eyebrows knit together in frustration. No matter how much tape he used he couldn't seem to tame the large crumpled blob of paper on one end of Ann's gift.  
  
“Because! It's not authentic if you do that. Half the fun of giving a gift is wrapping it up!” Futaba insisted though it was obvious that she was having similar troubles. The cut of paper she had for Yusuke's gifts was slightly too small, exposing the contents.  
  
“We could'a done gift bags.”  
  
“That's the easy-man's way out.”  
  
“What does that even mean?”  
  
For this, Futaba seemed to lack an answer. She shrugged her shoulders and the two of them fell into silence as they wrapped. When they had finished each package was gently laid to rest under the Christmas tree. It had been erected on Ann's instructions. Ryuji had spent hours on a video call with her, hanging ornaments and fluffing tinsel. Looking at it now, he had to admit that it had turned out better than expected. With gifts underneath, he finally felt the first stirrings of Christmas Spirit.  
  
“I'm kinda, excited, y'know?” He asked Futaba, who nodded her head in silent agreement. “I wish everyone was gonna be here to enjoy this.”  
  
“Me too,” Futaba agreed, not knowing that his statement was halfway directed towards her. It was depressing to think about, so he forced himself not to.  
  
“C'mon. I'll walk you to the station.”  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji's mother arrived bright and early on Christmas Eve morning. He had completely cleared out his schedule to spend the day with her, starting with breakfast.  
  
“I know you said his apartment was over the top but this is just-...” She sat in Yusuke's living room, admiring the apartment's décor as Ryuji cooked in the kitchen.  
  
“It's pretty great, right?” Ryuji called over his shoulder, carefully turning the pancakes he was preparing.  
  
“The Christmas decorations look fantastic. You did a great job on them!”  
  
“Ah, no, that was all Ann. I was her slave puttin' it all together. Placement and color and blah blah blah, that was all her.”  
  
“It's no wonder she's in the fashion industry.”  
  
“She's definitely got a talent for that kind of thing,” Ryuji commented as he plated the food. He switched the stove off and carried their breakfast into the living room, dashing back for condiments. “Y'want some coffee? Boss sent some home with me and Yusuke's got one of those fancy coffee machines.”  
  
“My son, the barista,” His mother cooed teasingly, earning a hard look from Ryuji in reply. He excused himself back to the kitchen to prepare the drinks.  
  
“Sorry, I've been real busy,” He said when he returned, placing their mugs carefully down atop the table. He sat down and began pouring syrup over his pancakes. “I know I haven't been by to see you much.”  
  
“I understand. You have other things going on.”  
  
“I feel real bad about it. Like I abandoned you or somethin'.”  
  
“You haven't, I promise,” She reached across the table to gently clasp her hand around his forearm. “How's your knee doing?”  
  
“It's okay. I'm still cane-bound.”  
  
“I can see that. Has Takemi said when you might be able to walk without it?”  
  
“Nah, she's been vague as usual.”  
  
“I guess it wouldn't make sense for a doctor to give her patients false hope.” His mother shook her head, gesturing to the food. “Let's eat.”  
  
“Thanks, ma.”  
  
“How are your chess games with- Is it Akechi?”  
  
“Yeah. Akechi. He's been skippin' out on our games for a couple days now. He says he's busy on a case right now. I ain't complainin'.”  
  
“I guess crime doesn't take a holiday.” She remarked with a slight upturn of her lips.  
  
“If I never have to play chess again, it'll be too damn soon,” Ryuji grumbled, cutting his pancakes with more force than was necessary.  
  
“And how are things going with LeBlanc? I never imagined you working as a barista.”  
  
“I'm more or less a glorified busboy,” Ryuji grumbled around a mouthful of food. “I clean the tables, like, ten times a shift. Not because there's customers or nothin'. Just for somethin' to do. It's so borin'.”  
  
“I'm sure Mr. Sakura appreciates your help, regardless.”  
  
“More like he enjoys torturing me.”  
  
“It can't be that bad.”  
  
“The job itself isn't so bad. It's Boss. He's always ridin' my ass about every little thing.”  
  
“It won't be for too much longer,” She encouraged. “I loved the photos you sent me the other day of your and Akira's apartment. It's coming along nicely.”  
  
“Yeah, I figured it was time to get it all put together. Yusuke will be back from his tour tomorrow. I'll finally be moving out of this place.”  
  
“Are you disappointed?”  
  
“Not as much as I thought I'd be,” Ryuji confessed, glancing around the living room. Despite all it's elegance, coupled with the glow and shine of Ann's Christmas decorations, he couldn't find himself wishing he could stay. “It was cool livin' here for a while but it's kinda... Well, it's not like your place or my place with Akira. They might not be as fancy as all this but they're home. Y'know?”  
  
“I'm glad to see all the glamour didn't go to your head. Though with that thick skull of yours, it's a wonder anything can get inside-...” She teased, winking at him from across the table. He made a show of rolling his eyes, but he was smiling. “By the way, I brought something for you.”  
  
She reached into a shopping bag to pull out a box wrapped in bright red paper, offering it across the table to him. He took hold of it, chuckling softly at the tag that read To: Ryuji, From: Santa.  
  
“Santa huh? I thought he only delivered at night."  
  
“Well, I had him expedite it,” His mother insisted. “I actually meant to give you this when you moved in with Akira. Things got hectic and I sort of... Forgot. I hope that's okay.”  
  
“It's cool. You didn't have to get me nothin',” Ryuji said, despite his eager tearing of the wrapping paper. His eyes widened as he took in the contents. “Wha-... Runnin' shoes?”  
  
“I know you aren't doing much of that lately, but maybe when your knee heals a bit more.”  
  
“They're perfect,” Ryuji whispered, lifting one of the shoes free of the box to examine it in detail. “They're like the ones you got me back when I was doin' track. Shit, you didn't have to get me somethin' so expensive.”  
  
“Cost isn't important when it comes to a gift. Just enjoy them.” She said, smiling widely at him. “I actually have been hoarding them away in my closet for a couple of months now. I wasn't sure if they would make an appropriate gift but Akira encouraged me to give them to you.”  
  
“He did?”  
  
“Yes, I showed them to him a while back. Before you two found your apartment.”  
  
“They're great,” Ryuji said, forcing a smile, though it quickly fell flat.  
  
“Not exactly the reaction I expected,” She spoke slowly, suspicious of his behavior. His head spun with distress. Part of why he had invited her over was to break the news about his college classes to her. He hadn't expected her to surprise him with a gift. He rotated the shoe in his hands in a circle, admiring the details. The colors, the design, everything was to his liking. His mother knew him well.  
  
“I can't take these,” Ryuji sighed, his voice breaking slightly. He dropped the shoe back into the box, placing the lid back on the top.  
  
“I-” His mother began, her eyebrows drawn in confusion. She stood up and hastily removed the shoe-box from his side of the table. “I'm sorry. That was a thoughtless gift.”  
  
“It's not that,” Ryuji continued, clenching his fists. “It's an amazin' gift.”  
  
“I don't understand. What's the problem?”  
  
“I don't feel like I deserve 'em,” He told her, covering his face up with his hands. He couldn't look her in the eye to tell her the truth and that made him feel even worse. “I asked you over to visit with me and help me with the food for the party but I was gonna tell you somethin' else too.”  
  
“Are you in some kind of trouble?” His mother wondered, her voice tense.  
  
“No! No, it ain't anythin' like that. It's about my college classes. I had to drop them.”  
  
“Oh. Is there any reason why?”  
  
“A lot of reasons.”  
  
“Ryuji, it's okay,” She soothed, reaching across the table to pull his hands away from his face. He looked at her, his heart aching. He didn't want to disappoint her. He didn't want to make her unhappy. “Start at the beginning.”  
  
He took a few moments to compose himself, trying to remember the things Ann and Akira had told him. Their encouragement felt almost useless now.  
  
“I only got into college to make things easier for you. So you wouldn't worry,” He blurted out in a rush of words. He used his cane to stand up and began to pace back and forth across the living room. “Truth is, they're not doin' me any good. I mean, there's nothin' I really wanna do, y'know? I can't run track. I don't wanna go into business like Akira or do police stuff like Makoto.”  
  
“It's okay, you don't have to decide right away,” His mother interrupted. She reached out her hands to halt his pacing. He glanced down at her, wincing when he saw the upset expression on her face. “You have a lot going on right now. If you need to take a break I'm sure the school would approve it. Is it your knee? Is it bothering you?”  
  
“It ain't that,” Ryuji groaned, his frustration with himself and the situation mounting. “I got a job. Or an internship. Thing."  
  
"You mean the cafe?"  
  
"No, somethin' else."  
  
"Well, that doesn't sound like a bad thing."  
  
"It's the type of job."  
  
“...What kind of job is it?”  
  
“That's what I don't wanna tell you.”  
  
“Ryuji, what is it?” His mother stood up, grabbing him by the shoulders to steady him. “It's legal, right?”  
  
“Kind... Of...”  
  
“What do you mean 'kind of'?”  
  
“Strictly speakin' it's legal,” Ryuji hedged. He could see his mother's mood transitioning from worried to angry.  
  
“Okay, I'm going to need you to be straight with me. What kind of job is it?” Her fingers tightened around his shoulders, almost painfully.  
  
“Jeeze, it's not like I joined the mafia or somethin'. It's a job at a tattoo shop.”  
  
“A tattoo shop,” His mother repeated, her grip on his shoulders loosening. “What the hell? I thought you were involved in something bad! Although, as a mother, I should probably be more disappointed. I think. Why that of all things?”  
  
“I dunno,” He confided, digging the boot of his cane down against the floor. “It's a real long story but the shop owner invited me to become his apprentice. I haven't actually started tattooin' or anything. I mainly clean the shop and watch the artists work, but it's all real interestin'. They uh, also aren't paying me."  
  
"That's not reassuring. It sounds like a scam."  
  
"It ain't a scam!"  
  
"Ryuji," His mother exhaled his name.  
  
“Are you mad?”  
  
“Kind of,” She conceded, sitting back down on one of the sofas. “This is my fault somehow. If I had raised you better you might have taken an interest in a more sensible career.”  
  
“It's not anything like that. This was somethin' I decided to do.”  
  
“I want the best for you,” His mother continued, staring up at him. “You worked hard to get into that college.”  
  
"I know. I feel stupid about it, trust me. I want to try this though. It's the first time I've been interested in something since track."  
  
The two fell into a brief silence, trying to sort out their own thoughts.  
  
“I also should'a explained better. I put my classes on hold for now. Till I figure out if this is somethin' I want to do. Although I told them it was because of my leg-"  
  
“You could have said so!” His mother huffed, though he could see the anger melting out of her. As if they were having a more casual conversation, she turned back to her food and began to eat. "I guess it's good that you gave yourself something to fall back on."  
  
"I ain't completely dumb."  
  
“I never said that... You remind me of Iwai somehow. You don't want to know the kinds of things I said to him when he opened that model gun shop. His son was young back then and I didn't think that sort of place could support a child.”  
  
“I can always pick my classes back up and get a boring office job or somethin' if it doesn't work out,” Ryuji said, returning to his seat across from her. He could see that she was still skeptical, but at the very least, she seemed more open to the idea. “I'm sorry.”  
  
“Don't be sorry,” She sighed, shaking her head. “I'm not convinced that this is a wise decision for you to make but it's your life to live. I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do. You have to make mistakes and learn from them. I hope that this doesn't turn out to be a mistake that you can't easily fix.”  
  
“I know, I've thought about that too. I still wanna try.”  
  
“And Akira's okay with this?”  
  
“Yeah, he's been pretty encouraging of it,” Ryuji mumbled, embarrassed that his mother would bring up his relationship. Although she had accepted it from the start, he still felt a little flustered about it coming up in their conversation. “I know I'm not the kid you probably wanted-...”  
  
“Hey, don't say that,” Her voice softened. She picked up the shoe-box and held it out to him, shaking it when he hesitated in taking it from her. “I may not approve of everything you do in life but I'll never stop loving you.”  
  
“...So I get to keep the shoes?”  
  
“Yes,” She laughed, shaking her head. “I bought them for you and I want you to have them.”  
  
“Thanks, Ma. They're perfect.”  
  
The two fell into more companionable conversation as they finished off their breakfast. Ryuji updated her on all the plans that Ann had made for the party. The two of them would be working to prepare some of the food beforehand so that it would be ready for the guests. Whoever those guests turned out to be. Ryuji hadn't heard back from the guys at the tattoo shop and Ann was still trying to get a hold of her chosen invitees.  
  
He did, however, receive a text message from Akira. He was midway through the second platter of snacks, hors d'oeuvres as Ann had insisted they be called, when his phone vibrated. He cleaned his hands off with a dish towel and picked the device up. His heart jolted in excitement when he saw Akira's screen-name.  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I swear I'm not ignoring you. Service is really spotty out here and my mom's place doesn't have wifi for some reason??? I'm staying at my dad's apartment tonight. He's got wifi.  
****[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I miss you. I hope things are going well.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hey man! no need 2 get all sappy. i am good!!!!! i miss u 2  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: sucks about the wifi tho  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: r u gettin' settled in???**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: For the most part. It's weird being back here. My room is exactly the same.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: blast from the past huh? lol**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm almost disappointed they didn't turn it into a guest room or something. Lol**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: did u guys decorate for christmas?**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: No, decorating is not something we used to do. My mom's going to cook dinner though.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: well thats lame :(**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Did you get Yusuke's place set up for Ann's party?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah its all ready 2 go. moms helpin me with the food**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Futaba texted me last night about the onsen trip Sojiro set up for her and Makoto.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: yeah, they r leavin in the morning  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: boss is happy about it tho  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i don't think he knew what to get futaba and she seems excited**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I can feel your disappointment through the phone.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ya :(**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: my mom gave me shoes!!!**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i think you knew about them already tho???**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Yeah! So she finally gave them to you. Do you like them?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: hell yeah!!!!!!**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Did you tell her about your college courses?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ya we talked bout it this mornin  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: she aint happy but i think it will b ok**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm proud of you!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ///// dont go sayin weird things**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I'm serious!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i kno that makes it worse**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You always get so worried about things and then they turn out fine.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: shuttup**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Speaking of gifts, yours should be there tomorrow.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: oh yeah what is it??? :):):):)**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You'll find out tomorrow!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: u aint any fun**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: <3**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: 3=D <\---thats u**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol Mine's more like 3===D**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: //// the hell man**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You aren't denying it!**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: well it was dark! i didnt get 2 see it**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You got to touch it.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Do you want to? See it, I mean.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wait what????**  
  
**{ [♣]]]Joker[♠]]] sent an attachment }**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wait is this wat i think it is????**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: What do you think it is?**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: I dunno. A dick pic????**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ////// cmon man**  
  
**{ Attachment downloaded }**  
  
“Holy shit-...!” Ryuji hissed, throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder towards his mother. She looked at him, lifting an eyebrow in curiosity. He could feel the heat rushing up into his face and there was no doubt that she could see it. He turned back towards his phone screen, almost hunched over it to ensure that she wasn't able to see the picture. Ryuji flexed his right hand a few times, trying to remember how Akira's cock had felt inside of it. Had it been that big?  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: fkc**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: **fuck**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: I wish**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: dude im cookin with my mom!!!!!!  
☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: now im not gonna b able 2 look @ her!!!!!!**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sounds like a personal problem to me. :)**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wat r u just sittin in your dads place with ur dick out?!?!?!!?!?!**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: It's not like he's home.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: And I don't have anything better to do.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: omg**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: lol**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: dont lol!!!!**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: You don't have to be so embarrassed.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: im not embarased**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: wait**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: u arnt like**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: jerkin off**  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: rite????**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Maybe**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: dude!?!?!?!?!**  
  
“Ryuji, are you going to help me with these or not?” His mother called to him from the kitchen, causing him to jump slightly.  
  
“Yeah, I'm coming right now,” He stammered, typing out a quick reply on his way back.  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: i h8 u rite now**  
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Have fun cooking with your mom. ;-)**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: eff u**  
  
Ryuji pocketed his phone and tried to breathe deeply to calm the rapid beating of his heart.  
  
“What was that all about?” His mother asked with an amused smile.  
  
“Nothin'. Just talkin' to Ann about the party,” Ryuji lied, though he could tell she wasn't buying into it.  
  
* * *   
  
It was midnight by the time Ryuji settled himself into bed. Ann had called with some last minute changes to the party. Mishima and Hifumi had agreed to stop by and the guys from the tattoo parlor had decided to come as well. The guest list had doubled in only a few hours. He saw his mother off at the station and then caught his own ride across town to fulfill Ann's requests. Despite all the extra work, Ryuji was finally beginning to feel excited about the whole thing.  
  
He drifted off to sleep with visions of Christmas lights and tinsel dancing inside his head.  
  
* * *  
  
Noon the following day proved to put a hold on all the festivities. Ryuji had seen Makoto and Futaba off at the train station with Boss. They had a quiet Christmas brunch at Le Blanc and then he stopped by to visit his mother for a while. Ryuji was on his way back to the apartment when he received a text from Yusuke.  
  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : It's my sincerest regret to inform you that I won't be back in time for the Christmas party.**  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : There was a mix up with the shipping address for my paintings and they ended up at a gallery across town.**  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : The director would like to go and retrieve them personally and I am obligated to go with him.**  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : By the time this matter is sorted out I'm certain that I will have missed my afternoon train.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: no way man! that sucks!**  
  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : Indeed. I have also contacted Ann about it but she has yet to reply to my messages.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: she and shiho were supposed to get here last night. i havent heard from them.**  
  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : I hope they made it safely. She mentioned to me yesterday morning that they had been having inclement weather in Paris.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: it was wat???**  
  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : There was a lot of snowfall overnight.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: ohhhh i c**  
  
**⋖^-FOX-༄ : I should be back tomorrow afternoon. Pending any issues with the gallery.**  
  
**☣ŜЌǗĹĹ☣: no problm man. c u soon.**  
  
Before Ryuji even had a chance to process Yusuke's misfortune he began to receive a call from Ann.  
  
“Hey, did you hear about Yusuke-” He didn't get to finish, Ann's despondent voice from the other line interrupted him.  
  
“Our flight's been canceled!”  
  
“Whoa, what?! I thought you were supposed to be back by now.”  
  
“We were, but our flight last night got delayed. Now they're saying we aren't going to be able to get out today either. 'Cause there's a little bit of snow!”  
  
“Ann, it's a blizzard.” Shiho's voice, muffled in the background of the call.  
  
“We're stuck at the airport.” Ann bemoaned. “You'll have to contact every one and tell them the whole thing is off.”  
  
“Dammit. Yeah, I can do that. Yusuke can't make it back either,” Ryuji sighed, feeling his shoulders begin to roll forward in defeat.  
  
“I know. I just got his texts.”  
  
“Hey, I'm sure you and Shiho will find something fun to do together to pass time.”  
  
“At the airport?”  
  
“Be creative.” Ryuji encouraged. “If anyone can do it, it's you. Right?”  
  
“Yeah, I guess you're right,” Ann sighed, though she sounded calmer. “What about you?”  
  
“Maybe Haru and I can find something to do.”  
  
“Er- about that.”  
  
“What? Don't tell me she's got somethin' goin' on too!” Ryuji exclaimed, his heart sinking inside his chest.  
  
“She was still going to come by the party, just, later on.” She explained. “She wanted to spend some time today with her father.”  
  
“Yeah, I get that.”  
  
“Maybe you can hang out with your friends from that tattoo shop.”  
  
“Might be my only option.” He sighed. Somehow the universe seemed to be conspiring against him. “If Akira's not busy we can do a video call.”  
  
“That's an idea!”  
  
“Well, _maybe_. He doesn't have wifi at his mom's place. So I'm not holdin' my breath.”  
  
“It's worth a try, right?”  
  
“I'm sorry you're stuck at the airport.”  
  
“I'm sorry we didn't get to have the party.”  
  
“We can reschedule it for tomorrow,” Ryuji suggested, trying to lighten the mood before it dragged them down any further. “I'm sure everyone will have time. Not a lot happens on the day after Christmas.”  
  
“We'll see if Shiho and I make it back in time. We'll keep you updated.” Ann's voice perked up at the idea, though Ryuji couldn't tell if it was false optimism or not. “I'm sorry, Ryuji. Merry Christmas.”  
  
“Yeah, you too. Both of you. See you when you get back.”  
  
Once he hung up the phone, Ryuji texted the remaining party guests, explaining the situation. As Ann had suggested, Hari was more than happy to invite him to come by the tattoo shop. Seeing that he had nothing else planned, he accepted the offer. It would at least be a way to kill some time. He hopped a train and was at the shop in less than an hour.  
  
“We were sorry to hear about the party plans being canceled,” Jahvan said as Ryuji entered the shop. He shrugged his way out of his sweatshirt and laid it out on one of the waiting area's couches.  
  
“Nah, it's cool. I figured something like this would happen. That's how my luck has been lately.” Ryuji said as he followed Jahvan beyond the curtain and into the studio.  
  
“We do not celebrate Christmas in my homeland, but since coming to Japan I have celebrated it with Hari. I understand that gifts are customary.”  
  
“Which is why we thought we would get you a little something,” Hari continued. He approached Ryuji with a large wrapped box. “And I would like to note, for the record, that Alistair was the one who picked it out.”  
  
“I picked the one I thought was the best deal,” Alistair huffed, standing off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. “Honestly, I think it is a bit soon for this kind of thing but-"  
  
“Go ahead and open it,” Hari interrupted, giving Alistair a sharp look out of the corner of his eye. Baffled, Ryuji tore through the paper to reveal a dark black wooden box. The outside of it had been lacquered so that it gleamed in the overhead lights. Mystified, Ryuji lifted the hinged lid to peer inside.  
  
“What... Am I lookin' at here?” Ryuji asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. The contents looked something like power tools, everything shining with polished chrome. Upon closer inspection, it hit him. “Wait a second, you got me my own machine?! To tattoo with?!”  
  
“Do not get ahead of yourself,” Alistair cut in, his expression stern. “It will be a long time before that thing is allowed to touch skin.”  
  
“What Alistair is trying to say is that you won't be able to tattoo clients. You'll have to start practicing to develop a skilled hand,” Hari clarified. “You can't practice without a machine.”  
  
“What will I be workin' on then?” Ryuji wondered, feeling overwhelmed. He certainly hadn't been expecting such a nice gift. It seemed that despite his bad luck, he was finding himself spoiled by the people around him.  
  
“Fruit,” Jahvan said, laughing when he saw the shocked expression on Ryuji's face. “I am not joking. It is not exactly like human skin, but it is a pretty close match. Many tattoo artists practice that way in the beginning.”  
  
“Even Alistair?”  
  
“Even Alistair.”  
  
“It was only for a couple of months,” The gruff man grumbled, running his hands back through his long bangs. “Practice hard and you might be able to be as good as us someday.”  
  
“Thank you, guys. I don't even know what to say,” Ryuji ran his fingers over the instruments. “What if I don't stick around and finish the internship though? This is a pretty big gift to give someone on a gamble.”  
  
“Oh I'm not worried about it,” Hari laughed, waving his hand as if to sweep away the very idea. “The look you get on your face when you get to sit at a station and watch us work is proof enough. You aren't the sort of person who's going to tire of this kind of thing. I can tell.”  
  
“Now that that is over with, can we eat?” Alistair stepped away from the group towards a table. A variety of dishes had been prepared and set out on it buffet style.  
  
“It's too early to call it Christmas dinner but you're welcome to join us.”  
  
“Sure, I don't have anythin' else to do,” Ryuji admitted.  
  
“You have to try Jahvan's Christmas chai. He adds cream liquor to it instead of the usual milk.”  
  
“Oh, uh, maybe just a little bit.” Ryuji didn't want to repeat his performance of getting drunk at Shiho and Ann's going away party.  
  
“What? Can't hold your liquor?” Alistair jeered, flashing a set of white teeth as he smirked. That was a challenge if Ryuji had ever heard one. His aforementioned words of caution about getting drunk all but disappeared. He had his manly pride to protect after all.  
  
“I definitely can. I could probably drink you under the table.”  
  
At this Alistair let out a loud bark of laughter.  
  
“Boy, my country practically invented the art of drinking,” Alistair sneered. Ryuji had never seen the man so animated before and he had to admit to himself that his resolve was crumbling a bit. Hari and Jahvan exchanged an exasperated look but neither one stepped in to put a stop to things. Alistair's change in personality seemed to be somewhat accepted by the other two. “Come here. We will see how good you are.”  
  
“Bring it,” Ryuji said, watching as Alistair mixed up two shots. He offered one over to Ryuji, tipping his own glass in a sort of salute. He tipped his glass back and drank.  
  
* * *  
  
Ryuji lost.  
  
Spectacularly.  
  
After the fourth shot, he no longer cared.  
  
It found him in his current location, lying in a daze in the back of Hari's car. The man had offered him a ride home and Ryuji couldn't find a reason to refuse. They drove in comfortable silence. Ryuji counted the passing streetlights until his mind drifted off task.  
  
Halfway to Shibuya, he began to sober up enough to regret giving Hari directions to Yusuke's apartment instead of his own. He didn't want to see all the Christmas cheer, set up for people who weren't going to be able to enjoy it. More than anything, he didn't want to be alone. He'd done too much of that lately and it was beginning to wear on him.  
  
“You okay back there?” Hari asked, glancing over his shoulder to check on Ryuji, who shrugged in reply. “Don't throw up in my car.”  
  
“I don't feel sick or nothin',” Ryuji clarified, though at the mention of it his stomach did start to churn.  
  
“I'm sorry about Alistair. He's got an unusual tolerance for alcohol. He always challenges people to drinking competitions he knows they're going to lose. It's a neat party trick for him.”  
  
“Noted.”  
  
“The only one who has ever beaten him is Aikaterine,” Hari said thoughtfully.  
  
“Really? She can out-drink that guy?!”  
  
“Oh yeah. She used to run a bar a long time ago. Before she lost her sight.”  
  
“Yeah... Can I ask what happened? Or is that rude?” Ryuji rolled his head to the side to watch Hari in the reflection of the windshield.  
  
“It's okay to ask. You would have heard about it eventually,” Hari began. He continued driving his way through Shibuya's heavy holiday traffic. “She used to own a bar here about six or seven years ago. One night she had this asshole come in and stir up trouble. She had him kicked out but he waited for her behind the building. When she closed up for the night he attacked her. Cut her face up with a broken bottle, or something of that nature. There weren't any witnesses, so we don't know for sure.”  
  
“The damage to her face was pretty severe, there wasn't a lot the doctors could do about it. Alistair had taken the night off. Normally he worked the bar with her and would have been there with her at closing. He blames himself for what happened. Most of what he made in the first few months of tattooing went towards opening Aikaterine's herb shop. His way of atoning for something he didn't even do.”  
  
“Damn,” Ryuji whispered, unsure of what else to say.  
  
“Yeah, it was pretty bad. Alistair's had a rough personality since then.”  
  
“I can understand that,” Ryuji sighed. “Makes what happened to m'leg seem like small time stuff.”  
  
“May I ask?”  
  
“Yeah, it's not a big deal. I mean it was but it ain't now. You ever hear anything about that Olympic gym teacher? Kamoshida?”  
  
“Yes,” Hari admitted in a low voice, glancing over his shoulder at Ryuji. “You were involved in that scandal? Now that I think about it, you're the right age.”  
  
“I used to be on the track team that he coached. Though 'coached', well that's a pretty generous term for it. He pissed me off, tried to drag my mom because she was raisin' me as a single parent. My shit-hole dad walked out on us. I got mad and he came at me, broke my leg and then tried to claim self-defense. It's a stupid story.”  
  
“It must have been traumatic. Aikaterine would be the first one to tell you not to trivialize it. Pain is pain. I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that at such a young age.”  
  
“It sucked but I'm stronger for it. Not that I'd ever thank Kamoshida. What he did to me was the least of his crimes.”  
  
“That's part of what drew me to you. I can tell you are a man of intense passion.”  
  
“Nah, I wouldn't go that far.”  
  
“I would. The best artists in the world have one thing in common and that's passion. There's more to art, tattooing included, than simply skill. You need a strong emotional connection with the client so you can deliver the best possible version of their tattoo. You're bringing their vision to life in a very permanent way. I would never consider taking you on without seeing that kind of potential.”  
  
“You got all that from a finger painting?” Ryuji asked, half laughing in disbelief.  
  
“It was my baseline, only. I've gotten to know you better in the past couple of weeks and I can tell my suspicions were correct. If you continue to work hard, you'll be an amazing artist someday.”  
  
“Th-Thanks man. It means a lot to hear that from you.”  
  
“Of course. I mean it. Ah, I think we've arrived.”  
  
Ryuji sat up, surprised to find them in the guest parking area beside the apartment building.  
  
“You going to make it up okay by yourself?” Hari wondered, giving Ryuji a once over with his bright blue eyes. “You look rough, kid.”  
  
“I'll be okay,” Ryuji assured him, though he wasn't fully sure himself. Either way, he didn't want to be lead up to the apartment like a lost child. Making it back himself felt important somehow. “Thanks for the ride.”  
  
“Of course. The shop will be on holiday until after New Years. Enjoy the time off.”  
  
“Thanks. I will.”  
  
Ryuji grabbed his cane and carefully climbed free of the vehicle. Once he had his balance he found it easier to walk towards the entrance of the building. Hari stood by until Ryuji had made it to the doorway to wave him off. Inside the lobby, Ryuji ignored the few sharp looks of distrust thrown his way by the apartment staff. It was Christmas Eve, seeing a drunk resident couldn't possibly have been that much of a surprise for them. He would never understand the rich.  
  
Floors above, Ryuji let himself into the apartment. He bypassed the living room completely to head straight into a shower. He needed to sober up a bit more so that he could take care of the animals and then pass out. Clean and in fresh clothes, he stepped out onto the patio and smoked, watching the streets below. They were still busy with people, though as it got closer to late evening the number of people waned. Ryuji imagined that most of them had places to be, people to spend the holiday with. Surely some of them had to be like him. Alone. He tried to find solace in that thought but it didn't bring him any comfort.  
  
He was by himself once again inside Yusuke's cold apartment and he hated it. The fact that it was Christmas was just insult to injury.  
  
He stubbed out his cigarette and tended to Goemon and Morgana. Once they were both fed he checked his phone, hoping at a chance to video chat with Akira. Instead, an empty chat thread greeted him. His messages from earlier in the day were marked 'read' but had not been replied to. Ryuji hoped that Akira was having a better time than he was.  
  
He settled himself in bed with his tattoo kit in his lap. Most of the instruments were familiar to him now. He had learned their names from the instructional videos that Hari had sent home with him. There were a few specialty items that he didn't recognize, although he had seen them in use them on occasion. He vowed to himself that he would learn their purpose as soon as the holidays were over.  
  
After such a depressing Christmas, he was looking forward to getting past New Years so that he could return to his internship. Hopefully, by that time Akira would be home too. As long as his parents didn't try to pull anything over on him. Thinking about that set off a whole new wave of anxiety. Ryuji decided it was time to call it a night.  
  
He sent well wishes to all his friends and then settled back into bed. He had just closed his eyes when the apartment doorbell rang. At first, he thought it was his imaginationt but it chimed again. He threw back the covers on the sheets and hobbled his way down off the platform holding the bed. He hurried as fast as his legs and cane would carry him over to the door.  
  
He should have checked to see who it was before opening the door. Getting murdered on Christmas Night would be a stupid way to die. That became a useless afterthought when he saw who it was standing out in the hallway.   
  
_Akira_  
  
“Holy shit,” Ryuji whispered. He rubbed his eyes, just in case he was drunk hallucinating or something. When he looked again the same vision greeted him. He dropped his cane in favor of half stumbling half throwing himself into the arms of the man waiting outside the apartment. “What are you doing here?!”  
  
Akira couldn't have answered if he had wanted to. So instead he wrapped his arms tightly around Ryuji, enveloping him in warmth. Ryuji was feeling everything all at once. Shock, joy, confusion, excitement, his whole body tingled with multiple emotions. He pulled back, reaching his hands up to grip at either side of Akira's face.  
  
“Get in here,” He demanded, hobbling backward into the apartment. Akira's steady hand on his back kept him from falling. He pivoted on his good leg to nudge the door shut behind them. Sealed inside the apartment, he asked again. “What-... How-... Why are you here?”  
  
Akira held up a finger, pulling his phone out to type a reply. When he finished he turned the screen around so that Ryuji could read it. Something about the text seemed off but Ryuji was able to understand the words.  
  
“You meant it when you said my gift was gonna be here today, huh?” Ryuji laughed, leaning his head forward to rest against one of Akira's shoulders. He stayed there for a moment, breathing the other man in. Akira's hand on his back began to move over his shoulders, massaging the tension out of them. When Ryuji looked up again, a pair of bright silver eyes were watching him. “I'm okay. I'm just surprised. Like, good surprised. I'm so happy you're here.”  
  
_“I'm happy too,”_ Akira agreed, his lips turning up at the corners. Ryuji's eyes locked onto them and he swallowed hard, a new kind of tension was building up inside his body. He reached a hand up to lightly run his fingers over the bandages at Akira's neck.  
  
“Are you well enough to be here?”  
  
_“It is a short visit.”_  
  
“Your parents are okay with it?”  
  
_“Sort of.”_  
  
“I don't want to get you in trouble. What if they try to, like, use this against you?”  
  
_“Don't worry,”_ Akira insisted, running his fingers gently through Ryuji's hair. Their eyes met somewhere in the middle and Ryuji could see his own unspoken desire reflected back at him. Thing were going to get heated in a minute or two. Ryuji wasn't sure he was going to be able to hold himself back.  
  
“I don't have stuff here,” He cautioned, to which Akira indicated to his own sweatshirt pocket. Ryuji should have known. “What about your throat? Are you even well enough for-” he nearly choked on the words, even though they had intended to be a joke. “-sexual activity?”  
  
_“I am well,”_ Akira assured him, pressing their foreheads together. Between them, Ryuji watched Akira's hands slowly sign out, _“I want you.”_  
  
“Y'promise you're okay?”  
  
_“I promise.”  
  
_ Akira was not one to lie about something so serious. At least Ryuji thought he wasn't. For a moment his mind drifted and he felt dizzy, probably left over effects from the alcohol. He grabbed at the front of Akira's sweatshirt, using it to tug him into the bedroom. He had left the shades up over the windows, the city lights streamed in through the glass. Using Akira for support, he moved towards the button to bring the shades down. He thought it best to give them some privacy but his hand never made contact, Akira caught hold of his wrist.  
  
_“Leave it,”_ Akira suggested, his eyes burning like liquid fire. Vaguely Ryuji could recall the last time they had been alone in that room together, pressed up against the windows. It was clear that Akira had a similar intention this time around too.  
  
“M'kay,” Ryuji murmured, dropping his gaze down once again to the bandages at the other man's neck. Akira's finger came up under Ryuji's chin, tilting his head back, forcing him to look up. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. He had been busy lately and hadn't had a lot of time to devote to his own physical needs. Simple touches seemed like too much contact. “I'm pretty pent up. Just t'warn you.”  
  
_“I don't mind,”_ Akira signed back with a crooked smile. The light from the windows made it easier to see the other man's hand signs. It was a nice change from their reliance on their phones the first time. They wouldn't have to break apart as often to try to work out communication. Not that they needed much of it, Akira seemed to know exactly what Ryuji wanted.  
  
He pressed the blond back against the windows. His head was still tilted back, it was all too easy for Akira to initiate a deep kiss. Ryuji's head spun as he tried to remember how to angle his mouth properly. The last time they had been together seemed like lifetimes ago. His breath caught in his throat for a moment and he had to remind himself to breathe. He knew it was no time to get all emotional thinking about that. So instead he focused his attention on kissing. Or rather trying to kiss, every time Ryuji would get into it, Akira would try to pull away, only to be pursued by the blond.  
  
Finally, Akira made a soft noise of frustration, or rather a breath of frustration, that signaled to Ryuji that he needed to back off. He pulled away, panting, watching Akira's face for an explanation.  
  
_“My glasses,”_ Akira clarified, slipping them off of his face. He held up a finger to ask for a moment and then stepped away to place his frames safely on the nightstand by the bed. On his way back, he skinned out of his sweatshirt and then the black t-shirt he was wearing under that. The colorful lights of Shibuya danced like rainbow facets over his pale skin. Once again Ryuji felt himself feeling lightheaded. A rough kiss to his lips brought him back and he leaned into it.  
  
Deft hands worked Ryuji's shirt off over his head, hardly breaking their mouths apart. He shivered when his bare shoulders brushed against the cool panes of glass at his back. Akira's equally cold hands combed down his sides, coming to rest at his hips. Akira tugged their bodies together. Ryuji had enough time to become aware of how tight his own pants were before all thoughts went out of his head.  
  
Akira's jeans felt rough through the sensible fabric of Ryuji's sweats. His eyes rolled and his vision blurred as pleasure settled itself low in his stomach. He clawed at the windows, his nails trying to find purchase on the too smooth glass. A moan caught in his throat as Akira's continued movements threatened to force him over the edge. Stamina was going to be a problem.  
  
“H-Hold on-” Ryuji panted, forcing strength enough into his arms to shove Akira's body away from his own. Confusion glittered in his grey eyes but he waited patiently for an explanation. “I don't want-”  
  
Ryuji struggled to get the words out, his body vibrating with need. His dick really, really wanted him to shut up and let things continue.  
  
“I don't wanna get off that quick,” he finally grit out, face hot with shame and arousal. “You're comin' on real strong. Not that I mind, I just- fuck."  
  
Something between a wheeze and a laugh hissed from between Akira's teeth. He was smiling openly, looking at Ryuji with so much affection that it made the blond's heart ache. He closed the distance between them, resting the side of his face against Akira's. Ryuji was sure that Akira could feel how fast his heart was racing. He moved in a bit closer and hoped his pulse would communicate his feelings better than words could.  
  
Once again a strong hand came to rest against Ryuji's shoulders, though it didn't stay there for long. Akira trailed his fingers down Ryuji's spine to dip teasingly into the waistband of his sweatpants. Almost immediately they moved away again, nails brushing over his bare back. _That_ wasn't something that he was going to be able to stand for long. The teasing was almost worst than the direct contact had been. Ryuji let out a noise of frustration when Akira's hand strayed further down to grab at his ass  
  
“So you're an ass man, huh?” Ryuji inquired, though the answer was obvious. Akira could bat his long eyelashes as much as he wanted, pretending to be doe-eyed and innocent. It wouldn't excuse his blatantly obvious groping. Ryuji wasn't completely opposed, though the sensation itself was somewhat foreign. “I'm learnin' new things about you all the time.”  
  
_“Good things?”_ Akira asked, having to remove his hands to sign.  
  
“Good for you, I think.”  
  
_“It is pretty great.”_  
  
“Jeeze, don't go saying that.” Ryuji turned his head away in embarrassment. “We gotta shed some layers.”  
  
_“Agreed.”  
_  
The two of them broke away briefly to get out of their pants and underwear. If Ryuji stole a glance or two here or there, no one needed to know, though it didn't seem to be a secret to Akira. Ever the confident one, he made a big show of slipping his jeans off and palming at himself through his boxers. Once those came off he was blatant about running his hand along his length a few times. Maybe to relieve tension, but more likely to show it off. The dick pic from the day before had truly done it no justice. In person was much better. _  
  
_ “Hell, no wonder it didn't fit in my mouth last time we were here,” Ryuji grumbled. He referred to his attempt at a blowjob during Ann and Shiho's going away party. The room had seemed darker then or maybe Ryuji's eyes had been less willing to stray. Either way, he was seeing plenty now. “S'been a while since I've had it in my mouth. Y'know?”  
  
_“Next time,”_ Akira promised. It was slightly disheartening but Ryuji understood. Neither one of them had the stamina for anything extra. Noticing that he was pouting, Akira made up for it by pressing soft kisses over the blond's lips. He didn't let up until Ryuji was smiling again. _“I want you.”  
  
_ “I'm right here, man."  
  
_"Here,"_ Akira spell-signed, moving his other hand down to grab at Ryuji's ass again. The blond's face burned.  
  
"Tonight? Right now?"  
  
_“I just want you,”_ Akira tried again, moving his hand away to sign more clearly. _“I will take anything.”  
  
_ "I mean, we can try..." Ryuji trailed off, steeling his resolve. “No. It's fine. We can do that.”  
  
_“You are sure?”_  
  
“I wouldn't offer if I wasn't.”  
  
Ryuji was nervous to be sure, but not opposed. Akira looked at him seriously, searching his eyes for any traces of a lie or hesitation. When he didn't find any, his shoulders relaxed. He retrieved his sweatshirt from off the floor and he fished through it for what he had brought. While Akira was preoccupied, Ryuji took in a few nervous breaths of air. He slowly turned himself around to face the windows, placing his palms down flat against them. He had no idea if what they were about to do would be okay for his leg, but he would deal with that in the morning.  
  
Cool fingers brushed over Ryuji's sides as Akira came closer. Strong arms curled around his waist, tugging his body back into an almost hug. Curls of wispy hair brushed between his shoulders as Akira buried his face between them. Ryuji wasn't sure, but he could almost feel the other man's pulse racing. Or maybe it was Ryuji's. His head was spinning from nerves.  
  
_“Damn,”_ Akira signed, slowly so that Ryuji could catch the movements. _“You are eager.”_  
  
“Yeah,” Ryuji agreed, flustered from Akira's strong reaction. “Jeeze man, all I did was turn to face the window. Did it get you that excited?”  
  
He felt a soft nod against his shoulders.  
  
“What about it?” Ryuji asked in a low tone. “The sight of it? Or the fact that it was against windows? I know you've got this thing about people watching us.”  
  
Another nod.  
  
_“Both.”_  
  
“You're kinkier than I thought.”  
  
Ryuji laughed softly as Akira butted his head against his back in retaliation.  
  
“Just be gentle with me, okay? I'm not as good at all this as you are.”  
  
_“You are perfect,_ ” Akira assured him, though Ryuji found the compliment hard to fully swallow. That wasn't the only thing that was hard, as he was quickly reminded. A cold and slick hand curled around his cock, moving up and down the length a few times just to put Ryuji back into the mood. He bit his lip to try and keep his voice quiet, breath fogging up the window as he panted against it. His fingers had begun to chill from pressing against the glass.  
  
One of Akira's hands came to rest at his hip to steady him, while the other moved back away from his cock. A lube coated finger skimmed over his entrance and Ryuji's fingers curled. A nervous reflex. Akira's hand at his waist slipped up to rub soothingly at his lower back, trying to encourage him to relax. He took a couple of deep breaths and glanced over his shoulder, trying to signal that he was ready. Or at least as ready as he would ever be.  
  
Ryuji tried to think back on the last time they had done this. How it had felt and what he had done at the time to calm his nerves. For just the briefest of moments, it felt like he had drifted out of his body. Like he was back in time with the memories vs his current place. He shook his head to clear it, promising himself to go easier on the alcohol.  
  
Akira's lips brushed over the back of his neck as he slowly eased his first finger in, then straight to two. Ryuji's was surprised to find how accommodating his body seemed to be. Any sort of discomfort he remembered from last time was almost nonexistent. Without meaning to, he let out a soft and needy whine and the sound seemed to encourage Akira. He scissored and stretched his fingers, working quickly up to a third.  
  
Ryuji's whole body shook with tension and arousal. He would never admit it aloud, but he was getting off on watching his own face in the reflection of the glass. Once or twice he caught Akira's eyes staring intently at him as if the other man had figured out his thoughts. Several times Ryuji had to grip at his cock and breathe slowly to keep himself from tipping over the edge. If Akira hadn't of been holding him up he was sure that his legs would have given out. They were shaking from the effort of holding back.  
  
“Fuck, just do it,” Ryuji gasped, pressing his forehead against the glass. It was ice cold against his fevered skin, soothing and distracting. When Akira removed his fingers it took everything to keep from moaning in protest. Ryuji's pride was the only thing keeping him from reaching that level of depravity. He knew something better was coming, he just had to wait-...  
  
His head was doing that thing again, where it spun and things shifted. His palms slid down the glass as his knees started to give out. Akira's arms hooked around his waist to catch him. He flailed as his body was rotated the opposite direction towards Akira, whose face was twisted into a mask of concern.  
  
“M'okay,” Ryuji insisted, head rolling forward to rest against Akira's chest. “I'm just a little drunk.”  
  
Akira held onto him until the dizziness passed. His expression remained grim even after Ryuji had recovered. Ryuji reached a hand up to touch his face, fingers trying to smooth out his furrowed eyebrows. Akira's enthusiasm seemed to be waning.  
  
“I'm okay, I promise,” Ryuji insisted again. He cupped the side of the other man's face, smoothing his thumb back and forth across his jaw. “Actually, my dick is going to explode. Please man, you gotta help me.”  
  
_“You are sure?”_ Akira asked, frowning deeply.  
  
“I'm gonna die if you don't help me get off,” Ryuji pressed, moving up into Akira's lap to rub their cocks together. He began to grind his hips, desperately chasing his release. He couldn't wait any longer. Akira halted Ryuji's movements and shifted them so that Ryuji was flat on his back. His hands strayed out to the side as he 'sign muttered' something about Ryuji's knee. It was just like him to be so thoughtful, even when they were busy with other things.  
  
Ryuji would have commented on it but his mind was once again derailed. Akira had curled his fingers around both of them and had started moving his hand in quick, hurried jerks.  
  
Ryuji was slipping into that liminal space again, where his mind floated and his body felt heavy. His release hit him suddenly and without warning. He shut his eyes and road it out, his body vibrating as he caught his breath.  
  
When he opened his eyes, he was tucked back into bed.  
  
Shit. Had he passed out?  
  
“Akira?” Ryuji rasped through a hoarse voice. His volume was trapped at a whisper. He tried unsuccessfully to clear his throat. Crawling out of bed he found that his cane hadn't gotten lost during their romp. It was in its usual spot by the bed. The one thing that did surprise him was to find that he was wearing clothes. Although they stuck to him uncomfortably. He made his way into the bathroom to change. He drank some water from the sink before splashing some onto his face.  
  
Something didn't feel right, though he couldn't put his finger on it.  
  
He cleaned himself up some more and stepped out into the living room in search of Akira. His head was aching and his whole body felt sore. He knew from the last time he had been drinking that he was waking up on the bad side of a hangover.  
  
He felt his way through the darkness, trying to find the light switches. He shut his eyes against their glare once he turned them on. It made the pain inside his head flare up. When his eyes had adjusted he opened them to peer around the room. There was no sign of Akira here either.  
  
Ryuji searched Yusuke's room, then Goemon's patio. He then moved on to the kitchen, looking around for a note, maybe Akira had decided to go out. The more he looked the less likely that seemed to be. He couldn't even find luggage, though he couldn't remember seeing any the night before.  
  
What kind of person traveled without at least a change of clothes?  
  
Ryuji was beginning to get a sinking feeling inside his chest. He returned to the bedroom to find his phone, He double checked the time and date. It was five in the morning on December twenty-sixth. The day after Christmas. A notification had come in on the chat client. It was from Akira. From the night before, while Ryuji had been asleep.   
  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Hope you had a good Christmas.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Sorry about what happened with Ann's party.**  
**[♣]]]Joker[♠]]]: Call me tomorrow. I'll be at my dad's.**  
  
Pain and anger swelled up inside of Ryuji's chest as he realized with disbelief that it had been a dream. The feelings, his emotions, everything had felt so real. He couldn't handle the truth. Didn't want to accept that it had all been part of a bad drunk dream. He dropped his phone onto the mattress in disgust, a feeling that was soon displaced by loss. He wanted so badly for it to have been real.  
  
He gripped at the front of his shirt, fingernails sharp even through the fabric. He forced himself to breathe, despite his body's insistence that it was impossible. His teeth ached as he grit them together. His jaw was locked tight against the noise of furious despair building in the back of his throat.  
  
He crawled back into bed and pulled the blankets tightly around his body. He hoped the pressure would help wring the pain out of his chest but it did nothing to ease his heart's aching and longing. He writhed miserably against the sheets, fighting against the moisture welling up inside his eyes. He wasn't going to cry about it. That would be stupid and he didn't need any extra help feeling like that.  
  
Morgana joined him on the bed a short time later, pressing his soft-furred body up against Ryuji's side. It was as if he sensed the blond's loneliness, although it was more likely that he just wanted to sap the man's body heat. Ryuji would take what he could get. He shut his eyes against the brightness of the rising sun. Eventually, he fell back to sleep, though it was anything but restful.  
  
This time, he didn't dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I hope I made you all cry.


End file.
